How to function normaly, with a mental illness
by Loaded Faint Of hearts
Summary: ATTENTION: STORY UNDER CONSTRUCTION. EDITING AND CHAPITERS BEING REPLACED. A Naruto guide to being normal. With a voice in his head, crazy horny-sexuals everywhere, a coffee machine he calls 'Gorgeous' and one new regular customer ; The Hipster aka Sasuke-so-kewl-banana-muffin-addict.
1. Chap 12 Ramen hot line

**A Naruto guide to appearing normal to the untrained, normal eye.**

**Disclaiming disclaimer. Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. No profits are made from this writing exercise (except the enlargement of my own ego).**

**The last few chapters have been edited (spellchecked and gramaphied); I don't have a beta reader as yet, so please be understanding with any spelling mistakes (and point them out to me if you have time). Nothing new has really been added to the last chapters, but if you want to, go and re read them 3.**

**20****th**** August 2012.**

**Chap starts on Friday.**

**ooo**

I woke up in my own bed.

It's a strange feeling, knowing you fell asleep on a couch and then waking up in your bed.

The world really does underestimate Iruka Umino's upper body strength.

**At least you're still in the same clothes as last night.**

Yeah. Oh dude that would've been hella creepy. Not that 'Ruka's particularly 'old' but I'm still under age so...gross.

**He does drive a van...**

OH DEAR GOD, he does too. And he gave me candy yesterday...

**This does not look good.**

...Speed dial the popo!

I roll out of bed and notice one particular/outstanding thing; my apartment has been '_Iruka spring cleaned'_.

Now by this I mean I can actually see my reflection on the floor boards and my kitchen sink is 'gleaming' like a fucking GLEEK! How the hell did he do this without waking me? I mean he even vacuumed! How the Frick did I sleep through that?

**If you can sleep through that...What else could he have done to you?**

Fuck the popo.

I want my lawyer.

**It's too early to be calling Shikamaru on his day off.**

Yeah, true. Remind me to book an appointment with him later.

Right now though, I have too pee. Or wank...But in the light of discovering that my big brother might be a pedo, I think I'll just take a slash.

***sigh***

Oh shoosh.

I stumble my way over to the bathroom, half asleep and half naked (which should count as a whole of something right?),

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnd he cleaned the bathroom as well, YOSH! I really should give the maid a pay rise,

**As in?**

Sexy time!

**Now you're talking!**

**ooo**

So, after all that deliberation, we finally decided on an out-come, and I took a long, satisfying pee.

**You decided. And my vote counted for nothing.**

Hush now.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnd I found that all my washing had been washeded and dryeded and foldedededed, so now I get to wear fresh clean clothes for freaky fluffy Friday!

**There's something wrong with you.**

Indeed. I hear my message tone chuck a spazz and go to check it.

Le message;

MORNIN SEXY xoxoxxoxxox I lookd ovr UR assgnmnts & spell checkd thm for U, All U got 2 do is wrte thm up neatly & thy'r ready 2 go! U did a really good job! Id give U a B+! Hve a G8 Day! XD

Wow, I've never gotten a B+ before! That'd be so awesome! But, well, not every teacher is as kind as Iruka.

**And he's quite biased towards you,**

That as well.

I realize that I'd slept in late, (I notice as I see the time on my phone) so I'd really better get wriggling!

**Wriggle on partner!**

Hehehe, I'm not sure if I'm going to have enough time to have breakfast at Ichiraku's this morning, it's already 9:15 and I need to be there for class at 10.

**That gives three quarters of an hour; you could just get it to take away and eat before the lesson starts?**

But I'd still have to wait around for the old man to make it. I need at least 20 minutes to walk to Ichiraku's, 5-10 waiting for my order, 5 more to eat it and then another 5-10 to walk to the cafe (depending on traffic, weather, stampeding rabid animals).

**Hu, well you still have Ayame's phone number don't you?**

Duuuuuuuude, you're a fricken genius! I can phone order my breakfast, and that'll (in theory) give me an extra 10 minutes! YOSH!

I whip my phone out again (_BACK AND FORTH! I WHIP MY PHONE BACK AND FORTH_) and select 'Ayame Lovely Ramen Gurl' from my contact list and call her.

**It's hard to believe someone as old as the old man has a daughter so young.**

He's not _that_ old...

"Hello?"

"AYAME CHAN!" I squee into my phone, it's actually been ages since I've seen Ayame.

"Um...Who is this?"

"OH! Sorry, it's Naruto Uzumaki, I sometimes eat at your Dad's ramen stand-"

"NARU CHAN IS THAT YOU!? I haven't seen you in _YONKS_! How've you been? Is my old man looking after you? I always tell him to put extra meat in your ramen, I say 'Naru Chan is _waaaay _to thin Dad, we need to fatten him up'!"

So she remembers me then? Lol, she's so epic.

**How could she not remember you? You practically grew up at that stand together.**

"Hehehe, I'm sorry to call you so early Ayame Chan-"

"No no it's fine, I wasn't doing anything exciting. What's up, you didn't get food poisoning from Dad did you? .GEE! NARU CHAN that's so awful! I promise I'll come bring you miso soup while you're in hospital!"

**She's almost as random as you are...Almost.**

"Ayame, breathe, are you Breathing Ayame Chan?"

"Um...Oh...Yeah."

**Lol.**

"Okay good. Now first of all, I didn't get sick or anything, as if Ramen could ever make me sick, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND WOMAN?...And secondly, I was just calling to ask you a favor."

"Really, you're alright? Oh God, that's a relief, what did you want to ask?"

"Okay, so I have class this morning, but I stayed up late with 'Ruka last night and slept in, and I duno if I have enough time to sit and eat breaky with your Dad this morning **(Breathe Nar)** so what I wanted to ask you was; could you please call your Dad, ask him to make my order now, so I can have it to take away?"

Fingers crossed.

"Yeah sure."

"Really?"

**This girl's an angel.**

"Consider it done. I gotta call him about this week's Veggie order anyway, so it's no trouble."

"Wow! You're the best Ayame Chan!"

I hear her giggle on the other end of the phone, "I know bro, I know. By the time you get down there your pork miso ramen will be ready okay?"

I'm so happy I could cry! When I hit puberty I am so gona ask this girl out on a date!

**What the hell Nar?**

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! YOU'RE MY RAMEN ANGEL!"

"Hehehe, I love you too Naru Chan, now get going, and make sure you're not late to your class okay? We'll catch up soon yeah?"

"Yep Yep, I'll see you around beautiful!"

I hang up and smile to myself; she's the nicest girl I know. It must be the fact that she eats ramen everyday like me, we just turn out to be awesomely nice people!

**Sure thing, now get your skinny white arse out the door. Sensei'll have your balls if you're late.**

Yeah, true dat.

I grab my; wallet, keys, phone, smokes (Gotta remember not to let Sensei catch me smoking).

**If he does, he'll make sure you're never able to reproduce.**

Errrh *mental images*, not kewl.

I slip my chucks on and I'm out the door, down the corridor, down the stairs and into the sunny sunshine!

**Which is hidden by a cloud...**

Or...Maybe the sun likes to cosplay, you ever think of that?

**You Sir...Are just...Fuck I got nothing, just hurry yo ass.**

Lol, I walk out into the car park and see my badass neighbor. He must be walking to work today as well! Yay! I call out a 'Good morning' to him.

**Sh don't draw attention to yourself!**

Why? He's a nice dude, he always 'nods' to me.

**He's a fricken drug dealer Nar!**

Judge not! I smile to him as I walk past, and sure enough I get a 'nod' and a "Morning.", in return.

See, he's not so bad; anyone who's nice to their neighbor's is alright in my book.

**In your book?**

Yeah man, if I ever write a book about my life, Zabuza is definitely going to star in it!

**Are you...Planning to write the story of your life?**

Well, I duno. I suppose I should finish school first, and when I do, we'll see about a book okay?

_**NARUTO!**_

OH JESUS CHEESUS! Don't yell in my head man, Zabuza's gona think I'm having a seizure or something!

_**HOMEWORK!**_

"Fuck My Life!"

I turn around and start sprinting back to the apartments.

"Not you Mr Momochi, just life in general!"

He just stares at me...

**ooo**

**Please review if you have time.**


	2. Chap 13 PANDY

**A Naruto guide to appearing normal to the untrained, normal eye.**

**Disclaiming disclaimer. Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. No profits are made from this writing exercise (although I am using this fan fiction as in my English literature course as examples for my 'writing for self expression' and 'writing for a young audience' assignments.**

**This chapter continues on the Friday, it is also chapter 13! Makes you think that something CRAZY is about to happen doesn't it? Well you'd be right. Warnings for this chapter; references to; bullying and drug abuse, homework and GARRA!**

**Please leave a review if you have time.**

**27****th**** August-ish.**

**Ooo**

I wonder what Zabuza's turn over for the financial year is?

**Don't even think about it!**

I'm just saying, he must make a lot of money. I mean he has an awesome car, he's always in really kewl hood gear, and I bet he pays the police off at least once a week. That's a pretty expensive life style y'know.

**He's also, A DRUG DEALER!**

And a pimp, have you seen those chicks that are always coming and going from his apartment? Boys got swag.

**They're probably prostitutes.**

Then boys got coin.

**Stop admiring a drug dealer Nar! Weren't you going to be an author?**

Yeah but if that falls through, then I need to have a backup plan,

**I don't know what to do with you sometimes.**

Lol, you know you're on a winner when you freak out the voice in your head!

Anyways, I'd better stop dawdling or I won't have time to eat my breakfast before Sensei turns up.

**You made alright time, even if you did have to double back to get your homework.**

Yeah, but we made up for it getting my breaky.

I'm so buying Ayame and the old man some flowers when I get my next pay check.

I didn't have to wait for my order at all; I just walked up, got handed a take-away container, got glared at by the old geezer, said thanks and then BAM, I was off. Damn that was some epic service.

**For an epic customer?**

OOOOOOOH you know it bro!

I walked through the front door of the Grand Grind and see the back of not one, but TWO sexy heads.

"ZOH MA GOD KANKUROU!"

The tall, punk and handsome turns around and yells; "NARU BUNS!"

Temari's second youngest brother 'hops' the counter, jingling with all his chains and safety pins, and glomps the shit out of me.

"How're you doing foxy?" Aww I love that nickname! Kankurou is so awesome, and damn tall, and is wearing a fishnet shirt under a Grand Grind apron...

**Dang boy,**

Bringing sexy back much? I think YEASH!

"Not too bad my little sex kitten **(LITTLE?) **How're you? What were you doing behind the counter eh?"

He pulls back and grins the shit out of the universe, the purple kabuki paint around his lips stretching wider,

**He looks so evil when he smiles like that,**

"Well, Nagato said last week that I could have a few shifts while Garra comes in for his classes," He smiles down at me while fixing his kitty eared beanie, dang that thing is so cute, "It gives Tam some time off as well."

"Oh yeah, she really needs a day off once in a while. And that's kewl, are you working all day?"

"Yep."

"HOLY FUCK MY FRAPACINO! We're gona so rock this joint today!"

"I know right. But you're kind'a early for class, we were about to make some breakfast, you want some?"

I was about to explain that I'd already brought a breakfast fit for a Foxy God, when I felt a set of arms snake around my waist, *squueeeeee*, "MISS KONNI!"

I wriggle my way around to face her and snuggle my face into her neck, she always smells so nice, like...; Coffee and something else.

**Jasmine and freshly tumble dried bed sheets,**

"Hey Naru," I love Konan's voice; it always puts me into a hell sleepy mode, like I could just snuggle up to her and sleep for the next ten years.

**On her tits,**

Yeah, they're pretty awesome boobs.

"Are you working with me and kitty today as well?"

She smiles sweetly, letting me go a little, "Only until Naggy comes in when you're finished with Yahiko."

**Dang,**

I pout; I would've so loved to have worked with both Konan and Kankurou today, "Okay,"

But I'm too chill now to complain about it. There's something about Konan that makes me feel...Relaxed and happy.

**She does have a way about her.**

Yeah, she's just...

"So would you like some breakfast? Or have you already had ramen?" I hear her ask, "Oh, um...NO!"

Her dark blue hair flips as her head cocks to the side, "No?"

"Hehehe, I mean I brought my ramen with me, but I um, kind of need to re-write my assignment up before Sensei gets here..." I feel so rude,

"That's fine Naru." Konan wraps an arm around my shoulder and steers me to a free table, "You sit down and get started okay? Its fine really, we'll leave you in peace and quiet until you're finished with you school work, okay?"

I sit down and smile at her "Thanks Miss Konni."

"No problem sweetie." She walks back to the counter (and serves some customers who'd been standing there watching us like _WFT_) and Kankurou pokes his tongue out at me then gets to work.

I feel a bit bad about blowing them off in favor of homework,

**They understand. You get to spend the rest of the day with Kankurou and you'll see konan another time, right now though...I can feel your stomach rumbling. **

Yeah true dat brother, It's almost ten now and I haven't eaten yet.

I pull out my take away soup container (and complimentary chopsticks), as well as my assignment and fresh paper. I eat most of my ramen first (don't want my homework to get ramen-y-fied,

**You never know, you might get extra marks for that?**

Lol) and I start hand writing as neatly as I can, which isn't easy for me, cos I usually write really quickly and munted like.

I'm kind of relieved that Iruka Sensei'd only made a few changes, like; breaking up my paragraphs into smaller ones (I always forget to finish one and start a new one, most of my essays are just one big arse paragraph), spelling mistakes, and stuff like we're instead of where or were. But I'm pretty happy that I didn't have to change that much, I know it's not gona be university grade stuff but, I think it's alright.

**He did say that he'd give you a B+.**

Yeah, for a year eleven student I think that's reasonable. Not too shabby at all!

**Ooo**

It took longer to re-write my assignment then I'd thought, mostly because I thought of new stuff to add to it. My mind just works to quick for me to write everything down nice and neatly. I ended up having to re-re-write a page and a half due to 'new ideas, too fast, forgot to not write in scrawl script'. Oh well, I'm done now, and it only took an hour, gotta be happy with that.

I check the time again; Sensei and the other guys should be here soon. We usually meet at 11:30, so I pack away the shit I don't need and chuck my breakfast container in the kitchen bin.

"All finished?" Kanky-kitty asks me.

He'd been doing a pretty good job as cook, kitchen hand and dish pig today; I really hope that Nagato gives him some more shifts.

"Yep, all neaty-fied and beautiful, ready to be ripped apart by Sensei Sama!"

"Hehehe, yeah well, I'll bring you a paper bag if he does."

"Oh come on, he's not that bad!" Konan frowned at us while she plated brunches.

"To you maybe! But for me he's always making me re-do my assignments and stuff!"

She laughed at that, dang she's so lucky to be on Sensei's good side all the time.

"Well it's about time that the dragon showed up, I'll let Garra know to get ready."

That peaked my ears; "When is he coming?"

Kankurou smiled at me and pointed to the back of the kitchen; there sitting on the floor against the back door was my short, spiky red haired friend Garra.

"Garra! How long have you been there?"

**Ooo**

Garra. He would have to be one of my best friends in the whole world. He's a short arse with pale white skin, fire truck red hair and he's got green eyes that rival Miss Sakura's!

He's also got some sort of sleeping disorder that makes him look like a panda. But recently (in the last year) he's taken to wearing eye liner and eye shadow so his dark eyes look deliberate and kewl. Not many people know this but, Garra's actually quite self conscious about his looks, and especially dislikes looking tired and sick, because it makes his brother and sister worry about his health.

And me, I do like the black eyes, but sometimes I wish I could see what's makeup and what's tired bags.

**You two pretty much are brothers now.**

Yeah we are I guess. We sure have come a long way since the first time we met.

I sit down on the floor, next to Garra and put an arm around his shoulders. He's wearing really plain clothes, as usual (It's rare to see him in anything with a pattern or logo), just black jeans and red zip-up hoodie (I'm guessing that he has on a shirt or something under it as well)

Kankurou squats in front of us and reaches forward to ruffle Garra's red hair. "Hey Pandy Chan,"

**Those two have come a long way as well. I can remember a time when Kankurou couldn't even look at Garra without getting stabbed.**

I remember too, he really hated everybody didn't he? I'm so glad he and his brother, and Temari get along better now...

I watch and see my friend's green eyes glint at Kankurou, which is Garra's version of smiling.

"Sensei's gona be here soon, you wana come and sit with Foxy for a while?"

The mop of red hair bobs up and down as he nods, and we all stand up and walk back out into the front of the cafe, Kankurou with an arm around his little brother.

**Hehe, he barely comes up to the kitty's armpits.**

Lol. Kany is pretty damn tall though, he's almost as tall as Sensei.

"I can't believe you were out there this whole time!" Garra sits down at one of the booths at the back of the cafe , and puts a few pieces of paper on the table in front of him. "Did you finish that essay on freedom yet? I just finished rewriting mine again." I blonk my arse down on the cushion and slide my way over towards him, "Cos you know how bad my handwriting is. I doubt Sensei would've been able to read it like it was before!" I laugh and slide Garra's work across to me, and take a look at what he's written.

"Yes, I finished it...And...Your writing isn't that bad Naruto." I smile up at him, I always loved Garra's voice; it's deep and husky, he would make a totally wicked anime voice actor! Imagine what a bad ass character he could voice!

**Maybe you can ask him to narrate your life story, you know for blind people to listen to on those audio books.**

AHHHHH THAT WOULD BE EPIC! Imagine how much kewler my life would seem if he was voicing it!

"Aww thanks Garra! That's really nice of you to say, but most people'd mistake my hand writing as some sort of ancient language, Like the Egyptian's little picture words."

"I like Egypt."

"Hu? You...Like Egypt?"

**Um, that's random.**

"Yeah, it's...Kewl."

I smile my face off.

Garra likes Egypt, that is sooo awesome! I have got to remember that!

He's staring at me with his little '_ima panda, ima read your soul'_ look, which used to freak the hell out of me, but now it's just really cute. I squee and pinch one of his cheeks. "Garra! You are just the most epic thing ever!"

"Thank you, Naruto."

"Awwww."

"What about me? Am I epic as well?"I hear the voice first- Then I feel the big hand land on my shoulder, and I spin to my side and look up (and up) at our Sensei, "AH MA GAD don't sneak up on me like that Sensei!"

**Give us a heart attack much, metal man?**

"I didn't sneak up on you. And it's not my fault you have no perceptionary skills." He smirks down at me and Garra and I really have the urge to tug on one of his peircings, what a Fag!

"You just made that word up! And you did so, you should have like said hello and waved when you walked in!"

Garra's kind of glaring at Sensei now. Which isn't a good thing, I think he might have been startled as well. And startling Garra Subaka is _not_ good for your health.

**You should really stop yelling now Nar, Garra might think Sensei's posing a threat to you.**

Hmm. I breathe out and then elbow Sensei's leg as pay back. "So, are we ready to start class yet or what?" I give him a big smile. I do really like Sensei, he's an awesome guy, and acts like a grungie teenager more than an adult, but he can really be insensitive to Garra's...Occasional relaspses.

"No, we're still missing Sora," Sensei squises against me as he sits down in the booth, making me and Garra move over for him, "remember he's joining our class starting this week."

He starts piling books and folders on the table, "Either of you seen the brat yet?"

"Nope, haven't seen him since last week." I shake my head and turn to Garra,"No."

"Strange, maybe he was eaten by lion that escaped from the zoo." I give the 30 something man a weird look, escaped lion? WTF?

"Dude, he probably just forgot what time we were meeting." I doubt Sora would be late for his first official class. He can be annoying sometimes, but he's a decent kind of guy.

**I highly doubt he was eaten by a lion either.**

Chyeah, that is a little bit far fetched, even for ginger nuts.

"No, Naruto he knows exactly what time he was supposed to be here." Sensei sighs, and rests his head on his elbows, "Not all of my students take their education as seriously or as positively as you do, we should start without him."

I frown and look over at Garra (Who's just eyeing off Sensei like he thinks the ginger haired man is gona attack him or something), "I'm sure Sora will be here Sensei, we should wait for him."

"Alright Naruto, we'll give him ten minutes, you can make me a coffe in the mean time."

I get up (after being let out the other side of the booth by Garra), and go over to my Gorgeous. I really hope that Sora isn't late coming for his first class, Yahiko Sensei can be a nice guy, but he's down right scarry sometimes.

**key word is **_**can**_**, and he's apparently the 'better half' of the boss.**

Yeah well, they can both be a little bit crazy sometimes, I doubt Sensei got the nick name _Proffessor Pein_ For stubbing his toe in class one day.

**No, I don't suppose he did.**

**ooo**


	3. Chap 14 Classroom, coffee & war

**A Naruto guide to appearing normal to the untrained, normal eye.**

**Disclaiming disclaimer. Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. No profits are made from this writing exercise (although I am using this fan fiction as in my English literature course as examples for my 'writing for self expression' and 'writing for a young audience' assignments.**

**Chapter 14 sorry but no more drug dealing Mr Zaza for this one! I know how much you loved that character and guess what; HE LOVES YOU TO BRO! Btw I've started typing this up in Microsoft Word (as opposed to Word Pad), for the sole purpose of SPELL CHECK (FYI, Word Pad does not have editing tools ),because you know there have been many MANY typos in previous chapters, so let's hope that the days of misspelling are over (no guarantees).**

**Ooo**

*_Recap*_

"_Dude, he probably just forgot what time we were meeting." I doubt Sora would be late for his first official class. I only met him the one time, but he seemed like a decent kind of guy._

"_No Naruto, he knows exactly what time he was supposed to be here." He sighs, "Not all of my students take their own education as seriously and as positively as you do, we should start without him."_

_I frown and look over at Garra (Who's just eyeing off our Sensei like he thinks the ginger haired man is gona attack him or something), "I'm sure Sora will be here Sensei, we should wait."_

_Sensei sighs and rolls his violet eyes at me, which I returned with my best puppy eyes ever, "Let's give him a few more minutes Sensei, I'll make you a coffee while we wait okay?"_

_*End Recap*_

So I make Yahiko, 'Professor Pein' Sensei a double shot cappuccino (I swirled the froth on top to make a pretty star), myself a huge-arse mocha, Garra a big hot chocolate (he didn't even need to ask me to make one for him, I saw him staring lovingly at my gorgeous) and Sora a hot chocolate as well, just so he has something warm to drink when he gets here. It's turned a little bit cold outside, by the looks of it, so he'll appreciate a hot drink I think. Actually, now that I think about it, that's probably the reason, why he's late, the weather'd make walking difficult, and it could've held up some of the busses today.

**Or maybe he just didn't feel like coming out in the rain at all?**

One does not simply _'not feel like coming'_ to Yahiko's classes, these classes aren't exactly optional...And skipping them could get him into a lot of trouble; and not just with Sensei.

**I wonder what he did to get put in the program?**

Well, from the only time I've ever really seen him, he seemed like a spirited guy, he might have gotten into one too many school yard fights. Or, you know, he could be dyslexic or something. It's not really any of my business why he's been put in Yahiko Sensei's program, I'll just try and be the best class mate I can.

**Well I just hope it's not the same as why Garra was first put in.**

I doubt it. And Garra's not violent anymore; he's actually a really calm guy now. He just has trouble with learning and paying attention in normal school classes, that's all, and besides Garra loves our class, and he's been doing so well. I mean he got a B+ for that Shakespeare thingo last week, which is fricken awesome!

**Yeah, who'd have thought Garra would be into boring old crap like Shakespeare.**

Erh, some people like that kinda stuff, it's all like...Romantic or something.

I bring over the four hot drinks on one of Miss Sakura's special ninja waitress trays and set them down on our class room (booth) and pet Garra on his fluffy red head. He's such a little cutie.

Sensei watches me do this with this creepy intense-ness and swipes his coffee off the tray as soon as I put it down.

**Remind you of a certain Hipster, ne?**

Lol, it must be a smart person thing.

"Are you extra thirsty today Naruto?" Yahiko Sensei taps on the second hot chocolate mug with his pen.

"Nah, it's for Sora when he gets in. I thought it'd help warm him up if he's been stuck at a wet and miserable bus stop." I smile at the expression Sensei gives me; he looks so calm and happy and sweet sipping his cappuccino, even with the three bolts through his nose, the pointy fang things under his lips and the million and one ear piercings.

**Nagato's the same, all metalled and shit. They are a quiet odd pair of gentlemen. You wouldn't think Nagato'd be the owner of a cafe. And you certainly wouldn't pick Yahiko to teach for this type of class.**

Yeah, I hear ya; I remember being shit scared of them both, a lot more of Sensei though, he sure can do some evil stuff with his face.

**Those two must give some real kinky head jobs.**

Oh, dude, I do not need a mental image of my boss and my Sensei sucking each other off, and playing with magnets...Oh God! The poor magnets! Bad Kyuu!

**Hehehe.**

"Well, thank you very much for the coffee Naruto. I think we've waited for Sora long enough, shall we start?"

"Nooooo! We can't start without him! This stuff's important and he's probably just a slow walker, he'll be here soon, I'm sure of it!"

"Naruto, if he can't get himself to class on time, that's not my problem." Sensei's eyes drill into me and I'm trying really hard not to look away, "I'm not wasting my morning waiting around for him to grace us with his presence."

He shuffles around some papers on the table and gives Garra a glance, "And...I doubt Garra's patience is going to hold out till the end of our _scheduled_ time anyway. Now, I want to go through last week's essays and analysis of 'Rush',"

Damn it! Why can't he see that Sora is just having problems getting here, I don't think Sora's the kind of guy who would be deliberately late for school.

"Now, I read over both your essays while Naruto made us some liquid orgasms and, overall, I am fairly happy with both your standards of work. You did a good job guys. Now, Garra, you were on the right track all the way through, but the last paragraph just seemed to stop mid sentence. And there was no summary or ending statement, so I want you to add one in today alright?"

**Ooo**

**Well Iruka wasn't too far off the mark was he? You got a B.**

It's just lucky that Sora didn't have to be here for that part of the lesson. Unless Sensei makes him do the same work on that book.

**Will you stop thinking about that guy? Kit, these classes are important, you can't finish high school without passing.**

I know, I know, I'm just worried about him...What if he got into trouble on the way over here? Or he didn't even know his first class was today?

**Kit, concentrate on what Ginger nut's is saying, this is about the next assignment and essay you'll be writing. You can worry about the guy later.**

Okay, you're right.

I try and listen to what Sensei is saying, but I can't help but watch the cafe door.

I'm so sure that he'll walk through at any second.

"Narrrrrrruto!"

"Hu?"

"You zoned out again." I look back at Sensei, who's looking a bit bored, and then to Garra, who nods at me. "Erh, sorry Sensei, sorry Garra. I'll pay better attention from now on I promise."

Sensei sighs and drains the rest of his coffee and crosses his arms across his chest, leaning back against the booths cushioned back rest. "Sora obviously couldn't be bothered to show up, so stop waiting on him. It's really not at all surprising considering,"

"What?"

"He wasn't exactly known as a '_star student'_ at Konaha High."

"What the hell! That doesn't mean he's a bad kid!"

"Well, it means that I wasn't going to hold my breath on the anticipation that he'll actually _show up_ today."

Damn it! Why does he have to be such a prick about this? Sora is his new student and he's acting like he didn't even want to him to be on time, or turn up at all for that matter!

"You didn't expect him to show? What the FUCK Sensei! You can't just give up on him that easily! You don't know him!"

**Don't let this stuff about Sora get you upset, okay.**

Shut up! He's making it seem like Sora's just a dropkick, like he's some delinquent who skips out on school to suck on a bong. He's totally given up on the guy without getting to know him at all, like what the fuck! How the hell would he have known that Sora wouldn't turn up to class? He's not a bloody psychic!

"Naruto, seriously you don't even know this kid either, why are you so adamant to defend him?"

I hate that snooty, looking down his nose at everyone, look on Sensei's face. I really feel like throwing this hot (now luke warm) chocolate drink right in his face and then ripping out all those stupid Goth wanabe piercings.

**Kit,**

What? Just because he's a Doctor of whatever the fuck, doesn't mean he's better than everyone else! And it doesn't mean he gets to judge us all like fucking research subjects!

**Bite your tongue Kit.**

No! Why the hell should I! He's acting like a prick and I'm going to give it to him! No one ever stands up to him, they just let him say whatever the hell his 'University Graduate' mind comes up with, whether it's true or just plain fucking mean!

**Kit, listen to me, naturally I would love to see you go off your nut at him, but it's not worth it.**

See! Even you think that this guy is a waste of time!

**That's not what I meant Kit. **

You're just as bad as that ginger head bastard!

***sigh* Listen, if you really believe in this Sora guy then hold your tongue and wait for him to show up. That way you'll get the satisfaction of saying 'I told you so' and wiping that **_**'Professor Fagot'**_** smirk off his face!**

"Well Narrruto?"

Fuck I hate that patronizing voice.

But you're right. I know Sora will be here. And I really need to learn to keep my cool and not blow up all the time.

**And now is the perfect time to try it out.**

I grit my teeth and breathe in and out for a few seconds. I'm surprised, but it helps and I feel calmer.

**Good, that's a good start.**

I look down at my hands, weird; I notice that I'm holding the spoon I used to stir sugar in my mocha. I inspect the spoon, and my hand. I must'a been holding it really tightly, cos there's a spoony imprint on my palm now.

**Hmm, were you sub-consciously going to shank Sensei with that?**

Dang, I came really close to taking that arsehole's head off just now. He should thank you for talking me down.

**Erh, I would have loved to have seen you spoon him in the face but, now isn't the greatest time.**

Hmm, well. Thanks.

"What...Book are we reading next Sensei?" I ask, and my voice is calm and gentle. I'm not really angry anymore, just kinda, I duno...Disappointed?

**You have every right to be.**

Ha, Sensei looks like he was just slapped in the face with a giant vagina. Lol, he wasn't expecting me to calm down so quickly was he?

**Well, being unpredictable is your speciality.**

It seems to take Yahiko Sensei a while to process that I'm not going to jump the table and rip his throat out, before he answers,

"Um, it's actually a collection of news paper articles about last year's election."

"Sounds kewl," I smile happily at him.

I was really excited when Tsunade got elected as mayor last year, she's pretty damn awesome.

Garra nods and takes his plastic folder of homework from the pile; I do the same and scan over some of it. I can tell that I'm going to enjoy this assignment.

**It's a bit surprising but politics is one of your best topics.**

I know, who would imagine I'd be into that stuff, but I am. It's just so awesome and important!

"What?" I see Sensei staring at me weirdly. "I like Tsunade! She's epic."

"Alright, alright fair enough, I'll admit she has done a lot of good things for this city." He holds his palms up in surrender. "Don't forget how smoking hot she is Sensei!"

"Erh," He looks a little green, "Yeah if you're into that kind of thing."

**Ahaha poor Ginger nuts is scared of her hot piece of ass.**

"Oh come on! Even a gay guy's gotta admit, Tsunade brought sexy back, flipped it on its back and banged its brains out aaaaaall over the council's desk."

"Ahhhhh..."

Lol, he looks so uncomfortable, hehehe revenge is sweet motherfucker!

**Ooo**

**Wow that chap took a while to write didn't it? Okay so here deal, if I get 5 reviews I will upload chap 15...deal?**


	4. Chap 15 Hahaha I was right!

**Chapter 15, How to function normally with a mental illness; a Naruto guide to appearing normal to the untrained, normal eye.**

**Disclaiming disclaimer; (The majority of the,) characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto I have no claim to anything, except the original story line they are subjected to here. No profits are made from this writing exercise.**

**Warnings for; Sora's foul mouth, Naruto's being mature, Kyuu being a pervert (this is a quite important part of the story, so **_**no,**_** I couldn't do without it) and Sasuke's brotherly issues.**

**Ooo**

_* Recap*_

_I grit my teeth and breathe in and out for a few seconds. I'm surprised, but it helps and I feel calmer._

_**Good, that's a good start.**_

_I look down at my hands, weird; I notice that I'm holding the spoon I used to stir sugar in my mocha. I inspect the spoon, and my hand. I must'a been holding it really tightly, cos there's a spoony imprint on my palm now._

_**Hmm, were you sub-consciously going to shank Sensei with that?**_

_Dang, I came really close to taking that arsehole's head off just now. He should thank you for talking me down._

_*End Recap*_

**oooMIDMORNINGooo**

After about a half hour of debriefing and completely three different work sheets (B average thank you very much!), Gaara and I started reading through the material for next week's assignments; which was all about Lady Tsunade's election.

**I'd so tap her.**

You'd tap just about anything, if you could.

**I won't deny this.**

Dear god, I have a pervert inside of me.

**THAT SOUNDED SO DELICIOUS!**

Wait! What the hell man, you mean it sounded WRONG!

**No I'm pretty sure I meant delicious.**

*Sigh* I'm just going to ignore you now. Perverted sexaholic, if you need me I will be waiting for Sora.

**Get in there bro! Oh Nar, making him a hot chocolate, you smooth operator you!**

No, I made him a drink because it's cold outside!

_**Cos baby, it's coooold outside.**_

Oh shut up, pervy crooner. I'm trying really hard to prove to Yahiko Sensei (and Gaara) that I'm a mature and sane person right now, and you're not helping my cause.

**Let's have a crazy threesome with them.**

WHAT!

**Aw come on! Sensei's well hot and Gaara's a little cutie! I'm sure they'd both be up for it.**

OKAY THAT'S IT, I AM NOT TALKING TO YOU ANYMORE!

**Sad face!**

Gah! You have no idea how distracting you are! I need to keep calm and be sensible right now!

Gaara's changed so much in the last two years, and I'm really proud of him for it, but it's my turn to grow up and not get angry about every little thing.

**Hey, it's not like you haven't changed as well Kit, you've come along way as well.**

I guess I am a bit different now, but I'm still way to emotional, like Iruka says; there's nothing wrong with showing emotion, but I have to learn how to deal with it and not just project it outwards.

**Well, you're certainly being serious.**

I look over at Yahiko Sensei and feel my stomach drop, I was so angry at him before. It's like I started hating him, just because he said a couple of things I didn't like.

Now that I'm calmer, I can actually see his side of it now; He volunteers time away from his University teaching to help a bunch of high school dropkicks prep for final exams, so they have a glimmer of hope of actually passing. I mean, that's such an awesome thing for him to do, just because he cares about young people and their education, I can understand how annoying it would be for him when they don't turn up for class or stuff around and not take it seriously.

I know that Gaara wouldn't be able to pass those exams without Sensei's help. He was never officially expelled and he does still go to some of the classes, but he really does need this program for English and maths.

I glance over at my little panda and he tilts his head a bit at me. Even though his facial expression doesn't change, I know that he's smiling at me. I love Gaara's green eyes so much, they remind me of those frogs that live in rain forests.

**I'd tap a tree frog.**

Oh Shut the DUCK UP!

**Ooo**

Kankurou swings by our table as we're finishing up reading through our homework. He collects up our empty mugs, except Sora's cold drink (I pretend not to hear the "Tisk." that comes from Sensei), and ruffles Gaara's hair before duvking off again.

"He's make a great pole dancer, don't ya think?" I say, breaking the silence. Sensei gives me a look; one of those 'how inapropriate' looks that old people give you when you fart in public and stuff.

"Come on Sensei, you're a faggot! Don't you think he'd look fucking great; wrapped around a pole, butt naked? Or in just some little leopard print get up?" I loled to myself, he opens his mouth and seems about ready to start lecturing me about 'manners', _AGAIN._Crap.

"Yeah, if he weren't my brother, y'know...I'd get me some of that." I swing my head and stare at Gaara, did he really just say that? Oh my fucking Frappicino, that's classic, and the look on Yahiko's face _now!_

"Gaara...He is your brother." Sensei says verry slowly, as though this was new to our panda. "Yes Sensei I know, that's why I said; 'If he wasn't'..." I can't even stick up for Sensei right now, I'm literally pissing myself. OKay maybe not litterally, but one more funny and this booth's seat ain't gona be pretty anymore.

"Well, there's an evil laugh I haven't heard in a long time." A really deep (Like deeper than Gaara's and Mr Zabuza's voices combined) says somewhere near us. I look around, I do recognise it, but where?

**Shit.**

Didn't I block you out? I am not impressed with you right now, Gaara is a good friend of mine and I don't need to hear about how you'd bang him if-

**Kit, that voice...I remember it.**

Who?-

"Earth to Uzumaki!" The deep voice boomed right next to my ear. I jumped a bit and made a retarded sound; kind of like 'yip' slash burp.

"The hell?...Hey I know you!" I look up at the tall bearded man. He's huge! I remember his face and his voice. His voice is all like deep and manly.

"I'd be pretty offened if you'd forgotten me alreadty Uzumaki."

He smiles down kindly (it's a furry smile, cos of the beard), but then cracked his knuckles right in my face, "and it's not a good idea to offend me."

**This guy...**

"Asuma Sensei." Garra says from right beside me.

Asuma Sensei! Of course, now I remember him! Big dude who taught me in my first and only year of high school. He was like a boxer or something back in the day.

"Garra...I didn't see you there. You must be here for your class as well. How are you doing?"

I swivel on my booth seat to look at Garra, waiting for him to reply. He glares at Asume Sensei, it's the type of glare that Gaara gives when he really hates someone. I put my hand on my little Panda's leg. I'm sure he's just tired from the long class today.

"Gaara? Come on, arn't you glad to see Asuma Sensei again?"

It's been a long time since I've seen Gaara's eyes look like that. It kind of worries me.

**Maybe he doesn't like Asuma Sensei either?**

What do you mean either? I don't have beef with the guy, You'd have to be crazy to not try and befriend him!

**No, I mean Sensei, look at him.**

Wow,he's giving Asuma the evils as well. What the hell is with these two?

"Yeah." I look back a Gaara to see his eyes have changed. Back to their usual cool green. I squeese his leg and bump shoulders with him, "It's always awesome to see our old teachers isn't it? Hey, Asuma Sensei, did you come in for a coffee? I can make you whatever you like, on the house!" I let go of my Panda and stand to smile up at the big teacher.

"Oh, why thank you. That would be-"

"Naruto, you really shouldn't give out free drinks. You're not the one that buys the coffee and ingredients, Nagato is." Yahiko Sensei interupts.

**What a grumpy bastard.**

He's stopped with the evil eyes now at least.

**That was well creepy.**

"Ay! I may not own this cafe, but I am entitled to $15 a day alowance worth of food and drinks. And I'll have you know that I have never actually eaten or drunk that much in one shift. like EVER! So therefore I-"

"Alright, alright. Settle down. I supose it's alright, just this once."  
Just this once? I've made like 100 drinks before today for other people (namely Gaara and Iruka) and he's never said anything against it.

**He probably thinks he's the only one who should get special privialges because he's the owners boy toy.**

OI! What did I say! No pervy shit! Or I'm blocking you for the whole day!

**Fine, fine.**

"Actually I can't really stay for coffee, I was just dropping off your new student Doctor."

I move past Asuma Sensei towards my Gorgeous, "How do you take your coffee Asuma Sensei? If you can't stay then I'll make it in a take away cup for you." I bump into something. Kind of squishy. And wet.

"Watch where your going you fucking TARD."

I spin so fast, that the world looks like I smoke some of Zabuza's _herbs,_ and I come face to face with a guy I've only seen once before. His black, jaw length, hair is cut at a weird angle, he's pale, he looks kind of angry and he's wearing the single most epic shirt I've ever seen. "Holy shit! It's Piplup!"

**ooo**

The dude, Sora is wearing this wet white shirt **(I can see his nipples!) **With a Piplup Pokemon on it, with big bold letters saying; 'I Make Those Bitches Wet'.

Fuck my wenis!

This is like the greatest moment of my life! Piplup is such a fucking pimp! I'm just standing here staring at his shirt **(and nipples) **like; wow, this guy is EPIC.

"Stop fucking staring, you're freaking me out!" He yells at me, just as loudly as I yelled at him before. Which is new to me. Not many people can match my deciblells.

**That's true. Maybe he's your screamo soul mate?**

Ah, how sweet the world will be if I have someone to scream along with.

"Dude, chillax. Your shirt is just the most epic thing I've ever seen! Where the hell did you find it? Seriously, I have to know!" I jump up and down and grab onto his (wet) shoulders. He's about the same height as me, maybe a little bit taller. But my bouncing makes me taller every couple of seconds, so HA!

"Um, I made it...In Home Ecconomics." He jiggles out of my grasp and moves away.

"For fucking real?! That's so kewl man!"

His face goes pink. Cute. I mean, oops, I think I embarrased him.

**You did just jump the poor kid.**

Hey! I was being friendly.

**Well maybe it's because you were being friendly in a public place?**

Yeah, it's gotten real busy now, there's hardly a seat left in the place.

"Erhm, thanks." Sora mumbles and looks away. Hu? Strange guy, but I like him. He has a piplup. FOR THE WIN!

"I'm really glad that you came to class Sora. We were worried about you. I thought that maybe something had happened and you'd gotten stuck in the rain or something...Did you? You look kinda drowned?" I ask him, swinging my arms back and forth, still bouncing on my feet.

"Erh, yeah, sort of. But I wasn't late deliberatly." He said that last part quite defensively. It's strange, I hope he didn't think I was trying to tell him off.

**If Yahiko Sensei thought it was a given that he wasn't going to turn up and...He's been put into this program then, perhaps people expecting the worst of him is a regular thing.**

Wow, you might be right. How awful, it's not like he's a bad guy. He actually seems really kewl. And quite cute...I think I will make him my bunny!

**Naruto...Really?**

Ssssh, you know nothing about how critters make friends.

***sigh***

"Oh dude, we knew you were coming and everything! Trust me, I know how important this class is. I'm in the same boat as you, I gotta be here to finish school and shit-"

Sora's turns this hard look on me. His eyes are greyishy blue, but now they look like steel.

I take a step back away from him and end up bumping into Asuma Sensei, before Sora shouts, "You think I'm stupid don't you? Well guess what; I don't need this fucking 'program'! I don't even want to finish high School! As if I care about what some prick behind a fucking desk thinks about me!" His face flushes red and his fists ball up.

Wow, that...escellated quickly.

I step away from Asuma Sensei, and look at the guy infront of me, who keeps yelling, "Who the hell do you think you are? Saying shit like; you're the same as me? You're even more of a retard than _I am_! And that fucking saying something!"

What the fuck? How dare this little shit say that to me? He doesn't know me either! And I've been standing up for him all morning!

I start feeling little hot prick in my sternum. Like tiny little needles poking into my chest.

It hurts, alot.

**Nar.**

Fuck that! How dare _he_? I know _exactly_ how he feels; being branded a dropkick, having everyone doubt every move you make and not trusting you with even the most basic shit. It's like my life a year ago.

**What are you going to do about it? Are you going to just let him get away with speaking to you like that?**

Fuck. what he said really hurt. But still...

"Okay man, I didn't think you were stupid." I try my hardest to calm down and stop the pain in my chest.

I look into Sora eyes, where I see he's still angry, and now confused. I know how he feels. It's so similar.

"I just really like your shirt and...It sucks that you got wet."

He blinks. One. Two. Three times.

**You really have a talent for freaking people out kit.**

"Annd, like, I'm not a retard either, so please don't call me that. I'm actualy real smart at certain stuff. Just ask Yahiko Sensei! I got a B today for an essay that I wrote! It was pretty fucking epic essay man!" I say while I grin the shit out of the world. I really wana make a good impression on Sora, he's gona be my new class mate after all. Maybe we can even be friends?

**Kit.**

What?

**This is like, the second time today that you've managed to control your anger. This is...Really amazing.**

You're right, I didn't try and beat the shit out of him. Even if he did call me names and swear like a million times! Hu, I must be evolving!

"You..." Sora glares for a few seconds, "Whatever." then he turns away from me, and walks over to one of the windows. Where he leans against the glass pane, with his back to us.

I think all the yelling wore him out.

**Hmm, poor bunny.**

"Well, that went better than expceted, don't you agree Asuma?"

I turn my attention back to the two teachers and Gaara (who's standing right next to me now. I didnt even see him get out of the booth).

"Yeah. How about that coffee Uzumaki?"

"Oh yeah, what did you want again Asuma Sensei? Sora, do you want something hot to drink?"

**ooo**

Sora had given me the queerest look when I asked him if he wanted a drink. Poor little bunny, I don't think he realised I worked here. I loled and told him that I'd made a hot chocolate for him before, but it'd gone cold. He just turned away and watch the rain out the window.

I think he feels bad about being late.

**And he obviously not used to people being kind to him...Remind you of anyone Nar?**

For sure. But right now, I'm going to win him over with a fresh hot chocolate, even if he didn't say he wanted one. I mean, the poor guy looks _frozen_.

**ooo**

I walk back to the booth with Miss Sakura's sexy tray loaded with mugs again; three for yahiko, myself and Gaara, one black coffee with two sugars for Asuma Sensei and an extra large hot chocolate with marshmellows and chocy powder for my new class mate.

Asume Sensei thanks me, as does Ginger nuts. Gaara nods, and Sora doesn't say anything. He just stares at his drink.

"So, Sora," Sensei starts talking after a sip of coffee (and an orgasmic sigh),"If you knew what time you were ment to be here, why were you so late."

I drill holes in the bits of Sensei's face that havn't already been peirced, I am so getting an apology out of him for this. I can't wait to have my golden 'I told you so' moment. But I don't want to do it infront of Sora.

**Why not!? You've been waiting for this all morning!**

It's bad enough that he thinks we expected him not to show, let alone if he knew that Sensei actualy had written him off,

"Yeah, funny story that ain't it Asuma?" The guy practically spits venom at Asuma Sensei, from a spare chair beside our booth. At some point while I was with my Gorgeous, he'd been convinced to sit closer, so as to actualy be apart of the 'class room'.

We all look at Asume Sensei, who's sitting right at the back of the booth now, between Yahiko Sensei and myself. Gaara had slipped in on the end after I'd returned. He always likes sitting at the end.

"Ahh, yeah about that Doctor Yahiko. I was ment to pick Sora up and drop him off this morning, as a favour for his guardian, but I got held up...With some school work-"

Sora scoffed and glared ice at his teacher, "He was too busy banging Kureni Sensei. I told you I could get here by myself!"

I give Yahiko Sensei even more '_eyes'_. How interesting! So it wasn't even Sora's fault that he was late. Interesting, how _verry interesting!_

**Milk it.**

Oh I fucking will!

"Well, you're here now, that's all that matters, I appreciate that you attended today, it's very important for your future." I can see him squirm under my death gaze, HA! Burn Motherfucker, BURN!

He coughs awkwardly (**must have some GUILT stuff in his throat!**) and starts shuffling around some papers on the table, "Now Sora, I have a few forms for you to read and sign. As our lesson for today is almost over, I won't give you any work to do right now, but I will give you the same homework assignment that Naruto and Gaara here are starting on."

I give my new class mate a big smile. He seems to be enjoying the hot chocolate I made him. Though he doesn't look too impressed with the mention of 'homework'.

**Well I'm sure that you can help him with it if he gets stuck.**

ZOH MY GAWD we could be study budies!

**Don't get ahead of yourself Nar.**

**ooo**

Hehehe, this is so much fun! "Alright Naruto, give it a rest!"

**Never!**

"No, you're an ARSEHOLE _Doctor Yahiko_! A Doctor of what anyways? Being the worlds biggest prick?"

I've been yelling at Sensei for a good five minutes now. Asuma Sensei and Sora left already, apparently Sora had an appointment with the principle of his old school and Asuma had to drive him. Which is pretty nice of him, isn't it.

**Yeah, it's odd that he would go out of his way to help that guy. Especially out of school hours.**

Hmm. Well it was nice of him, "AAAAAAAND it was Asuma Sensei's fault they were late, not Sora's!" But it doesn't mean I can't blame him for this. I'll make it up to him next time I see him, with another cup of my awesome hot coffee bean juices.

"Yes, I know. I heard what happened Naruto. I was there."

"You know who else was there...SORA!"

He sighs and shakes his head. He had this coming. He was such a prick, and then acted like; 'good-little-Sensei-who-loves-his-students-and-is-sooo-freaking-happy-that-they-come-to-class-even-late-lalalala'. What a prick.

I watch as a set of pale arms snaked around Sensei's neck and a mop of red hair appears over his shoulder, "What are you in trouble for now Babe?" Nagato had just rocked up, looking a bit sleepy and was clearly enjoying watching me rant at his boy toy.

"I...May have misjudged my new student-"

"May?" I cock my eyebrow and glare at him, "Okay, _I did_ misjudge him. And for that I am regretfull. I am sorry Naruto, Sora is not a waste of time."

"THANK YOU GINGER NUTS! That's all I wanted to hear. There was really no need for me to yell at you this whole time, just for that." I smile as sweetly as I possibly can, and even throw in a head cock for good measure. You know, like dogs do when they're pretending they didn't eat your Astro Boy underwear.

"What the fuck did you just call me?"

**Astro boy? No dude, Ninja Turtles all the way!**

"Babe, don't swear. He's still technically a minor."

Sensei Sighs and shakes his head, again. Naggy kisses his boyfriends head and Gaara...Gets up and leaves.

"Oh, it looks like Gaara's had enough for the day."

My little Panda is like our class clock. When he's had enough, he leaves, which means that it's pretty much over. I wave to him as he leaves the cafe, and he gives me a half wave back.

"See Ya Gaara! Have a good afternoon!" I see him nod to me and then to Kankurou, who waves to his little brother as well.

"Well, he lasted a lot longer today than I though he would." I 'hmm' in agreement. I wish that Gaara could stay longer. But there seems to be a limit to how long he can spend in a crouded place.

**We can make sure to visit him on the weekend.**

Yeah. I miss hanging out with Gaara, just the two of us. I sigh to myself and listen in on what the two gaybirds are talking about;

"Hmm, from what Konny tells me, his brother's been working really well today. I think I'll give him a few more shifts."

I feel myself smile while I watch them chatter away.

"Yeah? He did seem to do okay. Did you have a good sleep in hun?"

"Yeah it was nice. Wasn't as nice as if you could've been there with me."

"Aww maybe next time."

The two pierced men kiss and rub their noses together. They're so damn cute together, I love seeing them all lovey dovey.

**It's fucking hot.**

Oi!

**Okay okay, no more perviness, I got it.**

You're on thin Ice Mr!

"Naruto? You okay?" Naggy asks me.

"Hmmmmmmm, yep, just thinking about this next assignment! It's gona be really big isn't it?"

"Don't stress about it Naruto. You have two classes before it's due in. Well, Gaara's gone; so it's offically the end of class...Now scram, I wana molest my boyfriend for a while."

I notice that I can no longer see either of the men before me's hand's. I need no further prompting.

**Aw come on! How can you let your self miss out on this?**

"I'm surrounded by horny-sexuals."

"Hu?"

**oooAFTERNOONooo**

Ah what a long day.

**Glad it's nearly over.**

Hmmmm. For some reason on the days I have class in the morning and then an afternoon shift here; I get so much more exhausting than on the full days where I work without a lunch break. I think it's the school work that poops me. Stupid words on paper. Making my eyes hurt, and fuddling my brain.

**Why don't you take a break now?**

I'll take one soon. There's still an hour or so to go before we close up, I'll just wait until there're fewer customers.

**Hmm, waiting for the right moment to take a break?**

Well yeah. It's Kanky's first day, so I don't wana leave him on his own if we get a rush.

***Sigh* It'd be nice if the boss was here to help.**

Ahaha, yeah, so much for helping us two lads through the arvo! What a piker!

**Well, Sensei was quite persistant.**

Still. If I left work early to go and fratanize with a girl, he'd fire my arse on the spot. But noooo, he's the boss, and his boyfriend has lip piercings!

**That is a fair argument though.**

No it bloody isn't! It's so busy in here now, like WTF. It's a Friday afternoon, people should be at the pub, or at home watching the early news!

It's really filled up in here now. I'm glad I sent Kankurou on a quick break an hour ago, there's no way I could cope without a good dishpig at the moment. Sometimes it annoys me that Nagato doesn't buy more coffee mugs and tea spooons. I run out of them about 5 times a shift, and I hate loitering around the kitchen waiting for the dishy to finish them. I feel so rude.

**Sakura never minds, and I doubt Kankurou realy cares. He's just trying not to break anything.**

Lol! Watching him with that stack of saucers before was amazing, he wobbled, nearly droped them, triped, TOTALY lost them, then caught them all like a fricken ninja! He's so pro!

"Ah, Naruto, is it too late for meal orders? Nagato said that you guys close the kitchen around four."

"Well it kind of depends on what the order is."

"Well, this guy wants quieche with salad and chips, can I do that now?"

I bite my lip, technically once the 'Kitchen Closed' sign is sitting on the counter, it means that customers can only order from the cabinet displays, but it's kind of just common sense. Shikamaru puts through some kitchen orders after four, provided they don't take many dishes to prepare.

"Yep, go ahead. And how about I take the till for the rest of the day, that way you don't have to worry about what can and can't be put through now?"

"That would be great!" He side glomps me in appreciation. My kitty cat is so uber snuggly.

**He sure is!**

I see four or five more people walk though the door. It looks like today might be a late finish. Which would be fine, on any other day, but my brain is fried and Kanky's looking a bit worn down. I think I'll make us both a coffee with the next wad of orders and then bring the signs in and flick the 'CLOSED' sign thingy on the door.

"Good afternoon, What would you like today ?" I ask a nice looking old lady with a crazy looking hair doo (courtesy of the wind outside I'm assuming), "Oh hello dear, my Gran-Daughter and I would like some of your lovely chocolate muffins."

"Double chocolate with choc chips or chocolate with white chocolate chips?"

"Oh dear, they both sound so nice, I think we'll have one of each." I smile and scribble down the order, "And would you beautiful girls like anything to drink with your devilish muffins?" I wink at the older woman, who chuckles.

Old people love me. It's a natural phenomenon. I am just their idea of a perfect Gran-child.

**You pull in those old ladies.**

I know man, they just can't get enough of me. I peer over the old lady's shoulder (She ain't exactly tall, but still) and spy her Gran-Daughter. The girl's about my age and I swear I've seen her before somewhere.

Her hair is blue-ish black, and it's really really straight, like how only Asian's can get their hair like that, with a really sharp fringe across her forhead. She's pretty. Not what I would say is 'my type', but I can definately see how other boys would fall in love at first sight.

"Is there someting you would like to drink Miss?"

Wow, I think I've just seen a newly founded shade of RED. Her entire face just started BURNING as soon as we made eye contact. Weird.

**Hehehe.**

Um, is the heater on really high or something?

**No, I don't think so, maybe she's embarrased cos she thought you were hitting on her Granma and feels like a third wheel now.**

Highly unlikely Kyuu.

The girl starts doing this weird things with her indext fingers; pressing the tips of them together and bending the knuckles. It's kind of cute. Reminds me of a little mouse, eating some cheese.

"We'll share a strawberry milkshake my Dear."

"Wonderfull choice! I'll have that over to you as soon as I can, Please take a number and find yourselves a nice table." I smile to both of them, and the old woman leads her Gran-Daughter away from the counter.

I do get to meet some really nice people here. That old lady was awesome, I wish I had a Granma like that.

**She seemed like the kind who would cook scones and knit and do nice old lady stuff.**

Yeah. That girl's really lucky to have her.

**ooo**

I told Kankurou that I would take the till and coffee machine, and he could take orders out and clear tables and we were both slowly cleaning up where ever we could.

That 'closed' sign was flicked, but the cafe was still full of people. But at least that's it for customers, and once we clear their tables and wash up what they've used, there's really not much left to do.

Kanky's currently sitting on the bench next to me, he can't really clear tables while people are still sitting at them, and he can't take out orders now that there's no more new customer's; which seems to annoy him, "Come on, what can I do? I've taken the garbage out, I've swept and mopped the kitchen floor," He lists the tasks WE were suposed to share, off his his fingers. He's too good a worker!

**You two are just alike.**

No! I like to share out the work load evenly! But I turned my back to make coffee for like FIVE MINUTES and he'd done most of it! I swear...He's got mad ninja cleaning skills!

"AH! I was ment to mop the floor! How Dare YOU!"

"Naruto, you're making coffee, I'm the kitchen hand, so it's only fair that I clean the kitchen and you clean 'the bitch'."

I gasp. He did not just say that!

**He did.**

.Way!

**Run Kitty, Run!**

"HOW DARE YOU CALL MY GORGEOUS ORGASM COFFEE BEAN JUICE LOVER A BITCH!"

"Fuck! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Don't kill me! Look, a customer! Go serve it!"

"Don't you call my customer's an IT either! Go and take a break now, before I hurt you!" I Yell at him and throw an empty milk carton his way. That'll teach him for being to efficient!

**You should be thankful that he's so good.**

STILL! He works too hard, it's not alowed! Gosh darn Subaka's, he and Temari are workaholics.

**It must have rubbed off from you.**

Yeah, but I practically live here, so it's okay.

I walk over to behind the till and go to serve what is hopefully the lucky last customer for the day.

All I see at first is loads of white, then black hair, the Harry Potter hipster glasses and black eyes "Sasuke."

**Hey, he's back.**

Am I staring? I'm staring. I should stop now. Really.

**Not a chance,**

Why is he wearing a Doctor's jacket? What the hell? And why is that so...Hot?

**ooo**

"Hn."

Oh well. _Now_ it all makes perfect sense. He's obvioulsy studying to be a dentist and accidently cut his own tongue out and now he can't speak..."I said; WHADYA WANT?"

"Stop yelling."

Dear God, he speaks! It's a miracle! "Dude, there's like five muffins left. Just choose one. I already know what coffee you want."

"Hn."

**Is it just me or...Is he just about the sexiest thing you've ever laid eyes on today?**

What? Stop being to sleazey. Sure he's a good looking guy, but come on. He's only human.

**You were the one that thought he looked hot in the white lab coat before. .Not?**

Shit,

**I can hear everything you think. Idiot.**

Yeah well, it just took me by suprise. I look him over again, and still can't really proccess what is in front of me. I know I've only met the guy a few times, but still. This is so random.

**Hmm, I like where these thoughts are going.**

Stop it you pervy-saurus! It's not my fault I was taken by surprise before! You know I have a thing for Doctors and nurses. I mean you remember the first bonner I ever got (outside of my appartment and from seeing something that wans't animated), it was when Miss Sakura got her intern uniform. Fuck that was sexy. So naturaly it was just a reaction to the 'atire' not the person in it.

So there.

**Uh-hu,**

It's true, I've developed a...Doctor, nurse, medical person fetish or something.

Not my fault.

Nothing to do with Mr Hipster-shiny-wet-hair-man here.

**Yeah sure. You keep telling yourself that Nar.**

I will.

"Dude. Come one. Blue berry, chocolate with white choc chips or orange and poppy seed?"

He just looks at me like;...I don't even know what that expression is.

A cross between a stoned mullet and a wet samwhich.

**He wants a banana muffin.**

Well there arn't any GOD DAMN BANANA MUFFINS LEFT are there? No.

"Seriously. I can't read minds man, you may actualy have to communicate with me, .once."

His lip curls up at the edge, and I feel my breath hitch. Is he going to smile?

"Dobe."

No, he just...Wait what the hell is a dope?

**I think he said dobe.**

What the shit?

"I don't know wwwwwwhat you just said Doctor Slow, but I sure as hell know that that ain't a type of muffin so CHOOSE ONE ALREADY!"

He sighs, and flicks his hair a little, "Just coffee."

"Eh?"

"I said, Dobe, Just coffee."

There it is again, that queer arse word. What the shizzle is he talking about?

"No, you want a muffin! I saw you looking in the cabinet! So choose one before I jump this counter and-!"

"Fine. Just stop being loud. Orange and poppy seed." He flicks a twenty dollar bill on the counter (what am I a striper or something?) and walks off.

Well. That wasn't so hard was it? It's truly amazing what the English language can achieve when we put words together in a sentance!

**Thanks so much guys for the reviews, I have nearly ninety now! I'm pretty stocked about that. If I get six reviews for chapter 15, I will upload 16 super super quick!**

**Also; do you guys have an opinion about the ***_**recaps* **_**? are they annoying? Good? Bad?**


	5. Chap 16 Incest is illegal Sasuke

**Chapter 16, How to function normally with a mental illness; a Naruto guide to appearing normal to the untrained, normal eye.**

**Disclaim = everything.**

**I'm uploading this chapter quickly because I'm close to getting 100 reviews. See end of chap for more on this.**

**Warnings for this chapter; Swearing, teen angst, mentions of incest (in a jestful way, this story does not have any incestual scenes), drug references (again, it's jestful) and hormones. Author's notes at end of chapter.**

**ooo**

_*Recap*_

_Why is he wearing a Doctor's jacket? What the hell? And why is that so...Hot?_

_**000**_

_"I said, Dobe, Just coffee."_

_"No, you want a muffin! I saw you looking in the cabinet! So choose one before I jump this counter and-!"_

_"Fine. Just stop being loud. Orange and poppy seed." He flicks a twenty dollar bill on the counter and walks off._

_*End Recap*_

**oooLateAfternoonIshooo**

Geeeeeeh. I am so ready to go home; I'm tired, my feet hurt, my brain doesn't want to work and I just know that Kankurou wants to go as well. But, well, it's hard to push cafe customers out the door. I mean, sitting and chatting away is all part of the 'cafe experince'. It's very rare for someone to walk in alone, drink their coffee, eat their food and then leave imediately afterwards. I guess the Grand Grind is just one of those places where people feel comfortable and relaxed, and never want to leave.

But _dang_ I want a shower. And a snooze.

**And a wank.**

Dude, seriously! I've had just about enough of the porn comentery today! Why can't you be a normal voice that just trys convincing me to kill people? Hu?

**Well you'd have to be a normal person first, to have a normal voice in your head.**

...If I was 'normal' as you say, I wouldn't have a voice at all!

**Ah, touche, my good Sir. But still, when we get home let's divulge in these Doctor fetishes of yours hmmm?**

Not a chance.

Why the hell is Sasuke-so-kewl wearing a Doctors coat thingy anyways?

**School play costume? Holoween costume?**

Plausible, not exactly satisfying my inner curious cat though. I _neeeeeeeed_ to know what is is for sure,I can't stand not knowing!

**Go and ask him then? It's not like you're not acquianted with the man.**

I might just do that. I hope that he won't mind, I wouldn't be the first time I've table crashed him, but I don't wana seem stalker-y.

I look around to find Kanurou, who's putting the last of his (current) dishes away. "Kiiiiiitty,"I say as I sidle up beside my big hansome feline and lay my pretty inocent little head on his shoulder. "What up skank?"

Le gasp.

"Skank? How dare you!" I yell and puff me cheeks out with tons air.

Yes I do realise that I look like a retarded chipmunk when I do this, but I don't care! How rude. What a rude kitty! What a-

**Why are you getting all huffy and puffy?**

Skank is such a mean word,

**You call Shikamaru a skank all the God damn time!**

He is a skank!

"I'll be damned if I have to stand here and take this kind of workplace herum-smith! I'm taking a break now, so you deal with the customers! You deal with the kitchen! And don't come crawling to me for help...For like, ten minutes!" I poke my tongue out as far as humanly possible and take Miss Sakura's tray up again, then add "Oh by the way, I made you a flat white, it's right here, I havn't added any sugar yet."

"Um...Thanks Foxy." He's got the silliest grin on his face, "I SAID GOOD DAY!"

Y'know, I don't think he takes me seriously.

**Oh, what gave it away?**

Gut instinct. He's not the only cafe ninja around here.

I deliver the old Lady and her Gran-Daughter their milkshake (which has two thick straws) and their muffins, "Here you go girls, you enjoy your afternoon treats." I give them a big smile, and wink for extra brownie points.

The girl blushes again. It feels kind weird, I serisouly don't know why she keeps doing that. Is my fly open or something? Nope. Well, whatever, I have more important missions at hand.

***sigh* She think you're fit Nar.**

No she doesn't. When girls think guys are fit they giggle and twirl their hair. They might blush as well, but not like that. Hu, I wonder if it's some sort of condition?

**That she can't handle being around sexy people?**

Did you just call me sexy?

**Sure did stud.**

Aw. I feel pretty special right now.

I bite my lip and try hard not to laugh out loud. I really want to talk to Hipp-bro-ster in a calm and kewl way. y'know, show him how awesome I am and all that jazz.

**Get in son!**

_TO try and become his friend_! Were you not listening the other day?

*Sigh* sometimes being mental is such a drag.

My Hipster'd been watching me delivery a few coffees and cakes around the cafe, he'd been following me around with his hocky puck eyes. Which is freaking funny. It's like how a cat watches a fly, fly around a room.

Oh wait, I don't wana be a fly. A bee, bee's are so awesome, and yellow.

"Sup home dog!" I swag on up to his table and put down his plated muffin (poppyseed and orange) and his black coffee mug.

"Hnn?" He's chosen the same table as yesterday and that other day; right infront of the window. Except today the view isn't as nice, due to the fact that it's PISSING down,

**Cats and dogs.**

Pandas and Bunnies.

**Giraffes and crocodiles.**

Poodles and polar bears.

"Choo enjoyin' the rain'n weather yo?' I duno what's happened just now, but for some reason I appear to have turned gangster. How odd.

"You..." He begins to say, but then just sighs and pulls his coffee closer. "Joining me for you break?"

OH MY DOG he's like a master Jedi or something! "EH?!" How the crap did he know I was about to take a break? What is going oooooooon?

"Dobe, the entire cafe heard you yelling at that guy before." He spins the mug around in circles on the saucer. It's messmarising.

"W-what guy?"

"The guy you're working with. The one you were screaming at not two minutes ago."

I stare at him for a while before it clicks. AH, I know what he's on about now, "He's not a guy," I take a seat,** "**He's a kitty." I explain and start sipping my mocha, which has gone a little cool, oh well.

"..." I tilt my head to the side and lean a bit closer. He has the most perculiar look on his face. It's not the usual; porcelin doll expression he wears, or the 'wtf' look he's had a few times. It's more like a...'I'm amused, but it'd be lame if I laughed'.

"Okay." He says and rips off a bit of the muffin. I find myself holding my breathe, hoping that he will really like it.

**As much as the banana ones,**

Yeah, I hope so. This could become his new favourite!

"So...How has your day been?"

THE MUFFIN! Why is he not eating it?

**He just asked a question Nar, you should realy answer it.**

"Hu? What'd you say dog?" Well I feel kind of stupid. I was staring to intently at the bit of muffin that I didn't even hear him speak.

"I said," *long sigh* "How's your day?"

Oh, I actualy hadn't expected him to start a conversation. I've only known this dude (kewl dude) for a week but, he doesn't really seem like the small talk kind of guy.

Well, today is the day for misjudging peoples so,

"Oh, um, well..."

I lean back in my chair (and keep eyeing the muffin, serisouly, is there something wrong with it?) and scratch the back of my neck while I think about the question, "I saw my drug dealing neighbor this morning, and I also had a class this morning until lunch time. I got to whip my Sensei's arse annnnnd work with one of my best friend's brothers for the rest of the day...So it's been pretty good so far." I finish my recount with a nod and look up to Sasuke's eyes.

He's really still right now, like he's trying to concentrate hard on something. His lips are pushed together and have all but disapeared.

**Hmm, he's just paying attention.**

It's...Odd.

**why? You should always pay attention to what other people are saying to you, it's polite.**

Yeah I know, I do the same thing. I always want to hear every word of what people say, it's just...This's such an intense stare. It makes me feel like I'm being watched by an owl or a big black panther.

**You're really into the whole 'matching people with their animal spirits' today arn't you?**

Well, it's easier than trying to figure out what 'type' of person they are. That's way to complicated. And I didn't mean it in a bad or creepy way. It's not a bad feeling being watch by Sasuke, it's just..Different I guess.

"I see. You neighbor sells drugs?" He asks me, not breaking eye contact, or even blinking.

I notice that he's actualy saying whole sentances again, and not just making that grunting noise.

**Alas, the rare and endangered cave hipster has evolved. Must be the coffee.**

Yeah. It's nice though. I smile to myself and take a second before answering to simply look at my table buddy. Now that I do, I can't help but admire him (not for the first time **(not for the first time, by a long shot Kit)**). I break our eye contact and look over the thick geeky glasses and his bangs and side fringe; I really like the way they fall the same kind of way his cheek bone-lines under his eyes do. It's like two parrallel lines; one is pitch black and shiny and the other is white and matte. If I were an artist like Deidara, I would so try and draw that. Or sculpt it. I really wish that I could still do art classes.

**You're right, he would be perfect to sample for a work of art.**

"Yeah he does. I'm not really sure what kind of drugs, but from what I hear it's the standard illegal bad stuff, y'know."

**He is kind of an art all by himself though isn't he? His eyes, even behind glasses, are so deep. They really pull you in don't they?**

Yeah, they sure do. I wonder what he'd look like without the glasses on? But that's not fair, he wouldn't be wearing such thick, geeky glasses for the fun of it, would he? I bet he has to wear them because he has eye problms. If I snatched them off his face, he'd be blind and that'd just make me a meanie.

**We could so take advantage of him them!**

"From what you hear? So your perception of his_...Trade,_ is based on rumors?"

Have I...Annoyed him? The air, or room feels like I have. I duno how to explain it, it's just...Tenser now. Except; his entire face hasn't move in the slightest, and the tone of his voice didn't change either. Maybe I'm just imagining it.

"No, I aksed him. It kind of annoyed me that the other people in our building kept saying bad stuff about him. And when I asked them who he was they were all like; 'don't talk to him, don't even look at him, he's a drug dealer, and a crack addict'. Which isn't fair. If you never even talk to someone, how can you know if they're a good person or not?" I sip and lean my elbows on the table, "So one day I saw him, and I went up and introduced myself. He actualy seemed nice. Kind of quite, but there was nothing wrong with that. Then the next time I saw him I just asked him if what I'd been told was true."

Sasuke is still holding the torn off bit of muffin. It's starting to bother me. Does he not like orange? Or is it the poppy seed? Cos I know that Miss Sakura dosn't like this type of muffin because the seeds get stuck in her teeth.

**Oh God, seeing Sasuke-so-kewl with poppy seeds in his mouth would be bloody funny!**

"And How did he reply?"

"He said 'yeah man, I sell _loads_ of drugs. But I never take them, can't let my guard down'. Which I can understand y'know. I mean imagine being a drug dealer, and how many enemies you'd have. Police, other dealers, crazy crack people; they'd all be out to get you, so it makes sense to keep as alert as possibe. Are you going to try that? It's good, I promise."

His dark eyes stay on mine for a bit, then flick down to the piece of muffin, "Oh, yes." He takes a bite, which causes crumbs to fall onto the table. I'll have to remember to wipe it when we're done.

**Isn't that what Kankurou is paid to de?**

But I yelled at him! I feel bad! I'll make it up to him by clearing the last tables and making it easier to close up.

**Soft.**

Like a marshmellow baby!

"It is...Alright."

"Alright?! Alright? Are you kidding me? They're freakin' epic! The blend of sweet citris fruit, with like, yummy crunchy seeds is ingenius! I wish I could meet the dude who invented the reciepe! I mean, what a legend!" I lean on the table so far that I can feel the wooden edge dig into my ribs, which is kind of ouchy, but I need to get up in this guy's face! He needs to understand how brilliant this breed of muffin is!

"What if it were a woman who invented the reciepe?" He replies in a unfased, flat tone.

Eh? "'Dude' can refer to male or female, dude. It's not gender spessissific." I hate that word! Dang you, English language!

"I prefer the banana muffins, that are sold here."

"Oh. Well, I'm really sorry that we didn't have any left." I sit back in my seat, like a normal person, ***snort*, **and watch as Sasuke takes a second bite of his muffin. He's so...Calm and smart. Like the compelte oposite of me.

**Hey, you're smart as well!**

At some stuff. But Sasuke uses so many smart words; it's like talking to an old person, but in a hot teenagers body. Kind of. I don't know what I mean by that, He's just so different from anyone else that I know.

"It is alright. I don't mind this type." He finishes his little bit of muffin and starts drinking his coffee.

**Well, at least he doesn't hate it.**

Yeah. I'm trying really _really_ hard not to be a spazz about this, but I just have to know, "Um, Sasuke?"

"Yes, Dobe?" What the quail is that word? I swear he's calling me a dope! Wait what was I saying again?

"Eh, oh yeah, um, why are you wearing a lab coat?" I stare, like a hawk. He just sips his coffee and twitches his eyebrows downwards, like a 'thinking face'.

"It's a long story."

Dude. I cannot LIVE in this world any longer if he doesn't tell me!

"P-please tell me! Something, anything I have to know!" I lean in really close again, and I see a little smirk form on his lips. DANG YOU HIPSTER! Why are you torturing me so?  
"Okay, I'll tell you. I think you may find this amusing,"

Amusing? Huh, awesome, I'm always ready for a good story!

**Sounds like it'll be a good'en.**

"So, I belive I told you before that my brother is in a...Hospital, yes?"

I nod.

"And that he has lost a porprotion of his memory?"

I nod again. I remember when he told me that; his eyes then, looked like they were made out of glass that was covered in that morning frosty stuff.

**It was sad, when he looked like that.**

Yeah, it hurt seeing that kind of expresion on such a handsome face, and I'm seeing it form again in front of me now.

"Well, because he doesn't remember who I am, he became suspicious about why I kept showing up and talking to him. He asumed that I was an intern at the hospital and treated me as such. He is gradualy becoming...Used to my presence," He takes another sip of his coffee and tilts his head down, which creates that curtain effect again. I hold my breath, waiting for him to speak again; which isn't probably the smartest thing to do. But this feels so important and, heavy for him to talk about. "However, being the intelligent man that he is, he's was begining to question about my internship...His Doctor believed that my presence was aiding in his recovery, so I was given a uniform and name badge, so that I '_looked the part'_ ."

**He certainly does look the part!**

He seems lost in his own thoughts for a while, just staring at his coffee from under his bangs, and twirling one of the leather cuffs around his wrist. It's fasinating to watch, "Did it, help? To bring his memory back I mean?"

Sasuke sighs and looks me in the eye again. The pain I saw the day before is there, more than ever, "No. He does not remember that I am his brother, infact he..." AH! I can't believe my eyes!

He smiled.

**Beautiful...**

His lips curved right up and broke apart, showing his teeth. It was; gorgeous.I let out the breath I was holding and smile as well, "He what?"

"heh," Hipster's laugh, who'd have thought? It wasn't like a hahaha laugh, more like a quick, short exhale of air, but it was sweet, "He had an examination today, which his Doctor alouded me to perform. I took his blood pressure and other menial tasks. He was required to remove his clothing for an inspectiong, but...He called me a pervert for watching him while he was dressing again. Heh." He half laughed again. It has to be the cutest laugh I've ever heard.

"He, thought you were checking him out?" I LOL so hard that my stomach actualy starts hurting, "Dude! He's your brother!"

"I know. He was so...Offended by it as well. He told me that raping patients with my eyes durring physical examinations was '_unbecoming conduct'_, It was so, weird."

The smile stays on his lips, and I've decided that it's my most favourite thing about my hipster.

**Mine too.**

"Oh My God! That's fucking hilarious!" I breath in and out heavily for a few seconds and calm myself down, "So is he like, going to file a complaint or something?"

"Hn, I hadn't actualy thought about that." He props his head up on his hand and his hair curtains his face on one side. "I hope not. Not that I'd be repremanded for it, I don't actualy work there so.."

I laugh again. He has a point. "Oh man, that is funny as."

Sasuke continues smiling and I'm realy glad for it. He seems to have had an okay day.

**Yeah, even if he may be a little mentaly scarred. Ha, that's hilarious. **

I know man, but poor Sasuke, he's just there to help his brother, and get's accused of incest, man that's rough.

**It's be like you checking out Iruka.**

Um, he is a little bit frisky at the moment. I'd realy rather not think about anything to do with his sex life.

"What did you do? Like after he said that?" I chuckle, trying to imagine the expression on his face.

"I just...Stared at him like an idoit for about ten seconds,"

**Hehehe, **

"And I duno, just, vomited in my mouth a little bit."

"Fuck! Hehehe." I laugh like a freak this time, I don't care what the remaining customers think, this is the greatest story ever!

**Poor little Emo.**

I think anyone'd turn Emo after that experince!

**ooo**

**Thank you to EVRYONE who reviewed! I very much appreciate it!**

**This fic is getting close to breaking one hundred reviews. So in celibration, I am going to give a PRIZE to the person who is the 100th reviewer of HTF. It's not going to be a cash prize, sorry, I was thinking more along the idea of adding in a snippet of the prize winners favourite pairing (which cannot include the characters; Naurto, Sasuke, Irkua, Nagato, Yahiko, Sakura or Lee as they are already shacked up in my fic, anyone else is free game).**

**Thanks to enRei for the feedback on the recaps! And many thanks to enzhe for the critisms and compliments; I do understand what you mean. I am trying my best to use correct grammar out of speach quotations. I would like to hereby let everyone know **_**why **_**there is so much swearing, cursing and general slang being used; I am Australian. I realise that people around the world speak properly and politely but here, we don't. I'm a shy person by nature and it's rare for me to say more than one or two sentances at a time to **_**anyone**_** , however, if I'm being completly honest, at least one word in every sentance I speak is a cuss. It's simply the way people are here (and I consider **_**myself **_**polite and sensitive). I have consciously tried to tone down the amount of swearing (and slang/IM and interent refernces for example; LOL, Zoh mah gawd, kewl, hawt, ect), but to make this fiction personalised (and losely based around myself) it needs to have an element on Australia in it. If this bothers more than say, three seperate readers, I will go back and edit out all of these things. But for now I ask that the people who may be offened; try and bare with me. Or simply choose not to read this story (NOOOOOO DON'T GO!). I will be adding warnings to the story description and too the 'tops' of the first few chapters.**

**Also, for those of you who remember the money in the park; your queries will be answered soon (I didn't forget about this, it's actualy very VERY important, but I need to set up some more character backgrounds first).**

**Fudge that was a long A.N. I'll shut up now. And go back to riding my Kangaroo (Her name is also Temari), so bye for now, enjoy the rest of you day!**

**Faint.**

**P.S. I no longer have spell check (I'm going back to using word Pad).**

**P.P.S. My manager and I have this running joke that's he's the senior office ninja and I'm the junior office ninja. I think cafe people are ninja's as well so...yep.**

**P.P.P.S. I do realise 'tenser' in not a real word.**


	6. Chap 17 Blush & Bullies

**Chap 17. Also known as the BADASS CHAPTER**

**Disclaimer; my life is a black abyss.**

**WARNINGS FOR COARSE LANGUAGE!**

**I dedicate this chapter to Reader-anonymous-writer.**

**25th October 2012 **

_*Recap*_

_Old people love me. It's a natural phenomenon. I am just their idea of a perfect Gran-child. _

_**You pull in those old ladies.**_

_**ooo**_

_"He, thought you were checking him out?" I LOL so hard that my stomach actually starts hurting, "Dude! He's your brother!"_

_"I know. He was so...Offended by it as well. He told me that raping patients with my eyes during physical examinations was 'unbecoming conduct'. It was so, weird."_

_The smile stays on his lips, and I've decided that it's my most favourite thing about my Hipster._

_*End Recap*_

**ooofourthirtyishooo**

Sasuke-So-Kewl-Cannot-Speak-a-Word-of-English-Without-Coffee, officially has my favourite smile, ever. Seriously, it's stunning.

I do realise that I possibly look a bit creepy, just sitting here with my elbows propped on the table and my head resting in my hands, but HELL, I just adore his smile so much. It's infectious, I can't stop smiling myself!

**Man, you've got it bad.**

Huh? Got what? What's bad?

**Oh, you'll find out...One day.**

Ah whatever, you can have your little pervy thoughts for yourself. I'm not interested in any of that. I mean, don't get me wrong, my hispters is hot! But I'm not into guys so, I'm just admiring him, like a work of art. Truth be told, I'm damn jealous of him! Females trip over their tits to get his attention.

I keep seeing the Gran-Daughter of the Woman I served before, look over at our table. The blushing isn't as intense now, but it's still there. Poor girl, she's cruching on Sas-kewl something dreadful.

**Uh hu, you keep telling your self that Nar.**

Um, okay I will.

"So! Was that an epic muffin or what?!" The Hip-Doctor (Hip-Doctor...You see what I did thar?Hehehe) has finally finished his muffin. At last. It's taken like twenty minutes.

**He's a slow eater.**

No, I think he was just busy thinking. Not for the for the first time, I found myself in a kind of comfortable silence with him. It lasted a lot longer this time, but I'm fine with that. It was actually really nice; I got to think over my encounter with Sora today, and how I'm going to get Sensei back for being an arse. I remembered that tomorrow is Saturday, my one day off this week, _and_ the Till Master's date with the skinny-no fat-low fat-flower girl.

**That should be fun.**

Heh, if Shika doesn't come up with a good excuse to bail. Miss Sakura and I won't let him though!

"It was, satisfactory. Like I said before." His voice has lost it's 'amused' ring, and hes not smiling anymore, but he still apeers in a light-hearted mood.

"ADMIT IT! You loved it." I smile and nod my head up and down like a parrot or some shit, "Dobe."

"What is that?" I drop my arms down on the table and try to interrogate him, But I'm interrupted by someone standing at my side.

It's the nice old Lady and her Gran-Daughter I'd served a while ago, "Oh, have you finished your afternoon tea? How was it?" I stand up and smile down at her (she's tiny).

"Oh yes Dear, it was delightful. Thank you so much. I just came to say goodbye and thank you for the wonderful service." She pats me on the arm (naaaaw I love old grannies).

"You're very welcome Miss, it's my pleasure, please come in again some time!" I look over her shoulder again and see her Gran-Daughter, who's doing her little mousey finger thing again, "And you too young Miss, please come in again. It's awesome to have such lovely customers."

The girl nods her head, and I feel really bad for her for a moment. She's gone that bright red colour in the face again.

**I told you Nar..**

Yeah I know, poor girl. Maybe I should introduce her to my Hipster. She seems a bit too shy to do it herself.

**Today might not be the best day for it. She looks about ready to pass out.**

Shit, you're right, she looks pretty unwell. I should get her a glass of water or something,

**No Kit. Don't embarrass her. Look her Grand Mother seems to know how to deal with it.**

I see the old woman stroke the girl's hair and whisper something too her, which appears to calm her down, "Well, we'll be off, thank you again Dear." She leads her Gran-Daughter out of the cafe, and I wave to them one final time before I make to clear their table...

Except, some little ninja has already done it, "Dang it Kankurou! Stop clearing my mess!"

"Ah shut up Skank-face." I hear called from the till area.

I huff my cheeks and turn back to Sasuke. He pushed his bangs out of his face at some point, and, wow. He really is very handsome.

**Hot Danw-**

THAT'S IT! You're blocked.

Hu? Nothing to say?

Much better. "Sooooo, if you're in the same class as shikamaru, that means you're the same age right?" I sit back down and try my best to resist the urge to ruffle Sasukes hair. It looks so FLUFFY!

"Nn, The class that he and I are in is for, well, _smart people_. But it's not for one specific year," he drains the rest of his coffee and sits back, looking all chill and shit, "There's only 13 students in the class and their ages and class year varrie. So there are students right from year 8 through to year 12." He explained, and I'll be darned, I actually understood what he was saying.

Usually when people talk numbers to me, I just get confused and scared. But for some reason, his voice made is easier to understand. Weird.

Maybe I should get Sasuke to read my math homework out aloud, that way I'll get it quicker!

"Oh, okay, that's kewl. So if you weren't in the smart cookie class, what year would you be in?"

He seems to frown at that question. Ah, maybe I shouldn't have asked that..."I'm the same age as Shikamaru, year 11. But last year when we took the year 10 exams I was increased a year, so now I'm in my final year of high school."

WOW! He must be a genius!

"Not really. I was educated at home before my parents died. I just learnt most things a little earlier then my classmates."

Um. I must have said that out loud if he answered.

I bite my lip to make sure that I don't speak random brain waves AGAIN! "Wow, that's really awesome, you're mum and dad sure did a great job teaching you if you're in the smart class _and_ got bumped up a grade!" I feel my face split while I'm grinning. This guy is so EPIC! He gets all the girls, is gona finish high school a year earlier than he should AND he gets to play doctor!

"Yeah. My mum used to teach primary school kids when she was younger, so...I had an unfair advantage." He smirks again. Aww he looks so proud of himself! That's too adorable.

"What about you. You said you got to beat up your Sensei today?"

I really can't help the fluttery feeling inside me. He remembered that.

Duh! Of course he did, I only said it like 20 minutes ago...But still. The fact that he keeps making conversation with me...I feel special! "Uh yeah. He was all cocky and shit this morning, going on about how the new student wasn't going to show up. AND THEN THEY DID, so I gave him hell about it! Which is a pretty rare treat," I rest my head in my hands again, "He's a Professor of English Literature, as well as a Doctor of like...Something. I don't actually remember what it was. Anthropology or...The human species..." I chew on my thumb nail, trying to remember what he said he was again.

There're so many different things that Yahiko Sensei does. It's hard to keep track of them all.

"Philosophy as well." Kankurou says, appearing suddenly next to me. I 'yip' then stare up at him, "Hu?"

"Yahiko Sensei, he also lectures for the philosophy course my uncle is in." My kitty takes away mine and Sas-kewl's cups and plates, "and apparently he poses nude for the art classes as well."

No one in the vacinity missed Kanky's little nose bleed, "Uhahaha, that wouldn't surprise me. He's quite good looking see," I explain to Sasuke, who's peering at kankurou from under his hair curtain, "And he likes to remind everyone of that fact, on a regular basis."

Kanky snorts and takes our mess away. I look around to see who else witnessed his 'bloody hormones'. Huh. Everyone left already. Weird.

The cafe was so full before, and now it's just me, my hipster, and 'The Force'.

Hehe, I love calling him that, it makes him all 'fuck yeah, I'm so boss'! Ibiki's this guy who comes in and types on his laptop for hours, a few times a week. He always orders chai lattes and caramel slices, and after a few encounters with him I've realised that he's a nice guy...He just looks like a someone

out of an old war film who'd shank you for a sugar satche! He's got scars running up one side of his face, all the way from his chin, lip, eye, and up into whatever hat he's wearing. Today it's a black beanie.

I smile at Ibiki and give him a little wave, which he returns, "You shutting up now blondie?"

"Nah, you can stay a bit longer if you want." I know from experience that he only has three mugs of coffee in the afternoon (which he's had today already) so I know that he's not likely to order anything else. On the days he comes in, he's often the last customer too leave .

Since our first encounter we've gotten along fairly well, except I didn't make a good first impression. I took one look at the guy, put his latte down on the table and then legged it out of there as fast as I could! He's one scarry dude! But now-a-days, we're buds, "Thanks, I'll only be another twenty minutes or so."

"Kewl beans." I smile airy fairy-ly back at my Hipster, who's is eyeing off Ibiki in a strange fashion.

I'm not surprised, most people get in a good gawk and stare at his scars before he scares them off.

"That's The Force." I say, happily twirling the salt shaker around, "He kills people."

"What?" Sasuke hisses at me. LOL, "Hehehe, dude I was joking, he's an investigator or something. He's a really nice guy."

Ibiki's smiling at his laptop screen, which I assume is because he can hear what we're saying...That or he's looking at pictures of kittens getting suck in shoes.

"Dobe, don't say stuff like that! You just casually told me that you know a drug dealer, and then a killer. What am I supposed to think?" He runs a hand through his hair, and my eyes follow them movement. Daaaw he's all stressed now! Hehehe.

"Stop laughing, it's not funny." I receive a half-arsed glare, but I lol that off too. Eventually my laughter turns Sasuke's glare and furrowed eyebrows into a little smirk, HAHAHA gotcha!

I lean back in my chair and yell out "Kiiiiitty!" To which I hear Kankurou reply "Lick my furry little balls."

"Eh, I'd rather not actually." I hear Ibiki chuckle from his table.

"Seriously though Kanky-"

"Seriously though Foxy, I really need a ball licking right here," He looks over the top of my gorgeous at us, grinning like a mental patient.

I sigh, but smile. Kankurou is always great fun to be around, "You can go now." I say, and I watch as he frowns. "There's still shit to do though?"

I point over at 'The Force', "He's the last customer, and he's kewl. He's the least likely person to rob the till." I hear the intimedaiting man chuckle again, "And I'll throw this hobo out soon as well," I gesture towards my Hipster, who steps on my toe form under the table, "Aw dude, whad'ya do that for?"

"To teach you to show some respect. I'm an esteemed Doctor you know..." I literally laugh until some snot flies out of my nose. At least he has a sense of humour. I was beginning to worry about how serious Sasuke-so-kewl is sometimes,

"Hehe, such a poser."

"But are you going to be okay closing up on your own? It is getting late," kanky walks over to our table again with a little frown on his face. "Yeah man, it's fine. It's a little wet out, so I'll take the bus home. You've done a really good job today, but we're both knackered, so go home and rest okay?"

He looks a little bit scepticle. "I'll stay with blondie until he closes, and make sure he gets on his bus," Ibiki says to Kankurou, who nods in agreement, "Alright. If you're sure."

"Yep, positive." I skip over and glomp Kanky around the middle. I usually love to snuggle him but, _DANG,_ he stinks, "You need a shower Kitty."

"NEVER!" He pulls away and squeases my face, making my lips look like a fish's mouth. "You have a good day tomorrow, and make sure you throw these tow low-life's out in time to catch that bus yeah?"

"Will do." My kitty turns his attention to my Hispter and nods to him, "See ya, man."

"Hn."

"See ya, scary scar dude."

"Bye Kitty."

"See you Kanky pants!"

"...I'm going now," He leaves his apron with me and walks out of the cafe, in just his netted shirt. I assume his car is parked nearby, or that he's so tired that he isn't feeling the cold weather outside.

"huuuuu," I sigh and sit back down.

"He used to go to Konaha High, right?" I look at my Hipster, surprised, "Yeah he did, I guess he was in the same year as you before he left."

"Hn, I thought so." He seemed to mull something over in his head.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and check the time, it's five past five, I should really get onto shutting up now. Sasuke watches me check the time, "You're closing soon?"

"Yeah in five or so. Do you want a coffee for the road?"

"Yeah, sure."

I stand up and steak The Force's empty glass, "Thanks for that, it was good, as always."

I smile at him and make the last coffee of the day.

(Thank the Coffee Gods Sasuke doesn't take milk in his coffee)

**oooFiveThirtyooo**

The Force was true to his word, and stuck around until I had turned off the Cafe lights and locked the front door. Sasuke had stuck around as well, which was unexpected, but really nice.

I smile to myself as I see my Hipster measure Ibiki from underneath his bangs-curtain. It's almost like he's ...Nah. No way.

"Well, it was really awesome to see you again, as always Sasuke." I duno why I just said that, or why it felt so weird, but, it just seemed right... Like it was a natural thing to say.

I don't think Sasuke agrees though; he looks rather uncomfortable now, shit, "Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to creep you out! I just meant that you're an epic customer and I like seeing you come and talking to you and..."

He's blushing, I'm sure of it. And It's not just the cold wind, "Hn,"He looks down at his feet and dosen't say anything.

WHY AM I SUCH A TARD?

"I'm Sorry! I sound like a stalker! I'm not stalking you, Oh God, I mean; 'thanks for coming in again, I hope you enjoyed your coffee'." I feel like stabbing myself with a spoon. I sounded so dumb just now. Like one of his fangirls confessing they wanted to have his babies. It's like I've lost the ability to speak sense right now.

"It's...Kewl." He nods, still looking at the ground.

Watching him do that; that cute little shy thing, is giving me this strange feeling in my chest . It's like; the feeling I get right before an exam, or when I first started work at the Grand Grind, or whenever I'm nervous about something. Why the heck am I feeling _nervous?_ I have nothing to be nervous about.

The Force lol's from where he's standing a few metres away. I glare over at him, with a 'ssssh, be kewl man' look. He smiles and turns away, waiting for me to follow him to the bus stop down the road.

"Erh, I swear, I'm not a stalker Sasuke. But, I have to go now. This way, I'm not going to follow you or anything, that would be weird, and I am so not weird-"

"I'm going the same way, Dobe." He seems to have recovered from the stalky-stalky situation and gestures for me to walk ahead of him. I smile awkwardly at him and walk in the direction of the bus stop.

Ibiki appears to have gotten impatient with our awkward conversation, as he's wandering down the street slowly. I call out to him and he stops for both my Hipster and I to catch up.

I really wish these 'nerves' would bugger off.

**ooo**

It takes us no time at all to get to my bus stop, and it's only six o'clock, which means; I'm five minutes early...It's a miracle! There's a few other people sitting at the bus stop; an old lady, some school kids, a woman with a baby in a pram. The usually bus passenger suspects.

I feel The Force exert his force onto my shoulder, and I smile up at him, "Well, I'll leave you to it Blondie. You have a good weekend now." He says to me and pats me again, gives my Hipster a glare, then walks across the road to one of the city centre's underground car parks.

I sigh to myself, "The Force is such a nice guy, walking me to the bus stop and all."

"If you say so."

Did I say so? Craaaap! I need a muzzle. Or a mouth guard, that only let's me say things I mean to say that outloud, and doesn't let my brain waves spill out.

"Hu?"

I bring my hand up to my lips and act like I'm scratching the edge of my mouth. This way I'll feel when my lips move when I'm actually speaking, "Noooothing. It was nice walking with you."

And there's that weird feeling again. How grand? Sasuke has physically taken a step away from me after that. AH! Dumb-fucking-stalker-Uzumaki-the-KING-of-'says-the-exact-most-creepiest-thing-at-the-worst-time'! Yep, that's me.

"I'm sorry, I promise you I'm not a creep or a stalker or anything like that! I just like being near you-Not too near though! This is a great distance, like a few feet away, maybe closer, BUT DEFINITELY NOT TOO CLOSE-!" He does his cute little Hipster laugh again, and I just have to shut up and appreciate it while it lasts.

"Dobe, it's fine. I'm not creepped out, okay?"

"Really? That's awesome!"

Whew! What a relief, I'm so glad he isn't scared of me. I considered it a great honour to be on his 'do not hate' list, but I think after today I could be in the running for making his 'avoid at all costs' lists.

I see my bus pull up from the corner of my eye, and I scratch the back of me head, trying to think how to say goodbye to Sasuke.

He steals the awkwardness away, before I can make anymore of a fool of myself, "I'll see you another time. Thank you for the coffee; it was perfect, as always."

"Oh! Yeah, you're really welcome. Please come back sometime-only if you want though, of course." Why am I so weird right now? I just want to bash my head against a wall.

"Sure, I will. Bye."

"Bye Sasuke!" I wave as he turns and walks down the sidewalk. I get a little two finger wave in return, dang that was kewl!

I'm so happy that he doesn't hate me, even with all the creepy, weird things I'd just said to him. Dang he must think I'm mental. Well, he wouldn't be completely wrong.

**oooonthebusooo**

I doubt I'm kewl enough to sit up the back with the school kids, and there's a weird looking old dude in the middle of the bus, so I choose to sit at the front; one behind the driver. I pull out my phone and text Iruka, asking if he wants to catch up tomorrow (with loads of love hearts and smiley faces).

When I'm done with my phone, I over hear the old lady sitting across from me complain to the driver, "...Rude, no respect. They should be banned from using public transport." The driver guy doesn't reply at all, he just keeps driving.

"Hmm, what's that Miss?" I ask the old lady. She seems upset about something, and doesn't look happy about being ignored.

"Those rowdy kids up the back, just listen to them!" I must have missed the commotion before, while I was texting. But now that I concentrate I hear what she's upset about;

"Fucking Slut! Do us all a favour and go KILL YOUR SELF!"

"What a retard!"

"I'm so gona smash him!"

I turn my head to the kids at the back of the bus. I seriously cannot believe what I'm hearing! I know that my language can get colourful at times, and I do swear too much when I'm with Iruka or Kankurou, but this is just...

"Jump out the window faggot!"

"Oh my God," I say under my breathe. This is so random. Those kids can't be any older than me; 15 or 16 at the most.

"Arn't you going to do something about them? Well?" The Old Lady's really giving the driver a hard time about it. I don't blame her. I look back at the kids again and frown; why are they being so rude?

"Yeah I'm talking to _you,_ freak!"

I instantly feel my chest tighten. It's never gotten this painfull, this quickly before. I know why though: It's because I know those them. And they're no 'kids'.

**ooo**

**Ninja Incognito Mode is the winner of the 100th review prize. I am awaiting further instruction from zem (zem is the official plurrel of ninja).**

**AAAAAAAAAAAAND Reader-anonymous-writer also got a prize for being 101, seeing they they are a follower and I also really like their favourite character; IBIKI. He's so bad ass!**

**ANywaysssssz thanks for the reviews, as always! Last time I check there were 116! That's purely awesome! I would like to thank everyone who has given their opinion about the recaps, it has been very helpful. I am considering going back through the previous chapters and adding recaps in for new readers (listen to me, all cocky and proud of myself for reaching 100 reviews! It's totally gone to my head).**

**I've writen a Q&A on this story on my fanfiction profile. If you're curious and have time, please go and take a looks-see.**

**Five reviews and Chapter 18 will be uploaded.**

**IAGSDAGFDBJLAHDNLAJDJAKJBDLB SD 333 I love you guys.**

**Faint.**


	7. Chap 18 Snap

**Chap 18. Also known as the 'snap' Chapter.**

**Disclaim...To almost everything.**

**Author's Notes up top today. READ THIS BEFORE YOU READ CHAPTER 18.**

**Warings for swearing, violence, mild insane behaviour, homophobic insults, unpleasentness. Chapter 19 is going to be emotionally heavy. Please stick with it, because there is some good, happy moments coming up. If you don't like reading sad, scary or violent stuff, skipp the next two chapter and go straight to chapter 20 (when I get it out). If you would like me to private message you a brief summary of 18 and 19 so you can still continue reading, without being expose to this, I will do so. Please don't abandon HTF based on the next two chaps. Things will change, for the better.**

**Be aware that **_**most**_** of what Naruto is thinking to himself (since Kyuu has gone) is being said outloud. I'll let you think about it. Also 'Guys' refers to male and female. Sorry about the 'metres'.**

**WARNINGS FOR COARSE LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE!**

_*Recap*_

_I turn my head to the kids at the back of the bus. I seriously cannot believe what I'm hearing! I know that my language can get colourful at times, and I do swear too much when I'm with Iruka or Kankurou, but this is just..._

_"Jump out the window faggot!"_

_Arn't you going to do something about them? Well?" The Old Lady's really giving the driver a hard time about it. I don't blame her. I look back at the kids again and frown; why are they being so rude?_

_"Yeah I'm talking to you, freak!"_

_I instantly feel my chest tighten. It's never gotten this painfull, this quickly before. I know why though: It's because I know those them. And they're no 'kids'._

_*Endrecap*_

Oh no. I know them.

The 'sound crew', they'd be about in their last year of High School now. All over town you can see their signature grafiti of music symbols and swear words.

Shit, this is bad.

I don't know what to do, I just stare back at them as the bus winds down roads and streets. I feel like my chest is going to explode outwards from the pain. Or maybe I'm going to throw up?

"How dare you alow your passengers to be abused like this?!" The old Lady is still raving on in the Driver's ear. She has no idea how bad this could get in a few minutes.

Vaguely, I remember the girl in the middle of the three's name, as Kin. I don't know what the two guys are called, and frankly, I don't want to know.

Those three were a huge problem back when I was in High School (maybe even more of a problem than Gaara and I). They were always starting fights and getting into trouble. Kin used to bully Miss Sakura heaps, and I know that she's part of the reason why she left Konaha High. I don't like saying that I 'hate' someone; but these guys...I come pretty close to using that word to describe how I feel right now.

The bitter taste of bile stings my mouth. It's disgusting.

Hate.

Hate is such a strong word, but I'm so close to shouting to out. Screaming at them from where I'm sitting. I'm so close to reaching under my shirt and ripping out this burning pain in my chest. It hurts, like rejection and fear.

Miss Sakura.

How could anyone want to hurt her? She's so sweet and kind. But these guys, these three 'Bullies'...

I need to stop this. I need to stop these thoughts _right now_! Something bad always happens when I think like this. Someone always gets hurt. Iruka always has to deal with the aftermath.

Walk away; I'm sure that's what Kyuu would tell me to do right now. I think. But I don't have time to bring him back right this second. I"ll have to do this on my own.

"You're dead Freak, Dead!"

I glance out the window and see that my stop is a little way off, but I really can't stay on here with those guys. Should I get off now and walk the rest of the way? It's stopped raining now...But what about the other passengers? It'd be really cowardly if I left them here with those three.

And that Old Lady, I can't just leave her here.

"Is your stop coming up soon Miss?" I ask her in a whisper. She looks at me and knods, "You should get off now and walk the rest of the way. You don't want to stay on here with those guys." I tell her, hoping that she will take my advice and not ask any questions.

To my relief she reaches up and pushes the bell and within half a minute the bus stops. "You make sure you get off as well Deary."

"Yeah I'll get off at the next one, just up the road."

"Be careful," She gives my arm a pat, glares at the driver then gets off the bus.

I sit there, waiting for the next stop...Which isn't too far away, but life feels like it's running slower than usual.

The swearing and cussing from the back of the bus continues, and I can tell it's putting all the other passengers on edge. I feel really bad for bailing on them all, but I honesty don't know how much longer I can take it.

How much longer until I lose myself in to this pain and anger? Not long.

I press the stop button and within a minute the bus pulls up. I get off as quickly as I can without saying anything to the Driver. Fuck him, he should have done his job and kicked those three off long ago. S'not my fault what happens to him.

Damn it! Stop thinking that way Naruto!

I squease my hands closed, talking to myself just isn't the same without Kyuu. Why did I shut him out? Oh yeah that's right; he was being a pervert. Heh, he must have been really horny today...

I walk up the street that'll lead me eventualy to my appartment building. It's fairly dark (no street lights) and spooky. Maybe I should take the longer way, through the baskeball courts? It's longer, but there at least lights there-

"Yeah fuck you too dickhead!" That voice sends chills up my spine and instantly a spike of pain jolts my chest.  
It's the guy, from the 'sound crew' who's always got bandages on his face.

I turn and look at where his voice is coming from; it's back at the bus stop. The bus is still there, and it looks like those three have finally been kicked off.

I don't really know how to feel about this; on the one hand it's good that the driver finally grew some balls and told them to get off, but then it's bad that they got off here, because I've only put a few metres between me and them. Shit. Basketball courts it is.

I change my direction and within 50 metres I make it to the court's gates. There are a few kids on the far side, which isn't unusual. It's this side of town that kids stay out after dark. Not that they have bad parents or anything, it's just something that's common here.

I sigh in relief as I make it into the courts, I don't think those three guys have followed me-

"Yeah you'd better run faggot!"

Fuck. I turn my head just a little and see the 'sound' guys walking along the outside of the gates, in the oposite dirrection as me. Thank Christ for that. I really do not want to get beaten up tonight. I'm meeting Iruka tomorrow (hopefully) and I have to stalk the Till Guy on his date.

"Forget it Zaku! He ain't worth it!" A girl's voice (Kin's, I'm sure of it) screetches out. I stop walking to look back; one of the guys, Zaku apparently, is striding across the courts towards me. Kin and the bandaged guy are still on the other side of the gate.

"Hey, ya think ya can jus' walk away from me?" He's coming towards me . My breath, it's gone, I can't inhale air for some chest is on fire. He's closing in. I can't move. He pulls an arm back. His fist smashes into my cheek.

FUCK that hurt.

For about a second my eyes shut and I feel this dull, blunt pain in my cheek. It hurts. My ears ring from the impact.

Kyuu. I need you.

I open my eyes again and Zaku (that was his name wasn't it)has stopped in front of me. I bring a hand up to my face slowly. No blood. But it hurts like hell! I feel like I'm swaying, but I dunno if I actually am. I look at up at him;

He's a lot taller than me, and a lot meaner looking than most of the people I know. I can see under the lights now that he has the 'sound crew's' standard grey army print all over him; jacket, shirt, pants and bandana.

"Well freak! Ya like that?"

"No." Why the hell did I just say that? I suck in some air. Maybe it was the temporary lack of air that did it?

Zaku just stares at me. It's almost like _he_ can't believe I just said that either, "well ya sh'n't be such a faggot then, should ya?"

Am I ment to answer that? If kyuu was with me, he's probably say no. So I drop my hand away and stay silent.

I look over his shoulder and see the badaged guy running towards us, I really don't think I can take them both.

"Zaku!" The guy stops next to Zaku and snarls at me (from under his white wrapps), "The fuck man, You know you're on paroll."

The guy who just punched me glares at his 'mate', "Shut up, I'm jus' givin' him what he deserves!'

What I deserve? What have I ever done to deserve this? Why is it always me? I shut my eyes, trying to escape the pain in my chest and on my face, but all it does is show me the other fists, the other angry faces and glares. I can almost hear them; 'Worthless!' "Piece of shit!'.

No. Stop it! Keep it together! These are just some angry kids, they're not as bad as...

"Look, seriously!" I open my eyes and shout at the top of my voice. Which is _damn_ loud!

"I havn't done anything to you, I don't know you, so just leave me alone!" I start walking towards the other side of the courts, to where the parking lot of my building is. It's not far until I'm home, once I'm there I can lose my shit and kick and scream all I want, But I can't do it here. Zaku might be on paroll or a good behaviour bond or whatever, and so am I. I'm not the guy who gets into fights everyday. I'm not the blonde punk who causes trouble. I'm not him.

I hear the two guys behind me say something to each other, and then the girl "Come on, let's go! You've shown him, now hurry up!"

"Fuck that! No one speeks to me like that!"

Kyuu. Where are you! The fire, it's coming up. I need you! Iruka, kyuu, Sasuke...Anyone.

I fall to the ground, on my knees at the enterance to the car park. I spit out moisture. I know it's not, but my something tells me it's the fire from my chest. It's coming up, and out.

My hands and knees cop the brunt of the impact, but it's my back that's in the most pain now. I turn over as quickly as I can. If I've learned one thing from all those times, it's; never stay down, no matter how baddly you're hurt, never stay on the ground.

Just as I face back at him, another fist punches me the face, same cheek, a little higher.

"Ya think ya so cool hu? Hang'in out with the popular boy? Well ya ain't fooling nobody!"

What is he talking about? The hell if I know. What I do know is that he's ready to hit me again.

But I don't deserve this, I know I don't. Why can't this tightness leave me? Why is it burn so bad? Kyuu..

No. Zaku's arm pulls back fire dribbles from the corner of my mouth. I spit it out, but it just keeps burning in my chest. More and more. His fist shoots forwards, but so does mine. I aim for his chest, but connect with his shoulder. He grunts and cusses, stumbling back. He clutches where I just hit him and makes a weird sound, like a dog crying. I can't let him catch his footing. I move forward again and try to punch his cheek, right where he got me, but I miss myaim again and hit the side of his neck. It hurt my wrist a little, but I don't care.

He falls back to the ground, then scrambles like a rat, trying to get away from me. I can't help but Lol . One hit and he's backing down already?

The car park lights show up the blood thats dripping from my face, onto me arm and chest, but I hardly feel it anymore. I hardly feel the stabin needles in my chest or the liquid fire that keeps slopping down my chin. I'm in the moment now. It's gone. Kyuu's gone. I'm gone...

Zaku gets back onto his feet and I punch him right in the middle of his face. I feel popping under my fist. That's either his nose or my hand. Either way, it's all good.

I laugh at the look he's giving me now, "Fuck off man, fuck off!" He's yelling at me.

"Fuck off? But we're just getting started? Don't you know a fights only over when the bathroom floor is so wet with blood that you slip down and smash your head against the tiles? Don't you know you can't stop until someone in a uniform pulls you off the other guy? "

Hahaha, this guy's ment to be in a 'crew', and he doesn't even know the first thing about fighting? Kyuu would love this!

Undeneath all the blood on his face, he looks somehow...Scared. "Why so scared little sound guy? You had enough?" I reach in and grab the collar of his hoodie. I'm not buff enough to pull him up like you see guys do in movies, but I can drag him at least. I pull him further into the paring lot, between a few radom cars, towards the building,

"What the fuck are you doing man?" Oh his little bandaged friend's here too.

"Let me go! Fucking let me go you faggot!"

Faggot? Hehehe, oh man this guy has no idea, I drop him, make a fist, smash it into his nose again, then push him so he's lying on his back. Nowhe looks just as though he were admiring the beautiful stars in the sky! How wonderful!

"F-faggot!"

"Why do you keep calling me that? I'm not gay, at last I don't think I am." I squat down next to him and ask quietly, "Do you have some kind of gaydar that tells you when people really are gay, cos I'm just not sure that I am."

I spit on him. But don't get the wrong idea,I'm not being rude, no no no! But his face looks so bad covered in blood.

I pull up the sleave of my hoodie and try to wipe some of the blood off.

"If I was gay, I sure as hell wouldn't want to date you, you're not really my type y'know. and neither are you for that matter!" I say to the mummy guy. Hehe, bandages, Mummy! You see what I did thar! Oh fuck I wish Kyuu was here for that one!

"KYUU! Come and see this guy, he's a fucking mess!"

"No! No, we'll go, just let me go man!"

"No! I want Kyuu to see your face! He'll love this! He'll love it!" I lean back against something, someones car, and laugh at the sky. He would so love this.

"L-leave him alone, we'll go, okay!" Kin. Ah she's hear too? Huh, well I'm not the kind of guy who'd kill a girl so I shouldn't really-

"Get up! He just said he'd kill you!"

Huh, I must have said that outloud. How much have I been saying outloud tonight.

I press my fingers to my lips again, trying to feel my mouth move. Just like I did earlier with Sasuke.

Sasuke.

My eyes droop closed and I see his bangs, falling like a curtain around his face. The thick black rims of his glasses...I feel like i'm wearing them. I reach up to feel my face, but they're not there. Funny, I can see their black rims in the corners of my eyes.

"Get up," The Mummy's trying to help his friend stand up. He stops and looks up at me, "We're sorry-"

"No you're not."

I feel so heavy. There's too many places in my body that hurts right now. I don't even know what to hold or what to complain about. The Mummy has gotten Zaku to his feet, but I don't wana fight anymore. I know it's not over...I can't smell alcohol, and I'm not under a bed, so how can this be over...?

**Kit.**

"Kyuu," I slide down the side of the car I've been leaning on, until I'm on the ground. The three Sound guys are not here anymore. I'm half expecting to be hit in the face again. I look left and right, but they're gone.

**They had enough.**

"But it's not over. I can still see. The light Kyuu, it's still on-"

**You're not there anymore Kit. You live by your self now. In the housing estate remember? In the same building as Zabuza and the weird cat woman.**

"Oh Yeah, that's right...Did you see that guy's face? Hehe, " I stop laughing cough, blood splutters out and sprays my work jeans. Fuck. "Do I have enough washing powder to wash these tonight?"

**Yeah, you should do. How about you just worry about getting cleaned up and into bed?**

"I want to stay here."

**No. You have to get to your appartment.**

"No. The sky's nice. Even Zaku was star gazing.."

**Nar. This isn't the end of this. You know you have to get somewhere safe.**

"No. I'm-"

**Naruto! Now! Get up, and move!**

**ooo**


	8. Chap 19 Piece back together

**Disclaimer. I do not own the anime/manga Naruto Shippuden. I not make any profit from this writing exercise.**

**Chapter 19. Also know as 'piece back together'.**

**As always, bold words is what Kyuu says to Naruto, inside of his head.**

**"Bold speach is 'the voice' speaking through Naruto's mouth, outloud. You may imagine what Kyuu's voice would sound like for yourself."**

**Wednesday 7th November.**

**ooo**

**Get up!**

I...Can't.

**GET UP OFF YOUR WORTHLESS ARSE RIGHT NOW!**

I am worthless arn't I? Why did I even bother fighting back? They could have easily finished me off, and then no one would-

**NARUTO UZUMAKI! How dare you talk like that! After everything we've been through together, you're just going to give up?!**

What's the point? They all still hate me.

**No they don't! They were just some angry kids looking for a good fight!**

And I didn't even give them that.

**Nar, you beat the piss through that guy! You gave them one hell of a good fight! Now get up! You can't stay out here for ever, it's freazing up here!**

I sighed and lite up another cigarrette. I'm so glad that I bought a new packet the other day,

**Stop smoking!**

Why? You said it was a good idea before.

**Yes, for one smoke. Maybe even two, but...How many have you had now?**

I duno, you're the 'obsservant one'.

**It doesn't matter how many! It's too many**!

I look around my little balcany, it opens up from the main room of my apartment via a huge glass sliding door. I vaguely remember walking through my apartment and feeling like I was going to vomit, then I remember looking at the door and thinking that I was going to shatter into a million shards of little Naruto glass.

Then you! You said a cigarette might help to calm me down.

**Yeah, an hour ago.**

Whatever. I'll die long before I develop lung cancer.

1, 2, 3 - 7, 8 - 13 smoke buts. I don't smoke out here on my balcany, so I know that all the buts are from tonight. I pick them up one by one, with shaking hands, and line them up all in a long row; like tomb-stones. Yeah, tomb-stones, for each of my dead lung tissue cells..

**For fuck sake Naruto, get it together already! You've had your little guilt and emo setion, now snap out of it!**

I wish I had black hair. And boring eyes, and a boring face. I wouldn't get picked on as much if I did right? Then everyone would treat me the same as everyone else, and not hate me so much,

**That was years ago Nar. You don't care about that kind of thing anymore, remember?**

I do though. I never stopped carring about what people think of me. It's almost like I can hear their thoughts; 'God he's so ugly,' 'No wonder no one adopted him.' And they're right, I'm pathetic-

**RIGHT! THAT'S IT! You've had long enough to get over this! I'm not letting this go one any longer kit!**

They always said stuff like; 'he's undisciplined, he's unsociable',

**I'm sorry, but I have to do this. Please forgive me Kit.**

But what they really meant was that I was the rotten egg-

**"That is not true! Whatever those people said, it was a lie! None of them ever bothered to get to know you Nar! You're a wonderful person!"  
**"B-but they still hated me! They all hated me."  
**"I...I don't hate you."**

I curl up into a tight ball, I don't want to hear this! I know the truth Kyuu, stop lying to me!

**"I'm not lying to you!"**  
"They all hated me! No one loves-"  
**"I love you Nar. I've always loved you, and I always will! You're my whole world."**  
"No one came to help me! They just left me there!" While it was dark, "No one cared about me! They thought I deserved it!" I put my head down between my knees and try to crush the memories out. They hated me, all of them! It was so dark, and no one came..

**"I was there."**  
"If I died, no one would have known...My body would have just rotten there...No one would have come for me." I tug at my hair. I hate my hair! They said it was dirty and feral.  
**"It's not dirty anymore Nar. It's gorgeous."**  
"No one...No one loves me-"  
**"I love you. I love you Kit."**  
"No one came to help-"  
**"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I wasn't..Physical, enough to stop it. I'm sorry that I couldn't pick you up and carry you away. I wanted to, so baddly"**

My eyes sting with tears, they're gona come and I can't stop them now. I scratch at my eyes with the tip of my fingers, it burns.

**"I love you Kit."**

Why? Why would anyone love me? I cause fights, everyone hates me, I'm ugly and useles. I'm pathetic. I'm _broken_.

**"I love you. I don't care about all of that."**  
"But-"  
**"I love you Kit."**  
"Y-you do?"  
**"Yes. And guess what? Iruka loves you too."**

...That's right, _'Ruka. _Iruka Sensei.

But why? Why did he bother with me? I was just a pathetic , rude little kid.

**"He understood what you'd been through, and he wanted to help."**  
"But-"  
**"And then he got to know you. He got to see what an awesome little kid you were. He saw how kind and goodhearted you could be, and he fell in love with you. Just like I did."**  
"He, he did?"  
**"Yes, and he wanted to be your big brother, remember. Remember how he asked you if you could call him 'big brother'? He said he always wanted a family again."**  
"Yes, I remember. But he deserves so much better than me,"  
**"He chose you. And now he loves you with all his heart!"**

Someone, two someones love me? Two people love me now?

**"That's right. You're not alone anymore Kit. Now put down the cigarette before you set fire to yourself."**

I raise my head from between my knees. In my hand is my half smoked cigarette and a chunk of my hair. Gross. Burning hair smells like arse.

**"Yeah, it's pretty rank."**

I stub it out at the end of my tomb-stone row and try to stand up. My legs are fucked. My back as well. Actually while we're at it, so is my chest, right hand, knees and my whole God damn face!

**"That Zaku has a good right hook hu?"  
**"Yeah he fucking does. I wonder if he's okay?"  
**"He'll be fine. His friends will make sure of it."**

"I hope so." I feel so terrible about the things I said (or at least I think I said. I have a feeling I was saying a lot of things outloud). I really have nothing against those guys, they just...I duno, caught me at a bad time or something.

**"You had been holding in a lot of anger."  
**"What do you mean? I wasn't angry today was I?"  
**"You were angry at Sensei this morning, but you sucked it up and held it in..And then again at Sora for the things he said to you. Normally you would have let it out and screamed back. But you didn't."  
**"S-so it all came out when Zaku hit me?"  
**"Yeah, something like that."**

That doesn't really make sense. But I guess I don't really make sense.

**"We should think about ways for you to release anger in a safe way Kit."**

What you mean like, yoga or something?

**"Erh, maybe not yoga, but..I don't know, boxing maybe? Or talking about it to Iruka."**

No I can't do that. I don't want him to worry about me. He's done so much for me. I couldn't even tell him about how I fainted the other day...I wish I could be more honest with him...

**"The try tomorrow. Try and at least tell him about the fainting. Start slowly."**

Yeah. You always have the best ideas Kyuu.

**"Ah. That's okay Kit.**"  
Kyuu?  
**"Yeah Kit?"  
**I love you too. And, thank you, for always beeing there for me.

**"Your welcome Kit. Just, please don't block me out again like today. I promise to keep my pervy thoughts to myself...or when you want to hear them."**

I doubt I'll ever wnat to hear them, but okay, deal.

**"Can we go inside now?"**

Yeah, it's fucking cold out here.

**ooo**

Inside my apartment, it's warmer, but not by much; so I turn on my little electric heater and make some hot chocolate. I feel a bit better than I did when I came up here - no actually, I feel a _hell _of a lot better. I was a total mess. I can see where I came through the door, threw my shit down and I remember how I stumbled straight to the sink, thinking I was going to throw up, then just went on a bit of a mini 'Naruto Hulk' rampage; kicking shit all over the place (mostly my bin, laundry and homework). Now that I'm back inside, I can see that I really need to tidy, and for once I really feel like doing it. Usually I just put things in piles around the place and wait until 'Ruka comes over to 'clean'. But right now, I have this urge..

**Hmm?**

I duno, I just want things..Neat and tidy in here. Sorted and in the right place, y'know?

**That's good. You're starting fresh.**

Yeeeah! I am, I feel like a new person! Like I finally figured something out. Not really sure what it is that I've figured out though..

Maybe it's; that I have two special peoples. Who love me.

**You have more than two people Kit.**

I do, but, you and 'Ruka are my most precious. Of course I love Shikamaru, Miss Sakura, Gaara, Temari and Kanky, Sensei and Nagato and Konan! And even the old geazer at Ichiraku ramen, and konahamaru too. It's just, I know they _like_ me, but they don't know me as well as you guys do, they don't know about my past or what I've had to come back from...I guess, I just...

**Kit,**

ERH! Now I'm bumming myself out, thinking about how many people I know who don't know me that well. Like that even matters, all I have to do is become even closer with those people for them to be precious like you and Iruka.

**That's right. Naruto, you could make anyone love you! You're a wonderful person and a great friend to all of those people. **

Yeah. I am too.

Ha! I am awesome! So dang awesome infact that I'm going to clean this place until it's lookin' like I hired a maid! Sore back and knees be DAMNED!

**oooSaturdaymorning9amishooo**

When I first woke up this morning, my face was throbbing and hurt like a motherfucker! I literally laid there in bed for twenty minutes, trying to will it to stop for long enough for me too get up. But when I went to the bathroom (to do my biz) and looked in the mirrow, to see how bad it looked; I was pretty surprised! I have a cut above my right eye, which isn't too bad (it's not deep or anything, just in a really awkward spot) and my whole eyelid and below my eye is red/pink and swollen. But it hasn't bruised yet. WICKED! That means I won't have to explain how this happened to Miss Sakura or Irkua today.

**You really should tell Iruka what happened Nar.**

I know. And I will. Today I'm making it my mission to tell him about the fainting, then I'll worry about telling him about last night.

**What are you going to tell him?**

I don't wana lie. So I'll be honest and say that I'm not ready to talk about it yet.

**Okay, that's a good idea. I think he'll accept that.**

Yeah. I know he'll be patient with me, like he always has been.

I sigh and slurp some more of my instant ramen. I love having days off, but it sucks having to eat breakfast at home. Oh well, instant is better than no ramen! And the ramen Gods know I can't function without my daily dose of noodles in ORGASM BROTH!

**Speaking of orgasms-**

Oi! We had a deal!

**So you don't wana hear about me great plan, of how you could totally fap to a Bleach episode, with loads of hot soul reaper chicks, before the pink bomb get's here?**

No. I do not. And she's not a bomb...She's just passionate sometimes!

**Yeah well I hope she's not too passionate today, the last thing you need is to be clobbered by her today.**

Hehe, true.

I check my phone again, 'Ruka hasn't replied yet. He's probably still sleeping in. I know we'll catch up at some stage tonight, so it's no biggie. I kind of hope that we're going to chill here tonight, because then I can show off how nice and clean the place is! Just look at it!

**It's verry beautiful.**

Dang straight it is! But I filled nearly two big rubbish bags full. That'll need to be deatl with. Their big black shiny baggness is clashing with my lovely clean nest!

I wash up my chop sticks and gather up all the rubbish (cup from breakfast included), and make my way awkwardly out the door.

The bins, where all the rubbish from my building goes, are down all the hundred and one stairs. Which is _super_ fun carting shit down. NOT! I drop the bags a few million times before I make it there. On the way back up I see Zabuza sitting at the top of the stairs.

He's a bit far away, so I'll say hi when I get up there. EEEK! Oh that's my phone, it's on vibrate! Hehehe! I though I was being raped by a rat or something.

**A rat?**

Yeah man, there must be loads of rats in that big arse bin! And I smell like rubbish now soo...

**Weirdo.**

If you were real, I'd poke my tounge out at you!

**Just check your phone Nar.**

Right.

Le text;

NAARU Com round mine 2nite I got some mvies! cya, enjoy ur day of

Aww, now he won't be able to see my nice clean apartment! Oh well. I text back a load of smiley faces and love hearts.

**You two are so cute.**

Yeah, if anyone was to read our messages, they would think we were both 14 year old girls.

**Hehehe, you act like it sometimes too.**

Oi, thats - FUCK MY LIFE! I just stacked it. Tripped. Hail Marry'd the concrete stairs. Fuck I am such a tard some times. And Daaaaang it, that really hurt!

**Oh dude, are you alright?**

CLEARLY I AM NOT OKAY! Well actually I'm still breathing and I didn't crsuh my balls, so I could be a lot worse.

"Shit, kid are you okay?"

AH MA GAWD Zabuza's come to rescue me! How awesome is that! Hahaha, oh my God my head hurts.

**I think you've got brain damage.**

At this rate, it . .

"Fuuuuuuck me, that wasn't kewl man." I groan and don't even bother moving.

Ah this really sucks! My face already hurt this morning, now this? WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE MY FACE?

Zabuza pulls me up from my stair-face-plant-yoga-position, and sits me up, "Jesus, you're a mess."

"Why thank you Mr Momochi! I feel so much better now!"

**Maybe you shouldn't yell at the drug dealer. He could be carrying a knife or something.**

Psssh, I bet he's not.

**I bet he is.**

"Are you carrying a knife?"

"Hu? No."

Ha. I win.

**Nar - Oh God, why did I have to live inside of **_**your**_** head?**

Hehehe, it's devine punishment for SOMETHING!  
"Why would you ask if I had a knife?"  
"I wanted to shank myself. Y'know, spare maself the shame and all that."

"You're a strange kid."

**He's not wrong.**

"Hey!" I sit up and cup my face, "God _DANG _that hurt!"

"Yeah, no kidding. It hurt just watching."

I tilt my head and squint at Zabuza, but's it's kind of hard. The eye I hurt last night took a stair corner impact and is throbing like a bitch now.

He grabs me under my armpit and sits me up. I suddenly think about what that must have looked like from the top of the stairs; Me troling along, texting/daydreaming, then BAM, falling right on my face! I giggle a little and smile up and my rescuer. He seems a little weirded out by my lols. Heh.

**I would be too.**

It was really nice of him to come down here to try and help me though wasn't it?

**Even if he is a drug dealer**

That must have been pretty funny though, and he hasn't even laughed at me yet!

**Yeah, but look at himm he's about to burst!**

Ah I see what you mean.

Zabuza's shoulders are quivering ever so slightly. I wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't for his chains 'tinking'.

"It's okay Mr Momochi, I'm alright, you can laugh now."

Annnnd there he goes. Fuck, who would have thought that such a prominent figure of Konaha's underground would have such an cute laugh! He even snorted! Hehe,

**Cute? Cute? I can't even...**

Oh come on, it's adorable!-

_*Music make you lose control, Music make you lose control!*_

I jump a little and search around for my phone. It'd landed a few steps away from me, I pick it up and answer, trying to stop my giggles,

"Y-yellow?"

"What'cha laughing about punk?" It's 'Ruka! Oh em geeeeeee!

**Hmm, I wonder why he's calling-**

DUDE, no time for that now! "Oh, oh, 'Ruka! You would not believe what I just did!"

"Did you have sex with an inflatable penguin? Because I could believe that."

I hear more of the adorable little snort laughs, and see Zabuza covering his (already covered with white cloth) mouth. LOL I always have my phone set to speaker, which creates interesting moments like this!

"No, but close!"

**Poor Zaza.**

"I totally just stacked it up the front stairs and now Mr Momochi is laughing at me!" I whine into the phone, I really want some Irkua style sympathy right now.

**Hmm you could get some major cuddles and ramen out of this**

Hells to the yeeeeeah!

"What! Naru are you alright?! I'll come over, hold on a sec-"  
"Ruuuka, I'm fine, my face just hurts. There's no need to come round."  
"But-" I laugh at his mother-hen-ness. I love it so much, "I'm really okay, just a bit embarrassed."

I hear him sigh, "Well you tell Mr Momochi that I am not happy about him laughing at my poor little Naru!" I giggle and look at Zabuza, who's stopped laughing and looks almost..Concerned for his safety.

"He just came over to peel me off the floor 'Ruka! But duuude! My face! It freakin hurts man!"  
"Oh Naru, are you sure you don't want me to come over, it's no trouble, I'm just marking papers this morning-"  
"Nah nah, it's alright, I'll live...But I could use some sympathy ramen later?""  
"Done."

**Score!**

I get up and fist pump the air, "So what did you call for? Thanks Mr Momochi! have a great day, see ya!" I wave to Zabuza as I walk (carefully) back up the stairs, which he returns, and nods.

"Oh..Um,'

**He forgot, hehehe.**

Well I did sort of disctract him with my retelling of the epic tale of MY FACE MEETS CONCRETE STAIRS!

"Oh yeah! I was going to go to the farmer's market today, did you want me to pick you up anything?"

I make it back into my apartment and take a peak inside my little bar fridge. There isn't a lot in there, but I don't really cook for myself, "Hmmm I'm pretty low on milk, run out of egg. OOO! And if they have some bacon on special, could ya grab me some?"

**Get some vegetables.**

Erh,

**You need to eat vegetables!**

I do! Like everyday!

**When? Ramen noodles are not classed as a vegetable Naruto!**

I've been eating salads and quiches for lunch everyday this week!  
**Eh, I supose that's true!**

"Ha!"

"Hu?"

"Oh what? Oh yeah um, milk, eggs, bacon aaaaand I think that's it. Thanks so much! I would starve without you!"

"Hehe, probably. Are you sure you're okay? it's no trouble for me to come around?"

*Sigh* **Over protective Iruka-hen, strikes again.**

Ahh, I love it. It makes me all warm and fuzzy, "I am verry sure. Seriously, I'm okay, just full of fail."  
"Well you get Sakura to look after you today, okay!"  
"Okay I will."  
"See you tonight."  
"Love you 'Ruka!"  
"Love you too punk."  
"Bye,"  
"See ya!"

I finally hang up the phone and grin tomyself for bit. How the hell did I ever forget about how much he loves me? I was a real mess last night wasn't I?

**You sure were. But you're a new man today!**

Yeah! A new man, with a doubly munted face!

**ooo**

**I've decided that when I reach chapter 30, I will stop for a break, go back through this entire story and do a big edit. Right now the **_**chapters**_** arn't really in chapters. They're more like, sections of this story I have written in little lots. This chapter for instance, should really be broken up into two seperate chapters, but seeing as this story is a mess, I'm going to just post up what I have, when I have it.**

**Also I want to edit all my mistakes and make it more 'young adult' friendly (like toning down my foul Australian language).**

**Thank you very much to everyone who reviewed. I have answers to some on my profile bio, go check it out.**

**I am aiming for 10 reviews/comments/words before I update again, so go on and make your mark! (Um, I would like to know what you all think about shonen ai, because chapter 25 and onwards are going to have shonen ai themes. Does is bother you? Would you rather this was simply a friendship or smutt fiction? Or are you okay with a **_**little**_** sexual content? I will decide whether to post up yaoi scenes on when I come to them).**

**P.s. before anyone aks, Naruto gets over stuff quickly. I've keep that part of his personality canon. It's one of the things I like most about the anime/manga Naruto.**

**Faint.**


	9. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer. I do not own the anime/manga Naruto Shippuden. I not make any profit from this writing exercise.**

**Chapter 20. **

**Remember; Naruto used to have a crush on Sakura (so in this aspect, their relationship is canon...Apart from her dating Lee (But that could happen, you never know)).**

**13th November 2012**

_***********Warning, unedited.**************_

**000**

I sent a text to; Miss Sakura, my Panda and Temari about my face. Just Y'know, because, that's what I do.

**You were looking for more sympathy, weren't you?**

I can't deny that

Sakura sent a whole bunch of replies, within the space of about one minute (not giving me enough time to reply to any of them!);

_Are you okay? How did you do it? Oh you poor thing! You clumsy knucklehead!  
_Ect. ect. typical Waitress-Godess-of-my-life responses. Gah I love her so much!

**Too bad you're gay.  
**I am not Gay! Why do people think that I'm gay?! And besides, the fact that I had a major crush on Miss Sakura PROOOOVES that I'm not gay!  
**But she's the **_**only**_** Girl you've ever looked at that way,  
**So! Just because I've only fancied _one_ girl, dosen't mean I don't fancy girls altogether...And actually I do fancy girls, _loads_ of them-  
**Real woman Nar. Anime characters don't count.  
**Well..They should count.  
**But they don't.  
**But if they _did_, I would such a player, a real ladies man!  
**Gay.  
**AM NOT! So Sssssssssssh, I'm texting here! And I need my brain to text The Till Master!, he always makes fun of me if I typo!  
**Oh that's right, he has his big 'date' today!  
**Yep! He'd better be getting ready for it! Miss Sakura went to sooo much trouble organising the whole thing,  
**Wasn't it your idea to prank call the girl though?**  
Yeah But I've never been on a date, whereas The Cherry Bomb has, so she'd be way better at picking places to go and what movie to see.

I hope she didn't pick anything tooo romantic. Otherwise Shika'll fall asleep in teh cinema! AHHHHH Message!

_Le-Shika-Text:_

_I am so stealing that excuse_.

Eh? Stealing the excuse, Wait just a second!...He's planing to pike! FUCK NO!  
**Ah, clever guy. It is a good excuse afterall.  
**Over my dead body is he piking!

_Le Text Back:_

_U R NOT BAILING OUT OF THS! U WILL BRAKE LITTLE NO-FAT-LOW-FAT-FLOWA-GRLS HEART!_

There, that should make him go!  
**You think?**  
Well either that or he'll be facing Miss Sakura's wrath!  
**Yeah, he'd be smart not to upset her...Speaking of which, I wonder when she'll come around-**

POWER KNOCKS! Only Miss Sakura bashes my door that hard!

I run to the door and fling it open "Welcome to my palace!"  
"Palace? That's what you call this hole? hehe...OH MY GOD NARUTO! Your face!" The Pink-ness of doom lunges at me and I stumble backwards-  
**Careful Nar!  
**Nah, too late, we're on the floor, "Ehehe, sorry about that Miss Sakura!" She blows her pink fringe out of her eyes, "You know, I've always wanted to get you ontop of me like this..."  
**AH!**  
Yeah man, AH! Is right. She raises her fist high above her head and is about to bring it down, causing me a world of pain; when she stops.

"Oh that's a real bad shinner Naruto. How on earth did you get that from tripping on a stair-case?"

I'm saved! Ah may the stair Gods be praised! "Hehehee!"  
**Dude,  
**Oops, "Ummm...Oh yeah, I didn't just _trip_ on the stairs; I full on fell down, hurt my knees and cos' I was like texting, I didn't catch myself with my hands. I just sort of...Landed on my face. Stair-face style!"  
**That's the first I'm hearing of the stair-face style.  
**That's because I invented it, this morning. With the help of the stairs', of course, I can't claim all the credit.

"Wow, you realy did a number on yourself," He sits up, next to me and inspects my eye, "You look like a thug."  
"Hey! I'm no thug!" I sit up, cross my arms over my chest and POWER POUT!  
"Yeah, you're too cute and inocent to be a thug," She pinches my chest, and while I do try to pout more, I can't help myself, and I lick her hand. Which results in a; "Ew."

"Blerh, your handcream dosen't taste good."  
"Serves you right for being random! Now, done to the important stuff!"  
"Right! Time to make sure The Till Master doesn't pike out!"

There's an errie silence, "Say what? HE'S TRYING TO PIKE OUT? HOW DARE HE, " An Iphone with a pink case is whipped out of a pink handbag. After a few seconds of silence (dialing) God's pink hell erupts; "SHIKA-MOTHERFUCKING-MARU YOU GET YOUR ARSE OUT OF BED, IN THE SHOWER, IN DECENT CLOTHING AND DOWN TO THE CINEMA IN THE NEXT HOUR OR SOOOO HELP ME GOD - oh really? Oh how come?"

I watch her, and I must say; that has got to be the quickest mood change I've ever seen. Even for Miss Sakura, that was some kind of record.  
**Almost heard the 'snap'.  
**Fucking oath!

"Oh okay, kewl, I guess we'll see you later then." She hangs up and sighs sweetly..."WHAT IS GOING IN?" It's killing me, the suspense!  
"Ah, don't yell so loud knucklehead."  
Excuse me?  
**Look who's talking!**

"Shikamaru, apparently, got a lift into town when his Dad went to work ten minutes ago, and is already showered, dressed and loitering in the memorial park."

Say whaaaa? Till Guy doesn't get anywhere earlier than he has too!  
**This is really unexpected!**

"H-how come?!" Miss Sakura stands and helps me up as well, "He said that walking down to the bus stop, waiting for the bus, and only having 3 minutes to spare before the movie started, was; and I quote: 'too much of a draaaag'." She smiles and walks off into my bathroom.

Eh, I suppose that makes sense. Shika isn't the biggest fan of public transport.  
**It's actually the most logical solution. Either that, or he's verry keen for his date today!  
**"Yeah, hey Sakura, do you think it's because he's being time smart, or because he's excited?"  
"Hmmmm. Duno, could be a bit of both. Not that he'd tell us if he was excited!" She reamerges from my bathroom with the first aid kit she gave me for Christmas last year.  
"Whatcha' doin' with that babe?" I wander over and sit when she points to the couch.  
"It looks like you've got some gravel or dirt in the graze, I'll just wash it out and-"  
"FUCK! IT'S GOING TO GET INFECTED! I'M GOING TO DIE! SAKURA I DON'T WANT TO DIE A VIRGIN! Do you think Lee would have a threesome?"

**ooo**

Well, that didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.  
**Was the drama you made really necassary?  
**Probably not. But hey, I got a kiss on the cheek for it!  
**Only after a bashing!**

Yeah. I rub my arm up and down, to try and bring some feeling back. Miss Sakura said that if she couldn't punish my knucklehead, she was going to take it out on other 'non-injured' areas.

HOW MEAN IS THAT!

**Well you did inadvertedly try to have sex with her boyfriend.  
**In my defence though, I have overheard Miss Sakura telling Tam and Konan about how good he's in bed so, s'not really my fault for wanting to lose my virginity to the 'green beast'.

**ooo**

So we got to the cinema, which had a long-arse que, which ment that every man and his dog was there to watch the new James Bond film. I don't mind a bit of Bond myself.  
**Especialy this new Bond, he's well fit.  
**You know, I'm starting to think that you're the gay one here, not me,  
**Well, I won't deny it. I do find guys that I see out of your eyes attractive.  
**Hmm. Interesting. I shall ponder this later, BUT FOR NOW! Take a look at Shikamaru would ya!

**Nice. He's scrubs up well!**

He's rocking this pair of smexy red skinny jeans! Like woah! Who'd have thought the Till Guy would have a pari of legs like; THAT!

"Daaaaaaaa-yum Shika, you lookin' FINE TODAY!" I yell across the crowded room (making tones of people look over and give me 'wft' look), "Hey Naruto."  
"EEEEEE Shikamaru you look great! I had no idea you had clothes like this! Oh my God! Ino is gona totally snog you!" Miss Sakura hugs Shika and admires his outfit. Personally I don't care much for his 'Red Hot Chilli Peppers' shirt,  
**What's wrong with the Red Hot Chilli Peppers?  
**Eh, not my fave band,  
**I think they're good..  
**Once again with the differing opinion...Weird. But the point is; it's an average shirt, pretty boaring. But then again, that's possibly the style he's aiming for. Understated, chillaxed, y'know?  
**I think he looks hawt.  
**...

"Sooooo, where's the flower girl?" I ask, trying to not LOL at Shikamaru blushing from all the attention,  
"Ah, she said she was on her way. So she'll be here in maybe ten minutes or something." He's trying to act kewl, but I can tell he's nervous,  
"Why don't you wait for her at the front door, and Naruto and I will buy the popcorn?" (**Apparently Sakura's picked up on the vibes as well**)  
"Yeah that would be good. That line is waay to long." Shika sighs and walks over to the front door, where a few other people seem to be awaiting their respective 'dates'.

"EEEE, He's sooo cute!" I get dragged into the candybar line along with the 'squee-able' Sakura, "He's all shy and nervous! It's adorable! Just like Lee was on our first date!"  
"Yeah he was pretty nervous about that. Hey shouldn't we be in the ticket line?"  
"Nope, I bought everyone's tickets yesterday."

Wow, she really is organised.

"Hi." I feel a soft tap on my shoulder, I turn around, look down a bit and see a familiar red panda mop, "GAARA!"  
"Naruto, not so loud. Use your _inside_ voice."  
"Oh right, sorry Sakura. Hi Gaara! How are you?" His eyes smile up at me. He looks all dazed and soft in the face; like he only just woke up. "Yeah,"  
Heh, that's Gaara; no complicated answers.  
**He really is cute like this. Look at those little squishy cheeks.  
**Can!Not!Resist!Squishy!Cheeks! AHHH! I pinch his face inbetween my hands, IT'S SOO SQUISHY AND SOFT AND WARM AND AHHHH! I love my little panda!  
"Um, Naruto...Naruto...I think that's enough 'Gaara Cuddles' for now, yeah?" Miss Sakura pulls my arms away and laughs nervously. Hm, people seem to be staring at me again. How perculiar?  
**You're a magnet for werided out stares.  
**Indeed, but CAN THEY BLAME ME! I sigh and smile down at Gaara, remembering how squishy his face was just now. I shall be doing that a lot more in the future.  
**He actually didn't seem to mind..Which is a marvel in itself.  
**He's just getting used to being around peoples more. Oh. Nope. He's had enough.

Miss Sakura and I watch as Gaara has enough of the crowded line and starts walking off towards an uncrowed wall. He leans against it and catches my eye. 'I'm going to make this my secret panda look out until you little furry bunnies have bought the popcorn' his eyes say to me. Which I return with a 'Ay Ay Capitan Panda!'.

"Soooo, where the heck did Gaara just go?"  
"He's waiting for us over there," I spin the Cherry Bomb around so she can see where our little friend is, "Oh okay, that's cool. I guess we can just go in after we load up-"  
"But what about Shikamaru and slim?"  
Sakura cracks a smile, "Slim? Really? She's not a rapper Naruto. And I gave Mr Lazy Bones their tickets yesterday afternoon. And besides, I think Shika will want to have some.._Privacy_ on his date, don't you think?"  
**Hell yeah he wants privacy, that blonde girl was hawt!  
**She was alright.  
**You really are gay.**

"I"M NOT GAY!"

...

"..."

"Just, y'know...Thought I'd get that out there...Clear up some rumors y'know..."  
"Naruto...I think I you should see a doctor after the movie."  
"Yeah. Might be a godd idea."  
**Hehehe!**

Faaaaaark you, Kyuu.

**ooo**

**Well, I have now started a new craze. Upload shit when I can. I won't bother sorting the content into chapters (as I'll be doing a big clean up in a few weeks, of my entire account/profile). So, sorry.**

**PPPPPlease review. I didn't get ten before uploading this, BUT DON'T LET THAT MAKE YOU THINK YOU'LL GET AWAY WITH NOT REVIEWING. Honestly, it doesn't even need to be a 'review' just one word will do. **

**Actually, I wanted to know something, so if you can/will/are-a-nice-person, could you answer this question as a review (Answer; yes/no/suck-my-big-black-rimmed-glasses).**

**Le-Question:**

**Do you like Sakura (as a character)?**

**My answer; No. Not really. I actually kind of hate her. BUT that is mostly due to the shear VOLUME of fanfiction I read, in which she is most often; the bad guy, bitch, slut, bash-ee.  
I decided to challange myself by watching Episodes with Sakura in them, before writing her dialogue, to see whether my hatred stems from; a) her being a shit character, or b) me being a yaoi fan girl and hating on her because she is often portrayed in a bad light.**

**I feel that the later is the answer. But you never know. **

**I haven't read any decent Lee/Sakura fanfics yet. I believe if I read some good ones, I'd like her a lot more (Because I think Lee is wicked. A TARD, but a kind hearted, awesome Tard).**

**THERE, answer my questiiiiiiiiiion.**

**Faint.**


	10. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer. I do not own the anime/manga Naruto Shippuden. I not make any profit from this writing exercise. **

**(Getting sick of ^^^^THAT^^^ yet?)**

**Chapter 21.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTES PART 1. (up top because I really want everyone to read it)**

**AAAAAAH GAI'S BE PATIENT! I've started the 'buried money' saga a little sooner then I had mapped out; seeing as you're asking for it. But it's not going to conclude for a little while yet. **

**Pppppplease remember that Sasuke and Naruto only JUST met, and Naruto isn't entirely sure about his sexuality (he has never dated ANYONE before, so give him a little time to work up the courage). I promise if you stick with this story (at least until chap 30) things will start making sense, the plot will **_**slowly**_** appear, Sakura's life story will make sense, the money will be dug up, you will know what's wrong with our hero, you will meet Itachi, Iruka will get laid, and you will get your; SHONEN AI/YAOI/SEX/Good-stuff-that-y'all-came-here-for!**

**And right now, I'm **_**not **_**going to edit out the swearing. If you are really offended by it, please come back in one month (when I will be doing a BIG edit) and re-read it as an M rated (for language) story. Until then; either stop reading or troll through it the best you can.**

**K on with the fic (which will give you ONE of the above things you've been asking for).**

**Approx 25th November**

**Warnings for; swearing, stuff, shit, junk, and uber long author's notes at the end**

**ooo**

The pink-cherry-licious, Pandy and I are sitting on a bench in the Memorial gardens, stalking _the lovebirds_.

**They aren't really lovebirds yet Nar.**

Oh come on man, he gave her a flower, that's Romeo and Juliet shit right there.

**Nar. It was a **_**dead flower!**_

So, it was still pretty (as far as I can tell from this distance) and she seems to like it. I mean she did glomp him afterwards, didn't she? That's a sign of potential lovebirding!

**So are you saying that if someone gave you a flower; dead or alive, you would be their lovebird?**

Yes. Yes I would. Though I doubt anybody would actually give me a flower. Le sigh.

But anyway, it was sweet and thoughtful, aaaaand it shows that Shika must really like her; if he's going to the effort of making romantic gestures.

**I suppose. I don't think she realizes just how lucky she is; getting that lazy bones out of bed this early on his morning off, and meddling with 'troublesome' crowded places.**

Yeah that's for sure. She's a really lucky girl.

"Aww look at those two! They are _SO_ going on a second date!" Sakura's been cooing over them for the last half hour (in between texting like a mad wood pecker), saying things like 'oh I remember when Lee and I came here on a date,' and 'Shikamaru deserves a nice girl, doesn't she seem nice to you Gaara?' It's pretty funny. Though I think Gaara's a little weirded out by it.

Poor lil Panda.

**He's not so well with all these people around.**

He's fine. As long as we don't go right into town, and stay out in the open he'll be okay.

**I hope so.**

"Why are they starring?"  
"Hu?" I turn to my little Panda, who's eyes aren't smiling anymore, "Gaara, what's wrong?"  
"They're starring at me."

What is he talking about?

I look around and I see (and feel) it almost immediately; every man and his dog that walks past has a good long look at the three of us. What the hell. I know it's a strange trio; Gaara who looks like he's cosplaying a red panda, Sakura who looks like something out of a K-pop music video (I like her blue tutu, it's all 'pooofy') and me; the sex God, gorgeous tanned stud that I am!

**They probably think you're a pimp and these two are your 'hoes'.  
**How dare you call Gaara a hoe!  
**LOL, You tell me off for calling him one, but not Sakura?  
**Well.  
I love her to death, but I have seen her wear some *cough* interesting outfits.

"They're not starring at us Gaara," Miss Cherry Pop says, leaning behind me to touch Gaara's shoulder gently.  
**Cherry Pop...That could so be her striper name,  
**Nah, I don't think she'd make a good striper.  
**Hu? I thought you'd love the chance to see your 'Pink-Angel' naked?  
**"See Pandy, nothing to worry about-"  
"Naruto. They're not starring at us, but they _are_ starring at you."  
Say whaaaaa?

"Your face looks like you've been brawling, you're wearing an orange jacket, red pants AND an orange backpack. I mean come on, you stand out like a set of dogs balls."

What! I do not! "It's just because I'm sexy!" *Cue Gaara snickering*, "Oi, what are you giggling about! You have a tattoo on your HEAD! You should be the one people stare at!"  
"Yeah well, everyone's pretty much used to that kind of thing now. I mean there was a guy at school who had big red tattoos on his cheeks," Miss Sakura trails off, texting at full speed again.

"Wait... So are they actually starring...At _me?_"  
**I think so.  
**"Yeah. That eye's really bruised now Naruto."  
She leans forward for a better look (Pandy does too). NOW EVERYONE IS STARRING AT ME!  
"What the hell! Leave me alone, it's the Stair's fault! Stare at the Stair!"  
**It's alright Nar. They're just curious.  
**But everyone's-  
**It's alright. Don't worry about it. You have a huge bruise on your face, it's only natural that people will be concerned about you.  
**But they don't even know me. Why would they care?  
**It's just...You would be worried about a stranger if they looked like they'd been bashed too right?  
**Yeah. I suppose that makes sense.

"He really does draw attention to himself doesn't he?"  
**Oh Gaara!**

I pout at Gaara and try not to squirm while a group of woman stare openly at me.  
"Man this is weird."  
"I have a solution." Miss Sakura wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me in for a half hug, "So don't you worry ya big knucklehead."  
"Really? What's the cure?"  
"Bag over his head?"  
"Oi Gaara! How could you be so mean?!"

Damn that cute lil Panda, and his cute lil snickering! How am I suppose to tell him off when he looks like a little mangaka chibi?  
**I guess you just can't Nar. Nicely done Gaara.  
**"No. Though that is a tempting option-"  
"HEY!"  
"No, I know this cream that makes bruises invisible-"  
"SAKURA YOU ARE NOT PUTTING MAKEUP ON ME AGAIN!"

Some people walking pasted Lol'ed. Dang, why do I keep forgetting there're other people in the universe?  
**Hehe.  
**No, why? This is becoming a serious problem!  
"It's not makeup you skank! It's medicine. It heals the skin and makes the colouring in the bruise go away. It's nothing girly...I _promise_."

Erh. I still don't trust her with me face. I know she's been dying to give me another makeover.  
**Well isn't it worth it. I mean you're seeing Iruka tonight and you're working tomorrow. Wouldn't it be better if the bruising was gone?  
**Ah true dat bro. AND this being stared at is starting too...  
**Yeah. I feel it too. This could get bad.  
**"OKay! I'll do it. Where do we find this magic shit?"

Oh. She's busy texting again.  
"Huuuuh, Lee's got the day off too I think," I say to Gaara who just nods (lol knoddy panda!). We all know that those two text each other like 14 year old gossip girls.

**ooo**

When Cherry Popper _finally_ was able to _drag_ her fabulous self away from her 'sexting' with Lee, our smexy trio set off in the direction of the nearest chemist. It was too bad to leave Shikamaru and his skinny-skim-flower alone on their date but, well; the stalking started to feel a little bit creepy.  
**Especially when Sakura started taking pictures of them.  
**Yeeeeeah I hope she won't do that to me, if I ever have a date...  
huh. I turn 16 soon and I've never even been on one date. It's kinda sad.  
**You just haven't found anyone you like yet. Who's single. Or not fictional and animated.  
**Nyeah. I set pretty high standards.

"Ok, I found it." Cherry Pop shows me this little tube of stuff. There's loads of big long words on it (that I am NOT going to try and say, else I might offend what ever country they're from) and big bold letter's saying 'KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN', which is always a good sign.

"W'st it do?"  
"Removes the apperance of bruises and discolouration of the skin."  
"How do I used it?"  
"You rub it over the bruise."  
"It is poisonous?"  
"Erh...No."  
"Is it edible?"  
"Nnnno."  
"'Much is it?"  
"Fourteen dollars."  
"SOLD MOTHERFUCKER!"  
"*sigh*"

We take the tube up to the counter, where the young pharmacist dude rattles on about safety precautions and other useless shit. Doesn't he know I have a budding nurse right next to me? I already have all the medical low-down a man could ever need.  
**Yet you tried to drink cold and flu nasal spray?  
**SHUT UP, FRICK YOU, THAT WAS A ONE TIME THING. And it still worked, so whatever, I'm a genius.  
**Whatever you say Nar.  
**"Yep, yep, I know duuuude, can I just like, buy it now?"  
"Erhh...Sure, That's $13.99." He says to me, looking a bit put out. His glasses are HUGE, they take up like half of his face! I like Sasuke's glasses way better. **I bet you do! Hehe.**  
"Why don't you just say $14?"

I feel a poke in the middle of my back, "Just pay the man Naruto."  
"Right you are my Dear," I pull out my wallet and pay with a twenty. I notice that I don't have a lot of cash left. That's weird. I thought I had more.  
**Hmm.  
** I look through all of the compartments in my wallet. But there's no more money.  
Did I bank my pay? No, I don't think I did. Maybe I left it at home...  
"Here's your change Sir."  
"SIR?! Woah, I'm the _man now_."  
**Indeed.**  
"You knucklehead! Don't say things like that!"  
**You should jump the counter and lick his glasses.  
**Eww, no thanks. Not my type.  
"Erh, yeah, okay, have a nice day."  
**Is it the white hair?**  
"Will do man! You too!"  
No it's more the 'penis' issue.  
**You never know till you try.**  
"Thanks Kabuto, see ya." Miss Sakura calls back to the white haired pharmacy dude as we walk away from the counter (and find Gaara at the exit).

When we get out into the GORGEOUS sunshine again, I busy myself by inspecting my purchase.  
"You know him?" I hear Gaara ask Miss Sakura.  
"Yeah. He works at the hospital pharmacy sometimes as well. He's a nice guy."  
**He was alright looking too.**  
"Thirteen dollars, ninety nine my ares" I grumble to myself.

"*Sigh* Come sit down somewhere and I'll apply the cream _Sir_."

**ooo**

I sit down on a public bench outside the chemist and wait for Miss Sakura to finish texting. Again. "Gees girl, let the poor man be, his fingers'll fall off at the rate you guys're textin'."  
**Hehe, I don't think she'd want him to lose his fingers.  
**Yeah, no more texting.  
**That's not want I meant, Kit.  
**hu?

"I'm not texting Lee, he's at track training right now."  
"Who are you messaging?" Ah, took the words out of my mouth Pandy,  
**OH IT MUSTA BEEN WHILE YOU WERE KISS-EN ME!  
**...no.  
"Shizune, she's my teacher. It's Lady Tsunade's birthday next week and we're trying to figure out-"  
"OH MY FRICKIN FRITTER FRICK CHERRY POP!" I literally scream and jump up and down in front of her, "WE'RE-"  
"Naruto! Shoosh!"

I try and calm my shit ( .compute.)" Okay! But Duuuude! We're totally doing an assignment on Lady Tsunade!" I smile and bounce on my feet, I'm so excited!  
"Really?"  
"Yep-yep!" Gaara nods as well.  
"She's our main topic for the next few weeks! Oh my God, can we ask you loads of stuff about her? You know her pretty well don't you?"  
"Yeah, sure. And if I don't know, then Shizune will. She's her niece afterall."

Her niece! Did you hear that! Oh love-a-duck, we're going to get the best scoops for this assignment! Sensei is going to be sooo impressed! We might even get some goss that even _he_ doesn't know! I do a little victory dance in the middle of the sidewalk. Nothing special, just some 'mixing the cake' and 'areoplane traffic dirrectors'.  
**Well that's enough.  
**Hehe oh those people are freaking out. How wonderful!

"Ahhhh Miss Sakura you are so awesome!" I sit back down after my dancing and glomp her from the side! "I love you I love you I love you!"

"Hehehe, Oh Naru, I love you too. NOW! Let me put that cream on you."

**ooo**

The bruises below my eye and around my temple are almost gone. This cream works really fast!  
**Your eyelid is still black though.  
**Arh. That can't be helped. Miss Sakura said it looked like some bad eyeshadow, so I'll just have to be a half-emo for today!  
But I seriously cannot believe how good this stuff is. It's amazing!  
"Sakura, how the hell did you come across this stuff! It's magic!"

She looks away. Huh, that's strange. "I just um...Used to use it sometimes."  
She...Oh. I remember now; that Kin girl, she used to bully Miss Sakura a lot when she went to school. I didn't realise how bad it was,  
**That girl did seem horrible.  
**God. How did I not know about this? Poor Sakura.  
"What did you use it for?" Gaara asks from the other side of the bench.  
**Uh.  
**"Um, well...Hehe I used to have loads of pimples, and it's really good to get rid of the scarring, and stretch marks and stuff."  
She's putting on a brave face, I can tell. I really do love and admire her.  
"Oh."  
I lean on my Pink-Angel's shoulder and snuggle her neck, trying to let her know how much I care, "And now you're all gorgeous."  
"Aww, you're cute Naruto."  
"I know."

"Hey guys." I look up and see an _AWAKE_ Shikamaru! I do not believe I have ever see him this alive and alert before!  
"HEY SHIKA!"  
"Hi Shikamaru."  
*Insert Panda eye twinkle*

"Hey um, so, this is Ino." He's introducing his date..HE'S INTRODUCING HIS DATE! That's a good sign right?  
**It sure is! If he wants her to meet his friends, then it means, she's a keeper!  
**That's adorable!  
"Hi Ino, I'm Sakura, and this here is Gaara." Ino Smiles, "Hi! It's lovely to meet you! I think I actually remember you from school, you used to have reeeeally long hair right?"  
"Um, yeah I did-"  
"Oh I used to be sooo jealous of how long you hair was! But I really like the shorter look too, it looks GREAT on you!"

Wow. This girl is super sweet! And nice and perky and blonde,  
**If you had a twin sister Nar,  
**I know right! Lol!  
"Oh, thanks so much." I can't help but *squee* a little at Sakura's blushing!  
"And Hi there, I don't think we've met before. Gaara was it? That's one badass tattoo!"  
Gaara dips his head down for a second, then looks up and nods once. AH HE LIKES HER!  
This girl is definately a keeper!  
"And you're Naruto, the guy who makes my delicious coffee right?"  
"Yeah, that's me! The number one coffee maker in the city!" I give her a big 'thumbs up'.  
"It's so good to finally meet you! I never ever see you in the cafe! Why have you been hiding such a hottie from the customers Shiky?"  
**Shiky?  
**Shiky! Lol that's gona stick like motherfucking GLUE.  
"Ahaha,we're not hiding him, he's just always flat out behind the coffee machine."  
"I bet you are hiding him! I bet you're scared he'll get more tips than you!"  
Shikamaru smiles. "But he wouldn't anyway, you're definately the fittest guy at the Grand Grind!" She grabs a hold of Shikamaru's hand, and I swear I can hear a voice in Miss Sakura's head go; '*squeee* they'll have such cute babies!'.  
**They would have pretty good looking baby's.**

"Well, um I have a shift this afternoon, so Ino and I are going in a bit early to grab a coffee. You guys wana come with?"  
I see out of the corner of my eye a twitch in Cherry Pop's mouth. Ummm, that's not a good sign.  
"Oh no, I've gotta get going and meet Lee after training. But it was so good to meet you Ino." She gives the sweetest smile to Shikamaru's date. Then gives me 'a look'. Oh Okay, I think I'm getting a hint here.  
**She said she wasn't going to join them, I think she wants you to do the same.  
**Yeah, leave those two alone for some romance and lovebirding!  
"Arh duuude, that would be epic, but I'm going over to 'Ruka's soon, sorry. But totally some other time, yeah?" I stand up and grin at the new girl. I really like her, but more to the point; I like how much The Till Guy likes her. They're still holding hands.  
"Gaara, would you like to come with us?" Ino asks in soft voice. I guess Shika gave her a bit of run-down on Gaara before introducing him. She's speaking quietly and non threateningly, hands where he can see them.  
"No thank you."

"Okay, well. I guess I'll see you two tomorrow then. See ya Gaara." Shika nods to us, and starts to pull his date away.  
"Bye it was sooo great to meet you guys, see ya, have a great day!"  
"Bye."  
"Have fun you two!"  
*Insert little Panda wave*

We continue to wave and wait unil they're walked out of ear shot, "OH MY GOD SHE'S SO SWEET!"  
"AAAAH SHE'S PERFECT FOR HIM!" *Insert little Gaara smile*

"Okay okay okay! What do we think of her?" Miss Sakura says seriously, "We have to give Kankurou, Nagato and Temari all the goss as well remember,"  
"I like her."  
My Pink-Angel and I just stare and go all gooey eyed at Gaara. It's amazing. he hardly ever takes to people that quickly!  
**She sure did make a good impression.  
**"Yeah man I like her too, she's sweet and cute and fluffy and did you see Shika's smile! Oh man, he's got it _bad_ for this girl!" I'm really really happy for them right now; I'm glad that Sakura and I prank called her and set this up, this could not have gone better.  
**Well, the day is still young.  
**"Yeah I like her too. She seems really genuine and...Is really into him."

We all do a collective sigh. What an awesome day. We got to see James Bond doing his 'thang', eat popcorn, fix my face and see the laziest arse in Konaha smile like a love sick puppy! Perfect.

"I'm...Going." Hu? I turn and look at Gaara who's been a bit quiet. His eyes are looking tired, and they're darting around at all the people walking past. Oh Shit. It's Saturday and we're smack bang in the middle of town! Fuck! How did I lose track of where we were?  
"Oh Gaara, okay, I'm sorry we dragged you into town-"  
"Yeah Pandy, I'm real sorry too. I forgot how busy it was going to be in here."

He stands in front of us, shaking his mop of red hair, "It's fine. I'm just...Ready to go."  
I stand up as well and put a hand on his shoulder, "I'll walk with you to the train station okay?"  
His eyes twinkle up at me. There's my little Panda again; he was looking lost for a minute there. "Yeah me too. I'll head out to the sports center now."  
"TO THE TRAIN STATION!"  
"Knucklehead! Don't be so loud in public!"  
OUCH.

**ooo**

I started walking back towards my apartment after seeing those two off. Gaara seemed calmer once he was seated on the train, but he was starting to get...Stressed in the station. I'm really glad that it's a relaxing ride back out to his place, and that he gets off at a platform; it means there's no more crowds for him to worry about.  
**It's been a long day for him.  
**Yeah. I kinda wish I could've sat with him, on the ride back, but I know he'll be okay. I know Miss Sakura's gona text him on their trips. She's a serial texter!**  
You can say that again!**

I've walked almost three quarters of the way home, just looking around and stepping in puddles. My litte Ipod shuffle's battery ran out, so I don't have any music today. But I don't mind, because; there's plenty going on around me.  
People walking past with their family, friends and lovebirds (not as cute as my lovebirds though), a guy walking like seven different shaped and sized dogs, kids running around and teasing each other about something-or-other. Konaha is such a nice place to be on the weekends: Everyone's having fun and smiling.  
**It sure is a scenic place.**  
I really love living here. There's always a good vibe in the air.

I walk down past the nicer houses that I pass nearly everyday. I spot my favourite ones from the row; the blue house that looks like it belongs on a beach, the big red brick mansion with overgrowing vines, the two cute little cottages with their totally packed gardens of colourful flowers, the white double story house with the huge oak tree in the front yard and the fancy cream apartments that always have expensive cars parking in the driveways.

A few years ago, I walked past here one day and stopped in front of each house, just imagining the family that lived inside. At the time it made me sad. I remember crying and running back to my apartment, feeling lonely and like I was missing out on so much. But now when I look at these houses, I wonder what those families are doing now; how much the kids have grown, whether they've got a new puppy, if their Mum gave birth to a new little brother or sister, where their father took them camping on the school holidays. I guess it's become a hobby, imagining the lives of the people who live in these houses.

**As long as it dosn't upset you Nar.  
**Nah, it's okay. It makes me smile. I realise now that I have everything I need. And after last night I am NOT going to forget it!  
**It's funny that you should believe that Konaha is 'such a nice place', but then you get bashed walking home from work.  
**Ah, that's _my_ side of Konaha, and besides; I think the 'Sound Crew' might have had something out for me. I wasn't really listening to what they were saying, but I think they targeted me for a reason, y'know?  
**Still doesn't make it right though.  
**No. But hey, that's life. Gotta move on.

I walk past a few more of the nice houses and come to one of many little parks; which seem to pop up everywhere. They aren't very big, just a few hundred metres or so, but there're always people walking their dogs here and just generally enjoying them durring the day. I see a nice old couple sitting on a bench together, who're sharing a samwich. I smile as I walk past, and they smile back. There are some really great people in this city. I think I might come back to this park on my next day off, it'll be a nice place to do my homework-

**Kit.  
**Hu? Kyuu what's wrong?  
**Do you...Remember this place.  
**Of course I do. I walk past this park at least once a day, if not twice-  
**That's not what I mean Kit.**  
What are you talking about?

I look around the park, nothing really seems out of place (except a middle aged dude who appears to be doing Tai Chi, in bright green spandex)...  
**There are bad people in this city too, are there not little fox?  
**L-Little fox...Why...Why are you calling me that again? What's wrong Kyuu? you're starting to scare me.  
***Sigh* You've been blocking things out again little fox, like you used to,  
**What things? Oh no, what happened, what did I do this time?

A familiar tightness creeps up in my chest. I make a fist over it and push in, trying to push it back down, to wherever it came from.  
**Listen to me, and trust in me, okay?  
**O-okay, I trust you.  
**It's nothing bad. It won't hurt you to remember, I promise. So calm down okay.  
**Alright. I believe you.

I take some deep breaths and keep walking calmly.

Tell me what it is Kyuu?  
**Not here. I'll tell you when we get back to the apartment.**

I frown and chew on my lip. You won't tell me in public? This has to be bad-  
**No, I promised you remember. I just know that you're going to chuck a spazz about it. And really, you should at least **_**try**_** and limit the exposure the general public has to your spazz attacks.  
**Hehehe, okay, okay, you got me there. But are you sure it's nothing bad?  
**Positive. I wouldn't lie to my little fox kit.**

**ooo**

**Author's Notes Part 2. ( I have alot to say today don't I?) **

**I've been a bad Faint. A very Bad, Bad Faint. I haven't been replying to your reviews! AAAAAAAAAAAH I'm sorry! SO, the below is a list of ppl's I owe thanks/cookies/hot-sweaty-panda-sex too;**

**Shadowpen55  
omg girl  
AoiAoisky  
Vanilla icekitten (I love your name!)  
Kaseytrue (no rude, I appreciate it!)  
Mikako17  
Flamingcookies21 (fuck Your name is epic!)  
Jogproof123  
bfn (weird sign-in name, but thanks for your feed back on Sakura)  
thesixvoices (only six?)  
keiren-kun89 (he's had a tough life. Bullied, ignored, and is verry insecure)  
Chenpani  
Mushmushmush (your review threw my confidence for a while. But thank you for expressing your thoughts)  
hallowwinds (fricken chicken!lol)  
Animelover365  
Levioto Michi  
Kattan Tieguchi  
Nat  
Mochi flavored fun (Squishy Cheeeeeks!)  
Chadelle-snow (you will recieve what you ask for, master)  
monkeykingenma (Because, well, I just always got a gay vibe from him. It dosn't mean he's girly or weak, he just, I duno, come across as homosexual to me.)  
LazyLamp (thanks for the great Sakura feed back xoxx)  
Sis  
Lady Spain (you will get your HIPSTER!)  
Yaoi con queen (SNAPPY BERTDAY! )  
And as always my fave reviewers; fangirl with 100 names (ze fabulous 3 ), Reader-anonymous-writer (my faithful inspiration), ViresAdLegatun (Are you from oz as well?)enzhe (any good kaka/saku you can suggest?), enRei (3 haha, no don't worship me, I think it may be a ciminal offence) and MuzicFox5 (spanks again lil fox). **

**There. I can't believe how many people read this. It's amazing. Thanks guys, It keeps me going (sometimes it bums me out, I had to remove some nasty flames. I wouldn't usually delete anything, if it's at least constructive, but these were just horrible and at times, just full of fail. This is a taste of one I got PM'd; (and this is a copy and paste quote guys);**

'Y do stoopid grls alwys mak all boy charctrs gay 4? srsly, get a sex chnge an shov a cock up UR own ass'

**Well. I happen to ALREADY enjoy anal without needing a sex change. So there. And I refuse to respond to **_**ppl hoo rite lyk dis**_**. (I do use a fair bit of IM language in my fics, but I mean, come on...Srsly )And I am not a stupid girl! I'm an intelligent university student, Thankyouverrymuchnowgofuckyo urselfyoumeanflamer!**

**Part 2.2 I did something that I recomend ALL author's do; I printed my fic out. It's sp much easier to spot spelling and grammar mistakes! I was actually really horrified at the amount of fuck ups I've made. I was considering taking the fic down right then and there and not putting it back up until it was properly edited! But I decided not to. **

**I just want to say that I'm sorry for all the errors and mistakes in this story. I really so appreciate those of you who're still reading , regardless. So; thanks.**

**Okay ranting time over.  
Have a good day/night WHATEVER YOU MUFFIN'S ARE HAVING, and I shall update/upload 22 soooooooooonish. BTW if you're wondering there is actually such a cream that gets rid of bruises and scars (it doesn't work as quickly as that, but hey, creative license and all that).**

**KBYE**

Faint.

**P.s. I don't like Ino.**


	11. Chapita 22

**Disclaimer. I do not in any shape of form claim to own the characters of the anime/manga Naruto Shippuden. I do not make any profit from this writing exercise. I do however own this piece of literature and will be using it as apart of my present and future education requirements. Please do not copy, paraphrase or reference anything writen here for your own personal use (without consulting Loaded Faint of Hearts first). **

** ****WARNINGS******

**Chapita 22 contains material unsuitable for persons under the age of 15. Chapita 22 contains bi-sexual and homo-sexual contents in relation to a male character. Please be advised that this is the first and last warning. If you are under the age of 15 and/or do not wish to be exposed to bi-sexual/homo-sexual content, please cease reading.**

**Now.**

**As in now.**

**Nnnnnow.**

**Now.**

**GO AWAY!**

**^^Sounded serious din'it? LOL! It's just so that no one can flame me about this chapter and say 'aw but I thought it was a PG rated story about friendship and coffee' WRONG! This is an M (possible M15 or R (later)) rated story about MENTAL ILLNESS, COMING OF AGE, SEXUALITY, and DRUGS AND-not really drugs, but there was a some mentioned before, so I'd better put a warning about it as well, AND LOVE AND OTHER HORRIBLE THINGS! **

**(**Also I deliberately spelt chapter as Chapita, because it sounded awefunkle in my head**)**

**SO There you go. Shonen Ai (as I understand it's meaning) in this chap. Means; male/boy/man, sexual situations/ministrations, homosexuality, bi-sexuality, penis, balls, male anatomy. Get it?**

**I hope you all read that. Up there^^^.**

**If you didn't...**

**Please scroll back up and make sure you read it properly. All of it this time!**

**And understand it, because I will not be saying it again.**

**NOTE: Naruto swears a little in everyday conversation. But this overly excesive swearing is due to anger.**

**Side warnings; no beta editing yet, fucking HUGE author's notes at the end (again) and if you don't like hearing/reading about testicles/balls/sack/man-berries, or masturabating: skip this chap.**

**OKAY ENOUGH, ON WITH CHAPITA 22!**

**oooearlyafternoonooo**

Bed.

But I'm not snuggle up like I should be. I'm laying on my back with my fist rammed into my closed eyelids. My brain is whizzing and buzzing at about 300 hundred miles per second. My hands feel sweaty, yet somehow; my chest hasn't started hurting yet. Which is something at least,  
**Yeah that is a good sign. But then again, I knew you'd be okay, once you'd had your little spazz out,  
**And WHAT A SPAZZ OUT IT WAS! I think I've realy out done myself on this one! I threw my shoes at my fridge, I bit my bag strap when it got stuck around my head and wouldn't let me go and I ripped the front page of the news papper up into tiny little bits, then threw them all over the place.  
**It was a spectacular spazz attack.  
**The neighbors probably think I was murdering someone in here. And now my throat hurts from all my ranting and raving and screaming at my stupid fucking door stop. Why the fuck do I even need a door stop for my bathroom? It's not like I _need_ it open.  
**It swings shut right after you open it, remember. It got annoying.  
**Oh yeah. The door stop was YOUR idea! I remember now, so it's your bloody fault that it got in my way!  
**Oh **_**come on**_** don't blame the door stop! You're in a grumpy mood and you know it! Stop being mean to the furniture!  
***Grumble grumble* Stupid stuff in my apartment, always plotting against me.

Anyway, it's official; I AM the stupidest person in this city. No doubt. The proof is in the EMPTY WALLLET! I cannot believe I forgot my pay. Who the hell just forgets about six hundred dollars?  
**Well, to be fair you didn't really just, forget it...You block it out. Made it disappear in you head.  
**If I made it disappear then how did you remember it?  
***sigh* I can still see and deal with the things that you've blacked out Nar. I duno how this works exactly but; when something becomes to much for you to cope with, you hand it to me and don't think about it again...If that make any sense?  
**Kind of. Not really. I wasn't really expecting it to, it is me afterall.  
**Come on Nar, don't be so harsh on yourself.**

Whatever Kyuu. But basically what you're telling me is; I freaked out walking home and randomly decided that it was a _fantastic _idea to burry the daily takings along with my pay, in a hole, in a park, in the middle of town at eight o'clock at night. _And then leave it there. _  
**Yes. That's about the size of it.  
**WHAT AM I A PIRATE NOW AS WELL!?  
**Hehe, suits you!  
**For FUCK'S sake, if I'm not a pirate then I don't know what I am. Buring treasure in a park, what the fuck is with that?  
**At least you weren't wearing hipster glasses while you were at it.  
**God save me, and here I am trying to make friends with the guy, and convince him I'm normal and I do shit like this? He'd never speak to me again if he knew what a weirdo I was.

"Fuck my life! What the HELL is wrong with me?!"  
**Well, you burry things...That's one thing,  
**Thank you; we now have number one on the list : Thinks he's a pirate/dog.  
**Number two could be that you fall up stairs.  
**Number two : thinks he is a ninja, is proven wrong, constantly.

I try and bang my head backwards, but all I get is my pillows. I'm so damn frustrated! I knew I wasn't smart...But this is a whole new fucking level of dumb.  
**Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. You were scared.**

Huh, a coward as well? Great. The only good news is, is that you know where the money _is_, right?  
**Under an Agapantha shrub, right behind a bench.  
**Good, I have a guide to my buried treasure *snort* It's bizar that you can remember this but I can't.  
**Well, I am a part of you, so in some sense you do remember, you're just letting me think about it instead of having to yourself.**

That makes me sound really weak, as well as mental. *Sigh* My brain hurts. My eye still hurts, somewhat. And my throat hurts a little bit too.  
**Toughen up princess,  
**Can't you just look after me for a little while? I'm sore and tired and kind of stressing out here.  
**Damn you and your constant coddle craving *sigh* you poor little foxy woxy, you hit your eye, awww you poor little fing!  
**"You sound cute."  
**Why thank you. Cute is what I aim for!**

****"Hhhhhhhhhu what am I going to do!?" **Stop talking to yourself, maybe?  
**"Why because talking in my head is _sooo_ much saner, is it?"  
**Well, it doesn't scare people as easily. Just a thought.  
**"You have a lot of thoughts," For an imaginary friend. Anyway, we have to be serious here, there's no use burning myself all day about how stupid I am. The facts are that; "the money is there in a hole and I'm broke! I spent fourteen of my last twenty, and I still have to pay Iruka for the groceries he bought today." What the hell am I going to do?  
**Pay him back on Tuesday when you get your next wages. He won't mind, it's only like, $30 anyway.  
**"But if I tell him that I can't pay him right away he'll think that I've run out of money. Which'll make him worry and-"  
**Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ruto, you said you understood how much he loved you, last night! Remember?  
**"Yeah of course I do, I learnt my leasson Kyuu but I don't want-"  
**Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand you said you were going to be more honest with him, y'know, tell him about how you fainted at work and all that.  
**"Yes, but that's not a big-"  
**Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan d don't you think that pretending to have money when you don't is sort of lying?  
**"What's your point? I have no money to give him! Kyuu, can't you see I'm just trying to do the right thing!? I need to figure out how to get thirty dollars by tonight!"  
**Naaaaaaaaaar-**  
"Will you stop that! That's right inside my head for fuck's sake!"  
**Sorry, sorry. Just calm down okay. I know you're a bit upset but it's not the end of the world.  
**How can I calm down? You said I was freaking out about how I might lose Nagato's money! And now what've I done; I've left it in public, where any dog could dig it up, or someone could find it!  
**It's still there.  
**How the fuck would you know?!  
**I looked. Behind that nice old couple is where it's buried, and the ground didn't look disurbed. So we'll just find a shovel from somewhere and dig it up tomorrow night, okay?  
**...  
**Look, it'll be fine okay. You need to stop stressing about this. Everything is going to be fine, I promise.  
**

Alright. I believe you. We have a plan, and that's at least a good start. Now where am I going to get a shovel from?  
**Let's worry about that later.  
**No kyuu! I made this mess I need to fix it as soon as possible!

I sit up in my bed and pull on my hair. A flash from last night comes into my mind, of how I was litterally ripping out my own hair. I run my hands through the yellowy mess and feel pain prick in my scalp. There's even a bald patch, right above my ear.  
**You really did a number on yourself Kit.  
**"I'm starting to get _real _sick of your voice right now-"  
**Yes I know, I can feel how annoyed you are.  
**"So why, oh why great voice-in-my-head do you insist on pissing me off!" I shout and rub at my sore eye.  
**Because I know something you don't know...  
**

What?...Kyuu, what is it? Oh God, what else have I done? What else did I burry, was it a body or something?

...

"For Fuck's sake Kyuu! Just tell me!"  
**You're so grumpy today-  
**"Just tell me!"  
**OKay, here it is;...Everything is going to be okay.**

"What? I don't need your little condescending pep talks right now! I need to find a fucking shovel, I need to dig that fucking money up, I need to-"  
**Little fox. We have a plan. We can borrow a shovel off of Zabuza, or Iruka or Nagato, or even buy a cheap one from the supermarket. We'll dig it up together after work when no one will see us, we'll bring it home, we'll pay 'Ruka, we'll give Nagato his money and say that you forgot all about it, and everything will be **_**fine**_**. Okay? Trust in me, little fox.**

I lay back down. Is it really all that simple? **Yes**. Can I really relax when other people's money is at stake? **Yes.** I duno. But I guess, I'll try and trust you with this. What else can I do? You've gotten me through a lot of things.

But,  
**But what?  
**I don't know if I can relax completely. I mean, it's still going to stress me.  
**You're right. I should've known that it'll still play on your mind, until it's solved.  
**Kyuu.  
**Yeah?**  
I'm sorry that I yelled at you. And've been so grumpy.  
**Oh Naruto! Hehehe you yelled at an empty apartment! LOL  
**"Kyuu!,"  
**Sorry, sorry. It's alright, really. I'm a part of you, so don't feel to bad about trash talking to me okay? And I'm sorry too, for annoying you before.**  
All forgiven. I really feel like a nap now, I'm totally drained.  
**I guess stress can be physically exhausting.  
**Yeah. Thanks Doctor fox.  
**LOL! I'm so borrowing Your Hipster's lab coat!  
**Ah yes! that thing would make anyone sexy!

I remember that the last time I saw Sasuke was when he showed up in that coat. Dang he looked good in it, like how you see female poilce officers who really belong in a porno film, and teacher's who wear short skirts. Some people just look _good_ in a uniform.  
**Developing a little bit of a uniform fetish are we Nar?**  
Hey come on, you're the perverted part of me! I'm just a normal teenage boy here!  
**You know sometimes, I think I'm the only one here who's actually hit puberty.  
**Oh shoosh.

I pull one of my blankies (yes _blankies_) over my body and snuggle down into my bed. It's small and my feet touct the bars at the bottom, but I really love me bed. It's been my safe place for years. I rustle around until I'm comfortable and close my eyes, I'm totally ready for a little cat nap. I don't need to be at 'Ruka's until tonight and we always end up staying up late goofing off.  
**Nyeah. You have a good snooze Nar.  
**Fanks Kyuu.

**ooo**

It's been about half an hour since I tried to nap, but I just can't seem to settle down. I keep thinking about the money in the hole, Iruka's shopping, how I should make sure we have banana muffins at work tomorrow for Sasuke (in case he comes in) and how I'll have to make my own breakfast until Tuesday, as I don't have enough cash for Ichiraku's.

Crap. I suck at making breakfast. And I don't get hungry until I've walked halfway to work anyways. I don't know if I'll be able to eat a full breakfast before leaving...  
**You can take it with you, or...I duno, we'll figure something out.  
**Yeah you're right. I just can't settle down. I feel restless for some reason. I guess it's all the things on my mind. Or from all the sugary stuff I ate at the cinema today. Hmmm, popcorn and maltesers and M&M's and fanta! Yummy.  
**Hm.  
**You're being quiet?  
**Not much to say. Besides you need to rest so...  
**Hmmmm.

I roll onto my back and just concentrate on my breathing, like how Iruka Sensei taught me how to do. It's a type of meditation, that's ment to help you to drift of to sleep. It usually works, so I'll give it a try now.

I start with my fingers and toes; scrunching them up tight for five seconds (or two breaths in and out) until it feels like they're cramping, then I relax them. All while taking big breaths in and out. It always feels nice, like someone is stroking my body. Next is my feet and hands, same deal; I point my feet out with my toes curled and make a fist with my hands...Then release them, and breathe out. Huh. Now I feel all floaty and fuzzy.  
**Hnhnhn.  
**Next is my arms, I stretch them out as straight as I can from under my blankie, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, relax. I move my hands to rest on my thighs and tense my calve muscles, repeating the same thing.

I get to my shoulders and by this time, I'm verry relaxed, yet; still not sleepy. I'm more awake than ever, but at the same time, a pile of goo. I try to tense my thigh muscles, but I always seem to have trouble doing this, so I use a little trick I invented; I push my palms into my thighs and tense my whole leg. It's not the proper way to do this, but it works for me, and it always makes my legs feel like they're laying in water.

Yep, that did the trick. Huh, nice.  
**It's a pretty kewl thing to know how to do.  
**Nyeah, sometimes when I feel overwhelmed or stressed, I wish that I could lay down and do this. it usually happen somewhere crowded though or where people can see me and I know if I start meditating at work, or somewhere random, people would think I'm a weirdo. They'd probably take me to live with Sasuke's brother.  
**Hmm.**

**** I keep my eyes closed and rub my hands over my stomache, not sure whether to complete the full body meditation and try to sleep, or just give up and go and do something. I play with the hairs just below my belly button, they feel kewl, all curly and thick. If I was from a Greek family I would probably look like a werewolf! I've always wondered whether people with brown hair have brown hair...Down there. And red hair, and black hair. I doubt Miss Sakura has pink 'private fuzz', I'm fairly certain bright pink is not a natural hair colour.  
Sasuke. Black hair. I wonder if he has...  
**I'd say he does.  
**Ah, I shouldn't be thinking about another guy's 'stuff'. That's kind of gay.  
**And what's wrong with gay?  
**Nothing! Nothing is wrong with it, I just...Don't think I am.  
**But there's nothing wrong with gay people, or with people who **_**might**_** be gay.  
**I know. Some of my favourite people in the whole world are homosexual and even Bisexual.  
**So don't worry so much about what's 'gay' and what's not. It's all good.  
**Yeah you're right. I shouldn't worry about that so much. I mean I'm young, it's not like I have everything figured out yet.

I know that I like anime style girls, anyone in a uniform, sexy nurses and doctors, dark smokey eyes...Strong jaw lines, soft silky hair I can run my fingers through...Dark delicate eyebrows that twitch up and down in sexy, perplexing expressions. Lips that thin when thinking and curve up when smiling, little barely noticable dipples at the corner of those lips,  
**Blushes, that spread right up their cheeks,  
**Oh, the high cheek bones, that disapear under the black curtain of hair, pale neck, a collarbone that peeks out over a shirt and pale hands...Fingers that move so gracefully, spinning a coffee cup around on it's saucer.

I move my hand down. Somewhere within the last minute or so, I'd started to feel...Y'know..  
**Aroused?  
**Don't say it like that! You make me sounded perverted.  
**Okay okay, whatever you want to call it. Go ahead, it's your body. And it **_**has**_** been a while since you last...**_**Y'know.**_**  
**Ah. I duno if I realy want to know. You always make me feel weird about it, like it's a prise for you or something...  
**I know you're stressed, so I'll be silent and leave you in peace okay. Just relax and keep thinking of the things you like in people. **

Okay. Um I lost my train of thought. Where was I? Oh boobs, pretty girls-  
**Nar-  
**You said you'd be quiet!  
**But you've lost where you were. Here let me try 'prompting' you. If it doesn't work then, I'll be silent. Just give it a try.  
**Oh what the hell, I'm already half...well maybe not half, maybe a quarter excited.  
**Okay, you were thinking about pale skin; smooth soft, pale skin. It'll feel like silk under your fingers when you touch it, it'll be hot, and moist with sweat...**

I sigh and relax back against my pillows, running one hand over my stomache again, the other holding the material of my pocket.

**It'll tremble softly under your touch. That mouth will curve up into a beautiful smile, and just a tiny peek of teeth will show through. Those lips are a deep pink, and stand out against such pale skin...**

I like the image that's building in my head. I unbutton my red jeans and play with the hair there.

**The pubic hair would be black. Like the hair that frames their face. It's thick and curly, it's moist and smells like clothes that have been hanging out in the sun all day.**

My other hand wiggles my jeans down mid thigh, and I slip my hand beneath my pineapple boxes. More curls, thick and black. A little moist.

**The soft skin trembles under your fingers. Touch his collor bone, his neck, his strong, sharp, Asian jaw.**

I reach up and touch my own face. I can almost Imagine it's someone elses. But at the same time, it's so nice to be touched as well-

**He touches you jaw the same as you touch his. Run a thumb under his chin...Trace it back to his ear, curve behind the ear..Run it through his hair.**

I do. It's wonderful, feathersoft and sends jitters to my stomache. It also make me twicth, down there. My other hand creeps lower, and I feel my boxes shift and I twitch and harden more. It's been a while...

**Touch his cheek bones, those high, artistic cheekbones. Trace over his eyelid, **

It feels so good. The touch over my eyelid makes my skin break out in goose bumps, like I've just walked out in the rain naked. I like it, I think he likes it too.

**Circle it. Yes, like that. Slide your hand up. Now down-**

My breath hitches. It's not like I've never touched my own genitles before, but I'm so sensitive right now-  
**Up, now down. Touch over his eye lids, trace down his nose. Now give his cock a little squeese.**

My cheeks burn. Am I embarrased about touching myself? No it's the thought of doing this to someone else. I don't think I ever could.

**See he loves it? Feel how hard he is now? Cup his face and hold it tightly. Hold his jaw tightly. **

This. Is like nothing I've felt before, I could swear it was someone elses hand. I don't know whether it's you kyuu or whether it was the meditation but-  
**Kit. Stop thinking. Just touch.**

I cup my own face and jaw, holding it in a strong grip, I turn my head to the side, laying my face on a pillow and let my fingers dance over my eyelids; creating that same goose bump effect over my upper body. The lower of my body feel tense, coiling, ready to do something, ready to move in someway. I'm half hard now, my cocks twitching with every **up&down, up&down**.

**Good, he loves it. He wants you. Touch his lips.**

I move my hand so I can reach out and lightly flit across my lips, they're dry. I lick them.

**Lick his hand.  
**I do, I lick the fingers touching my lips. They taste salty and dry. I spread the moisture over my lips. It's not as soft as I thought it would be.  
**Kiss.  
** I kiss the fingers, they gently return the pressure. I flick my tounge out again and wet the dry fingers. My other fingers touch my tip and my eyes spring open in suprise.  
**Wet.  
**Yeah, that felt good,  
**Close your eyes. Now rub your thumb over the tip. That's it.  
**I dance my lower hand's thumb over the tip and buck my hips. I wasn't prepared for how nice that felt. I'd never thought to do this before.  
**Squeese the head, spread the cum around a bit.  
**I gather up the little droplets of moisture and spread them over my bell. It feels great. My mind is slowy but surely fading out.

I kiss against the fingers somemore, pushing my hole head down on the pillows. My chest feels tighter, but not in a bad way. My higher up hand's thumb presses under my chin and I imagine those lips again. Dark pink and dry, a little cracked, smiling at me.  
**Take your pants off.  
**I feel heat in my face again. It feels so perverted, being told that.  
**Then how about this, Take **_**his**_** pants off.**

My breathe hitches and my hip moved forward suddenly. I open my eyes and breathe in and out, trying to calm down some. I need to wear these pants tonight, I don't wana make a mess of them. with the hand that was cupping my face, I manage to get my jeans off (lucky they weren't skinny jeans!), and sit up a little staring at my arm, some of my wrist and a big package in my pineapple underwear. Not all of that package can be bragged about though. **Stay sitting, and watch,**  
But isn't that a little-  
**Gay? Do you really care?  
**No.

Another blush comes around; I want to watch, I want to see myself get off. It's weird but, in an okay way.

...

Um...so what should I do now?  
**Oh, you want me to keep going? OKay, leave them on for now. Move your hand down and touch his balls,  
**Hu? Balls, no way!  
**...Do it.  
**Erh.

I do as I'm told and (sadly) move my hand away from a perfectly hard cock, down to my sack. I lean back on my pillows to reach it and what I touch suprises me; The same goose bumps that happened higher up when I touched my eyelids happens down here but instead; it spreads over my thighs and my lower back. It feels good. I cupped them and bring them up higher, and test them by running my thumb over the top of the skin. It's soft. I can't really say I've ever paid that much attention to my boys, but hey, they like it so, I'll keep playing.  
**Your other hand. Pump him.**

I get my other hand in my boxers as well (it's a tight fit, not much room for a party), and hold my cock gently. I squeese both hands at the same time, and I swear it felt like someone was trailing fingers softly all over my lower back, stomache, thighs and crutch; even my butt felt awesome. I slide my hand up and down my cock, and watched as the buldge moved. It was fascinating to watch. At the same time I tried to roll my sack around in a circluar motion, but I found it hard to keep a rythme with both hands, so I gave up and just held them in a firm (but not crushing ) grip, while I pumped.

"Faaaaark," This feels great. Like nothing I've ever felt before, so good and...But awkward at the same time. I reluctantly stop what I'm doing (but not letting go of my boys) and pull my boxes down. I see how hard I am. I don't think I've ever seen myself like this, it's strangely hot.

Usually I keep my eyes closed, lying on my back under my blankies. But this time; I can't look away. I grab myself again and move up and down. The feeling is so good, fuzzing all thoughts away. It even _looks_ good. I vaguely wonder if this is why people watch porn.  
**That's it, harder.  
**I pump, up and down, up and down, squeesing my balls a little, up and down, until I can feel it happening, the point of no return; when everything feels hot, when I can't seem to suck in enough air, when I can't feel any of my body apart from my hands, arm and cock (and this time, my sack), "Huuu," I go faster, knowing that it'll happen soon.  
**Lean back,  
**I lean back on my pillows, and stare out at nothing. Up and down, up and down, hard and fast. Everthing leaves my head. Only my cock. My hips buck upwards.

Warmth and a chill, at the same time, shoots up my back, neck, chest, cock and out it mucky white hot streams. I keep bucking, and moving my hand until it's all out of me, till I cum and fall off the edge of the world.

...

**ooo**

At some point my eyes had closed. At some point I'd seen a face. At some point I'd rolled onto my side, and cum on my bed sheets in front of me, and I vaguely suspect that my jizz has gone over the edge of the bed onto the floor boards.

I'm crushing the arm that's still holding my boys, from laying on it. It's sort of going to sleep now. How long has it been since I came?  
**Hmmmm, a minute or two.  
**That was the; _ .EVER!_  
**You're telling me! That was fricken chicken wicked!  
**Oh man. That was so epic! I had no idea a wank could feel so good. Is that what sex feels like? Cos if it does, then I totaly understand how people become man whores and sex addicts.  
**Are you going to become a masturbation addict?  
**If every time is like that, then HELL TO THE YEEEEAH BRO! Oh god. Oh no, I've turned into a pervert!  
**I guess a decent orgasm'll do that to ya.  
**But serisouly, what the hell have I been doing up until now?**  
Rubbing till you burst?  
**Man, I feel so stupid. That shouldn't even count as, y'know, wanking. But this, _this_ is the real deal.  
**You sound so seedy Nar.  
**Holy shit, I do too. Listen to me? Ranting on about touching myself, like some creepy motherfucker. What a freak.  
**A well spent freak.**

You got that right man. I roll back onto my back and lazily move the (looser) skin of my cock up and down. Even though I just came, it feels nice just touching it.

I roll my sack again and pull my hand away quickly. Dude, that's like SUPER sensitive now. Weird. I'm a guy, a male, a boy; but this is really the first time I've paid any attention to them. I mean like, apart from the occasional scratch, re-ajustment or brief wash in the shower.  
**Huh, who've thought balls were so awesome eh?  
**Um, you. This was your brilliant idea remember.  
**I was just experimenting.  
**Oh, so I'm like you're sexual guinne pig or something?  
**Pretty much. I got a long list of things for you to try out-  
**Okay, okay, another time Kyuu. I've fucking _DEAD_ now.  
**Soooooo, that's a green light?  
**Sure. You've earned my trust today.

**FUCK YEEEEAH BOI!  
**"Ummmmm?"

**ooo5ishooo**

You wouldn't think that hugging someone _hours_ after you've 'played' with yourself, would be weird. But man, . .

I got to Iruka's house, and like normal, the first thing the man did was glomp me. I'd showered after 'the incident', but it still felt weird and WRONG! I mean I was just...Y'know. And he's just all like, happy to see me. I'm so going to hell for this.  
**Be kewl man.  
**How can I be kewl? I can't stop thinking about 'what happened'.  
**Oh for the love of GOD Naruto Uzumaki! Stop saying 'it' and 'what happened'! It's not like you murdered a federal agent, has sex with his dead body, then ate it! You **_**masturbated.**_** There is nothing wrong or weird or un-kewl about that. Just relax, Iruka'll start thinking you're guilty of something.  
**You think?  
**He's already looking at you weirdly..**

'Ruka cups my face and looks at me in an intense-school-teacher-can-see-into-your-soul!, kind of way." Naru, are you alright?-"  
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'M SORRY 'RUKA SENSEI I'M A PERVERT I TOUCHED MYSELF I-"  
"Oh dear God Naruto, waaaay too much information." he lets me go and takes a few steps back, "I'm happy for you, really, but come on man! You're my little brother, I do NOT need to know about how or when you have 'smexy alone time'." He makes a weird face and holds a book up infront of himself, like a cooties shield.  
**He spends waaaay too much time with little kids.  
**What the crap? Was it totaly not the other day that he was being a creepy, sexualy frustrated pedo-bear?  
**Hmmm yeah, but today sex stuff seems to gross him out.  
**Maybe it's been too long and now he's lost his mojo?  
**Could be.  
**

"Anyway, come sit down, I have something to tell you." He sits down on his nice plush blue couch (aka my spare bed!) and pats the seat next to him. I sit down and look at him with big scared eyes "What's wrong, does Renji die in the next season?"  
"No, no. Nothing bad like that. GOD forbid Renji dies! I would total kill the writer! No, anyway, what was I saying? I got lost on Renji...Oh yeah. I'm seeing a Psychologist."

I stare at him for a few seconds then smile and tilt my head. Well, that's not so bad, and here I was thinking he had _bad_ news.  
**Iruka has been through a lot over the last few years, what with his ex and his breakdown and not to mention having a new little brother in his life. I think it's a good idead that he's getting some help to sort his head out.**  
Yeah. Everyone needs a bit of help sometimes. It makes me sad that he's under enough stress that he needs _proffessional_ help, but he can't talk to me about everything...I guess.  
I smile and reach foward to touch his hand "Okay. I really wish that I could be the one you talk to about stuff, but if you think you need a Psychologist's help then-"  
"What? No no no no no no no!" 'Ruka waves his hands all up in my face. Huh?  
"Hehehe, I didn't mean I'm like, booking appointments with a Psychologist, I mean I'm dating one."  
"OOOOOOOH! Oh wow, get it there bro!"  
"I plan too!"

**oooendchapita22-Feel free to skip author's notes, it's just me ranting againooo**

**DRUGS SEX AND ROCK AND ROLL**

**Drugs being; Sasuke. Sex being; Pretend sex with Sasuke. And as for Rock and Roll; Kyuu **_**IS**_** Rock and Roll.**

**You cannot deny my logic! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA *cough-splutter-die* I Wanted to address a topic of discussion that has arissen from several different PM's and reviews: FAINT'S GENDER! Now mathematically speaking you have a fifity/fifity chance of guessing my correct gender, right? WRONG! There are more genders than just MALE & FEMALE (I believe so anyways) and I for one (In several thousand) fall into the category of 'other'. Please do not be offended by me not telling you what's in ma pants. Mostly because it's not something that I can answer in a simple way. So if you're more comfortable with believing me to be a rabid horny-sexual fangirl who's writing gay smut; I am not in the least offened by this. Alternately if you view me as a bi sexual guy who's expressing his love for his own balls, in the shape and form of an anime fanfiction; that is fine by me as well. If you alternate-alternately wish to believe that I am a 'being' with eight penises and a vagina whichs' girth is the length of my diamond encrusted torso that excreates miso soup and vodka flavoured glitter; I am quite happy as well. **

**In short; Gender doesn't count for much in my book. So there you have it; a little slice of Faint's personal life, served with whipped cream and FRICKEN CHICKEN LICKEN goooooood coffee. (I do like my coffee).**

****************You don't **_**have **_**to read the next bit if you're busy.****************

**A note on this chapita and it's themes:**

**The fourth step to discovering your sexual personality is masturbation. (The 1,2&3 are all phsycoanalisis type childhood shit like; breast feeding and the colour of your first bike)**

**Masturbation is a very IMPORTANT and SACRED part of being human. **

**This is not to say that everyone does it though. It's also alright to not want to touch yourself, because that; like everything else, makes up your sexual personality. For example; If you are a conserved person who doesn't like the idea of self pleasure, then your sexual personality would be; outward projecting, private and cherishing, which means that you might respect yourself and other's privacy, bodies and sexual experiences more. Which is good. Nothing wrong with that at all.**

**Another type of sexual personaliy is someone who does masturbate, has done since 14 years old, is easliy aroused by people they find attractive and is more than happy to talk about sex. Their sexual personality could be described as; inward and outward projecting, vigorous and casual. Which means they are both a lover and like to be loved (and love themselves) they are happy with PDA's, and are not easily embarrased or ashamed. This is also good, nothing wrong with this. **

*******NOTE if you found this chapita disturbing; It's perfectly fine. You are simply not an inwardly sexual projecting person, wich is totaly OK*****************

**However. To **_**one another**_** there is something wrong. You do not often find people with one specific type of sexual personality being completly accepting of another's, who's is the polar opposite of themselves.  
(You should know that your 'personality' and your 'sexual personality' are not the same thing. Eg; just you may find that outgoing people might infact be conservative about sex, or that quiet, non assuming people might actually be verry aggressive lovers (fan boys/girls anyone?). And while oposites, **_**do**_** attract, parrallel sexual persoanlities can seriously clash)  
So you find people argue about masturbation quite alot. One side of the arguement is that; it is gross, dirty, wrong and sinful. on the other hand, it's natural, pleassurable and gets you intouch with your inner self. **

**Persons who have a set view (either or these two mentioned) are often very defensive of their belief, and accuse the other or being down right wrong. Eg; How can you have sex with yourself? How is masturbation natural? Animals do it, it must be natural. It feels good and doesn't hurt anyone, Ect.  
I could go on and on about the debate people throughout history have had about masturbating, but I won't (not today anyway). What I wanted to get across is that I personaly have reached a point in life (in age and sexual experience) that I am completely accepting of other people's sexual personalities and views about 'stroking one's dolphin'. **

**I recently deleted a bunch of flames, which were very homophobic towards my story. I felt like a hypocrit when I did it, but I realise that it wasn't because I was rejecting their opinions, rather, the offensive way in which they were presented. So I would like to apologise to the four people's reviews I deleted, and to the two PM's I deleted and did not respond too. If by anychance you are still reading, please repost your reviews and I will not delete them this time. But please bare in mind that I will expect you to back up your comments with a sufficient debate. Saying 'You're a fucking homo' is not enough, You actualy have to tell me WHY you think what I am writting/expressing is wrong.**

**As for my faithfull readers, I hope this chapter didn't make you feel uncomfortable in anyway. I would like to request that everyone answer me a question; Are you okay with the themes in this chapita? Are you comfortable if there is another self pleasure scene? If you answer 'no', please give me a few words/reasons why (if you don't I will still add one 'no' to my tally, regardless). If you answer 'yes' and feel like sharing your thoughts about this chapita (easy to follow, confusing, ect) I would muchly much much appreciate it!**

**OKay sexy time is over. Now for some coffee and CHAPITA 23! (which will contain slight, only SLIGHT character bashing, which I hope no one kills me for!)**

**Faint.**

**P.S. have time and wana read an EPIC sasu/naru fanfic, then i have a treat for you. The story is called: **Letters From NiiSan, By

**It's one of my fave fics. I just had to share it!**

**Faint out.**


	12. Chapter 23

**CHAPITA 23.**

**Disclaimer. I do not in any way, shape of form claim to own the characters of the anime/manga Naruto Shippuden. I do not make any profit from this writing exercise. BUT PLEASE DO NOT STEAL THIS, REGARDLESS!**

**Warnings for:  
(As always) Australian Language (Swearing, crude nicknames, sexually inappropriate comments and idioms), gay characters, mentions of masturbation (from chapita 22), perverted Kyuu, **_**slight**_** character bashing, and side pairings you might not ship.**

**At the end of this chapita I will make a list of **_**ALL**_** of the pairings that will come about in 'How to Function'. You are welcome to give your opinion on them, and sway me to change any that have not already been presented (Yahiko/Nagato, Sasu/Naru, ect).  
Please read Faint's Sparkle-Vomit at the end of this Chapita (still saying Chapita...Chapiiiitaaaa! Chapita. Go on, say it out loud, it's rolls swagger off the tongue; Chapita).**

**ooo**

I run at full speed up the concrete stairs to my appartment, I'm like the Flash, baby!  
**Um, don't trip this time Nar.  
**Oh yeah.

I pass the spot where I face planted yesterday morning, "Hahaha! You missed me this time motherfucker!" and keep sprinting upwards. "There's something wrong with you-" I hear a gruff voice say from above me. It's Zabuza. He's chillbanging on the top step, having a smoke and reading the weekend news paper.  
"Morning Mr Momochi!"  
"Hi crazy blonde kid."  
I run past him and open the door to my appartment. It's nice and tidy (sort of), which is how I left it. It's safe to assume that no rogue possoms or crack-addicts played havoc while I was gone.

**Hurry up, you'll be late for work.  
**Nar, I got plenty of time, remember that'Ruka's gona drive me down town. WE GOT WHEELS BABY! So there's no need to rush and strain my sexy legs!  
**You'll be keeping him waiting though,  
**Why are you such a worry wart today? Calm down, Iruka is not an impatient little muffin, he's most likely texting his _man; _which will keep him more than busy.

LOL, I cannot believe 'Ruka Sensei FINALLY has a boyfriend! He's been single for four years now, I'm so glad that he's finally found someone to snuggle up with, now he can stop being creepy and frustrated.  
**It's only on rare occasions that he is a creep.  
**And now those occasions will be even rarer, thanks to this mystery boyfriend.  
**They aren't dating yet.  
**Yet, but I can tell that they will be soon! Which will possibly lead to some 'smexy time'! Ahhhh, I'm so excited for him, I cannot wait until I get to meet this man!

**Just get naked already.**

"Alright, alright, hold your horses there sugar Daddy, I'm stripin' as fast as I can!"

While I was shoving my shopping bags into my small refridgerator, I noticed a big ass stain on my grey shirt. CURSE YOU, tomato sauce! I could have worn this shirt for work today,

**Once again it seems that you cannot eat a meal without leaving some of it on your clothing.**

Hehehe, that is _why I don't_ own white clothes; I get into such a mess when I eat. But daaaaaaang Kyuu, that egg and bacon toastie was soooo good! Iruka is an amazing cook, I think Nagato should get him fired and make him come work at the Grand Grind!

**He's also a good teacher,**

He could be a cooking teacher, ERH MER GERD, that is going to be added to my new life plan!

I pull on my oldest and most loved shirt, it's orange and has a massive red swirly thing on the back. Once I've got it on snug, I turn and look down at myself, there seems to be a problem here; my shirt is tighter now-a-days. I almost always wear firm fitting jeans and big floppy shirts, but now I'm standing here in front of my A4 sized mirrow in my red work jeans and my fave shirt and it all looks a bit too _tight_.

**Since when do you care what you look like?**

Just now, I guess. I feel like one of those kewl hipsters who wear tight stuff all the time, except that, this look does not suit me. I was simply not born with enough hip bone or groove doodle to pull this outfit off.

I chew on my lips for a moment, then strip out of my jeans and pull on my new pair of brown Billabong corgos, pulling off the price tag as I go ($30 on sale, thank-you-verry-much).

**You haven't worn these anywhere yet,**

Well todays a good day for a test run ain't it? I shall rock the customers minds with my sexy new pants!

**I suppose.**

There, that looks better (I think, it's not like I'm a fashion expert or anything, but I' happy!). I troll my way on over to my bed side table and rumage around the draws until I find a f handfull of random coins, which along with my change from yesterday, makes TEN WHOLE DOLLARS, YAY! Now I can give Ru Ru some money for my food! YAY!

**Yay.**

Oh come on, why are you so grumpy today? We had an awesome day yesterday, and a wicked night last night with Iruka, so why the sad voice?

Hmmm, Kyuu?

***Sigh***

I lock my appartment door as I leave and walk slowly back down the stairs (Giving Zabuza a wave as I go).

Kyuu what's up?

**You don't remember the dreams you had last night, do you?**

I remember Kyuu, they were weird and bit scarry, but 'Ruka woke me up before they got too bad.

**I just can't stop thinking about them, about Sasuke.**

Oh, I see.

I stop half way down the stairs to think for a moment. Kyuu always remembers things that I don't, he also notices everything I see more clearly than I do, and whenever I have a bad dream, he seems to be affected more by it.

I try and remember what the dream was, I know at some stage Mr So-Kewl-Wizard was being buried alive whichreally scared me. It was horrible to watch, he was trying to struggle out of a deep grave site, except, tonnes and tonnes of dirt was being thrown down ontop of him. I also remember money, lots of it.

I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair, feeling bad about making my Kyuukyuu suffer from _my_ bad dreams.

Kyuu, I'm sorry. I didn't realize how much this was affecting you. Tell me about the rest of the dream.

**You just thought of the worst parts...The other bits don't really matter. I just...Didn't like seeing your hispter like that.**

****Hmm. You wana talk about it?

**Nah, it's okay. **

I sigh and keep walking down the stairs, and all the way to Iruka's seedy looking pedo van.  
"You really look like a molester; sitting here outsite a playground, y'know." I say to him as I climb in the van.  
"Shudda and eat your candy." He says back in a deep, seedy voice, and swats me with his news paper.  
"Yes Mister Pedo Sir." I eat my jelly beans like a good lil boy ***snort*** and we drive off towards town.

"SO, Here's ten bucks for my shopping. Can I pay you back the rest later? I don't have any cash on me right now." I hold my breath for a few seconds, hoping that he won't suspect I'm totaly shit-broke.  
"Sure thing. You can shout me ramen on Tuesday night."  
"AWWWW FUCK YEAH!" I fist pump then throw a handfull of jelly beans at him, which he trys to catch in his mouth.

**Not the best idea while driving.**

Hehehe, Iruka has never been the greatest driver.

"Soooooo, tell me more about your _smexy man_!?"

**Yeah, I'm very interested in who has Iruka all blushy and giddy.**

Fo sure dude, this _man_ has to be veeeeery special to make Iruka nervous.

"Well he's..Tall and handsome. He's quiet and polite at first, but once you get to know him...Well, he's just..." *Insert 'Ruka's 'lovesick sigh'*. Zooh ma God. TWO COUPLES FALLING IN LOVE IN ONE WEEKEND, This is so epic!

**Calm down Nar, he didn't say he was in love with the guy.**

Did you not hear the way he just sighed? It was all 'Romeo Romeo where art thou huge cock, Romeo?'

**...You have a way with words.**

Like I said the other day, I'm gona write a book, _and this _is totaly going to feature in it!

"Awww he sounds awesome! Tell me his name won't cha?"  
"Nope."  
"Why not? You can trust me! I won't Google him or anything!" Iruka LOL's and has to swerve to avoid some cyclists.

"It's not you I don't trust Naru. But you do have a habit of letting things slip, and I don't want Yahiko snooping him out before I've even been on _one_ date with him!"

Arh, that does make sense. I am terrible at keeping this kind of secret. I would totaly burst into the Grand Grind and sing: "_'Ruka has boyfriend!"..._Actually, I still might!

**Most likely.**

It's better that I don't give out the poor guy's name just yet...Sensei is weirdly protective of Iruka for some reason.

**Must be a gay thing. Like, the older more experienced fag looking after the green novice.**

Yeah that sounds about right. Anyway, it doesn't matter why, I just know that he'll give this guy hell about dating Iruka, so I totaly understand why he's keeping his identity under wraps.

**Hmm...**

For some odd reason' I find myself thinking about Sas-kew's brother. I wonder whether he's just as protective of his brother, as I am of Ru Ru?

**He didn't seem like the possesive type. He actually seemed quite chill,**

So, do you think he would be fine if his brother was dating someone?  
**  
Yeah I think so. Why does it matter?**

I duno. I guess I'm just wondering whether I'm being irrational and immature. I really don't want Iruka to get hurt again. It broke both our hearts last time.

I watch my big brother drive and smile at him. He's all bouncy, and he keeps playing with the bits of his hair that are too short to pull back in his ponytail. It's so cute! Who ever this _man_ is, he's really got him nervous.

I...Hope he's nice, and won't hurt Iruka.

**I'm sure he won't.**

It's just that, I can't help but feel a bit protective as well. I love Iruka so much, and to me; no one is good enough for him (except maybe Renji), so what if I end up hating this guy? I don't wana screw up 'Ruka's chance at happiness.

**You won't. We'll judge him, and make sure he's good enough. But even if he's not, we won't **_**ruin**_** their relationship, we'll just keep an eye on it, OKay?**

Okay, good plan. WE HAVE SO MANY GOOD PLANS. "I'M'A FUCKING PLAN QUEEN!"  
"What?!" A brown ponytail whips at the speed of a primary school teacher searching for chewing gum, and I get a face full of newspaper again, "What are you on about, you little punk?!"  
"I meant King, KING! I swear!" I catch the paper and lean over and nuzzel my brother's arm while he's driving, "Tell me I'm a pretty King?"  
"Y'know Naru," He sighs, " sometimes I think I should've taken the Elves up on their offer and swapped you for a new washing machine."  
"Say WHAAAAAA?!"

**ooo**

After about a ten minute 'tongue-poking-out' competition (which verry nearly resulted in _another_ car accident), I gave up and just sung along to the radio, until the van pulled up across the road to my lovely coffee temple.

"Right, first stop, the slave house!"  
"Are you sure you won't come in for a quickie?" It's always epic when Iruka comes into work, he and Nagato talk about gay stuff, he catches up with Miss Sakura and the Till guy and he and Temari get along like a house on fire, not to mention he _loves_ my the coffee me and my Gorgeous make.  
"Ew, that sounded wrong, buuuuuuut, not today little punk. I have _so_ much marking to do it's ridiculous." He blows air upwards, towards a stay bang, "I'll probably be in tomorrow though, I think I'll need a good strong coffee after this staff meeting." He rolls his eyes like a teenager (**who's the punk around here?**) and I lean forward to glomp him...

Except I get caught in the seat belt, And NEARLY DIE. Kyuuuuu, the van's trying tp molest me!

**Tard.**

You're a tard!

**We are one in the same, so...Yes.**

Hehehe, you just admitted that you're a tard! Oh wait-That's still calling me a tard!

"ASS!"

Iruka lol's at my misfortune and kisses me on the head, "Take it easy, Kay?"  
"I will, I love you 'Ruka!" Once I get my self unhooked, I kiss him on the cheek and pull at his ponytail.  
"Now, Naruto," He starts, suddenly looking serious, which reminds me of when he was my sensei.  
"Um yeah?"  
"You need to tell me if something happens again, like when you fainted. I don't care how small it is, or what it's about. Promise me that you'll tell me." He hugs me from the side for a moment. I feel so bad about telling him. It really put us both in such a down mood last night.

**Nar, he needed to know. And you still had fun afterwards didn't you?**

"I'm really sorry 'Ruka. I promise I to tell you if shit goes down again."  
"Just remember, I don't care what it is, if it's about you, I want to know, and that's only because _I love you_." My face breaks out into what I can feel is one HELL of a smile. He smiles back and ruffles my hair. "Now go and bring home the bacon, yeah?"  
"Yep. You're the best 'Ruka! See ya later!"  
"Bye!"

Ah, he really is the single most epic person I know.

**That's for sure. He is a kewl guy.**

I LEAP out (like someone who's trying to escape from the seediness from within) and wave as my big-smexy-epic brother drives off. I LOL as I see some people shout at Iruka for driving up over a curb. I am slightly concerned about the other drivers on the road today, this _mystery_ _man_ has got Iruka's head in the clouds.

**ooo**

As planned; I burst through the front doors at work and sing "_Ru Ru's got a boyfriend_" To which the boss replied; "HOLY SHIT! It's about time someone claimed that ass."and Miss Sakura just giggled.  
I had to explain that his arse hadn't _Technically _ been claimed yet, but that the two were cosey and texting each other cute stuff. To me and Sakura, that is basically the same as being married, but Naggy wasn't convinced.  
"Well I wish them all the best. Did you happen to catch this gentleman's name, by any chance?"

**Hehehe.**

Oh that's adorable. Look at that red muppet, pretending not to be nosey.

"Ah, no I didn't get his name."  
"Oh, okay. Cool."

Oh he is soooo desperate to know now- Look! He's got his phone out! He is totaly on Gossip Girl right now.

**God he's almost as bad as Konan and Sakura...Or you.**

We do love our Goss!

I start to walk over to the counters, but Nagato calls me over, "Naru pooh, come over here for a second, would ya?"

Ah shit. He's gona ask about the money isn't he?

**Maybe. But you can honestly just tell him that you forgot all about it. And that ee'll have it too him by tomorrow morning. Just act cool.**

Right, kewl.

"HOW'S IT GOING GIRAFFE FACE?" Um...I do not know why I just said that.

**Smooth, Kit. **_**Real smooth.**_

"Hu?- Oh wow, you _do_ have a black eye?" He leans forward and peers at me.  
"Um yeaaah...But you should should see the STAIR! I so gave it to him, he's gona need private health care after this!" I stand there awkwardly while Nagato stares at my eye,  
"Is it still okay for me to work like this? I mean, with like a bruise on my face and all?"

**I'm sure it'll be fine.**

I duno. Nagato's verry strict about being professional at work. Remember he fired that one girl for wearing what he thought were 'trashy' clothes.

**Yeah but seriously, you could see the colour of her undwear, Nar. That's a bit different.  
**  
"Arrrrh, it's not too bad. But I'd rather you didn't clear tables today. And if anyone asks, then tell them what happened." He smiles tiredly up at me, "I don't want the customers thinking we beat coffee out of you."  
I LOL and scratch the back of my head, "I duno, you don't see how hardcore Miss Sakura is when you're not around."

"I've heard the testimonies. Anyway, come sit and take a look at your roster for next week and tell me if it's alright." I sit down and squizz over it, it's basically the same as it always is, which is always fine with me, "Yeah man, it's all good. Who am I working with tomorrow?"  
He plays with one of his lip peircings and flicks through some papers, "Arhh, me and Tam all day, and Shikamaru in the morning until 10, theeeeeeen possibly Konan. Not sure yet."

I smile and peek at the other's work rosters, and spy Kankurou's name. YES!

**Looks like he's got the job!**

Yeah man! he's an awesome worker.

"Say Naggy, how many hours are you giving Kanky?"  
"Um, ten at this stage. If he can handle that then I might give him twenty. Did you like working with him?"  
"NO! It was horrible!" I yell, puff my cheeks and slam my hand on the table in front of him.  
"W-what, why? I thought you liked Kanurou?"  
"HE WORKS TO HARD! He cleans everything and won't let me mop the floors! He steals dirty dishes off tables before I can get to them! And and and-!"  
All of the red head's serious 'big-meany-pants-boss' persona vanishes, as he grins and chuckles at me. I really like Nagato's smile, it wipes about ten years off him.

**Not as nice as your hipster's smile though.**

Oh well, no, but a tie for fourth place on my list of favourite smiles.

"Naruto, I hired him to be a kitchen hand, and casual waiter, that's what he's _meant to do-"_  
"NO! He's meant to stay in the kitchen and serve at the till! Not do everything else and leave me standing there like a bitch slapped chicken!" He chuckles again, "Bitch slapped chicken, I like that one. But seriously, apart from the 'stealing dishes', did you guys have any problems?"  
"Ah, nope. Though I think 'The Force' was checking him out."  
"Oh. Dear. God." He pinches the bridge of his nose (or is he just playing with one of the black bolts?), "Right. Okay. I did not need that mental image, but now I cannot get it out of my head."

**Hu?**

"What mental image?"  
"Ibiki bending Kankurou over a table and -"  
"OH SHIT LOOK, IT'S A PUG!" I scream, trying to shut him up before he reveals anymore of his little 'Kitty/Force' fantasy.

**That's a pretty awesome looking dog though.**

He has a little bandanna on, that's so boss.

"Oh it is too. Cute."

Thank you awesome little Pug for distracting Nagato long enough to save me from GAY SEX!

**Shame really.**

Um, really Kyuu, Ibiki and Kankurou is your fetish now?

**Oh no, not them specifically. But I wouldn't mind some porn right now.  
**...  
**Okay okay, no porn. Gees after yesterday I would've thought you be a little less of a prude!**

I touch my cheeks to confirm my suspiscion. Yep, my face is on fire! Thank you verry much 'inner pervert'! Don't talk about my...'Alone time' while I'm in front of my boss!

**Yeah, getting boned in front of him might not be a great-**

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!

"Anyway Naruto I wanted to ask you favour for today." He moves his piles of paper work aside and gives me a stern look.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

**Oh shit oh shit oh shit, he totaly saw your boner. Oh wait, this could turn out nicely...**

I fee like stealing Nagato's pen and stabing myself in the face, just to try and SHUT YOU UP!

**Well that's impolite. He might need that pen.  
**  
"Yeah, w-what is it?" Now I sound like a tard. Thank you once again, you FAGGOT!

"I need you to try and cheer Shikamaru up a bit. I know he had a hard time yesterday, and we aren't really bussy today, but...This is just ridiculous."

Sh-shika? Till guy? Smexy ponytail lazy bonez?

**What? Cheer him up?**

"What's wrong? Why would he need cheering up?"  
Nagato sighs and looks over his shoulder at the till, where I can just make out a little tuft of brown hair that's poking up over the counter.

**Is he sitting on the floor or something?**

What the hell?

"You didn't hear?" He asked, sighing at my confused expression, "Well, apparently, his 'date' didn't go so well yesterday. He won't talk to me or Sakura about it. I thought you-"  
"WHAT? Nagato, what the fricken-chicken are you on about? His date went great! He and Ino were holding hands and being all cute and shit." He just shakes his head at me, "I heard all of that from Sakura this morning, but once he got here he was just...Flat. I'm not sure what happened, but according to Sakura's investigation; something went wrong." We both stare over at the sad looking inch of hair, that's vissible.

How could his date have gone badly? He and Ino really hit it off, and they seemed so happy together last time we saw them.

**Wow. Something bad must have happened when they got back here. Shit.**

Oh poor Till guy. What should I do?

**I duno. Nagato said to cheer him up, but, you need to know what went wrong first.**

Yeah, I need to know all the facts before I dive headfirst into this.

"That's kind of hard to believe...Do you know _anything_ about what went down?" I ask, but Naggy just shakes his head. "Sakura's being 'hush hush' about it. I guess it's something an old uncool guy like me doesn't need to know." He bows his head and looks all emo. Um, I can't really deal with my boss resenting his employees for their _youth_ or whatever. Right now, Shikamaru is my number one priority!

**After the customers.**

Well...

**ooominuteslaterooo**

I CAN'T STAND THIS!

**Hmmm.**

Everyone is being so QUIET and DEPRESSED TODAY! You, the Till Master, Nagato (he's still got a black cloud over his head from calling himself old). Why can't everyone just be happy?

**It's not a crime to have a bad day, Nar.**

I know but, I just miss everyone's smiles and good vibes!

"Cheeeeerry-blossom-sexy-babe! Tell me what happened?" I beg my waitress _again!_ Nagato was right, she is being tight liped.  
"Naruto, I shouldn't really tell you. It's none of my business."  
"But Sakura, he's so depressed and sad and unhappy! We need to figure out how to help!"  
"I know, I know. But I wasn't there! I only heard it from Gaara this morning, who heard it from Kankurou and Temari. I don't even know if it's the whole story."

I sigh and lean my forhead on her shoulder. Miss Sakura is always careful not to spread rumors. It was an untrue rumor that contributed to her leaving high school. Now-a-days she's verry anti 'talking about other people's business', where someone could get hurt; because she knows how it feel to be the one who got hurt.

"Okay, okay, I know that gossiping about this kind of thing is bad, but no one besides our close friends will ever hear about it Sakura. You know I wouldn't talk about it to anyone who wasn't Shikamaru's friend. Please, just tell me something to help me understand?" She sighs and plays with my hair for a few seconds before pulling away and looks at me with resigned green eyes, "Okay. But remember that I heard this from Gaara. There's more too it than I know."

**ooomomentsooo**

The facts: Miss-Flower-girl AKA Ino has broken Master-Till-Smexy-Sad-Boy's AKA my fluffy ponytail ball of sad-face's heart.

This is...Not really registering.

I sigh as I watch twelve orgasmic coffees of all shapes and sizes are being delivered around the Grand Grind, by a little pink waitress-angel, and I wipe the warm milk from my hands.

This is...

**Bad.**

Yeah, poor Shika. I can't believe The Flower Girl did that, she seemed like such a sweetheart! She came off a little bit 'blonde', but there's nothing wrong with that-

**She has to be mad to ditch Shikamaru. He's a real catch.**

Yeah, that's what I don't get. Did she seriously just see a guy and start flirting with him? Or...Was it just Shikamaru being self concious? He really doesn't think that much of himself (in the looks department), so I'm sure he was just mistaken. Surely.

**It does seem a little far fetched. She was really into him, wasn't she?**

THEY WERE HOLDING HANDS ON THEIR FIRST DATE! There _has_ to be another explaination for this.

I run my hand through my hair (not a good idea, it's gona be sticky now), and chew my lip. How do I cheer my Till man up? He's being so quiet, not saying anything to anyone who's not a paying customer, not answering any of my questions, not giving his little lazy smile to anybody. It's like he's the walking dead today!

**I know he's usualy a reserved, quiet guy but..I mean come on!**

He hasn't even asked for a coffee today...It's starting to get me down as well.

**Nar, I'm sorry for being bummed out this morning, But we all really need your 4,000 Wats of happiness today. All of us.**

Don't apologize Kyuu, it was my fault for bringing you down this morning. It was _my_ dream after all-

**No. Naruto, it's not your fault. It's okay, really, I was just as scared as you were. I guess I'm not as good at making myself smile as you. I guess I'm your emo persona or something.**

I stifle a laugh.

Oh God I'm sorry Kyuu, but I just thought about me suddenly becoming an emo! Fuck that was funny!

**Seriously Nar, you with Gaara's panda eyes?...I have to admit, that was kinda funny.**

Hehehe. You're right I do have the ablity to make myself smile! Wow, I didn't realise that.

**You do it all the time! It's a true gift Nar.**

Huh. Thanks Kyuu, you just gave me an idea...

**ooo**

After I'd finished the another round of coffees, I made my way over to Shikamaru and his till with a gigantic glass of hot coffee (I actualy made it in one of the heat proof glasses we usually make the LARGE ice coffees in), which was basically three capicino's in one, with a mountain of fresh creamy froth, caramel syrup and chocolate sprinkles, I call it; THE MEGA ORGASM **(You should have jizzed in it!)**. Surely, this Godfather of all cappicinos' is what the Till Master needs to make him feel a bit better.

**You would think so.**

BUT NO! He just said 'I don't feel like it Naruto, you shouldn't waste good coffee on me'.

**This is really out of character for Shikamaru.**

"A WASTE OF GOOD COFFEE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?"  
"Quiet down Knucklehead, the whole damn cafe can hear you screaming!"  
"BUT HE LOVES MY COFFEE! HE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE! A WASTE OF-"  
"AY, blondie, shud'up!"

**Oh look, Ibiki's in again,**

You really think I care about 'The Force' right now?! There is something serisouly wrong with Shikamaru!

"A WASTE HE SAID, A WASTE!"  
"Alright Naruto, we heard you the first twenty times, just drink it yourself." Miss Sakura snaps at me.

Can't she understand how ill Shikamaru is? He doesn't want caffine, he's dieing of some terrible disease-

**He's just not feeling himself. You really should stop yelling at work.**

"But-"

**We'll think of another plan okay?**

****Alright. "What the hell am I going to do with this?" I normally don't drink straight coffee , because it makes me go completely tropo, I don't even wana know what something this strong would do to me.

**Well maybe that would cheer Shikamaru up; seeing you go hypo on the poor Sunday church going customers.**

No, last time I drank straight coffee Naggy threatened to fire me, he might actually deliver on his threat this time.

"Give it here." Miss Sakura sighs and starts drinking from the MEGA ORGASM. Well at least someone will appreciate how epic it was *grumble grumble*.  
"I'll have a go at it too."

I turn around to see who wants some smexy time with my greatest creation-

**Meeee-ow.**

HOLY FRICKEN-CHICKENS, Kanky is looking HAWT today!

"Wow, how's it going hot stuff?"; is the first damn thing that blerts out of my mouth. Honestly, that outfit is so smexy it should be _illegal!_ I mean, would you look at those low riders! Kitty's on the prowl!

**Hehehe, that's what I want to see!**

Well at least you're in a good mood now.

**How can you not be in a good mood with that in front of you! Look at the fishnet, those low ride skinnys, that EYELINER! Damn Kankurou knows how to turn it on!**

Heeeeeeeeeh, you're my inner faggot, aren't you?

**God, If I had a body, I'd let him give it to me...Nice and deep-**

Okay, I get the picture. He's hawt, but that's not solving the problem here.

**Yes, we need to get rid of all these prying customers, and those pesky clothes.**

NO! My sad little ponytail boy! He's going to die from caffine withdrawals if we don't get some into him soon!

**Hehehe, Get some into him ay? Well I suppose he can be on the bottom then.**

KYUU!

**I'm sorry. I have to retreat to the furthest corner of your brain now, to mentally masturbate over those jeans. I'll be back later.**

Kyuu. KYUU!

Fuck this, I've lost my wing man, Nagato's emo-ing in a corner, Miss Sakura's drooling at Kittys outfit, and Kanky's...Hey what the hell _is he_ doing?

"Kitty what're you doing here?"  
"Oh just came into collect my roster for the week, but, the boss seems a bit 'unapproachable' right now soooo.." He take a swig of the MEGA ORGASM (A little bit runs down his chin and slides down his fishnetted chest, which seems to mezmarise Miss Sakura), then looks around the work area towards the till, where Shikamaru is serving a customer in monotones.

"Wow Shika doesn't look so great. Did you guys hear about what happened yesterday?"

I blink and very nearly slap myself (derrrrrh), "You worked yesterday didn't you? Do you know what happened?" He rubs at his (sticky) chin and nods, "Yeah I was here all afternoon. Didn't Tam tell you?"  
"No she didn't tell me, but my phone's dead so I wouldn't know if she did text me."  
"Ah. Well, what about the yaoi fangirl here?" He points his thumb at the stonned girl beside us who is still intranced, "She told me that Ino was flirting with some random guy while she and Shika were still on their date. Is that the whole story?"

Kankurou frowns for a second, then waves a hand in front of Miss Sakura's face, "Can you stop staring at me please. Unless you're gona grow a cock, it ain't gona happen sweetheart."  
This seems to pull her out of her little fantasy, "Where did you buy that outfit from? I wonder if Lee would wear skinnys?" She mumbles the last part to herself, but we both hear it LOUD AND CLEAR. "Um, I don't...Even..."  
"Oh I got them from 'Deranged'. We can talk about turing Lee into a Punk later. You didn't tell Naruto who it was Ino was sluting herself too."

My mouth literally falls open. Did he serisouly just-

**Wow, bad kitty.**

You're back?

**Done for now. Did I hear right? Did he just call that sweet flower girl a slut? I know she was flirting with someone else, but really, that's a bit too much...**

"K-kankurou! Don't say that! I'm sure there's another explanation-"  
"No, that is the explanation, Foxy. They came in, she saw Sasuke Uchiha at the counter, she went over to him and just...Become a slut. It was seriously disgusting to watch."

I can't believe this. He must be mistaken-

**Sasuke, your Hispter Sasuke?  
**  
I turn my head and look at Miss Sakura, who's gone all sheepish, "Sasuke, as in..."  
Kankurou nods and speaks up, "Yeah Uchiha, the guy you were sitting and talking with on Friday afternoon. The emo-child genius of Konaha, who every girl at school is in love with. Apparently Ino's one of his biggest fans." He rolls his black lined eyes and swigs more coffee, "It's no wonder the guy's so quiet and doesn't bother making friends. It's like he gets mauled by people everywhere he goes."

I snap my head back to Miss Sakura, as I feel her touch my arm gently, "I didn't want to tell you who it was, unless I was absolutely sure. I remember that Ino was _really_ in love with Sasuke, I guess that when she saw him...Those feelings came back."

Ino...Is in love with The Hip-Wizard, and she ditched the Till guy for him. How...How could she do that?

**I guess we misjudged her.**

No, I still don't believe it. I know Sasuke's a handsome guy (a _really _handsome guy), but still, a nice girl Ino wouldn't do that and...Act like a 'slut'.

"Well they must have been some heavy duty _'feelings', _because she was certainly trying to cop a _feel _from him-"  
"Kankurou!" I yell at him, feeling anger rise in my chest like acid. I curl my fists and imagine punching him in the face. How _dare_ he say that about Ino!

**Nar, he's only saying what he thought he saw. Don't blame him.**

He called her a slut! I call Him and Shika a skank all the time but, it's different when you're not buds with someone. There're things you should never call a girl, and that's one of them!

"Naruto, you weren't there! You didn't see the way she was! It was like she was a desperate whore in a nightclub at closing time-"  
"Don't you ever say that_ a'fucking'gain kankurou_!" I glare and push past him. GOD DAMN I'm mad now.  
_  
_**Calm down Kit.**

I will, I will, but right now I'm going to find out what _really_ happened.

**What are you going to do?**

Just shut up for a minute Kyuu, I need my whole brain for this.

**ooo**

After telling Kankurou, (actually, more like yelling at him from over my shoulder) that he can take over my Gorgeous until I've sorted this out, I storm my way over to Nagato and yell in his ear; "Serve your own bloody customers for a while!" THEN I walk up behind the Till Guy and glomp him tightly around the waist.  
And wait.

After what I think is a minute (perhaps two) I finally get a response; "Naruto...What are you doing? You have coffee to make."  
"Waste. Of. Time." I grumble in his ear. I feel him sigh within my arms, "It's not when people are paying for it. It pays our wages you know." I hate how low and sad his voice is, and I hate how often he's sighing. I almost feel like crying right now.

**Nar, it'll be okay.  
**  
I sigh right back at him, into the fluffiness of his neck, "I made the Mega Orgasm coffee for you, I don't care about anybody else today."

**No one else?**

That's right. Shika needs me today, so everyone else can _go and get fucked_! He puts up with ten tonnes of really hard school work, managing the staff here, getting harrased by his dad for not having a girlfriend, and then when he _does_ get a girl, she goes back to her old flame. Shika deals with so much, all of the time, it's no wonder he's so lazy when it comes to anything else! I would lay in the park and cloud watch all day if I was him too.

"Naru, you should go and make coffee. That's what you're best at-"  
"No it's not."  
He sighs **(For what? The millionth time.)** and shakes his head "No?"  
"No. You know what I'm best at Shika."  
"Enlighten me, Naruto." He snaps, trying to pull out of my arms. Bad move Till Master. I squease him even tighter and kiss his shoulder, "Being the best friend that I can be."

I feel him twitch **(Or was it a flinch?)**, but gradually he relaxes and his head tilts back to leans against mine. It's like I can almost feel how hurt he is, Like I can feel his pain somehow.

**You're an intuative person, so it wouldn't surprize me if you could.**

Well, whether I can or not, I know that it's hurting him more than any of us can understand;  
He really liked Ino, and now he feels like a bag of shit.

**He's not though. He's Shikamaru! One of the most awesome people ever,**

But after you've been let down and rejected so many times, you start believing you're worthless. You start repeating to yourself what others say about you. All those horrible words..

**Nar..**

I know that feeling, it's not exactly the same, but if we don't stop it now, he'll become like I was. I grit my teeth in a dead-set resolve: I will NOT let Shikamaru Nara turn into the worthless piece of shit people thought I was.

"Shikamaru," I say loudly, right into his ear. I want him to hear and listen to this," I love you." He stiffens in my arms, like he'd just stuck a knife in a toaster.  
"Not like a, you're hawt I wana suck on your ponytail kind of love...But love like, I duno...Just love, y'know."  
He stays tense for a while, then slowly wiggles around in my hug, and puts his arms around me, "Naruto, I'd _almost_ turn gay for you."  
I LOL and kiss him on the cheek, "I'd let you bum me." He rests his chin on my shoulder. I smile and keep hugging him. He's not back to normal yet, but I can feel he's a little less tense now. I think it help (I hope).

"Naru, I...I just wana know what it is about that guy...You seem to get along with him pretty well..Wh-what do you know about him?" He pulls back and I let my arms go lose, just holding his elbows gently.

**Be careful with this Kit.  
**  
I know Kyuu, this is an awkward question to answer. I know what Shika's fishing for; he wants to know if my Hipster's likely to hook up with the flower girl.

**I'm sure he's not. He said he hated everyone; which would include her as well.**

Yeah but, he's a teenage guy and Ino's a verry pretty girl. I wouldn't say it's unthinkable.

"Well, I know that he dislikes most of the people that he knows." Thinking back to the first few times we met, he got really annoyed at a group of girls who were fauning over him.

**That's because they were annoying.**

Yeah, but Ino is a really sweet, nice girl, so maybe he found her...Pleasent? More his type than those other girls.

"Yeah, I know that. He's pretty emo at school. He won't let anyone sit with him, and glares at anyone who _dares_ speak to him." He rolls his eyes as he says this leaning on the counter behind him. I'm glad that he's more relaxed, but, I didn't realize that Sas-Kewl was like that outside of the Grand Grind.

**Everyone is just too un-hip for him.**

Still, it's hard to believe that we're talking about the same guy here. He's not _that_ unsocial.

"H-he told me he doesn't have any friends. I didn't really believe him at first.."  
"It's true, he doesn't have friends." The Till Guy fiddles with the order book, looking pretty down, "But he does have 'fans'. There's an actualy _club_ for Sasuke Uchiha fans."  
"Creepy."  
"Yeah."

A club. Just for My little Hipster?

**You should join.**

Well, I do like him. Actually, I think he's freaking awesome, but I don't think I'd wear a 'I love hipsters' shirt around town. That'd be weird and queer.

**Nothing wrong with queer.**

Alright alright Mr Camp, but I really don't want to group myself with people he obviosuly hates and distrusts.

"But um...What do I know about him? Um, he's got a thing for banana muffins...Heeeeeee likes black stuff..." I try and think of all intell I've gathered on the odd man, which isn't alot.

**Hmm, you only met him this week,  
**  
"What I wanted to know was..." I spy my lazy boned friends expression from the corner of my eye, it seems sad and lost again. *Sigh* It looks like he needs a 'Naruto-Uzumaki-Glomping-therapy session'.

**The Government should subsidies them.**

Hehe Lol, it could be a new medical treatment for people who are epic deficient.

"How much better he is than me?"

My head snaps up so fast I swear I heard something go: 'pop'.

"WHAT SHIKAMARU? What the hell did you just say to me?!" I step up to him and grab his collar, pulling him up and in my face.  
"I-I just asked how much cooler he is-"  
"FUCK. THAT. SHIT, SHIKAMARU!" Man I am mad now! How did those words even form in his brain? That is just SO wrong!

**Nar...  
**  
"What the hell makes you think he's better than you?! In any _FUCKING way_?!" Man this pisses me off! Sure Sasuke is hot and smart and all that, but I mean come on, he's not a God, he's not perfect.

"I,"  
"You what? You're jealous of him? So are the rest of us! For fucks sake, he's only human." I let go of his collar, but keep my, now fists, on his chest, "He's a normal guy like you and me. And to be honest, you're so much more of a catch than him."

His ponytail tickles my face as he bows his head, "N-no, I'm not Naruto. I know you're just being kind hearted. If I was half as attractive as him, then why would-would Ino dicth me?" He stutters and a familiar pain creeps up into my chest. I can't decide whether to punch him or hug him again.

**Hug. Hug is definitely the safest option Nar.  
**  
"Because she fell in love with him years ago. Look I duno why she did that, but there's more to it then that."

Why, why can't he see what I see? Why can't he understand how gorgeous and wonderful he is?

**Kit, take it easy. The whole thing with Ino and Sasuke has obviously shaken his confidence, what little of it he had.**

I _need _ to make him understand...He can't ever become like me.

"I just..." His voice cracks as he raises his head, still looking lost.

**The poor guy. He must've really liked her.**

Kyuu, I've made up my mind.

**About what?**

I am not leaving this cafe today until he's on the right path, until he understands.

I breath out slowly and think about everything I know about my friend, all the things I love and treasure.  
"Shika, listen to me, _again_; You're fucking hilarious, a hard worker, you help everyone with their problems and shit even when you don't want to and you're always there for your friends. Yes you're a lazy shit sometimes but when we need someone to step up and take charge, you're always there." I touch the side of his face and smile, ignoring the acid bruing in my chest.  
" You look like you belong in a punk rock band AND you're ripped as! And don't say that you're not, because I've _seen_ you naked!"

**Hehehe, you got that right.  
**  
He's still staring down at his shoes, but I really hope that this is getting through to him.  
"Yes, Ino was flirting with another guy, whatever, she's got history with him. But she gave you her phone number the second time you guys spoke, I mean c'mon! You caught her eye and got a date with her after two conversations! That's _fucking game_, _man_! She was holding your hand and was into _you _Shikmaru, _you _made her forget about Sasuke and every other guy in this city!"

**He still dosn't look convinced.**

"Come on man, don't concentrate on how she went back to the first guy she fell in love with. Think about how _you_ got a date with that HAWT blonde piece of arse and got her all to yourself alone in a cinema! Dude, when you go to school on Monday, you're gona be a bloody LEGEND!" I cup his face and make his look me in the eyes, "Shika, you. Are. A. Hottie. Naruto-God-Damn-Uzumaki said so, so don't you bloody forget it."He cracks out a bit of a smile, it isn't his normal one, but it's better than nothing. I wrap my arms round his shoulders and pull him in for another hug, and this time he glomps back imediately.

"Thanks Blondie. I-I guess I just went a bit emo there. Sorry."  
"We all need to embrace our inner emo Shika. It's how we learn and come to terms with the dark stuff inside of us."  
"Huh, that was quite profound of you Naruto." I frown into his neck, "What's a profound?" He chuckles in my ear, which tickles.

**Awww you guys must look so cute.  
**  
True. I figure that we've been standing here holding each other for a while because I can't hear any of the usual cafe 'noises', like; peoples talking, my Gorgeouses grinding away at coffee granuals, the clinking of cups on saucers.

I lift my head and look around...The entire cafe is staring at us. AWKWARD! I catch 'The Force's' eye and smile. He winks back at me. I also see Miss Sakura, just standing there with her empty tray, watching us.

**Ahehehe, you've made a scene.**

A nice one though. I mean, what's nicer than two straight guys sharing a man-cuddle?

**You still maintaining that you're straight?**

Well, one _slightly _bi-curious and one straighter guy glomping. Better?

**Better, more accurate.**

"Naruto, is everyone staring?" The Till Master asks into my ear.  
"Naaaaaaaaaaah. Yeah. Maybe." I giggle and plant a kiss on his ear, "I wouldn't worry about it though."  
He chuckles again, this time it sounds more like _my_ Till Guy's laugh.

"Um, so are you two good now?" I hear Nagato say from somewhere. Before I can answer though, Shikamaru says, "Yeah, we're good. Say blondie, can I have another Mega Orgasm?"  
"WHAT?!" I grin at Nagato's reaction, "Sorry boss, I only give Mega Orgasms to Shikamaru."

**ooo*sup dog?*ooo**

Nagato's heart rate seems to have returned to it's normal speed.

**Oh God that was funny! He serisouly thought you'd given Shikamaru a handjob or something.  
**  
Well, shit did get a little gay this morning...Maybe not _that_ gay, but still. I guess I shouldn't name new drinks stuff like: 'Mega Orgasm', without telling the boss. Poor little Naggy gets confused in his old age.

**Little Nar? Really?**

Okay, freakishly tall and lanky red head gets confused,  
**Better,**

What are you my auto corrector today?

**I'm just keeping the facts straight around here.**

Huh, you and straight in the same sentance, odd.

**Actually it was more of a statement.**

I smack myself in the head with my teatowel, only to realize that Nagato and Shikamaru are staring at me.  
"Was that fun, was it?" Mr Tall-and-Lanky asks, "Sure was old man." He imediately drops his head and goes into 'middle-aged-emo-mode', once again.

**Meanie.**

Ah he needs a good ribbing everynow and then, it keeps him on his toes.

I watch The Till Master chuckle and drink some more of his third Mega Orgasm. I think maybe I should stop making them, I heard that people can die from caffine overloads.

**Nah, he'll be fine, it's like water to him.**

I am serioulsy concerned about how much coffee this young man consumes, it's unhealthy.

"Sh-Shika, go easy on the coffee okay, I don't want you to keel over and die or anything."  
"Man, how can you say that? I'm not just a coffee addict anymore, I'm a Mega Orgasm-coffee addict." He grins at me, licking his lips, "And _you_ Naruto, are my personal coffee whore!"  
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME, YOU PERVERT?"

**Hehehe, another one to add to my dream team!  
**  
"Oh dear GOD Naruto, stop being so loud!"  
"Shut up, _fossil!_"

**Ooo, ouch.**

Hahaha! Nagato sulks off back out the front of the cafe (to inspect the customers or something), leaving us two sexuality-confused teenagers alone.

"Soooo," I start, wondering where Shika was going with the 'coffee whore' thing, "Naru, can I ask you something?"  
"Uuuuuum yeah sure, but just so you know; I'm still; a virgin and I don't think I'm into the whole 'penetration' thing. I know I said I'd let you bum me, but well..."  
"No I was just wondering...Do you really think I'm okay looking?" He leans on the counter again,looking thoughtful, "I'm not hitting on you or asking about _your _ preferances, I just seriously have no idea what girls think is good-looking or not."

I see his point. The female specie is a complex one. "Well as a...Guy who is okay with gays and liking other males-Not that I'm saying I do like guys! I'm just okay being friends with people who do; I would say that you're attractive. Like I said before you have the personality that would melt anybody's heart and you're actually, honestly, really handsome."

A cute little weird smile appears on The Till Master's face, the likes of which I have never seen. It's adorable and shy, but almost a little bit...Cocky. Swag.

**But in a good way.**

Hehe yeah, I think if Shikamaru was this 'swag' all the time, he'd have his own fan club!

"Thanks. Means alot Naru."  
"Nooo problem man. And hey, just remember that you've been on a date with a hot chick, be happy about the memory, Kay?"  
"You're right. As always." He punches me lightly in the arm then smiles lop sidedly, and says; "Y'know, when she hugged me, I totally felt her boobs" and then the seediest grin creeps onto his face. I am literaly too shocked for words, so I do the only thing I can think of; raise my palm up and flattone, "Up top man, Up. Bloody. Top." And we high five. And we are awesome!

**I like this pervy side to Shikamaru.**

It's verry unusual, but hey, as long as he isn't sad anymore.

**Careful, he might wana feel your tits now.**

Man, I'd let the Till Master feel up my man boobs any day.

"Erhem." We both turn from our (second) bro-mance stupor, to see Nagato leaning over the counter and glaring at us, "Hey, when you two are finished discovering boy love for each other, would you mind doing some work? We have a hell of a lot of shit to get through today."  
I catch Shika's eye and we both grin, "Shut up old man!" We shout at the same time.

**LOL, that was classic!**

Hehehe, I know right?

"You're both fired!"

**ooo**

A shit load of work doesn't even BEGIN to describe what the hell Nagato's got us doing. Apparently, every year, Nagato decorates the Grand Grind for the Konaha 'Will of Fire' Festival, which is news to me.

**I don't think we've ever been to that festival.**

You're right, I don't think we have been.  
Though Iruka did take us to the Spring and Summer Fest last year, which was awesome. Remember that ride we went on? With all the little kids on it, and Me and Iruka were all like 'Step aside infadels, the pro's are here', but then we both threw our guts up afterwards? Hehehe the guy running the ride thought we were dropkicks!

**That was a lot of fun. Do they do the same kind of thing for this festival?**

I actually have no idea, I've never been to this one. Though from what I've heard; everyone dresses in red and gets drunk, then someone sets fire to a big arse float.

**Aaaaaaand?**

Nah, that's it man. Red, getting smashed, fire, the end. But it should be good. I'm pretty excited to work when the festival's going on, it's double pay! More cash for my savings!

"Soooo Nagato," Shikamaru starts, from his position on the floor, "What are we supposed to do with these?"

The Till master is currently sitting cross legged, surrounded by tonnes upon tonnes of red paper lanterns. They're actually pretty kewl looking things, but they're really delicate and break easily. As I just found out. Whoooooops.

"Naruto, be careful with them! They cost a fortune!" The grumpy ancient red head yells at me. How rude!

"Then why did you buy them if they cost so much?"  
"Because, _Shikamaru_, It's the 'Will of Fire' festival! And the Grand Grind is going to be open for the entire night, and I want people to be impressed."  
"Couldn't you just buy the cheap plastic ones they're decorating the trees with?"  
"_No_ I couldn't. This festival is verry important to the city of Konaha, and I pride myself on being the best cafe in Konaha." I catch Shika's eye and we both roll our eyes, while Nagato huffs and continues pulling flat laterns out of boxes, and handing them to me.

Right now my job is to pull the string on the ends, making the flat latern into a fat lantern. I then have to arrange the crinkely folds all nicely, then hand them to Shika who's clipping on little red tassles to their bottoms.

**Team work.**

Yes but, WHY ARE THERE SO BLOODY MANY OF THEM?

**To make the cafe look pretty?**

Errrrrh I am not the best person for this job. The pile of lanterns I've destroyed is growing and growing.

"Naruto! I said be careful!"  
"I"m trying! But they're so pappery and fiddely and I suck and doing shit like this!" I seriously don't understand why he didn't ask Miss Sakura to do this. It's always her that decorates the cakes and muffins with little swirls and flowers and cute little faces. I'm just the guy who picks up the tray and throws them into the display cabinets, then stabs them with the tongs and ditches them at customers heads.

**Um, I've never seen you do that.**

Okay, I exaggerate, but it's not like I've ever had to be this careful with anything before.

**You can be careful sometimes.**

With coffee, maybe. Or like that time I pulled out a splinter...

"Nagato he has deaf hands. You should get Sakura or Kankurou to do this-"  
"I need Sakura to serve and keep the customers happy. And Kankurou...Kankurou isn't even meant to be here. I have no idea why he's doing Naruto's job."

Huh, I guess he never stopped after I told him to take over. Oh well.

"but it's no biggie. He's only a casual, so I don't mind adding a few extra hours to his next pay check."

Ahhhhh pay check. Hearing Nagato talk about money makes me nervous. I've gotta remember to find some kind of digging tool thing this arfternoon.

**Do we have enough cash to buy something?**

No, I've got like six dollars to my name...

"Naruto!"  
"Ah shite." I guess being nervous makes me clumsy. Another dead lantern for the morge.

"Okay, okay, stop touching the lanterns Naruto. Start pulling the tassels out of their bags and hand them to Emo-boy here."  
"I am not an emo."  
"You were this morning."  
"Was. But Naru fixed me, din cha Naru?"  
"AHHH GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!" One of the clips's viciously latched onto my finger! My poor lil finger! It hurts Kyuu, save me!

**LOL.**

"Oh my...God you're a retard today."  
"Hey that's a bit harsh, those things are pretty tricky-"  
"GET THIS FUCKER OFF ME!"

**Nar, calm down and just pull it off,**

I CAN'T! The teeney tiny metal leaver broke! I can't open the clip anymore! I'm going to die like this, my tomb stone is going to read: Naruto Uzumaki, Greatest Coffee Maker in all of Konaha, kill by red sparkly bitch thing! I don't want my Grandchildren to think I was a retard!

**Naruto, if you think you're going to die right now...How would you even have Grandchildren? Are you planning on having sex in the next twenty minutes.**

Um. Good point. "FAAAAAAAAAARK I'M GONA DIE A VIRGIN!"

**And besides, didn't we agree that you weren't straight? It is far more likely that you would get it on with a guy, in your final hour. There are more single men in this room right now.**

What! I'm in pain here and you're lecturing me about my sexuality? What the fuck, shut up!

**I'm just doing the math here; There are only eight females in the cafe right now, six of them appear (and from prior knowledge) to be in a relationship. However there is a high ratio of males, and I estimate that 12 of them are single-**

"WHAT WHAT WHAT! SHUT UP, AND HELP ME HERE!"

Something whacks me in the back of the head, which makes me joly forward and smack my head on the chair that was my makeshift broken-lantern-graveyard. "Ah, FUCK ME!"  
"Naruto Uzumaki, stop swearing right bloody now!"  
"You know in the seventeen hundreds, 'bloody' was considered a swear word-"  
"You are _this close_ to being fired Shikamaru!"  
"My finger hurts."  
"Yeah I know, I know, we'll get the tassel off in a sec- HOW MANY OF MY LANTERNS HAVE YOU WRECKED?!"

Ah. It appears he discovered my graveyard.

"I love you Nagato."  
"There cost me a fortune!"  
"'Hell' was also considered an impolite word to say in public."

**I think Shikamaru is your best bet right now. You and him did bond quite well this morning, so if you just sat in his lap-**

I have you in my head making speachers, Shikamaru sprouting on about history, Nagato who's possibly planning to halve my pay check, I've been smacked in the back of the head, donked on my forhead and NO ONE is saving me!

I pretty much just rest my head in my hand and wait for someone to snap out of it and hekp me...Which knowing the weirdo's I know could take a while. But DANG this clip really hurts, my finger has gone from bright red to purple-blue. I guess I should say my goodbyes to my finger..It was nice knowing you, you were always there for me when I wanted to open a can of lemonade-

"Dobe."

You helped me get to the itches inside of my ear- OUCH! Damn finger why are you hurting EVEN MORE?

Wait, the clips off. How did that happen?

I inspect my now throbbing finger, it's still weird colours but the clip isn't pinching anymore.

"Better?"  
"Hu? Who-?"

Oh Em Geeee! My Hispter saved me! I am so joining his fan club now!

"Sa-Sasuke?! Wh-what?" I look up at him and have to peer sideways to see under his hood to see if it's really him.

"Hey-"  
"You saved me! Thank you, thank you thank you!" I lean forward and hug his black clad legs, that're right infront of me.  
"Um, no problem."  
"You're all wet and-"  
"Excuse me, but who are you?" Nagato's voice suddenly interupts my queries with my saviour.

**Your Knight in skinny jeans.**

Lol,

"I'm just-"  
"He's my hero! He saved me from the big bad clippy-bitch-thing! Be nice Naggy."

I look up and across at my boss who's glaring at Sasuke, what the hell?

**Huh, maybe he's jealous of his youth and hip-ness.**

"Well thank you verry much, but my employee needs to get back to work now."

**Ye-och.**

My thoughts exactly. Why is Nagato being such a prick right now? Sasuke-so-kewl is just another payoing customer, he should be, being nicer to him.

"Right." I turn my head back to my hipster and see his mouth frowning, he turns to walk away, "Hey! Um, thanks."  
"S'all right dobe."

I watch him walk over to the counter (To order coffee and a banana muffin, I predict), and once he's out of ear shot I glare at the red headed meanie.

"What the hell? Why were you such a bitch to him?"

He just glares right back at me. I shrink back a little, maaaan Nagato can be one scary dude!

**Nar! Grow some balls! He was rude to your hipster.**

You're right! He was rude, and Sasuke just saved me, so I'm going to defend his honor as repayment!

"Well? Have you got your period or something, or are you just having a bitchy day?" I snap at him, getting to my feet.  
"Naruto, be a little sensitive here. Is that not the dickhead that Shikamaru's date was flirting with?"

Dickhead? Oh ho ho, it_ is on now _motherfucker!

"Ex_cuuuse _me? Dickhead? He's a paying customer Nagato, and don't you 'Pride' yourself on being the best cafe in the city? How's being rude to your regulars sticking to that?"  
"He's not a regular, If he was I would know him-"  
"Oh really? Because you are here everyday? You ditched Kanky and me on Friday ! Do you know how busy it was that afternoon? And by the way, if you were there, you would have seen Sasuke there. And the day before that!"  
"And he was in on Tuesday as well I think."

I spy Shika who's rumaging through a box, "Hey, Sh-Shik-" He looks up at me and gives me a big-happy-lazy-slightly-high-on-coffee smile, "Naru, he's a friend of yours, so it's okay. I don't blame or hate him about what happened. And you're right, he is a fairly normal guy."  
I smile back at him, and once I know he's done talking I whip around to Nagato and slap him with a dead lantern, "HA! SEE!"

**ooo**

After I said I was sorry to the boss (after HE said HE was sorry), I was sent to go and help the guys with the big group of new customers that'd just come in. I'd gotten through the ten different drinks and when Miss Sakura asked me to help her take some of them out, I was more than happy to. It'll give me a chance to thank Sasuke Properly.

"Heeeere you are Mr Uchiha, one black coffee and an epic muffin, do you enjoy these muffins?" He looks up and takes his head phones off his ears, "Hnn?"  
"I said...Hi."  
"Oh, hi."

I smile and lol to myself. He looks so cute and sleepy today, like just woke up.

"Why were you all wet? Has it been raining outside?"  
"Yeah. And I thought I'd walk. Save fuel and the planet and all that." He mutters in a low voice. I lean forward to hear what he's saying, "And half way here it pissed down."  
"Hehehe, oh sorry I didn't laugh! Well I did but...Hehehe, you look funny."  
"What, why?"

He stares up at me through his thick glasses. Gosh he's handsome, "Your hair dude."

When he had taken his hoddie off, to dry it on the back of a chair, it must have slid off his head at an odd angle, because his usual stick-up-and-out-at-the-back hair style is pretty much been reversed; It's still sticking up, but now it's pointing towards his face.

**Fuck he looks weird. Like a retarded unicorn.**

Hehehe, man, it's hilarious!

"Oh, shit." He runs a cuffed hand through it and trys to fix it. "Better?"  
"Heaps." I lie, he made it worse! Now one half is pointing back, and the other points forwards!

**I bet that's the height of fashion, **_**somewhere**_**.**

It could well be Kyuu.

"So, are you taking a break soon?" He sips his coffee and I can't miss the little 'arrrrh' expression me makes.  
"Um I duno, my boss is pretty mad at me right now, so I might try and escape him for a bit."  
"Was that because of me?" His eyes drill into mine and I see he's feeling guilty. I bet he think's it's his fault Nagato was so rude to him earlier, "No, he's having a bum day. It wasn't you, I've been annoying him all morning and I guess he's just reached his limits." I scratch at the back of my head, feeling awkward, "I also kind of killed some of his special paper lanterns so..I'm in the dog house."  
"Oh for the festival right?"

Huh, he knows about the festival? I guess he's lived in Konaha for a while or something.

**It seems like the kind of thing people would look forward to.**

...

**Nar?**

He won't have his parents to take him though. I bet they used to when he was younger..Maybe he even went with his brother before?

**Oh, I guess you're right. He's seems a bit down now.**

Sure enough, his face is stone cold and still, but his eye seem to be reflecting some sad memory. Damn I shouldn't have said anything! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"If..If you are taking a break...Come sit."  
"Hu?" I say dumbly, I was totaly brain bashing myself just now (**And me!)**,  
"I mean, if ya want...No big deal-"  
"That'd be wicked! I go and see, after I serve these peoples yeah?"  
"Kay." He goes back to sipping his drink and I walk on back to my Gorgeous (saving Kitty from her wrath).

**ooo**

**That's it for today. Warning; Big Author's Notes.**

**Thanks for the feedback guys.  
Now based on the reviews and PM's I've received, regarding the last chapita; I have decided that I will (likely) not be posting the next 'shonen aii' scene on . I am currently looking at other sites to upload onto.  
This is due to an outway of dislike, against likes, of the themes. I really appreciate every single 'vote'. Please don't feel bad about not liking it, you're opinions count just as much as everyone else's.  
If you have a preference for fanfiction sites, other than this one right here; LEMME KNOW BRO!**

**Also here is a list of all the pairings/side-pairings I am going to present in ****'How to Function':******

Lee/Sakura *set in stone*

Sasuke/Naruto *set in stone*

Yahiko/Nagato *set in stone*

Kakashi/Iruka *set in stone* (kakashi and Iruka won't 'hook up' for a while, I want to slowly introduce him. Also, please note that Iruka's 'ex' refers to Mizuki)

Zabuza/Haku (not really going to create a big back story for these two (unless it's mosh-pitted for), they are just...Together)

Kiba/Hinata (Not certain about this one. If I do pair her, Hinata will still have her little 'canon' crush on our hero)

Shikamaru/Temari (not right away. Tam is my fave from the 'Shika-harem')

Yamato/Sai (Maaaaaybe)

Deidara/Sasori/Deidara (side-side-side-waaaay-off-in-the-distance pairing)

Itachi/his pot plant (I will see how far I go with Itachi, if I decide to make him a big part of 'How to Fucntion' then I will most likely introduce Kisame and slip in Kisame/Itachi) (I am however open to suggestions)

Asuma/Kureni

Sora/Piplup (and one sided Sora/Asuma)

**And I haven't thought of anyone I really want to pair with Gaara (I mean, who possibly **_**deserves**_** our little Panda?), or kankurou or Konan (maybe kanky/Konny? With a little bit of; Ibiki/Sasuke's glasses, side action?).**

**So if you have any major objections/suggestions/requests please tell me in a review! I am not going to change any pairings because; "THAT'S SOOOO NOT CANON, WHAT ARE YOU DOOOOOOING FAINT, YOU TARD?!" You need to give me at least one reason to change my mind. **

**Other than that; what did you think of this chapita? I will let you all know where you can read the next 'naughty' scene (only if you want, of course). If I don't find a site, I will just collect everyone's emails and send it out privately. Either way: no worries no nurries.**

**FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAINTofheartskillsinfla tablepenguinsforfun.**

**P.S. INOTHERNEWS: Faint has decided to throw out as many chapitas as zhey possibly can, regardless of grammar/spelling/sense-making-ness. So be prepared for some random, squished together, unedit/unbetta-ed chapitas in the next few weeks. I apologise in advance. But remember that I will make this story nice and neat come 2013, so you're welcome to come back and read the 'spiffy' version then.  
**

**Also...Sorry to all Ino fans. She is one of maybe three characters I would bash on. I think she's pretty, a lil sexy, smart and a valuable member or team Asuma (and in other teams). However, I for one don't **_**hate**_** Sakura, she's annoying and useless, but I never hated her. So watching the earlier episodes when Ino bullied Sakura, I developed a severe dislike for her (Much as the same dislike I have for Kiba, because he was horribe to Naruto durring the Chunin exams). I realize it's childish, but I've never quite gotten over it. I do however really like the way Ino is portrayed in some Sai/Ino Choji/Ino and even Naruko/Ino fanfictions. I plan to bring her back and make her a bigger character later, just not sure how.**

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAH I can feel some flames lapping at my feet from this, but Oh Well.**

**Faint out.**


	13. Chapita 24

"Bad Gorgeous, _bad girl_."  
"Why is it a 'she'?" Miss Sakura asked, frowning at me. I scratch my head, pondering her question, "Because she's beautiful and complex?"  
"You mean because it's a fickle _bitch_!"  
"Oi Kanky! Don't insult my lover!"  
"Did you see what that thing did to me? Look at this shit, _look at it!"_ I get a hot hand shoved into my line of sight.

Ouch, that one would have hurt. My darling Gorgeous mauled the Kitty pretty good.

**She just hates everyone doesn't she?**

Yep, I thought I'd warned him about the broken frothing pipe and how it sometimes spits steam out sideways.

**You did...I guess Kitty's just a tard.**

**D**on't be so mean to Kitty. It's not really his fault, that pipe comes out at an awkward angle.

"Come here, I'll get the first aid kit,"  
"Thanks Sakura."

And besides, he's never used a coffee machine before, and my Gorgeous is an older model,

**He's just stupid.**

Kyuu! What's with you all of a sudden? You love the Kitty! He's your smexy eye candy!

**I did love him. But he was horrible about Ino **_**and **_** keeps glaring at your Hipster.**

Huh? Oh, wow, he is glaring. Kitty's got some evil eyes.

**Yeah well. I know he's Shikamaru's friend and everything, but he's also your friend. He shouldn't be death glaring someone you care about-**

_WOAH there Sally! _Care about? Um I like the guy, but come on, that's a bit heavy.

**I live in your head Nar. Trust me...I know when you care about someone.**

OKay, in a 'I-want-to-make-friends-with-him' kind of way. Don't get ahead of yourself there foxy-trots!

**Whatever,**

"Ah that stings,"  
"Don't be such a baby, it's just steam. Now hold still, this will make sure the skin doesn't blister."

Aw look at Miss Sakura would you? She's gona make the bestest nurse!

"Are you guys okay here for a few minuts, I'm gona take a break and ask Sasuke something?"  
The strangest smile crossed Miss Sakura's face...I'm a little scared.

**Run away!**

"Suuure Naruto. You make yourself some lunch and take your longer break now. It's one o'clock, and we've all had our lunch breaks."  
"It's one already?!" Where did the time go?

**You were man-cuddling Shikamaru for ages...**

Huh,

"Yep, you go and relax for a while. Uchiha looks a bit lonely over there." I turn and peek over my Gorgeous. Owwwww he looks so cute with his munted hair.

"_Lonely huh_? " I turn back to Kankurou, with my eyebrows drawn, "What's up Kitty?"  
"I doubt he's lonely, when his fan club followed him in here."

Sure enough, there was a group of girls sitting at the far end of the cafe; _taking photos of him!_ What the crap, that is _well_ creepy!

"Duuuude, that is so not kewl."  
"Weirdos."  
"Arsehole."

"What?"  
"Hey Kankurou don't say that, it's not his fault that girls fall in love with him," Miss Sakura took the words out of my mouth.  
"Still, if he was any-more emo he'd be cutting himself with that bread knife."

I watch my Hipster spread some butter onto his warmed up banana muffin and take a bite.  
"Kanky, he's not like that. If you just take the time to talk to him, you'd see. He's totaly normal."

**Even with anime styled hair?**

Okay, normal in every-way, _except_ that hair today.

Kankurou sighed and let Miss Sakura wrap some white bandage stuff around his hand, "I guess. I just hated how hurt Shikamaru was yesterday."  
"That wasn't _his_ fault."  
"Exactly! Thank you Miss Sakura," I pat her on the shoulder, before she replys, "It was Ino's."  
"Hey! Don't you go wailing on _her_ now!"  
"No Naruto. She ditch one guy for another because she thought she could do better. That's not okay!"

I sigh and bow my head. This whole 'Shika's date' business is causing too many arguements for my liking.

"Well okay. I won't hate on that guy _too much_, but I will hate on her." Kankurou crosses his arms across his blue apron.  
"Guuuuys, can't we all just get along?"

I watch Kankurou and my Waitress-angel do a collective sigh, "Okay," They say in unison.  
"Go and take your break already knuklehead. I'll take on the demon while you're relaxing." She eyes the coffee machine suspiciously, and it's Kankurou's turn to pat her on the shoulder, "You're a brave woman Sakura."

I smile and fill up a bowl with salad from the display cabinet. I love the Grand Grinds salad, it has dried tomatos, yummy pesto stuff and nuts through it! Yummo!

**Healthy too.  
**And you said I didn't eat healthy! Ha! In your fat face!

**...**

I carry my salad and grab a glass of water then make my way over to Mr Hipster, who's staring out the window. I can't help but watch him. His bangs are doing their little curtain thing again, and the rest of his hair is a total mess.

"Hiiiiiiii."  
"Hn. You on a diet or something?" He looks up, and the black curtains open. His eyes look brighter, from beneath his geeky glasses, than they were a few minutes ago.  
_"Are you saying I need to be?!" _I yell and slam my salad onto the table (ratteling everything else that's on there).  
"N-no."  
"Good," I sit down, giving him my best 'OMG-I-LOVES-YOU' smile, before I pull my seat closer a bit closer to him.  
"SO! How's the muffin today?"  
"...You...Are a strange person."  
"Oh yeah, took you long enough to figure that out, din'it?"

Oh bless his hipster heart, he thought I was 'normal'! Hehehe!

**How wrong he was.**

He stares at me while I laugh for a few seconds, then just shakes his head, "It's good. As usual."  
"Wonderful!" I start munching my salad and he continues to nibble on his muffin. After what seems like only a few minutes, I look up to see him staring at me, "Huh? What's up dude?"  
"What happened to your eye?"  
"MY eye?! What the hell is wrong with my eye?" I start panicing and tounch my eyes, they're still in the eye sockets, so that can't be it.

**The bruise you tard!**

Oh haha, I forgot all about that, "Ooooh black eye! Oh well it's an epic tale of love and freedon, a triumph of good verses tyrant!-"  
"You got into a fight."  
"No, well not really. My feet rejected a set on concrete stair and introduced my face to one of them, He was a mean stair. He bite my face!" He stares at me like I just told him I gave birth to a litter of minature killer whales.

**You might as well have.**

Hey, I like killer whales, they're all like _'it don't matter if ya black or white!'_

**Michael Jackson...Really?**

"Hehehe, oh I do like killer whales,"  
"Sorry?" My fluffy haired table buddy asks, leaning forward. He didn't hear what I said; which is probablu a good thing.  
"I said I'm clumsy. I end up injuring myself alot."  
"Oh, that's not good." I smile at him sweetly.  
"No, it's not. But I never do and serious damage, just a splinter here, a bruised knee there. Nothoing major. _Hey_, can I ask you something?"

He looks at me a bit strangely; his head raises up and his eyes look...Harder, like they're made of stone or something. "You can ask. Whether I answer or not, is up to me." He says in a harsh, almost mean voice.

Huh, what an intimidating answer, too bad for him I am immune to 'arse-holish-attitude', "Great!" I lean over the table towards him and ask in the most serious voice I have (It's usualy the one I ask Gaara is he's sleeping enough), "do you, By any chance, have a shovel?"

*Insert Hipster stare*  
"Or like a small garden diggy thing, that I could borrow?"

*Insert Hipster-head-tilt*  
"Y'know, like one of those things that garden gnomes sometimes hold. What're they called again...Trowles? Trolls? Something starting with a 'T'. Y'know what I'm taking about right? I bet you have a nice garden!"

*Insert tiny Hipster smile*  
"If you don't thats kewl, or if you do and don't wana lend it to me, I understand. I won't like_, steal it _or anything. I'll give it right back-"  
"Aaahahaha, what the _fuck_ dobe?!"

**ooo**

He's still laughing. I should be offened, but I can't bring myself to be mad or annoyed at him. He has the most beautiful laugh I've ever heard. It's a breathy laugh, not very loud...But still, I love it.

**You got it bad Nar.**

Got what?

**Hipster-titis.**

I doubt that is a real disease Kyuu. If it was Miss Sakura would have warned me about it.

"A shovel? Seriously? You asked me if I have a shovel?" His calmed down a little bit, but his cheeks are still a little bit pink. I want to touch them...Just, I duno, hold my hand against his face to see whether it's warm or...If it's cool like a fridge door.

**A refridgerator door Kit? That's what you're fantising about?**

Well, he looks like his skin would feel cold, y'know being so pale and smooth. I guess that wasn't the best example of cool surfaces, but you know what I was getting at.

**Sometimes I wonder how I survive in your head.**

Huh, by entertaining yourself with perverted ideas! Now stop it!

**That wasn't me! I was thinking about how to get revenge on Nagato! Wait...What perverted thoughts?**

Shut up.

**Oh HELLO! Did you just hit puberty?**

I said _shut up!_

_"_Why do you need a shovel?"  
Weeeeeeell, it's a long story. And it's sort of a bit of a secret..." I chew on my thumb nail looking over at Nagato. He's yelling at Shikamaru again, poor Till Guy.  
"So, you want to burry something? Wait, Dobe, are you planning to kill someone?"  
"Maybe...I MEAN NO! No I'm not killing anyone. _Yet_." I see the look on his face and crack up laughing, "No really I just need to sort of dig up this plant, but it's a, um..."

**Agapantha.**

****"Agapantha, and it's big and has loads of roots and stuff. So I need a shovel...Or something similar."

I watch Sasuke nervously. He appears to be thinking over my request. I'm not sure whether he'll lend one to me, I mean, we don't know each other verry well.

"Okay."  
"REALLY?!"  
"Y-yeah. Stop being so loud though."  
"Oh okay, sorry." I lean forward again and stage whisper, "_Thank you!"  
_"I may regret this." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair again. DAMN he's flattened the other side. Aww I'm gona miss the crazy hair.

**We'll always have the precious memory.**

Hehehe, I wish I'd had a photograph of that.

"When did you want it?"  
"Um, asap. But whenever is a good time for you." Crap, I want to get that money tonight. But depeneding on when Sas-kewl can lend it to me...Shit.

"I can bring it in tomorrow, if you're in. I don't have classes until two o'clock."  
"Perfect! I will be here all afternoon. I actually have a class in the morning, but it's only a study sesh that me and only one other dude go to so...But I'll be here at two anyway." I feel myself blush at my own ramblings. I notice he's smiling. I smile back at him as he smiles at me (strange thing, but it feels really nice). "Thank you so much. I know that must've seemed like a really random thing to be asked." I rub my neck sheepishly, I honestly didn't think he'd be in on this.

**I guess he's a nice guy.**

Yeah, he is a nice guy.

"Ahehe, yeeeah, that did freak me out for a second there. You like, like gardening or something?"  
"Um, I like plants, I think they're kewl! They eat sunshine, I mean_ how fucking awesome is that!_"

His lip twitches and he drinks more of his coffee, which reminds me,"Oh! And for like, 'thanks' for the shovel and shit, I'll give you a few free coffees, how does that sound eh, eh?" I wink at him, trying to sweeten the deal,  
**  
Yeah, sweeten alright. You should offer him a head job instead.**

Oi! I do NOT suck cock. Not for a shovel anyways.

"That sounds good."

**But you would for something better?**

I-shut up! You're making me blush in front of my Hpster AGAIN!

**Hehehe, he's lovin' it.**

No he' not! Oh wait he is! Why is he smirking like that?

"what?"  
"Nothing. I like the coffee you make. I was glad that you were working today."

Face. On. Fire. _What, he was happy to see me?_!

"Wh-why?"

**Got yourself a fanboy.**

No I don't shut up.

"Well I didn't get my 'blonde-odd-ball-special' yesterday. Which made my day suck even worse." He rests his chin on laced fingers, with his elbows on the table. That's rude in some customs.

**What are you Shikamaru now?**

Maybe. What's it to you, you troublesome person?

"You...Oh sorry, I had the day off. But Kankurou and Konan were working. You could have got a coffee form either of those guys."  
"You mean the girl with the blue hair?"

Girl. I think Konan would be happy that a guy, who's still in high school, called her a 'girl'! She's almost thirty!

"Ye-yeah," I try to hide my giggles by stuffing salad in my mouth.  
"She made me a coffee once before, but it didn't taste as good as yours. And I don't think that guy likes me."

Oh, I guess Kitty started his 'punk death glares' yesterday. Grrrrrrr.

**Really not happy with him anymore.**

"Oh um, I think he was having a bad day. N-nothing personal." I lie and gulp my water.  
"Whatever. I didn't want coffee if you weren't making it." I come fairly close to choking on the water as it gets stuck in my throat. Sasuke just leans back in his chair, fiddling with his hair again.

**Soooo, he likes your coffee? And won't drink here unless **_**you**_** make it. How interesting.**

"Erh, dude! Kankurou makes great coffee! I mean I know I'm the greatest bean juicer and frother that ever lived, but he's still pretty good!"

He gives me the little 'heh' smirk again. Damn it's distracting.

**And hot.**

_Change-the-subject, change-the-subject!_

"WHY DID YOUR DAY SUCK?!" Oops, too loud. He's staring at me. I am not normal; this is now a _fact._

"I...Went to visit my brother and he was being...Sadistic."

Oh his brother, who is sick? That's right, he goes and visits him in hospital.

**In his lab coat.**

Fuck that thing was sexy.

**Well well?**

SHUT UP I DENY EVERYTHING!

"WOW! You're such a great brother!...I mean, why was he being sadistic?"

What does sadistic mean again?

**Enoying other peoples pain.**

...

"He was teasing me about being single and told the other patients stuff that I had told him, _thinking_ he would keep it to himslef." He frowned and clutch his coffee mug, holding it just under his lips, before whispering, "Evil bastard."  
"Don't say that about your brother! You love him right?"  
"Of course I do," He set his mug down. He looks kind sad now. _Aww_.  
"But he doesn't remember that I'm _his_ brother, and he's not always nice to me. Just the other day he was trying to set me up on a date with his room mate." I watched as Sasuke's nose crinkled up.  
"What's wrong with that? He was just trying to help you find love."  
"The guy he was setting me up with think's he's an octopus."

An...Octopus? LOL WOT!  
"HAHA oh my God what did you just say?" I slap my knee and wheeze from laughing so hard.  
"That's not all. He also think's that he's a famous rapper and all the other patients in the hospital are his 'fans'." He says in a low monotone.

I litteraly pull a sticth under my ribcage from laughing so hard, "So,s-s-so does he like, rap about the ocean and stuff?"  
"He raps about everything. He can't say a sentance unless it rymes. .LONG!" Sasuke pinched the bridge of nose, looking very, very emo right now.

Holy fuck! This is even funnier then when he told me about perving on his brother! Man he has a random life!

"Maaan that sounds whacked out!"  
"He also thinks that he can breathe underwater. He can't."  
"Dude, seriously though, did you go on a date with him?" I get this 'evil' look. Woah, I thought Kitty was bad, "No I did not. He's thirty five and about a hundred and twenty kilos, not realy my type. Also he.." Sasuke chews on his lip for a few seconds, it seems like he's pondering something, "Also what?" I ask eagerly. He _cannot_ end the story there!  
"He's also convinced that another patient is a shark." He deadpans.  
"A shark?"  
"Yes a shark. Who is his rival in rap battles and other shit..But he's like..In love with the shark."

I stare at him. And stare. Then piss myself again, "A what! A rapper octupus in love with a shark? What the hell man?"  
"He tried to eat him last week."  
"WHAT?!"  
"cos, apparently, giant octopuses eat sharks or something." His voice is still in it's one usual tone, which for some reason makes this story even funnier! I swear he could be a stand up comic.  
"Oh my God, what did the shark guy do?"  
"He's still in the 'calm down' room. I don't think he'll ever recover."

I know it's bad and mean but, FUCK that's so funny! I wrap my arms around my stomache, still laughing like a mad man "Ah, my Stomache hurts! You're killing me!"  
"Yeah well, I felt like killing Itachi yesterday." I wipe the tears from my eyes and finally look up, "Is that octo-rapper?"

He snorts, "My brother,"  
"Oh, that's a nice name."  
"Yeah, I supose." Sasuke says in a flater tone. His eyes roam somewhere beside me, outside the window I'm guessing. Crap, crap, crap. His whole demenor seems to have become darker now, less 'hipster' and more 'gravestone'.

"..."

**...Great conversation Naruto.**

"..."

Now _this_ is what I call an awkward silence.

Damn it! Talking about his brother seems to put a black cloud over his head.

**At leat it matches his outfit.**

I've never been good with awkward pauses and other people feeling sad.I usually just say really random things to try and make the other person smile, but, I duno if that's a good idea right now. I can't use the 'glomp-and-snuggle' technique I used on Shikamaru before either. need to think of a new subject to talk about...

As I eat a mouthful of my salad I look behind Sasuke's head, where Nagato and Shikamaru are hanging the red lanterns.

"Have you ever...Been to the 'Will of Fire' Fest?"

**Idiot! That'll make him even more depressed! You saw how it made him before!**

I couldn't think of anythig else!

"Yeah. When I was a kid, my family used to go every year." He seems to have returned to the real world. His pale features are hard and sharp, but he's looking at me now. That's a good sign at least.

"I've-I've never been before. This'll be my first year...And the cafe is doing a thing for it so..."

He watches me closely, like he's looking for some kind of clue, or waiting for something to happen, So I just continue to ramble,"I went to the Spring and the Summer Festival this year, and last year. They were totaly awesome!" I smile at the memory of all the colourful stalls, everyone dressed up in traditional Fire Country clothes and kids running around everywhere, like spazstics.  
"It was so much fun, I ate like five kilos of dounuts! Hehe," I see My Hipster's eyes soften up somewhat. Maybe Konaha festivals are good memories for him?

"But, like I said, I've never been to this one. Do you know what it's about? Like why it's a holiday and all that?"

"well," He starts, looking more comfortable. It's amazing how quickly he can go from looking like he was chiseled from stone, to this; normal, pleasent dude sitting infront of me now.

**Mood swings much?**

"There're heaps of different versions of what happened and why we celibrate it. One of the most popular,is that when Konaha was being founded, the two clan leaders, Hashimara and Madara, set fire to everything in the village, and made the other countries who they were at war with believe the land was haunted by a great fire demon." Sasuke gave a little smirk my way and sipped on his coffee, "Because they thought it was haunted, they stopped waging war against the clans, and Konaha was left if peace."

WOW! What a kewl story! "Did that really happen? That's so awesome, and clever!" Makes me proud to live in Konaha.

"All though there are loads of variations of that story. Another is that; in the middle of a battle, the two leaders fought each other instead of working together. They hated each other so much, that they gave up on Konaha and had a duel to the death, which resulted in them both catching fire and dying."  
"Oh, I don't like that one so much."  
My eyes follow fluid movements, as Sasuke spins his mug around on his saucer, his hair falling in it's back curtains again. I lean forward to see his handsome face better.  
"Hn. It was said that before they died, they ran to the make-shift village to claim as many possessions as they could, for their journey to the afterlife. But they ended up setting fire to everything and everyone that they loved, killing not only the enemy's army, but their own as well."

I frown at him. I do not like that version, not at all.

"My father told me that, that story was told to warn people about hatred and greed. It has a good moral to it, but it's not the version they tell school children."  
"I bet! That one was kind of scary." I feel a shiver run through me.  
"There is another version though. The one my father told me at the last festival we went too..." He looked out the window again, and I can't help but feel that I'm intruding on some private situation.

"He said that the two men were lovers, but couldn't be together because Hashirama was bretothed to a Princess." I listen to the sound of Sasuke's clear, deep voice. It's like someone telling a kid a bedtime story. It's making me all sleepy and happy

"One night in a barn they burned their hands in a fire and made a promise; that after their deaths, whenever a great fire burned in the Fire Country their souls would return to Earth and mingle in the falmes, and there they could hold their burned hands and be together...With out hurting anyone." He looks back at me, with softer eyes, "But Madara loved Hashirama too much and one day threw himself in a fire. The fire was fuel by his pain that it burnt thousands of miles of forrest. It was also said that Hashirama's body was burried in the forrests new growth, when he died of a broken heart months later." When he finished the story, he smiles, but his deep eyes look at me with an odd look that I can't quit place.

I can't really concentrate on that look, because a pain snakes it way up my sternum, and into the centre of my chest.

They loved each other so much, that they couldn't live without one another? I can't imagine that kind of pain Madara felt.

**Neither can I.**

It would be like; if I lost all of my favourite people all at once. Iruka, Miss Sakura, Nagato, Sensei, Gaara, even the guy at the Ramen stand. Sasuke.

"He...Must have been in so much pain."

It would be like...Losing you, Kyuu.

**Nar. That'll never happen. You're stuck with me. **

That makes me happier.

I shake my head, willing myself not to cry infront of Sasuke (and the entire cafe!). I'm glad that I'll never lose you. It means I'll always have _one_ friend.

**That's right. And don't you forget it.**

I see Sasuke frowning at me, looking into my soul and seeming to be worried about what he sees.  
"S-sorry." I stutter to him. Maybe I was thinking to myself too long?  
"It's just a story. Don't..Take it to heart." He continues to spin his mug around, but he still looks..Concerned.  
"Sorry, it's just, I'm a sap for romanitc storys." I laugh nervously and drink more water.  
"Well, the version that I think was most likely, was that Hashirama and Madara were celibrating their war victory by drinking and smoking in a hay shed and accidently burnt it down. They were so drunk that they made up this stupid story that a fox snuck into the shed and knocked over a lantern. They were just drunk idiots." He smiled once more, and I feel the pain in my chest ease. I like his smile so much. And I definately like his version better.

"Well, that's my favourite one! How mean of them to blame a poor little fox!" He snorts and rolls his eyes, "You're worried about the fox? Someone told me that the villagers skinned the fox that got blame as punishment."  
"What! That's so mean!"  
"Anyway, on the last night of the Will of Fire festival they burn lanterns, set off fireworks and wear red. It doesn't really matter which story you believe or celibrate, it's just an excuse for a huge party."

"well, it sounds like fun! I'm so excited, I can't wait!-Oh wait, when exactly is it on?" Sasuke sighs, but gives a little smile, "Well it starts on Wednesday, and goes until Sunday, but some people start decorating earlier. I guess your boss is one of them." He jabs his thumb in my dirrection. I look over my shoulder and see Nagato standing on a table hanging strings of lanterns up from the top of the windows.

"I had no idea it was such a big thing. Sounds pretty funky. Are you going to go this year?" I ask him, really hoping that he says he will.

But the look he gets makes me think he won't.

**Damn it brat! Stop pushing him! You know this is a sensitive topic for him.**

"Well, I wasn't planning too. I can't really avoid the festival altogether, it's practically everywhere." He gestures to some of the already strung lanterns, "But I doubt I'll be willingly participating."

This makes me a little bit sad. But at the same time I do understand where he's coming from. The reason I'd never been to any festivals before was because I had no one to go with, and no spare money to spend at them anyway. I used to watch the fire works from the roof of my appartment building, but that was about it.

"If you change your mind, you're more than welcome to come hang out here. I think the boss is planning to open up on Sunday night, which'll be kewl." I smile hopefuly, "Maybe. I'll see how I go." He says, curtaining his face with his hair again.  
"Okay."

We sit in a comfortable quite, just eating our food and drinking our drinks. A few regular customers smiled and said hello to me as I ate, and I grinned and waved back to the. I really like working on Sundays. No one is in a rush on a Sunday, they always talk happily and eat more, stay longer and leave with lots of goodbyes and thank you's.

I watch Sasuke swirl what I'm asuming is the dregs of his cofee, around his mug. He's more relaxed and...What's the word, not happy, just...  
**Content.  
**Yeah, content.

He looks up and catches my eyes. I smile at him and his eyes smile back. He reminds me alot of Gaara; how he doesn't have to change his entire face to change his expression, or how he doesn't need a lot of words to express what he thinks. I really admire that. I always need the whole alphabet times 10 to say one thing, and can litteraly feel the muscles in my face spazz out form working so hard.

"Ahhhhh why do I have to do thiiiiis?"  
"Because I pay you and I'm telling you to do it, so get to it!"

I swivel in my seat to find where Shikamaru and Nagato are, but I can't see them.

**On the tables.**

What the bloody hell? They're still hanging strings of lantern from the ceiling and window frames. I look up at Shika, who's standing ontop of the table behind Sasuke's. He has one hand reached up to the wall holding one end of a string, and the other holding more string, outstretched towards out boss who's standing on the table two down from us.

"Erh, you need some help their Shika?" I ask, a bit worried about him. He has a habit of falling asleep in strange places and the way he's leaning against th window makes me concerned.

**That would be very bad.**

"Nah, I'm good. Nagato obviously doesn't care about the safety of his employees, so it's fine."  
"Oh shut up, it's not that high."  
"You only need to be two metres off the ground to quilify for a 'working with heights' wage subsidy-"  
"Just hold the God damn lanterns Shikamaru. I swear you're head is filled with _useless_ shit." Nagato snaps at him, clearly frustrated and not happy about being in the exact same position as Shika.

"Seriously guys...You need a hand?" I turn back and look at Sas-kewl for a brief second, he's smirking at my co worker and boss with a slightly evil look in his eye. It really reminds me of a cat who's spotted a little birdy.

"Naruto, grab the other end of Shika's string and hold it up to the 'x' I've drawn on the wall, above your window." I blink and try to memories those instructions. I hope my Hipster was listening to that, I may need a consult in a minute, "yeeep."

Shikamaru hands me the lose end of his string (That has about another thirty red lantern handing from it) and I slowly and steadily get onto my chair, "Hey, Sasuke y'know how I said I'm prone to injury? Well You might wana move back a bit. If I fall arse over, I don't wana hurt you too." He looks up at me, and I swear he's even better looking from this angle, "Right."

After Sasuke'd shuffled his chair back a bit (and removed our dishes from the table, placing them on an used on behind him), I stepped up onto the table and tried to remember what the fuck I was meant to be doing again.

**You could totaly jump into his lap from here.**

Kyuu, I don't need this right now. I'm not only standing on a small table, but I'm holding expensive decorations, _and _ I have string..You know how much trouble I get into with string.

**Hehe, yeah, sorry.**

I see a little pencilled 'x' on the wall and reach up, touching the string to it, "This it?"  
"No, I want the lanterns to hang evenly, try losening the string until they match how Shikamaru and mine are hanging."

Eh?

"He means, between where the strings attached to the wall, he wants the same number of lanterns in every space. Give me more of your string. I'll tell you when we have enough." Okay, Shika's explanation made more sense.

I start, slowly, moving more string and lanterns towards Shikamaru, the both of us couting how many there are. "Is that enough Nagato?"  
"Yeah, they're even. Now, Naruto. Stay there, we need to put some hooks on the wall."

Eh?

"Why didn't you put the hooks on before?" I ask, scratching my head with one hand. That doesn't make a lot of sense to me.  
"Because he's unorganised."  
"Well, there goes an hour of your pay. Here," Nagato stuck a sticky-backed hook to the wall at his end and threw Shika the packet of them, then he did the same. Once Shika's lanterns where hooked on and secure, he got off the table and _passed_ me a hook, which I am eternally grateful for. I seriously doubt I would have been able to catch it.

I peel off the papper backing at stick the hook to the wall ontop of the 'x' (Which I hope is where I was supose to stick it) and then move to get off the table...

I look down at Shika and Sas-kewl and over-hear them chatting, "Yeah man, it's all good. Don;'t worry about it."  
"Kay. But, I feel pretty bad about it." My Hipster says quitely, letting his bangs frams most of his face.  
"Nah, I'm not that cut about it. I dunno if I even want to date a girl if they were like that."

I smile to myself and down at my precious litle smart cookies. If I heard right, I think Sasuke just apologised about what happened with Ino, even though it wasn't his fault.

**That's really sweet of him.**

Yeah, he really does have a good heart. The more I get to know this guy, the more awesome I think he is. I will definately be getting myself a membership to his fan club.

**Imagine all the nice things you can tell others about him. It'll make the other members love him even more.**

It sure will! I know I have some stories that'll get those fangirl's hearts pumping!

**Hmmm, it might just get something else pumping to. kukuku.**

Hu?

**Nooooooothing.**

I frown suspiciously, knowing I was being made fun of but too stupid to understand it. *Sigh* I guess I'll ask Shika about that later. He's smarter than Kyuu anyway.

"You gona stay up there hawk eye?" Speaking of the ponytail coffee addict,  
"Yeah man, I got a few of my_ little minnions! Moohahahaha!"___I put on my best 'evil laugh' and watch as the customers give me various looks; some are weirded out, some are just 'oh it's Naruto again' and others (ie, The Force) are just like '_Hail to our mighty coffee God'._ I strike a pose and point over at him. He Lols and chuckles.

"Get off the table Naruto. Your feet are probably filthy."  
"What and yours and mine arn't?" Arrrh here we go again with another battle of the super braind. I roll my eyes at Naggy and Shiky and squat done in front of Sasuke, "Don't tell anyone, but I think those two are secretly in love with each other." He smirks and nodds, staring up at me.  
"You, getting down? Or you staying on my table?"  
"_Your table?!"  
_"Yes, _my table_."  
"Well excuuuuuse me for making this cafe look pretty for you."  
"Hn, I'm not a fan of the lanterns."  
"_After all the blood sweat and tears I went through to make you happy?"  
_"What blood, sweat and tears, Dobe?"  
"Blood! From my finger! Sweat from moutaineering this ruggaged table and tears...For like... All the poor lanterns I destroyed earlier." I scratch the back of my neck and sheepishly look over to the large pile or ruined lanterns. I need to clear them away before Nagato _counts_ them.  
"Hn, Well, You efforts were in vain. I'm hardly impressed."  
"What if I made you another coffee? Would you be inpressed them, eh?"  
He places a finger to his pink lips in mock ponder, "You have a deal."

I lol and start to move my legs over the edge of the table. I figure that; squat-sit-slide off is a better option for me than stand-step-step-slip-fall-break-neck-and-other-vital-bones-make-an-arse-of-self-and-die.

**Indeed.**

I get one leg over the edge and go to move my other. The small round table seems to feel a bit _umbalanced_ and slips forward on _it's legs'. _

It's like the universe is in slow motion or something. Well, my universe is anyway I doubt the whole cafe's time and space is being contorted right now. The table slips from under my arse and skids backwards, but I didn't hear a shatter so I think the glass window is safe. I land on one foot, which doesn't hold me. The other foot is God knows where...Narnia most likely. And I'm left falling through the universe towards a calm, handsome, smells like-coffee-and-a-humid-street-at-night Sasuke motherfucking Uchiha.

Arrrrrh Fuck. He didn't move he chair further away enough.

**ooo**

From to momentum of my fall, along with the fact that, somehow, Sasuke got up and tried to catch me, I ended up barrelling into him and knocking him to the floor, with me following close behind. Toooooo close. Way to close. I didn't realise that he and I are a similar height. He's taller, but only by a smidgen.

**Hehehe, Naruto,**

I mean, I expected him to be a lot taller. I'm not sure why. He sits taller in the cafe's chairs though dosn't he?

**Hehehe!**

Or maybe it's because I slouch when I sit. Yeah that's probably it.

**HAHAHA Oh my God, this is perfect! This couldn't have turned out any better, if I had planned it myself!**

****I am in his face. In Sasuke-the-hipster's face. Odd.

I never thought that my first kiss would be like this. Or that I would be thinking about height differences with a friend durring my first kiss. Not that I'd planned on kissing a boy, or Sasuke himself. But this situation really has become strange.

**Oh this is **_**gold!**_

It's becoming even odder with every passing second. How long have I been laying ontop of him? Five seonds? Ten seconds? I fear longer, but...

**You don't wana stop, do you?**

I-I don't know how. I can't feel my arms anymore.

I move my eyes upwards, from where they were staring at the corner of Sasuke's lips, up to his eyes. They're hooded, almost half closed (or half open?), he doesn't seem that alarmed about the fact that I just fell off a table and landed on him, with our lips contected.

He blinks. He blinks again. His eyes _widen_. And my breathe from my nose foggs up his glasses.

Shit shit shit.

**Slip your tongue in there.**

PERVERT!

I press my hands against his chest and push myself up in a on-a-hipster pushup.

**That could be some kind of new exersice craze.**

I...Highly doubt the Hipster community would appreicate that Kyuu.

Our lips leave eachothers , and I _feel_ him exhale a breathe onto mine. That felt...Weird.

**Good.**

Sssssh. I need damage control right here!

I turn my head to the side and plop back down. My arm hurt to much to stay in the Hipster-push-up-stance. I don't think I can get up, but I can't hardly just stay like this can I? So I do the next best thing, "Aaaaaaah fucking goat chease! I'm dying!"  
This very strange sensation rattles through my body. It takes a few seconds, but eventualy I figure out that it's Sas-kewl's laughing underneath me.  
"OI what are you laughing at?!"  
"Arh, that's my ear, Dobe." He laughs again, and I look towards him. Oh, he has nice ears.  
"Hello little hipster ear. How're you today."  
"I was alright until a clumsy blonde ditz _fell ontop of me!"_

Ears can talk? Who knew?

"I'M SO SORRY LITTLE EAR I DIDN'T MEAN TOO!" I find my inner strength and push up hipster style again, and _most_ of my body is off Sasuke's now.

**Most, Only the bits that don't count.**

PERVERT! I amso going to listen to Michael Jackson when I get home tonight!

**Oh No! PLease, anything but whacko jacko! I'll be good I promise!**

Good naughty Kyuu.

I roll myself off of my squishy landing mat, onto the floor beside him and groan. Dang my body hurts after that. I've really taken a beating in the last few days.

"Duuuude, ouch. Are you okay man?" Turning my head I see Sasuke holding a hand to his face. To his lips. "You-"

"NO! That was an accident I swear! It was so not part of some crazy stalker fangirl plan! Please believe me I wanted my first kiss to be taken my a transvestite amatur terrorist!"  
"Wh-what? Oh I don't even _want to know!"_

**Really? You wanted to kiss Deidara?**

Hehehe I've always wanted to just grab his hand and pash one of the mouth tattoos, just to see what he'd do.

**He'd probably let you.**

He is so awesome.

**You have odd taste in men.**

NOT AS WEIRD AS YOU!

"So, um, sorry about that." I say meekly. I hope he's not mad at me, or embarrased.  
"Erh..Um..It's okay...Wasn't your fault."

Arh NOOOO he's all embarrased now! He's blushing and won't look at me!  
"Look at me Sasuke!"  
"Wh-what?"

"...Is your back okay?" I ask normaly. Nothing to see here, I'm perfectly normal.  
"Yeah it's fine." He sits up slowly and crossed his legs, rubbing at his head, "Arh that was one spectacular fail."  
"Hehehe, I told you I'm clumsy. Are you sure you're alright?"  
"Yeah I didn't fall that far. These bag things helped." He pulled reached back and showed me a bag full of the million and one bags the red tassel came in. Oh good, he had a bit of a cushion.

**Your cuchion was better. And sexier.**

I duno man, that's some hawt lookin plastic.

I smile at him and make to stand up, when an arm hooks under my arm pit and I'm pulled to my feet.  
"Damn it idiot, what am I going to do with you?" Nagato stands behind me and dusts some pretend dust of my back.

**He just wants an excuse to touch your arse.**

So would you! I have a damn fine arse.

"Are you two alright?"  
"W-well I'm okay Naggy, I'm not so sure about-"  
_"I'm fine. _It's not like you were heavy." I smile at Sasuke again. I know it must have hurt, but if he wants to play it kewl and be a tough guy, I'll let him.

"Well I'm glad you're both alright. You're such a cluts." The red headed man pulls on the back of my hair and I squeal at him.

"He should have been doing that ona ladder." Sasuke's face is hard again. It's so scary how contrasting it is too that kind, concerned face he wore a moment ago.  
"Well, that's really none of your business."  
"It is when he falls ontop of me. We both _could_ have been hurt." He frowns at my boss and I can almost see little blue lines of electricity spark between them. Erh, I think these two got off on the wrong foot.

"What are you going to _sue_ me or something kid?" I snap my head to glare at Nagato, "Oi, pipe down! I just squished the poor guy! And don't call him a kid!"  
"No I'm not going to sue you, but if I were anyone else I would, and _could."_

I really don't like this tensio. It's not nice.

**Hmm, I don't like it either. Best find a way to shut this down.**

"Sa-Sasuke, why don't I make you that second coffee now? Nagato, the lanterns are up and look pretty, why don't you go and yell and Shikamaru again?" I get a half glare from the older red head, and a small smile and nod from the young raven haired man.

"Could you make it to take away? I'm going to see my brother this afternoon." He asks softyl, looking down and letting his hair fall forwards, before saying even in an even softer voice, "I'd better hurry, before he takes his afternoon cat nap."  
I giggle at the thought, "_Awww, _that's adorable!"  
"Hn," His face pinks, (it's probably from being annoyed at Nagato-the-big-meanie) and shuffles to pick up his bag and hoodie, while I collect out dishes from the table behind us.

"Do you want something to take for Itachi as well? We have loads of different drinks on the menu. Do you know what kind of coffee he drinks?" I ask over my shoulder, as Sasuke follows me over to the counter.  
"Ahhm, he's not really a coffee drinker. He suffers from insomnia so I don't think he'd want to drink it. I remember that he likes hot chocolate though..." He said the last part in a low voice, that trailed off in a 'thinking' expression on his pale face.  
"I make Uber Awesome hot chocys! Let me make him one, kay! As an apology for squishing you!"  
"Oh you don't have to do that, I'll pay for it-"  
"Nuh!"  
"Hey! It wans't your fault you fell!"  
"Nope, it's my pleasure. Besides, I think he'd need a nice hot, sweet drink to survive shairng a room with the Octopus guy!" I lol and take a fiver off him.  
"Well, okay. Thanks."

_Aww _what a cutie.

I sure hope that Itachi likes his hot chocolate's sweet and creamy! Cos that's the way Naruto Uzumaki makes em!

**Kukuku, you should 'cream' in it.**

...

...

BILLY JEAN IS NOT MY LOVER, SHE'S JUST A GIRL-

**NOOOOO!**

**ooo**

**"A shovel? Seriously? You asked me if I have a shovel?" I imagined that Sas-kewl was expecting Naru to hit on him or ask him out (like every other *** and their dog). Wasn't he suprized?**

**Chapita 25 is the big shonen aii chap. It contains another scene similar to the one in Chapita 22. When I have it typed and perfected, I will post a new chapita here which will basically be an Author's Note asking anyone who is interested in reading Chapita 25, to Private Message me their email address (in add it to a review, if you don't give a **** about privacy), and I shall email it out.**

**The email will firstly contain a disclaimer and a **_**serious **_**warning, and also a thing to say NO STEALING MY CHAPITA!**

**So, hope you liked no. 24, if we all survive 21-12-2012 then I'll see ya'll again. If not...Well you'll never get your 'naughty scene'!**

**Faint out.**

**P.S. In Australia we write dates; day, month, year. ^^^^ That is the correct Aussie date of the end of the world.**


	14. Chapter 25

**25. Part One.**

* * *

I drag my bag-of-shit body up the concrete stairs and let myself into the appartment.

It sprinkled rain on the way home; which was actually realy nice, but now I tired and need a shower.

I walk in, kick my shoes off, strip out of my wet hoodie, sprawl out on my couch and sigh.

What a weird day! The whole shit with the Till Guy being a ponytailed emo fish, Nagato being a grumpy old bastard, really wore me out. AND THE HORRIBLE CLIP THING that bit me, it was so mean. And my Hipster...My hipster's crazy hair (LOL I realy wish my phone had a camera), my Hipster's crazy would-be-date with an Octopus...My Hipster's lips...

ARH Why can't I stop thinking about that? I got through the rest of my shift without thinking about it _once, _But that 'kiss' creeped into my head while I was walking home and now, I can't stop thinking about it!

**FYI chanting; 'Don't think about it, don't think about it," Inside my bloody head isn't going to help!**

You don't have a head.

**Fine, my space in **_**your **_**head.**

Whatever, it's not something I wanted to think about _then_ or _now_! Why can't you help me block that whole weird 'incident' out!

**I can't do that. It's you who blocks things out, not me.**

Fine! _Blocking out, blocking out-_

_Blocking out,_ his eyes that looked so gooy and soft, then the went _wide_ and bright, and he started blushing. Damn he looked delicious when he blushed-

I lay there in a daze for a few seconds before smacking myself in the face, _Hard._Which wasn't a smart move, because my eye still hurts.

Hmm It was sweet how he was worried about how I got this bruise...ARRRRH What the crap! Get out of my head Sasuke, you naughty, naughty little Hipster!

Fuck what is wrong with me lately. First yesterday with the whole 'self experiment' and now I can't even calm myself down from think about that whole _thing._

**You mean how you kissed him.**

No I didn't kiss him! I _fell onto him_, it wasn't a real kiss. Actualy it wasn't a kiss at all, it was more like...A face smash. Or like, I _lip-butted _him.

**Remember when you fogged up his glasses? That was so hot! I bet it's be even hotter if you **_**came**_** on them-**

KYUU! _Please, _I'm try'na make friends with him! I realy want to make a good impression, but I _can't_ if I keep thinking these perverted things. I need to stop these thoughts _now! _He gets girls, and I bet tonns of guys as well, hitting on him all the time; which he _hates!_ I will not become another sad stalker who's just try'na make him fall for me.

**Nar...Are you seriously going to try and deny your attraction to him?**

N-no, I'm not. I realise after yesterday (and today) there's a chance I might...as in a _small_ chance, that I could _possibly_ be attracted to, a _certain type_ of male..Persons..As in...Guys.

**...**

**Well done Kit, I'm proud of you for admitting that. Even if it's just to me and yourself.**

I sigh and nod my head.

This's been playing on my mind for a little while, and I supose there's no use trying to deny it anymore. Some of the guys that I've met and seen around the city are attractive to me. Even some of the guys from the animes I watch are pretty. I guess I _could_ be bi sexual...But I really don't want anybody else to know about it just yet. I-

**Kit, no one is going to judge you! Three quarters of your closest friends are gay. It's not like **_**they're**_** going to hate on you.**

I know but, I'm not ready to talk about this. And you just _know _the first thing they're going to do is try and set me up on a date with some guy, so I just..Wana keep this between us, and maybe Iruka, for now.

**Okay, I understand. It's not like **_**I'm **_**going to tell anyone, is it?**

Thanks Kyuu. But I meant what I said before, I want to make _friends_ with Sasuke, not be one of those annoying people he hates.

I sigh and stare the walls and rub my eyes. They're all tired and keep drooping.

I duno what I'd do if my Hipster-Wizard hated me...

**Well then, we'll just have to make sure he doesn't learn of your secret desires then, sharn't we?**

Yeah, I need to block this shit out, ASAP! I cannot be thinking creepy stuff about him when he comes in for coffee. I love sharing my lunch breaks with him, it's almost become a habit. A realy, realy nice one.

Just the thought of Sas-kewl munching a banana mufin makes me grin. It's funny how he only likes the banana ones...

Well, regardless of what my hormones might think of him, I will not hit on him in anyway; which means I need to keep calm around him and not think about how pink his lips are, and how they were dry when mine pressed against them, or how they twitch a little and opened just the tiniest bit in suprize-

_"ARHHH Fuck this shit! Get out of my head you..you..you mufin muncher!"_

**Heh, how's that going for ya?**

I start pulling on my hair and trying desperately to think of something else, anything but how warm his chest felt...Or how when I pressed my hands against him, he felt so solid and even muscled.

**I guess he's not a skinny scrawny mufin man. Maybe he goes to the gym or something?**

Holding onto him made me feel so safe. And _God Dang _I wanted to take those glasses off to see his eyes more clearly...They were so dark and held so much emotion. I just wanted to drown in them, and stay there forever.

**Weren't you trying to **_**not**_** think about what a sexy mofo he is?**

"GIVE ME SOMETHING ELSE TO THINK ABOUT THEN!" I can't stop this. I am litterally going to have to kill myself now. Great. I'm commiting suicide and I haven't even written my book yet.

I viciously rub at my eyes, trying to stop thinking about this guy. '_What is wrong with me, what is wrong with me?'_ Chants over and over in my head. I know it must be pissing Kyuu off._  
_  
**You got that right foxy spots. But Nar, it's okay to **_**think**_** about Sasuke like that, as long as you don't try and get in his pants.**

"But, what if I end up doing that one day?" What if I get so caught up in how gorgeous he looks underneath his little black-hair-curtain, or how mesmarising his laugh is?-

**You're a gona Nar. How about this; You stop beating yourself up about these feelings, and let yourself go and be free to think about him, and I'll stop you from making any 'moves' on him.**

"Seriously Kyuu?" You're just as into him as I am. Plus you're a _SUPER_ pervert, what makes you think that _You _can control _yourself?_

**Oh, I am very, very offended by that.**

If we were reveresed, you would have butt raped; Gaara, Deidara, Nagato, Shikamaru, _Iruka_ and let Sensei and Kankurou fuck you a million times over..._In the last week!_

**Okay okay, you have a point. Except about Deidara, I don't fancy him **_**that**_** much. I'd just make him suck my-**

_"Kyuu!"_

**OKay! I get it, I would be a man-whore. But I like Sasuke, and I want you two to become 'cosy'. **_**Buuuuut**_** I understand we can't just run in with guns blazing and flys open! We need to get to know him, and let him know us first. A one night stand with him would be **_**amazing...**_**But, a long term thing would be better.**

I'm almost lost for words. A 'long term thing'? As is like a '_boyfriend'_?

**Well..**

Are you like; in love or something, Kyuu?

**No, I just want you two to be together. You deserve someone as awesome and amazing and hip as him. And I think he deserves someone as loving and caring as you.**

That's...so sweet Kyuu.

I can't help grinning like a happy little kitty cat. I would realy like to be _'that close_' with Sasuke one day, and I hope that sooner rather than later; he'll smile and laugh all the time.

I touch my face and feel the mother of all blushes burn my cheeks.

Oh dear...I think I may have a little crush on him.

_**Oh nooooo, realy? I had no idea!**_

Oh shut up, you were right, I was wrong, blah blah blah. But I'm still not convince, Kyuu! You're always ranting on about sexual positions with random furniture and how I should 'jizz' into things! What makes you think I would believe you'd stop _me_ from doing something like that to him? If I dropped some random hawt guy's pants and started sucking him in the middle of a shopping centre, you'd think it was the _greatest thing ever_!

**Yes...But not to Sasuke. I don't want to ruin your chances with him by coming on too strong. Or like a molester.**

But you wana do naughty stuff to him too!

**Yes but-**

So how can you say that you would stop me?-

**I WON'T BE A PERVET AROUND SASUKE. I will keep my fanatsies to myself and only tell you about them if you **_**ask **_**me too okay? I will control that side of myself, for you.**

Hmmm.

_**ANNNND **_**I won't let **_**you**_** be a seedy jerk to him either. **_**I promise.**_

Realy? You realy mean that? No inappropriate comments while I'm talking to him? No _'You should bend over the table and let him have you'_ or '_you should jizz in that'_?

**Yes, I **_**swear**_** on all things gay, sparkly and covered in jizz.**

Lol wow, Kyuu's getting serious now!

I smile to myself and let my hands fall away from my face.

Okay fox-trot, I believe you. But this doesn't mean I'm going to think about him _all_ the time though, and there will _not_ be constant repeats of the...'thing that happened the other day', OKay?!

**OKay, okay I understand. But if it does happen, don't supress it. Induldging in your feelings for him. It's not hurting anyone when you do it alone. Or with me.**

Right. Okay I conceed to this. But SO HELP ME GOD if you make a fool out of me in front of Sasuke; I will download every Michael Jackson song, put my ipod on, on FULL VOLUME for seventy two hours straight! Deal?

***Mentally shivers* Yeah I got it Nar, we got our selves a deal.**

I realy hope I don't regret this.

I look down at myself and sigh.

I think I need a cold shower now.

**Not from Michale Jackson I hope? *Mentally shivers***

* * *

I stepped out of the shower, still..Erh...Not calm and grumble to my bathroom,"Stupid damn hormones, stupid frickin' shower taps!"

**I guess your appartment's plumbing is working against you, hu?**

This is getting RIDICULUS I mean _come on! _All winter the hot water refused to stay on for more than three days at a time, and now nomatter what I do to the taps, it won't go completely cold! That's just bloody weird!

**It was cool**_**ish.**_**.**

Yeah like, luek warm, but not cold enough to...Y'know.

**Scare the big bad snake away?**

"WHAT did you call it?!" I scream to my foggied bathroom, "Do. Not. Hit. On me. Mr. Voice. In my. Head!"

**I wasn't hitting on you,**

I catch a glimpse in my bathroom mirror and groan, "At least no one's here to see me blush like a frickin' school girl. Can you please not say shit like that to me? It's _heeeell_ weird."

**I was just letting you know how big you look, from this perspective.**

"It is not big, it's normal sized, for a normal body, with a normal head ontop!"

**Well**_**, I'm**_** impressed by your junk.**

I flick on the fan and start drying myself off with one of my small soft orange towels.

Impressed? Kyuu, shut your imaginary trap.

**Well **_**I**_** think it's beautiful.**

I feel myself blush again. I realy do not want to look at my reflection again, this is simply too embarrasing.

"What the fuck man? _Beautiful?_ What shity grey crack 'ave you been smokin'?"

**Hmmm, same dang cheap cigarettes you've been inhaling Nar.**

"Whatever. Stop saying weird things about me. It's fine if you're perving on hot guys, but me?...That makes me even more worried about our mental health."

_**No need to be concerned my well endoured friend.**_** Just think of me as your sex coach, and I'm just lifting your spirits! You know, prepping you before a big game?**

"Sex coach-...Dear God I need to call a shrink or something!" I slap my forhead (avoiding the bad eye) and roll my eyes and try to ignore the_; __**Not that either of us have seen much cock, but I'd say you're in the 'above-average' category**__ ,_that rattles on inside my is actually starting to make me want to call Iruka to see if his boyfriend has a free appointment.

**You're not **_**that**_** crazy Nar.**

"I'm not talking about me! I'm talking about _you_! You need a shrink! My side of my brain is fine, it's you that has some sort of psycological porn issue!"

**Hehehe, we should buy some porn.**

I don't even...I don't even know what to do with you some times.

**We could buy one that suits both our fetishes! A compromise! One with lots of older hot guys having hot, sweaty orgies all over the place for me, and an emo doctor in a lab coat wearing eyeliner and Harry Potter glasses for you. How does that sound, eh?**

I blush at a rogue thought that crosses my mind; _'that actualy sounds pretty good'_, and seriously consider hanging myself with my fluro yellow belt as I realise it was _ME_ thinking that."Help! I'm turning into a pervert!" I cry out, feeling my life's meaning and joy slip away!

**Kukuku, yelling at it won't make it go limp, Nar.**

I look down, pale, then glare at my shower, "Why are you plotting against me? Are you working with the perevert in my head? You two're conspiring against me, aren't you?"

**Oh yeah, totaly Nar. Me and the shower have secret meetings about how to ruin your life.**

I thought so.

**Hmmm, You know; while you're like this, I'd say you're **_**well**_** above-average.**

"_Kyuuu!"_

**Kukuku. Go on, admit it; you could star in your own porno. **_**Actually**_** that's not such a bad idea!**

I lean against the tiled wall above my towel rack and try my hardest not to punch myself in the face, "You...Are...UNBELIEVABLE!"

**Meanie.**

Seriously! I kind of need to.._deal with this, this, _normal sized boner here! As disturbing as you are, it's not enough to turn me off completely (which is a scary thought all by it's self).

**Okay, I'll help you again. **_**Come on baby, give it to me, nice and slow.**_

What's with the stupid voice? You sound like 'The Force' with the flu.

_**Aww, You no love me long time? **_

And that waaaaaas, what exactly?

_**The names uzumaki, Kyuu, Uzumaki.**_

STOP TRYING TO DO SEXY VOICES! It's not helping anyone!

**Okay how about I do Sasuke's voice; **_**"Hnn. I'd do anything for a mufin, aaaaanything baby."**_

That sounds nothing like him! It's just Ibiki again, but in higher pitch!

I lay my cheek on the tiles and try to cool my face down. This is just NOT working (I suspect it's because Kyuu's been secretly smoking crack in my brain).

**Ummmm, how about a Gaara voice?**

Gaara? Oh no, I love Gaara but-

_**I'M A LITTLE PANDA, SHORT AND CUTE, TOUCH ON MY LOVE HANDLES AND TOUCH ON MY FLUTE!**_

I start banging my head against the tiles in a slow rythm, _"Fuck. My. Life. Fuck. My. Life."_

**Hey, I've been working on that for ages!**

Kyuu, I appreciate your help, I realy do, but can you please be quiet for the next ten minutes so I can...Do it _normally_?

**Hahaha! You masturbating normally, that's a laugh Nar.**

OI!

**Okay okay. But call me if you want a Yahiko voice, I've been working on it for weeks now and I think it's getting realy good-**

Good bye Kyuu.

***Sigh*, Good luck my little virgin!**

* * *

**And that's where the safe/smut ends. Sorry guys. I will add some-sort-of-summary of Part Two, to Chapita 26. I'm having trouble writing it though (any hints?).**

**IF YOU ARE WANTING TO READ PART TWO, HERE IS WHAT YOU MUST DO: (hahaha ryming is fun)**

**You must either, Private Message me your email address, or write a review for chap 25 and add it in there (if you're brave).**

**Fanfic . net doesn't like us sharing emails and links, so you need to type your email address as such;**

**h-faint live . com**

**You must then wait for a little while.**

**You must then open your emails and read Part Two (Sexy chapita!) and jizz in your pants.**

**You must then return to and leave a review for chapita 25 Part Two (if won't let you leave another review for chap 25, go back to a chap you haven't review and put it there (but head it ****Chapita 25. PART TWO****)).**

**You must then change your boxers/panties/g-string/Y-fronts/dollar-bills, because no one likes soiled underwear. Except Kyuu. Who would likely offer you several hundred dollars for your soiled underwear.**

**AND THEN YOU MUST...I duno, eat a banana mufin...Or something...Yeah. You go do that**

* * *

**ALSO SOME AWESOME MOTHERFUCKER HAS DONE A FAN ART FOR HTF! Can you believe it? AMAZING and it's freaking CUTE! To see it, go to google and type in deviant art, sysengrat, coffee and a banana muffin.**

**IT'S SO AWESOME! Big thanks to sysengrat/big boy! I love it thank you, you're so epic**

**Yours aroused,**

**Faint.**


	15. Chapter 26 Lady Gaga's arm-pits

_**Author's Note 1.**_

_**This Chapita has been re-uploaded because the next chapita in the story is very long and I decided that I wanted to add a bit extra to the end of it. If you have already read this chap, skim down until you see a double paragraph space -towards the end- and start from there. If you're new to this fanfiction...There is no hope left in this world...**_

_**Ghosting is when you walk really closely behind someone and try to not get noticed.**_  
_**I do not own Lady Gaga or Star Gate (Or Star Gate SG1).**_  
_**Flamers will be doused in kerosene and thrown at smoking Koalas.**_

_**Chapita 26. Bad day, Good day, Lady Gaga's armpit**_

* * *

My hands are shaky and jittery, like I've drunk seventeen Mega Orgasms in one go. My chest is tight and my head feels like I stepped off a rollercoaster -not that I've ever been on one, but still.  
"Kyuu, I'm..._gay_?" I croak out in a strange, broken voice, trying to calm my spazzy-shaking hands.

**Congradu-fucking-lations.**

"But, How? How could this happen, after all the sexy anime girls I've wanted to marry and make manga babies with-"

***Sigh* So what? You said it yourself that there was nothing wrong with bi sexuality.  
**  
I run my tongue along the lump on my lip. It's stopped bleeding now, but it's swelled up and hurts. I sit on my bed, in fresh clothes, and shakily make myself a nest in all the blankies and pillows and random washing. I lay down. It's comfy, but I'm not. I feel so odd and..Differant. Am I gay? Am I bi-sexual? Am I just a fucking freak who butt raped himself on his bathroom floor?-

**You didn't rape yourself, _you fool_.**

Yeah, you're right, _THAT WAS YOU!_ I can't believe you did that Kyuu! you stole my fucking arms, that is _not kewl!  
_  
**You cannot deny that you enjoyed it,.**

It was weird...And it bloody hurt!

**You only took two fingers Nar, you opprobrious baby. You screamed Sasuke's name when you came; from my perspective, you were _loving it_.**

I can't...Believe I did that...It's the complete opposite of what I was trying to do. I want to be his friend, and I touched myself thinking about him..._FRIENDS DON'T DO THAT!_

**Have you forgotten our deal already?**

"I..No I haven't forgotten." I guess it's _okay_ as long as he never finds out about it right? But, that was a one time thing only! I won't be doing anything like that again, okay!  
**  
Oh for Christs' sake Naruto! It's time to grow up and realise what your body is telling you!**

I flinch at the angry voice booming at me and hide under my blankets. "N-no."

**Stop being so childish about this!**

"I am a child! Wow, and guess what; that makes you a child rapist!" I yell out in frustration.

**...How _dare you!_**

I flinch again. Tears pool in my eyes immediately, my chest squeezes with guilt and fear, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that Kyuu, I'm just so scared."

**_Scared? Of what, how disgustingly weak you are? Of how you're too pathetic to listen to your own body and admit your own sexual orientation?_**  
**_  
_**"Kyuu...I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." My tears spill from my eyes and I hide my face, pulling a pillow close to my constricting chest. It's true, I am being pathetic, I know I am, but I can't shake this unsettling fear inside me. I close my eyes, feeling exhausted and sore all over, and hope that I fall asleep soon. I don't want to stay awake when Kyuu's is so angry with me. Or when I'm so hurt by myself.

* * *

_Skin, like a scorched hot plate, is burning against mine. My entire body feels like it's on fire. It's too hot, it's burning, it's painful. Stop, please stop. _  
_He...She..Someone; they won't stop. They're too heavy, too hot, too powerful. My chest tightens dangerously and I'm sure that my heart is bleeding inside it. Just like my stomach and my back. I can feel the hot blood there, sticky and clotted, though the pain isn't crisp and clear anymore._

_The someone ontop of me makes the pain in my stomach double, with a powerful blow to my ribs. I cough. More blood. I snarl. More pain, more hitting, more pain..Someone, that someone isn't my friend, I don't like them-No, I hate them._  
_ I've never used that word before but it's the only one that fits. I hate them. I hate them for leaving me, for not protecting me. I hate me, for not being able to stop it. I hate everything. I bite into flesh, and am greeted by yelling, followed by a gut-wrenching pain, shooting up my spine, that forces me to coil up into myself. I thrash and kick out, trying to hurt that someone back, but my hands are weak, my legs are useless. I hate them. I scream out and spit upwards. _  
_A large hand clasps around my throat and squeezes. I choke, but no sound comes out. No air comes out, or in. I can't breathe. I panic and feel what I'm sure is my lungs screaming for help. I try to steal a breathe, but my chest muscles contract, the hand closes on my windpipe tightens, leaving less and less room for oxygen. Like a snake, slowly killing a poor mouse._

_I want to scream that I'm not a mouse, that I won't taste good if that someone tries to eat me, because I'm nothing but skin and bones. I want to cry, but I refuse. I want to give in and make it end as soon as possible, but I can't. I will not give into this, I will fight it._  
_The drilling, pounding pain gets worse. I resign that I can't do anything about that pain, it's too great, too much, so I weakly claw at the hand on my throat. If I can just get one decent breath...Just one lung full of air._  
_My finger nails dig into the skin and I pull with all my strength downwards, ripping the skin. I feel liquid on my hands and I vaguely hear Kyuu congratulate me, his deep voice hissing at me to draw more blood, cause more I pain to this unknown enemy. I keep digging and scratching at the hand, like the wild animal I'm sure we am. I snarl and bare my teeth, hiding my fear and violently convulsing heart. I show that Someone, that they haven't won, that no matter what I'm not going to lay here limp like they wants, I won't ever give up...I will never stop fighting. Not for one second._

* * *

My eyes are stinging like motherfucker's and my throats all scritch-scratchy when I slowly begin waking up. I think I might be getting a cold or something, which is strange because I rarely get sick.  
I sit up in my bed and feel; _ewww_. I'm all sweaty and sticky. Did I have one of my smexy anime dreams again last night?

**No, you idiot. You had another nightmare.**

Oh. Was it about Sasuke again?

**No.**

Hmm, okay, what was it about then?  
Kyuu.  
Kyuuuu?

I sigh and note myself to apologise for whatever I was dreaming later. It's far too early for brain function, I haven't even had my ramen yet! Hmmm, _ramen _*drools-on-self*. As I 'try' to get out of bed I end up flinching and crawling back in... There's a distinct _'uncomfortable feeling'_ down there. I hide my face into one of my several hundred pillows and try to block out the whole world.  
I remember what happened last night, what I did, what _Kyuu did._ It makes me feel sick thinking about it. I'm a Gay, an actual flaming homosexual gaylord! It's...It's..Actually really painful. _Fuck_ my back hurts. Surely a little experimenting with _fingers_ shouldn't hurt this much.  
Oh but maybe I hurt it in that weird position I was in? I was kneeling on the floor and hunched over like a hunched-backed-faggot for quite awhile. Come to think of it my wrist is pretty sore this morning as well-|

**Just take some painkillers and get over it *Sigh***

"Kyuu..." I chew at my sore lip, remembering our fight from last night. I feel so terrible about the things I said. I would never accuse Kyuu of something so bad -_even if he can be a little mean and perverted sometimes_-. I rub at my neck and try to find the right words to say; "Kyuu, about what happened last night-"

**Oh, about how I _raped _you?**

"I didn't mean it like that. I was freaking out about, stuff, and took it out on you. I'm so sorry I said that...Do you forgive me?"

**No.**

"No? Kyuu, come on! That's the fist time that I've done anything like that, you knew I would freak out!"

**I didn't think you accuse me of _rape_.  
**  
I don't want to fight about this. It's crazy and new and I really need Kyuu on my side to help me figure it all out."Kyuu, you didn't rape me. But...You did _take over_, didn't you? What happened then?" I uncover my face and stare out my window, thinking about how I had no control of my body, It scares me.

**I was helping you.**

You...Kyuu, I don't want you to do that again unless you ask first. It scared me. It was like I had _no_ control of my body. Like you could have done _anything.  
_  
**You enjoyed every second of it, don't start with your pathetic, childish reserves. I don't want to hear them.**

I'm taken a-back by his harsh words. It must have been a really bad dream last night... I try to remember but like always it's out of my reach.  
Sighing, I figure it's about time to get moving, as much as I would rather stay in bed, because todays' the day that I finally get to give Naggy his money back and put that whole stressful situation to rest. I sit up again and grit my teeth against the pain in my back. After some fumbling around my bedside draws , I take some painkillers with a glass of water I'd left last nigt. Once that's downed I stand up (stiffly) and hobble over to my bathroom. The first thing I do is take a slash, then wash my hands and lazily peek up into my mirror-

"WHAT THE SHIT?!" There're scratch marks all over my neck and jaw! Like I've been mauled by an angry cat. No, more like a bitchy falcon! Holy crap on a toaster, how did this happen?

I stand there and run my fingers over the scratches on my neck, they sting and have tiny little tips of dried blood along them. Did I do this last night while Kyuu and I were..Experimenting? No, both my hands were...

**Full?**

Shut up, I was going to say 'pre-occupied'!

**That's a big word Nar.**

Hehe, I heard you say it once...I learn from the voice in my head, that's queer. I shake my head from these silly thoughts, this is not the time for them.  
Seriously, what the hell are all these marks, when did I do this? If it wasn't me or Kyuu, was I like...Molested by an owl or something ?

**An Owl? Really?**

Kyuu! This is serious! My neck is horrible!

**I have a theory. You had a nightmare last night. This wouldn't be the first time you've thrashed and hurt yourself while dreaming.**

Yeah, I've kicked the wall or totaly kicked off all of my bedding before, but nothing like this! This is too much...How am I supose to go to work like this?

I use a wet wash cloth and dab away the dried blood, to reveal angry looking red scratches running in horizontal lines across my neck. They look gross and ugly, which instantly puts me in a down mood. How on earth am I going to explain this? _Oh yeah Nagato, yesterday I came in with a black eye and Today it's cat-scratch-fever', sorry about that_. He was annoyed enough at me yesterday for breaking his lanterns and calling him old! What is he gona think when I turn up today? _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit._

**Naruto, stop it.**

HELP ME KYUU-KYUU I NEED YOU'RE SMART BRAIN!  
**Surely you're not _that_ stupid.**

Ouch. You're not having a good day are you Kyuu?

**_*Sigh*_**

Okay okay, I'll leave you alone for now, but mark my words foxy-trots, WE'RE ARE GOING TO HAVE A _TALK_ LATER!

Frick I look hideous, and of all days to wake up looking like this, it's the day that I know my Hipster'll be in. .Life.

I pout and rub a big dollop of Aloe Vera gel on my neck. It always helps to lessen the 'angry-red-and-gross' look of the pimples I get, so logic tells me that it should help now. I hope. I really hope and pray and sacrifice a turtle to the skin Gods.  
_"Go Away!"_ Yelling at my skin probably won't help, but I'm getting pretty desperate here.

I stop applying the gel and sulk at my mirror; why today? Why does the universe hate me? But then again, I did do this myself, so the blame falls on my slumped and sad shoulders. SAD FACE!Maybe I could just wear a scarf or-

"Fuck a duck! Who's eating me?!" I slap my hand down onto my neck, hard, which hurts both my neck and wrist. I pull it back a see a poor little dead mozsgito. Haaaaa, that explains everything! And here I was thinking that these scratches were self inflicted. So it turns out I'm not an emo kitten, it was a bloody Mozzi all along! See Kyuu, my apartment's just been infested with bugs! Isn't that great!

**Terrific.**

Oh come on, this's the best news we've had all day, and from the feel of this Monday, it's probably the best we're _gona_ get.

* * *

How does a day get suckier than waking up looking like a scratching post and remembering that you participated -_willingly?-_ in gay activities the night before?; BY REALISING YOU CAN'T EAT RAMEN FOR BREAKFAST!  
I totally forgot that I'd run out of cash, and had to make my own breakfast. Let's just say cooking isn't my strong suit. So instead of going over my homework one last time, I made a bacon and egg samwhich -on plain white bread because I no longer have a toaster, which is a long story that I _do not _want to remember-. Now lets just say that hot food on bread doesn't stay together very well -at least not with the amount of barbeque sauce I poured all over it-, so walking to work with a hot soggy, dripping samwhich wasn't the highlight of my life. Neither was geting covered in bbq sauce, _thank the fashion Gods for dark blue cotton! _Neither was the stares people were giving me as they walked past my Oh-Holy-Messiness -_who the hell do they think they are? Like they've never spilt egg and liquidise bread on their work clothes-. _So here I am, holding a soggy-half-eaten breakfast _thing_ trying to wipe my shirt clean of sticky sauce and trying to look 'normal' at the same time. MAJOR FAIL.

**Kukuku.**

OI! You ignore me all morning but just decide to pop in _now, _in my hour of shame?

**Of course. If I am anything, it's a fan of good comedy.**

"Hmmf." I take another bite of my breakfasty-edible-art and keep walking in the direction of work. This Monday is not turning out to be very awesome. I seriously hope some epic and sexy customers come in today and order loads of coffee. One sure fire way to improve my day is to work my coffee magic.

**Hmph. You'll probably screw that up as well.**

Oh shut up! If you're going to be in a bad mood and do nothing but snipe at me, then just stay silent! My only answer is an eery ringing in my ears. I guess that's Kyuu's new way of saying '_Eff You!'. _Whatever, I really don't need this today. My life is a toilet enough already without his cruel commentry.

I nibble at the soggy corner of my samwhich, feeling a bit down. I hate being like this. I'm always the one waking up with a smile, not moping and grumbling.  
Stupid bugs. Stupid bi-sexual-curiosity. Stupid half eaten breakfast that's quickly turning into a liquid form in my hand! I look down at my wet-gooey hand in time to see what _was_ a solid breakfast, turn into a liquid and drip out of my hand. It spalts on the foot path below, making an impressing _'Blerch'_ sound. It even splattered my work shoes with what was bread. Groooooss.

"Are you gona eat that?" I hear a droning-board voice say. I look around until I see a dude with the craziest white/silver hair I've ever seen standing near me.

"Am I WHAT?" I yell. I know I may be overatcing, but serisously, what the fuck?

"That...Whatever that is. Are you going to continue to eat it? Or is it alright if Pakun here feasts upon it?" He says to me -at least I fairly sure it's being said by him. It's hard to tell because his dark blue scarf is so high that it's covering his mouth- to which I begin to ask who the hell this 'Pakun' dude is, when-

"Ruuff!" I look down at the weird old man's feet to see the most epic dog _ever_, again!

"Oh hello! I've seen you before somewhere! Hello, hello!" My inner weakness for furry-awesome-ness comes through as I squat down and pat the little pug on his wrinkley head. He lifts his head up and nuzzles my hand in a friendly _'hi'._

"Oh man, you're scarf is so kewl! You gotta be the hippest dog in Konaha!" I smile and pat him some more, and adjust his red and white skull scarf around his fat neck. Maaaan I wish my phone had a camera. I would so love to show this little guy to Iruka...And Sas-kewl. I think those two would get along really well, what with them both being kewl dudes and all.

"So. Now that you and Pakun are aquainted, would you consider my prior request?" I stare up dumbly at Pakun's owner, and for the first time today, I crack a genuine smile.

"Dude, you're dog is epic!" I grin and laugh as the pug trys to climb up onto my bent knee.

"Yes, he is rather gangster. But I'm not really his owner...We're more like housemates." I laugh loudly at the man's reply, but can totally understand. A dog like this doesn't have an owner, he's much too _swag_ for that.

"Well, Pakun, you're more than welcome to eat my gross breakfast if you like, I sure as hell ain't gona eat it now." I ruffle the pugs floppy little ears and point his body in the direction of the splattered pile of bacon and sauce on the concrete.  
Pakun sniffs it and does a really weird thing, something I've never seen a dog do before; He looks up at the silver haired man for a moment, almost as though he's asking permission, and when he's recieved a nod from the man, his butt shakes happily and he scoffs my breakfast. I'm serisously impressed at how well trained this dog is! I don't know any dog that would wait for their mastser's word to eat food off of the floor. Not even my old class mate's dog Akamaru would do that. Maaan if it was Akamaru, that mess would've been gone in two seconds flat!  
Once the gangster pug's cleaned up the splatt on the footpath and licked it clean (just incase he missed something) he lifts his little head, licks his chops and 'Ruuuf''s at me again. I give him an ear scratch and a "you're welcome mate', then stand up and smile at his 'housemate'.

"You and Pakun just made my day man. Thanks so much for that."

The guy tilts his head a little, his closed eyes curving upwards into a smile (I assume his mouth is smiling as well) and chuckles at me.

"No no, thank you young man. My friend here did quite enjoy that little snack. We would like to wish you a wonderful day."

"Ruuuff!"

"Aw man, you too yeah? Have a good one!" I start walking away from the pair, thinking about how strange, yet normal, it is to call you're dog you're 'friend'.  
I can still hear the light ringing in my ears, and I know my face is still all scratched and my arse still tingles and my sexuality is _still_ in question but; Pakun and his friend made me smile. I'm so glad I made that gross samwhich this morning.

* * *

My steps take on a bit more _swag_ as I walk the rest of the way to work. I may still be hungry, but I'm in such a better mood. Much more like my usual self. When I'm in sight of the Grand Grind's front door I notice something rather...Red. As in _red_ red. Theres a mesh arch thingy infront of the cafe's door that's covered/weaved-with red stuff.  
As I walk closer I spot; red flowers, red lanterns, red tinsle, red ribbons, and miscellaneous red glittery _things _hanging from the arch. I stop in front of the mega-red arch way and just stare at it for a few seconds.  
This is quite possibly the most _Fabulous_ thing I've ever seen in my near 16 years of existance!  
It would appear that a Sparkley-Red-Camp-Fairy paid the Grand Grind a visit since yesterday.  
I feel the urge to skip through the arch into my place of epic work, but I see some of my regular elderly gals waltsing out, so I opt for a sensible stru with a dash of TOUCH-EVERYTHING-THAT-SPARKLES on my way through. That was amazing, I felt like a red glittery bunny rabbit for those few millisecond, which has totaly made my Monday four hundred percent better than it was...I can tell that I'm going to spend a lot of time in that door way today!

Once I'm inside I SQUEE at how Shiny and prettty and _red_ the cafe looks. There's almost double the amount if lanterns up now, with red curly ribbons droping down from the ceiling, as well as shiny red cloth cover every table and little red flower tabel decorations. It's all so pretty and bright!  
I spot a familiar shade of red hair and ninja my way forward to wrap my arms around the thin waist attached to it then SQUEE into a pale ear, "Naggy! It's beautiful! It's so shiny and red and, and, and it's like Lady Gaga's on her period in here!"

I feel my boss laugh in my arms and hear him reply in his deep voice, "Glad you approve Naru-buns. How're you this morn'in?"

I let him go after a few ninja-nuzzles, and answer him; but I can't stop the slight hesitation , "Who me?.. Yep.. I'm good!" I grin and poke my tongue out at Nagato playfully as I slip past him to pick up an empty tables used coffee mugs and saucers -I also can't help but play with the funky table decorations, but I do it in a sneaky ninja way. In truth I wasn't feeling the greatest today, and even after Pakun and that guy cheering me up, I'm still a little...I dunno; down. Kyu's never been rainbows and butterflys but he's never been _this _angry at me before...

"Are you sure?" I jump as I hear my boss's voice right behind me and nearly drop the shit I'm carrying.

"Dude! Don't ghost me, you weirdo! Just because the juvies do it doesn't mean it'll make you younger and kewl!" I yell at him and try to catch my breath. Man that made me _yip_! Damn Nagato and his inappropriate juvie behaviour. I mean what 30 something year old man plays ghosting? At work...At a business he owns?

"Hehe, sorry Naru, didn't mean to scare you." He playfully ruffles my hair and starts carrying a few dishes himself. "But you seem a little..Down. Is everything alright?"

I turn away from him and chew at my lip after he asks this. Curse you and your smart face Naggy! What am I suppose to say? I don't want my boss to think I'm unfit for work. But this whole thing with Kyu won't stop playing on my mind. So much that I guess it's starting to show...

"I..I kind of had a bit of a fight with a friend this morning. I duno, I guess I'm a bit worried..."

I stop speaking when I see Nagato frown. The frown makes his face age badly and he looks nearly fourty. I really don't want to stress him out..He doesn't need to worry about my problems.

"It's Okay though!" I say kind of too loudly, "I know we'll sort it out! I just have to talk to him one on one later. I'm just not looking forward to it." I give Nagato my best Naruto's-OK smile. The last thing I want is for him to be stressing out about me. He has so much to deal with all day everyday running the cafe and being Sensei's boy toy.

"Well..Okay. If you need some time out or feel like you need a break at all, just let me know okay? You're a good little worker. I don't want you conking out on me." He smiles down at me and ruffles my hair again. My chest tightens at his words, but in a good way. It makes me so happy that he's worried about me.  
I nodd my head at him and then to myself; I will definately take _two_ breaks today. If only to make Naggy happy that I'm well rested!  
I look up at him and grin th shit out the atmosphere.

"I will Naggy! I love you so much, you're the best boss in the world!" His pale cheeks quickly match the colour of his festival lanterns and I lol at him loudly. For all Nagato's scary-big-boss-baddassery, he's just a tall lanky red headed marshmallow!

"Ahaha, thank you Naru. That's verry sweet of you. Say, what's all those marks on your neck?" He asks, leaning in really close to inspect me. What am I, a monkey in a zoo?

"Duuuude, I got attached by mosquito's last night and I like totaly ninj'ed them, but I mean, they were pretty fly and got a few hits in, y'know."

"Riiiiiiight." He gives me a weirded-out look and slowly walks away.

Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned my ninja skills, but then again, I might get a promotion. YEAH! Coffee ninja! I'm so lucky to work for such an awesome guy. Even though we sqwabble and diss each other all the time, I know that he really does care about me. I dunno where I'd be if it weren't for Nagato and the Grand Grind...Actually..._No,_ I don't even want to think about it, it scares me too much. So instead of dwelling on the painful past, I follow my awesome boss into the kitchen.

I stand beside him awkwardly for a second before bumping his elbow sheepishly with one of mine. "Naaaaaggy." I drawl out in what I hope is an adorable voice.  
He turns to look down at me with a suprised look on his face, he appears his real age again.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry about killing your lanterns yesterday." I mumble and shuffle my feet on the glossy blue kitchen tiles.

He chuckles and knudges me back, "It's alright Blondie-Chops, they were very delicate, I broke a few myself. And actualy, I pulled the dead ones appart and used them to decorate the arch out the front. So nothing went to waste." He smiles down at me kindly, which makes me feel _te-warm-n-fuzzzzies!  
_  
I'm in shock a little at how nice Nagato's being about this. I was expecting him to at least tease me for being clumsy, but hey, I'm not gona complain. I love _te-fuzzzzies_! I beam at him again and admire how much younger he looks when he's in a good mood.

"Did you do that all by yourself? That thingy looks so awesome! You can see it from all the way back at the corner!" I put down the dishes I was holding and bounce up and down infront of him. He smiles and puts his dishes on the sink as well.

"That was the idea, we want people to notice it and start talking about the festival early."

"It's wonderful Naggy."

"It sure is." I turn away from the sink to where the silken voice came from, to see my favourite blue haired babe walk over and give Nagato a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks Konni. It was hard work, but I'm happy with how it turned out. I'm very glad you like it too Naru- Hu? What's wrong Naruto?"

I pout my lips and make them quiver a little, and whine in my throat. Konan sighs gracefully and places a _warm-n-fuzzzies_ kiss on my forhead. YES! I fist-pump the sweet smelling cafe air in triumph!

"What the-?" Nagato gives me an odd look, where's Konan just wraps her arms around my shoulders and pulls me into a snuggle and says, laughing. "Don't worry Naruto, I don't play favourites. I love all you boys the same." I smile up at her and feel a familiar sensation of falling to sleep standing up. Konan's shoulders are my ultimate weakness.

"Now Naruto, my darling, would you mind helping get that _bitch_ under control?" She asks in a sweet-as-cherry-pie voice.

Hold the motherfucking phone Patrick! Did she just-? _Oh Heeeeell No!  
_  
_"How dare you call my wife a bitch?! Konni how could you break my heart like this?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE NICE ONE?!"_

* * *

I helped Konan get my Gorgeous set up _properly_ after some calming down from Nagato, and I'm now _trying_ to finish my home work. The key word there was 'trying'.

It's so funny watching Konni make coffee, every single order she makes she pleads with my Gorgeous to not burn her with steam and maul her elbows on the sharp edges. Well, I guess that My Gorgeous does only love me! Yay, I'm special! I'm starting to think that my voice is the only thing that activates that coffee machine to work.

*Sigh* Nagato wasn't as annoyed with me, for cussing the kitchen out, as I thought he would be. I guess he's getting used to my constant screaming. Or maybe I've made him slightly deaf? Hmmm, this is usualy where Kyuu would make a comment about how loud and ridiculus I am. Either that or how Nagato likely screams louder when Sensei's butt fucking him...Hmm. I think I'm missing Kyuu more than I realised.  
I shake my head and focus my eyes back on my homework. I have the weirdest urge to blow my nose on it,and smear my snott all over the questions. Erh, numbers -or numbers in equations- are _not_ my friends. I try and _try_ to make them love me, but alas, they're just too fancy and 'county' for me.  
I glare meanly at the page infront of me, trying to sweat the answers out of the bastard.  
I mean, who the hell does this triangle think he is anyway? Why can't he just tell me how big he is and how much liquid/gas/solid crap can fit in him? But noooo, he's just gona sit there and watch me suffer, what a prick.  
I like squares better anyway, I mean, why only have three angles when you could totally have a four-some?! The more the smexier I say!..  
Wait! What does that make a circle? A solo? Or one long line, that joins up...Like a continuos train of gay angles. Oh Em Fricken Gee! Well I'll be damned if that wasn't the _gayest _thing I've ever thought. I do believe, my good Sir, Mr Triangle, that my brain may have just imploded.

"Hehehe, so who's the lucky lady?" A voice from fuck-knows-where says into my ear, which freaks me out. I jerk and flip my shit when a hand lands on my shoulder.

_"Ah Fuck my pyramid!"_ I yip swiveling around until I see my 'mature-and-sensible-thirty-something' boss leaning over the back of the booth, grinning at me.

"_Damnit Naggy! Stop scarring me like that! You and your bloody boy toy are always doing that! What is wrong with you two? Just because you might like suprise butt sex, doesn't mean errrbody else does! Respect the normal people!" _I scream in his smiley face, and breath out in relief after my rant. I feel much better now.

"You're adorable, you know that right?" He reply's calmly and I feel my jaw drop open.

What the crap? Adorable, me? Okay, Mr Momochi clearly used the Grand Grind's kitchen last night to cook up some crack and _clearly_ left some in the sugar pot, which Nagato then used to make his morning double shot flat white with two. _Clearly_.

"okay, I see what's going on here. Your sex life is stale and you think that I can spark it up. But let me tell you now, I'm the most incompetant guy in this city. I mean I hardly last five minutes. You'd be so much more satisfied with Shikamaru; he might be lazy, but his fallling alseep durring sex would only mean that he can't stop you from tieing him up and doing weird kinky shit! And you know it'd be too much effort for him to uncuff himself-"

I'm interupted by a laughing red haired man within about two inches of my face. He smells like apple pie...Hmm...Who made apple pie and why haven't I had a taste test?

"Naruto you're...I don't even know what." He walks around from the back of the booth and sits next to me. I look at him suspiciously when he puts an arm around my shoulder, "Seriously Naggy, I'm realy not the guy you should be hitting on. I mean if you're a real pedo and into 'little' boys, I know konahamaru's weaknesses-"

"Naru, please stop talking about pedophilial out loud. You're disturbing my customers." He gestures to a nearby table of an elderly couple how are blantantly giving us a 'WFT-BBQ' look.

"Pfft, you're customers are disturbed enough already _without_ jail bait lovin'! I mean they had to travel through a frickin 'Star Gate' of fairy blood and guts to get in 'ere today!" I yell into his face again and he just smiles and replys, "Naru, silly Naru, fairies don't bleed red, they bleed purple. Everybody knows that."

I can't quite..Figure out..If he's joking or is actualy on crack. I look for the tell-tale crack signs (blotchy skin, bloodshot/crazy eyes, and weird ass jaw movements) but I find none. Maybe it's magic mushrooms? I did spy some mushroom and bacon quiche in the display cabinet-

"But seriously, I'm not a pedophile, I just want to know who the girl is who's was making you blush."

"Hu? I'm not blushing. Am I?" I touch my face, which feels warm but not my usual _'blush-induced-inferno'.  
_  
"Hehe, you were sitting here by yourself, staring out the window, blushing. So come on, tell me who's captured my little Naru's heart?" He leans back and gives me a smile/look that reminds me of Iruka's 'let's-have-a-talk' look.

"What? There's no girl. I'm still inocent I swear!"

Nagato just laughs at me again, "Inocent eh? I wonder how long that'll last?"

"FOREVER!" I yell at him, a little bit of my spit makes a courages journey from my mouth and onto Nagato's face. He didn't notice. YOU GO LITTLE NINJA SPIT!

"Oh yeah right. Trust me Naru; the inocent little crushes come first, then it's the sexual thoughts and wet dreams and then before you know it you're confessing your love and losing your virginity in a public toilet..." I watch in absolute _horror_ as my boss stares off into red-glittery-space. He had sex in a public toilet...I want to be shocked, but I think I've known Nagatoa and Sensei for long enough not to be suprised anymore.

"Dear God Nagato! I am not like you, I am a classy boy! I have standards and general hygene and-"

"So if it isn't a girl, then it must be a boy." He cuts me off and smiles creepily at me. I love him to death but DANG he is nosey sometimes.

"What the hell makes you think it's a boy." I sit up straight and puff out my cheeks, poking my boss in the face. "In our day and society, is it not acceptable to be of a gender _other _than _boy and girl?"_

"Erh.." I try my hardest not to laugh at him squirming in awkward-ness.

"So next time you judge someone and _lable_ then male or female, straight, gay or bi, you think about how free our country is, you think back on all social justice we're still fighting for and you lable _yourself_ as a JUDGER!" I slam my palm down on the table, which hits a rogue spoon, which sends it flying backwards over the booth backrest to fuck-knows-where. I'd like to say that it was deliberate and part of my speach. Truth is, I have no idea where that spoon came from..Poor spoon.

"Oh...Kay...So it's not a girl, and it's not a boy..."

"Yes, exactly." I nodd my head up and down.

"Then who is it?

"Wouldn't you like to know." I give back with a snooty pose.

"You're not going to tell me?"

"Nope."

"Why not?" He frowns and looks like a poor little lost meerkat.

"Cos your face smells like pie."

"Oh, I was eating pie before." He replys, looking thoughtful, like he's reminiscing about a long lost lover.

"You didn't share this pie with me." I pout.

"No well, I was trying out a new reciepe and it kind of didn't work out so well." He scratches at his chin, which I notice has a lil' stuble.

"Well exactly. You no share you pie with me, I no share my third gender fantasys with you."

"Are you saying that if I did share said pie with you, you would share the identity of this third gender person with me?"

"I would have. But I WILL NOT ANYMORE!" I slam my palm down again, and this time I flick my pen backwards after the spoon...My one and only pen...Good bye my faithful friend, I shall never forget your brave sacrifice!

"I will make you a pie. And you can eat _all_ of the pie yourself!"

"No, the time for sharing has passed!" I stick my nose up in the air dramatically. I feel like an actor!

"But-"

"_I SAID GOOD DAY!"_

"No you didn't."

"I did just now..._GOOD DAY_!" I grin to myself at the resigning look on my boss's face. He stands slowly from the classroom and walks away, in a rather 'I know when I've been dismissed, _but I shall return' _way.

I chuckle to myself and wonder whether the spoon and my pen survived their cattanpolting-for-justice-protest. I hope so, they both deserve medals for their bravery.

I get up on my knees on the seat and peek over the back rest, to the tiled floor and -_neatly?-_ stacked boxes behind it. We usually use this area as a second storage space, mostly for drinks and food that gets delivered, but hasn't been put away yet. I should refill the cold drinks fridge, those boxes are starting to pile up here again-

"Hey." A quite-ish-husky-smooth voice says right into my ear hole.

"HOLY FLIPPING SHITE!" My chest spazzes out, my nerves are on edge, and I may have wet myself a little bit just now. Why the _fuck_ is everybody sneaking up on my today? Durring the _Vicious Attack _on my senses, I'd ducked back down behind the seat to hide from the meany face. Now that I've regained some breathing ability, I _slowly_ peek back over the seats back reast again...Oh...It's-

I'm greeted by the most brilliant, charming, handsome, _cheekiest _smile I've ever seen in my life. I open my mouth to say _'Hiiii'_ or something normal or sensible like normal people say when they greet other normal people, but all that happens is a queer-arse little; _'eeep'._ Fuck my life.

"Fuck. That was funny." Sasuke says to me, looking thoroughly amused and dare I say; smoking hot? He's got the lab coat on again...-_Curse you laboratory fetish!_

"I...What? Don't laugh at me, you bastard! You scared the flipping shit out of me! I was just trying to save my fallen comrads and here you are sneak attacking me! OH MY GOD You, my sandwhich and the fucking mosquitos are in some kind of secret Naruto-destroyoing army aren't you? _Aren't you_?!"

I vaguely register how handsome he looks this morning. His hair is slightly damp -_morning shower? Or maybe it rained outside?-_ and a black and red checkered scarf around his neck.

"Anyway, how're you? You look smart this morning. Are you going to go see Itachi? Oh yeah that's right you told me yesterday! That's so nice of you. OH! Did you want to a hot chocolate to take to him? I noticed we got in some nice big fluffy marshmallows!"

"I..." He just stands there behind the booth. Not moving. Not saying anything. Just standing there staring at me from underneath his hipster glasses and stray strands of black hair.

"Well, whatcha standing there for? Come sit down! If you stand in that walk-way there, you'll get run over by Nagato, not that he's big and buff or anything, but I wouldn't wana get rammed by him, if _ya'know _what I mean!" I smile at him, feeling so happy to see him. I wasn't sure whether he would actually come in today or not. I had a feeling that he would but I do tend to scare people off when I first meet them.

"You...Are _insane_." He finaly says, but eventually starts moving around to the classroom booth. He puts his bag on the table in slow motion, cocking his head to one side.

"You are aren't you? Insane." Aww he looks like a puppy! Naaw Sasu-paws!

"Oh yeah, completely. You have _noooo _idea man! Did you want a muffin?"  
He sits down next to me, his face falls into a relaxed and almost _happy_ smile.

"Yeah. That'd be great." He says with a sigh. He's so relaxed today, I like this smiley-side to My Hipster.

"Hehe, you're so adorable." Oops, did I just say that outloud? Oh Shit. _Oooooh Shit.  
_  
**Careful Nar. You want to make _friends_ remember?**

Kyuu!? You're talking to me again! Yay! Oh wait, you're right. I do want to be his friend. Thanks for reminding me.

I look over at Sasuke, hoping he didn't hear what I'd just said. No such luck...He's, he's like...Blushing! OH MY GOD THAT'S SOOOO CUUUUTE! I fink I wov' lil Sasu-Paws!

**_Naruto!_**

I'm sorry, but look at his little hipster face! It's pink and oh my flipping God, I just wana pinch his little cheeks!-

**_Leave_ the poor guy _alone_ Nar. Just go and get him his muffin.**

I breathe in and out, and supress my inner 'squee' that's threatening to explode all over his cute little Hiptser blush. "Okay, okay, so one banana muffin! Did you want coffee to take away as well?"

"Coffee, yeah. But not to take away." Sas-Kewl-Paws(-and-frickin-ADORABLE) reply's, with his head bowed a little. I lean forward a bit to peak underneath the bangs that're curtaining his face. He seems to have stoped blushing and his pale-porcalin-doll face is set back into it's usual; _too kewl for skool bro_, look. His hands are fiddling with one of his funky leather wrist cuffs. I smile and decide that I shouldn't harrass him _too_ much, that he may have just had his daily dose of Naru-titis. Who'd have thought a big tough-studded-leather-cuffs-wearing-hipster would blush so easily? _  
_  
"Oh you want it here? That's kewl. I'll bring it over in just a sec. You can stay here or move or whatever you like, okay? Don't mind all of my shit, I was just doing a bit of home work." I smile and slip out the other side of the booth.

Sasuke nods and starts rooting through his black messanger bag, for something. I take one last glance back, to see his hair all gelled up at the back and walk towards my Gorgeous and Konni Chan, who seem to be having words.

"You fucking bitch. Why won't you froth?" I hear Konni's soft voice hissing at my Gorgeous.

How _dare she! _I jump from the side of the counter, to right next to Konan and tell her off! "Excuse me. But did you just call THE LOVE OF MY LIFE A BITCH?!"

"Naruto! Stop Swearing in my cafe!" The boss screams from somewhere.

Konni sighs and looks totaly dejected, "She shot steam at me just now, and now she won't froth at all!"

"I'll Swear as much as I _fucking_ want in _MY _cafe you over-grown fucking _NOOB!" _I swear back at Nagato, then I turn to the blue haired woman beside me. "And _you! _You have to coax her into making coffee. You need to _promise _her that the coffee you make will be a master piece and will be appreciated and worshipped and-"

"Oh you did _not _just call me a _noob?!" _(seriously, _where is his voice coming from?)_

"No you're right, I called you a _FUCKING NOOB!"_

"Right! That's it Blondie, YOU'RE FIRED!"

Oops.

**_'Oops',_ is right.**

* * *

I set down Sasuke's black coffee and nana muffin down and slide back into my original seat, across from him, "Sooo, off to see the crazies today?" I cheerfully chirp at him. *cheep cheep* _Ima birdy!  
_  
All while I was making his coffee -and showing Miss Konan how to treat my Gorgeous like a lady- I was thinking about what to say to Sasuke. He's such a kewl, hip guy and as far as I know, we have nothing in common. So I ran through all of the things I know about him and came to one conclusion; that we're both surrounded by _CRAZY PEOPLE! _His might be medically insane, but mine are just as weird. I mean he had walk through the red star gate to get in here right? That's the kind of shit I deal with on the daily. So I decided that since we share that in common, I should make that my ice-breaker...

"Hn." Is his only reply.

Oookay, maybe he doesn't love his crazy people as much as I do? Or maybe it's because his are more the 'drooling-in-the-corner-talking-to-the-walls' kind of crazy? Huh, that's not so bad. I actually know a few nice walls; like that brick wall out the back of the cafe, with all the cracks and ivy vines all over it and different the colour bricks-

"What are you studying?"

"Eh?! What?!" His sudden question totally startled me out of my wall-dreaming.

"I...What's this course that you're doing?" He asks again, and -now with my full attention- picks up the photocopys of some newspaper articles that I was reading. Most of them are about last years election and various other snipetts on Lady Tsunade.

"Oh those! That's for like some politics studying stuff. It's like analy-anylisi-_analysising _politicians in the media and shit. It's actually pretty awesome!" I grin at him and drink some of the juice I grabbed myself before. Dang that Konan, trying to give me a Vitimin C over dose or something.

"Oh, and the Maths?" He asks, giving me an intense look from beneathe his glasses. He seems pretty interested in this. I can't tell why he would want to know about my homework, but Hey! It's a conversation, that's good enough for me.

"Hmmm, well that's kind of just a side thing. I'm bad at maths, so it's just to brush up on the basics. I don't think I'll become a maths genius or anything, Hehe" I scratch at my neck, not sure what else to say. From what I've heard about Sasuke, he's a genius. It's not like I can impress him with my brain. My swag, _totally_, but not my brain.

I watch him take a sip of his coffee and glance over my maths. I have this sudden taste of bile in my throat; he's looking at my maths homework. I suck at maths. He's a smart person. My maths is probably _wrong._ Fuck.

I hadn't even thought about it before when he sat down. It's not like I had anything to be embarrassed about, I mean, I like the media studys I do. But the _maths! _He's looking at the shit I'd scribbled all over the page and none of my answers are going to be right and...

"Hnn." He does his weird little grunt/humph thing and takes a giant bite outa his muffin.

I vaguely feel like _I'm the muffin_. My chest squeases tightly as though a Hipster just nibble a quarter of my body off. All I want to do right now is just rip all my maths homework up so he can't see it. "Um, yeah. Like I said, I'm not really good at maths and...They're probably not right and.." I try to smile and act cool, but my voice comes out to low and cracked. Shit.

"This one here is missing an answer. But I can see that you were almost there. You just used the wrong numbers. You need to find the degrees of the other angles first, then you can finish the calculation."

I _quite litterally_ do not know what to do right now, so I just stare at him dumbly.  
He looks me in the eyes and his lips twitch up slightly, "See here," He spins the page around to face me, "With triangles , the total of all the angle degrees is _always _one eighty. You've already answered the perimetre and area correctly, but they want the degrees as well. That's part 'c' of the question."

I look at what his black polished nail is pointing at and get overwhelmed with a sense of _'eh?'_ I vaguely remember some high school math teather doing this on a white board at the front of the class once...But I was...That guy Kiba was being a prick, and I...Hit him. That's right, he was teasing me about something and I punched him in the middle of class, then got sent out. That's why I didn't know about the angles and degree thingy. _THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN MISSING THIS WHOLE TIME!_

"Oh my god! I remember that now! That's why I have this little funky green thingy!" I rumage through my backpack and pull out the light green, see-through, plastic semi circle _THING_ that Iruka gave me years ago. "That's what this is for right?"

"Yup." I'm blessed with the most brilliant Hipster smile I've seen yet. I feel so Gosh Darn _proud_ of myself for figuring that out! Fuck I'm awesome! "Line it up like this, and there you have the angle. Then, where's your calculator?"

I slide my old and mangled calculator over to him. "So, now use the numbers they've already written down, but now use the degree you just found as well."

I scan over the number I'd scrawled next to Mr Triangle before and punch them in. I look at the number that's displayed back to me, but I don't trust it. I don't want to look like an idiot infront of Sasuke. I hesitantly write the final figure I've got into the answer box -after crossing out the old answer-. Sasuke leans forward and nods at me, "That's right now..."

There's a few seconds before I register the fact that I've just got something right. And then another second to proccess how deep and entrancing Sasuke's eyes are. Then another second to look at a little scratch in the corner of his geeky glasses. But then it hits me. _Then it HITS me BABY! "Holy Fuck my Tits!" _I say, _way_ too loudly, but I don't care. I just solved a maths question, and got it right! Arhhhhhh This is amazing! Kyuu! I just did something smart, be proud of me!

I Turn to look at Sasu-sensei, who, to be honest, looks a little concerned for his safety right now, and just smile at him. "Thank you so much! No one ever showed me that before! Oh my God! Maybe I can become a mathmatian or what-ever the fuck it's called! Oh Fuck Sasuke, I love you now!"

I get this weird chill up my spine and slowly turn my head sideways...The entire, and I mean the _entire_ cafe is staring at me. Even the lanterns. Even my Gorgeous -_Yay, she looks so proud of me.  
_Wow, there are quite a few customers in here now. And Oh look! Gaara's here! When did he sneak in? Aww he's got his black hoodie on, I love it when he pulls the hood up, he looks like a _propper_ panda then. I smile and wave at him happily. I can't wait to show him what I just learnt.

"_Naruto..."_ I here Nagato _growl_. I swivel to see him standing behind the booth with his hands on his hips and his '_rape_' face securely on his face.

I 'eep' and try to hide behind my maths sheet, I fear it's the best cover for Nagato's rath. I guess I shouldn't have sworn so loudly. But _really_ I mean the people who come in here everyday should be used to this by now. They're all totally fine with witnesssing the cafe owner and his boyfriend pashing and feeling each other up at least once a day. Surely they aren't that prudish that a little French here and there would-

"I swear to Kami Naruto! You are _really_ fired this time!"

"Oopsie. I'm sorry Naggy, I just got excited!-"

"I don't care what made you do it, you do NOT swear in my cafe, in front of my customers!" He seeths at me and I feel like a little defensless bunny rabit being snarled at by a big scary hound dog..._You ain't nothing but a hoooound dog! Crying all the tyyyme.  
_  
"I will NOT accept the kind of behaviour from you!"

I can't help the inappropriate reaction of giggling childishly at him. He's kind of funny when he's trying to fire me. Actualy, that means I've been fired _twice _today. Hehe, I'm on a hatrick!

*Snort*

"I lurve you Naaaaggy!" I drawl out cutely -_what I think is in a cute voice-_ which usualy works to get me unfired. Usualy.

_I do love_ my Naggy and his empty threats. Silly man doesn't realise this is _my_ cafe.

**Stupid ignorant fairy.**

Hehe, he would make quite a good fairy I think. All he needs in some wings and a little see through fairy dress-

"You're still fired you know." Nagato says, standing next to our booth. How did he get here so quick? Super fairy powers _obviously._

"Yeeeeah okay Naggy," I drawl out, leaning on my elbows, giving him the _'eyeball', _"So _you'll_ be doing all the coffee orders today then? You do know it's Monday right? Monday book club at one o'clock."

I watch as Nagato pales (he goes from vitamin B deficient to Vampire in half a second flat), and starts to back track, "Ahaha, well you can finish your shift for today then-"

"Oh, so you're good for Seniour citizens discount day tomorrow?" I smile smugly, flashing him my teeth and the most inoccent look I can muster.

"Fine! You're unfired! Just stop swearing so loudly, okay?"

"Okay, love you Naggy!" He sighs and slumps away from me and Sasuke, "Hehehe, he can't live without me." I giggle, feeling proud of myself for successfully trolling my boss.

I hear Sasuke say something that I didn't quite catch (possible because he's hiding under his bangs again), "Sorry whatcha say?".

"Erhm.."He starts, after a moment, and then stops. He's acting shy...Why on Earth?

"I-Ibroughtyouinmyshovel." He says quickly. It takes me a second or two to understand what he said, but then it hits: DID HE _REALLY BRING ME A SHOVEL?_ This is aaamaaazing! "Did you really?!" I squee and start bouncing up and down on the cushiony seat under my butt.

"Yeah, it's behind there." He says softly, pointing behind me, to where my friends Mr Spoon and Mr Pen lie fallen.

A queer sound chirps out of my throat. Weird. I wiggle myself around so I can jump on my knees to look lean over the back of the booth's backrest. S_ure enough_ , there, leaning upright with the cafe's mops, broom and Konan's purple umbrella is a short handled, slightly rusty shovel. It's _beautiful!  
_  
"Why helloooo there sexy little shovel!" I wriggle with excitement and lean forward to touch it. It's a similar size to the shovel I 'borrowed' that night, which is great becuase if it were any bigger I doubt I would be able to handle it. I lean over a bit more and give it a test lift; yep, not too big and not too heavy, just right. I turn around and sit down like a normal person, but can't help but grin the shit out of the general atmosphere.  
"Thanks you so much Sasuke! It's perfect! It's nice and short and not too heavy and lovely and it won't be hard to carry home and back and thank you _soo much_!" I bounce happily, smiling like a tard at Sasuke, who..Actually looks kind of spaced out. Hmmm maybe he needs another coffee?

**Kukuku.  
**  
Whaaaat Kyuu?

**He was probably checking you out. You gave him a _nice _view then.**

Checking me out? What do you mean? Sasuke's totally straight. AND you said you wouldn't be a pervert!

***Humf***

Maybe he was just re-thinking letting me borrow his shovel? Oh no! "I'll take good care of him I promise! And I never break my promises! He and I will be great friends!" I say quickly, leaning towards Sasuke with wide eyes and a big smile, trying to get him to see how sincere I am. His face slowly returns to it's usual, nuetral blankness.  
"Wait..._He_?" He asks, "What do you mean, _he?"  
_  
"Well, he's a he. Obviously. And he told me that his name is Randy! I won't leave Randy out in the rain or anything. I actually have the perfect place for him to sleep tonight after we're done gardening! He'll be so happy!"

"..." He doesn't respond, just nods and sips more of his coffee.

I smile happily and proud that even when faced by a total random person, he's just chill.

"So! I owe you a favour now, or two, or whatever you like! I'm really, _really_ grateful for this. Would you like a big hot chocolate to take for Itachi when you're ready to go to work? Not that I'm trying to kick you out or anything! You can stay as long as you like! But just when you do go, ya'know?"

'Yeah, a hot chocolate for him would be great. He seemed to like the last one you made."

"Oh good!" I smile. His lip twitches a little. I tap my foot under the table trying to think of something else to say. I really like sharing time with Sasuke, he's interesting and mysterious and kind of cute sometimes-

**Enough Nar.**

Sorry, sorry. Thanks, I was kind of slipping into 'naughty' thoughts there.

"Is something wrong?" I hear Sasuke ask me.

Damn I must have frowned or something.  
"Ah no, no! I was just thinking about when to do my gardening." I smile and try to relax my face. It wasn't a _total_ lie. I really do need to think about when to put my grand plan into action...

"See, I don't get alot of free time between; work, my home work, buying food, jumping on my brother and I kind of have to sleep sometimes, ya'know."

I'm pleasantly surprised when Sasuke jyst nods in understanding.  
"Yeah. I don't mind how long you borrow it for. And I kind of know what you mean, sleep get's in the way sometimes." His bangs swish from side to side as he moves his head in agreement. I feel like a cat as I watch them.

"Yeeeeh, ya'know, sometimes I wish I was a bear...So I could like, hibernate for a few months and get in some epic snooze time and then just rampage around for the rest of the year. I think that'd be wicked, ripping up the country side up, being a badass bear." I sigh and tilt my head sideways, imagining how simple and furry life as a bear would be.

My bear-life-dreaming is interrupted by my Hipster coughing and choking on a mouthful of coffee. I think in the book I'm going to write, I should dedicate an illustrated page of catalouguing 'Hipster FacialExpressions', cos I don't think I'll see _that one _too often!

"I think...Maybe *cough-splutter* you should come to work with me, and be my brother's new room mate." He laughs his breathless Hipster chuckle and wipes the spat out coffee off of his leather wrist cuffs.

"Noooo! Wait, I mean Yes! I mean noooooo. I'm not _that_ crazy. But sharing a room with your brother sounds pretty awesome!" I'm torn! I don't wana be in a looney bin, but at the same time it sounds so _fun_! "Could I just come for a weeks holiday? Ya'know like, I don't want to have my scalp cut open and wear a straight jacket, but could I come and be that Octopus guy's rap buddy? Or duuuuude, the shark boy! I could totally get a Nemo costume from somewhere!"

I hear Sasuke's laugh from beneathe his hand. He's trying so hard to stay kewl and hip. _We'll see about that! Hehehe.  
_  
"And if you sneak me into your brother's room, I'll totally hold him down while you get some good quaility incest time with him!"

_"*HERFFFB*" _

I laugh my absolute _LUNGS _out at the weird/distrubed sound that comes out of Sasuke's throat. It was a cross between a _gona-spew _and a_ body-is-trying-to-self-destruct _sound. Once he's _'sort of' _calmed down, he throws me this artic glare. Pffft, I work with Nagato and Miss Hulk-Sakura for peats sake, does he really expect that to work?  
"Dude, settle down, I was joking. It's cute that you have a crush on him but, intern-patient relationships probably aren't alowed for a reason."

He hides his face behind one of his hands in this 'oh-no' pose. Aww, embarrased hipster; another expression for my catelogue!

"D-Dobe, ssssh!" He's trying so hard to tell me off but I know he's laughing..Secretly.

"Ehehe, I bet you're babies would've been cute though."

SMACK. His forhead drops onto the table. His shoulders shake up and down in a half laugh half sob. "That's so not kewl man." He sputters out in an un-hispter-like high pitched voice.

I pat his shoulder in a comforting manner, "Romance is hard, I know."

He stays like that for a few momnets, then bravely raises his head up, and glares at me again.

"Oh man, you're gona have to do better then that." I smile and ruffle his hair up, like how Iruka and Nagato do to me. I know why they do it now, it's bloody cute! Actually, I half thought that Sasuke's hair would be oilly and sticking from having hair gel in it, but it's not; it's all soft and fluffy. Hmmm, interesting...

"Well, _this_ looks cosy."

I recognise that voice straight away as being Sensei's. I quickly swipe a look at my phone and take a deep breathe, before unleashing my full lung capacity: "_WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING LATE MISTER?" _

* * *

**_Author's Note 2._**

**_On a hatrick' is a cricket term for when a bowler has bowled two batters out, one after another. Three 'bowled outs' is called a hatrick and is only achieved by the most skilled bowlers...Or by an average bowler whose facing a shitty batting side. Google it._**

**_And that's it for this chapita. The next chapita is going to be uploaded WITH this one, so you can read it NOAW. Please leave me a review if you're still reading this story (I know I've lost a lot of readers from my 'haitus'), I would love to hear what you guys are thinking. You want more Sakura? More Shikamaru? More Smexy Lab Coat?_**

**_Mr Lab Coat:I'm sexy and I know it!_**  
**_Nar: *purrrrr* Yes, yes you are._**  
**_Sas-Kewl: Come at us Naru *wink*_**  
**_Nar: Naaah you love Itachi more than me! *cries*_**  
**_Sas-Kewl: FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUU *dies*_**  
**_Naggy: You're all fired!_**

**_Faint._**


	16. Chap 27 I speak crazy, Y'know

_**Author's Note 1.  
Thank you Murasaki for beta'ring HTF. You're truly an epic individual (so glad you've got as crazy and perverted sense of humor as my own).  
A'ranga' is someone with red or orange hair.**_

_****_

**Chapita 27. "I speak Crazy Y'know."**

"Well, _this_ looks cozy."

I recognize that voice straight away as being Sensei's. I quickly swipe a look at my phone and take a deep breathe, before unleashing my full lung capacity: "_WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING LATE MISTER?"_

I LOL secretly behind my orange juice at how Sasuke jolted at my screaming _Aww, I scared the poor lil hipster._

"keep it down. Are you trying to make my ears bleed?" Yahiko Sensei says, swatting me over the head with a news paper. It didn't really hurt but I feel the need to whine like a puppy regardless.

"_But you're laate_! I've been here for like..." I take another glance at my phone for the time again, "Whoa it's lunch time already. Dude! You were a totally prick the other day about our sexy new student being late, and how do you start the first day of the new week?-" I'm cut off by having a pencil case shoved at my mouth. Blerh, taste like ink and...Rum?

"Alright, alright. Settle down. And may I ask whom you're sharing _our class room_ with?" Sensei gives this almighty; _Ginger-Man-Looks-Down-Upon-Thou-Peasant_ look to Sasuke, who just returns it with a blank stare. Erh, is it just me or is it suddenly _FUCKING FREEZING _in here_?  
_  
"Um...Sensei, this is Sasuke. Sasuke, this is my Sensei, Yahiko. I'm sure you two will get along just-" I try to say but I'm interrupted _again_,

"Huh, what is it mute and can't speak for itself?" Sensei spits out. What on Earth?

_***Growls***_**  
**  
Did Yahiko Sensei really just say that? Why would he be so rude to my fluffy little hipster? I turn my head to the orange haired meanie as he sits down next to me, squishing me along the seat. "WHAT! Sensei, don't be so mean! Sasuke's a regular customer and he's really nice! He's even letting me borrow his-"

"Uh-huh. Nice_, really_?" He says in a smart-arsed tone. Seriously, he's acting like a teenage brat here? What the _hell_?

"Excuse me." Sasuke's smooth voice interrupts my scowling at my teacher -_which is probably a good thing, cos if I glare any harder, I'm pretty sure Sensei would burst into flames and burn to death_- "Allow me introduce myself properly- Not that you didn't already introduce me well enough," He says in a posh voice and nods at me_. 'Posh'_ is the only word I can think to describe how he sounds, it's just smart and polite and kind of _La-De-Da._

__**He sounds well educated...**_**Cultivated.**_

_****_I don't know what that means, but it sounds fancy, so let's go with that.

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha. It is quite a pleasure to meet you." He stands up and reaches a pale, cuffed and blinged hand out to a silent Yahiko Sensei. Ha! Take that! I remember Iruka Sensei telling me once that being polite to your enemy is the best way to piss them off. My Lil 'Ruka's a genius! *Iruka Fan boy Dance*

"Yahiko Akatsuki. The pleasure's all mine, I'm sure." He doesn't stand up like Sasuke, but he does shake his hand. I get this weird feeling that if there were a tube of tooth paste between their joined hands; we'd _all_ be covered in it right now.

"Minty."

**Kukuku, what a clever boy.**

Yahiko makes a face like he's just smelled dog poo somewhere close by. I choose to ignore my teacher for now and smile sweetly at Sasuke as he seats himself slowly. He seems much more fancy, _cultivated_ now, like he just popped a university degree pill or something. *Smart-Sasuke Fan boy Dance*

"Well, as pleasant as this meeting has been, Mr. Uchiha, I'm afraid I am going to have to ask you to make your part from this booth."

ERH? I hear Kyuu growl inside my head at Sensei, and I'm damn tempted to just let him _out. _I cannot _believe _he just said that! I want to scream at him, but I'm actually stunned for a few seconds while I try to figure out if that really just happened,_ or _if I'm dreaming, or if Yahiko Sensei is on his Man-Rags. With my mouth slightly slack I take a peak at my Hipster, wondering how he's going to react to such _rudeness._ All I find is his smooth, doll like face in a perfect _'I'm-made-of-Bone-China...You-Mad' _expression.

**Kukuku, be careful Ginger Nuts.**

"And _may I_ ask for what reason you're requesting my vacating?" My Hipster responds coolly. Damn, I should get him to teach me how to be so calm and smexy. "I was, as you could see, having _delightful_ conversation with your student." He finishes his last sentence with a nod and a lip twitch in my direction. AAAAH I feel special now!****

"Because, _Mr. Uchiha_, my student here is about to undertake a small revision of the political studies he has been working on in the last few months." Yahiko smiles in my direction, but only gets a grumpy glare from me, "And as by sanction of this _fine_ cafe's owner, this particular booth happens to be mine and my various classes designated _'out of class work area'."  
_  
This guy...Who the _hell_ does he think he is? _Designated area?_ By Nagato's _sanction_? _-Does Naggy he even have such a thing? - _He doesn't own this God Damn cafe!  
I feel my teeth clench and my fists' ball up tightly at Sensei's dumshit speech. I _know_ he is a very smart man, and is a wonderful, decorated member of the community and all the rest of it, but this is some _BULLSHIT._ It doesn't take a genius to figure out what he's doing: he's pulling the _'I'm older and wiser and therefore more important than _you' card on Sasuke; I would know enough adults have pulled it on me. They all try and make the kid give in and submit to whatever they want, _just_ because they're younger, it's _disgusting!  
_  
**Yes. He's trying to intimidate Sasuke. That much is clear.**

But _why? _For what reason is he pulling his fucking rank like this? He can't honestly be _that_ upset that someone is sitting at our booth.

**Unlikely. Though from his attitude regarding Sora last week, I think he may have some kind of grudge against young people with black hair who listen to Linkin Park.**

Ppppft, prolly. It wouldn't surprise me if it was a stupid, judgmental reason like that.

**Hmm. I really do not like this side of **_**Professor Pein.  
**_**  
**Professor Pain in my arse, more like it.**  
**I take a look at the man who's the object of my annoyance; he's glaring, intensely at Sasuke, like he hates him or something. Seeing that rips a quick, tight pain down the middle of my chest. It drags downwards slowly and settles in a hot ball.

_FUCK_, that one _hurt._

I look up in time to catch Sasuke's reply, and to feel as the Earth freezes over in a Sasuke-Glacier. The look on his pale face...Scares me. It's vicious, the sight double the size of the pain between my rib cage; so much so that I double over a little.

I watch with wide eyes as Sasuke speaks in what I hear to be _pure hatred:_ "I see. That appointment does sound _very important_. But please tell me, at what time was this '_revision' _scheduled at?" The pain in my chest crawls upwards, it's no longer a hot stinging pain, and it's more like I just slipped an icy-pole down my throat. Holy shit. Now that..._THAT _is what I call a GLARE. I just stare at Sasuke, as he's boring his black -and I _swear_ I see red- eyes filled with frozen hatred into my Sensei, who seems to be stunned and is silenced. _T_hose playful glares I was receiving off of my Hipster before were _nothing!_ They were just a half arsed version of the _acid_ he's staring into Yahiko's soul right now.

**Woah. You wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of **_**that.  
**_**  
**No, I sure as hell wouldn't. It's not even pointed at me, and I've seemed to have lost the ability to speak or move or feel anything, save for the cold chill that's running up my spine and sternum. This look, it's scary as fuck; it's sucked my breath right out of my lungs. How can one sweet, awkward little Hipster do that? How can he give off so much hatred from one look, and one simply asked question?

**It's...**

It's, dangerous...And somehow..._Exciting._

**Nar.**

I don't know how to describe it, but this cold, frozen feeling...It doesn't matter, I don't like that glare. If I don't do something to stop it, I'm sure this pain in my chest is only going to get worse. I vaguely remember what Sasuke actually said before I slipped into a glare induced hypnosis; he asked Sensei a question right? "Well Sen-Sensei?" I say, my voice stuttering with effort. Speaking isn't easy right now, I feel like my lungs have engulfed a ton of icy cold water.

After a few seconds, Sasuke's glare slides from his face, and I breathe in relief; but Yahiko still hasn't answered either of us. "Well, aren't you going to _grace_ your new _acquaintance_ with a _response,_ _Sensei?"_ I register how smarty-pants I sound, but my attention is mostly focused on the pain in my sternum. Damn it, _go away._

**Breathe deeply, Kit.**

I do, and after a few big breaths I feel a bit better. I turn my head to my orange haired teacher. Yahiko swallows -_his pride? His figurative tampon?- _before answering us," I do admit that I have arrived some-what late to Mr. Uzumaki's and I's appointed time, however; I was held back by the psychology class, which I teach, at Konaha University this morning." Sensei chuckles to himself a little and looks to me before he _goes ON, _"Jiraya sends his apology for making me behind-schedule. You know how he is." He finishes yet another speech with a cocky smile and a sip of _my_ juice. That's it, I've had enough of this!

"_BULL-FUCKING- SHIT!_ You two were probably looking at porn again! Sasuke and me were having a _nice_ talk while I was waiting for you! So you should be thanking him for distracting me to how late-"

**And unpunctual,**

"And _unpunctual you are!" _I use the voice I use when I'm getting into a fight, or trying to scare off people in my neighborhood. It's kind of what I think Mr. Momochi would sound like when he's popping off people who owe him money.  
*Sigh* There, I feel much better after telling his arse off. Hmm, that's the second time in only three days I've done that, Yay for me.

The look on Yahiko Sensei's face tells me that he's not very impressed with being spoken to like that, but I don't give a fuck. He wants to use rude language with my friends, then Imma use rude language back. It doesn't matter that he's using the Queen's English to do it, and I'm swearing; it's all the same, they're both mean and hurtful!

**That's right. For once you've used your brain and words to wound your enemy.**

I spy my Hipster ducking his head down...After only a short amount of time knowing him; I know that he's hiding a smile behind that curtain of black silk. I feel a swell of joy rise in me, which dissolves the tight pains I was feeling before. I'm kind of proud of myself for knowing that tit-bit of information about Sasuke. Hmm, I must be a Hipster expert.

**Don't get ahead of yourself there, Brat.**

I'm brought out of my thinking by Sensei's voice again. Damn Ginger Nuts has some nerve to even _speak_ to me. " As pleasant as I'm sure that would have been for you, I would have _preferred_ that you were using your time more _productively_. By, improving your hand writing for example."

HOLD THE PHONE MOTHERFUCKERS! He's deliberately trying to embarrass me now, isn't he? I can feel my face heat up like a hot plate. Damn him! "Shhhut your face! My brain goes faster than my hands, okay! And besides, I _was_ doing something productive! Sasuke was helping me with my maths homework, see, look, see_, arse-hole_!"I wave my _correct _math's homework in front of his face in the most annoying manner possible.

He swats the pages away from his face with a scowl directed at me. "The fact that you can't count has nothing to do with me. Iruka was supposed to have taught you that in _primary school."_

"Shut up! You're late! And being a total bitch for no reason. Either be nice or _go away_!" I pout and jab my index finger into his cheek, hard. Then...he turns his head, slowly, like a murderous, cold-blooded OWL! I 'eep' at his glare and can't stop myself from shuffling along the seat away from him and his pierced piercing glare. I can handle Miss HULK Sakura, and Naggy, I can even take on Iruka's _'teacher-is-not-amused'_ looks, but Yahiko Sensei...He's not called Professor Pein for nothing. He can be bloody scary! _Save me Kyuu!_

**He's not that terrifying. That so called 'glare' is nothing compared to Sasuke's-**

_But that wasn't pointed at me!_ I'm scared. Even his nose bolts are looking mean!

**You're such a wimp sometimes Nar.  
**  
_**"Don't glare at **__**me.**__** You're the one who was too busy staying after class with underage undergraduates, watching PORN with a SEX addict. What a handsome role model you make to your impressionable students **__**Sensei"  
**__**  
**_My-my voice...It sounded so dark and cruel. I-I wouldn't say something like _that_ to Sensei-

_**"And if you say **__**anything**__** like that about my brother again...I will NOT forgive you."  
**_  
I shiver at how dangerous and _feral_ my own voice sounded. But it wasn't my voice, was it?Kyuu..Did you just...?

**You asked for help, so I helped. But just this once. You should been able to deal with this self-absorbed fool by yourself.  
**  
I shiver again, not liking how angry Kyuu is. After a few moments of silence and staring at me, Sensei's face smoothes out. He still looks pissed, but not as murderous now.

"A-are you going to stop being mean now?" I ask him. I'm still gun-shy, but I can't exactly hate him. He's a good guy afterall..Usually..Sometimes.

"Fine. Would you make me a coffee please? I could really use one of your wonderful coffees now. I have quite a bad headache, which I fear may soon become a migraine." He asks gently in a more normal voice for him. FAARCK THAAT!

"No, make your own coffee. You know how to use the coffee machine." I turn my nose up in the air and huff. I may not hate him, but I'm not going to give him any magically awesome coffees today. _No sir._

"But-"

"No." He looks completely mortified!

"Naru, I'm a paying customer, you can't just _refuse_ to serve me." He says and I see that his face is beginning to form its Professor Pein look again. I do feel bad about him having a headache because I know how bad they can be for him; sometimes Nagato takes the day off work to take care of him, but I am not going to be his whipping and creaming boy!

"Since when do you pay for _anything_? And besides, Konan is working this morning, go ask her."

"She...Isn't as skilled as you. And I know you haven't started your shift yet, but please Naru?" Aww, I almost give into his little twinge of pleading. So cute, so adorable, so-

**He has such nice manners when he wants.**

You're right. "I actually no longer work here Sensei. I was fired this morning. If you had been here on time then maybe you could have gotten your morning cup of EPIC-SEXINESS. But seeing as your other classes are more important then lil' ol' me-"

"Don't be ridiculous, Nagato wouldn't fire you." He scoffs.

I just smile. "No, really. He fired me. Ask Sasuke, he was here when he was screaming at me." I look over at Sauske, who sips his drink elegantly and nods.

"Yes, he was fired. Twice I believe. _Such a shame_." I smile secretly at Sasuke, I love how posh he sounds right now. When I look back at Yahiko, I see the most pathetic expression I've ever come across; he looks like a kid who was told that Santa couldn't deliver their Christmas presents because they moved house. I LOL evilly at the shear panic in his light blue/white swirl eyes.

**Serves the impudent bastard right.**

"That..._No." _He gasps and stands up so suddenly that pens and pages fly off the table.

I smile happily as he bolts around the booth towards the kitchen. I can almost smell he flames at his heals! "Hehe, oh I'm so evil!" I laugh to myself. I notice that Sasuke is glaring slightly -not his death glare of doom, just a mild version- after Sensei's fleeing ranga form. _We'll be having no more grumpies today!  
_  
"Oi you! Yeah _you_, stop glaring as well. You look so much nicer when you smile." I tell him, but not harshly. I understand why he wouldn't like Yahiko after that dickheaded performance, but I'm not letting anybody be a hater today.

"Hh-hu?" He snaps out of his hating and blushes before he can hide behind his bangs. _AHAHA I caught you Sas-Kewl!_

"Dude. Chill. I'm not tryn'a get into your pants or anything... Erh, actually I don't think we'd both fit anyways." *Mentally Ponders the Concept*

**Stop it.**

*Inner shame-face* _Ah nooo,_ I'm as bad as you now Kyuu.

_**No one will ever be as **__**bad **__**as me.  
**_**  
**"Hn, yeah." Sasuke replies, smirking across at me. "It's the downside of tight jeans...Hey, thanks for sticking up for me before." He trails off, furrowing his eye brows and frowning, "Are you going to get in trouble for that?"

He's concerned about me? That's uber sweet, he's just a big soft and squishy marshmallow under all that gel and leather studded bling. "Hehe, no I'll make him a coffee later and he'll be back to his usual self. He gets like this sometimes..." I chew my lip a little, feeling bad about my Sensei's actions. "I'm really sorry that he spoke to you like that, and was such a stuck-up-dick-face. He's a nice guy...mostly."

"It's alright. I'm used to it by now. Stuck-up is actually my second language." He says, tilting his head sideways with a sly smirk.

"Oooo, really? Do you speak any other languages?" I is intrigued now!_  
_  
"heh, yes I do. I'll tell you if you make me a coffee and a hot chocolate to take away. I'm due at work in a little while, so I should start heading off." He chuckles softly at my enthusiasm.

"_It's a deal!"_ We both slide out of the booth, well: I slide, roll, trip on my bag and nearly die, while Sasuke does a smooth butt-moon-walk out, and I usher him over near my gorgeous, right behind the booth; where my dead pen and spoon are, and where Randy ze shovel is propped up, just lookin' chill."Thanks again for bringing me your shovel." I say to Sasuke, feeling a bit shy for some reason.

"Hn. You two have fun." He replies as he leans casually against the back of my classrooms booth, while I get on my side of the counter and start heating up a jug of fresh milk. Mooooo!

**Tard.**

Milk my udder, bitch!

"Hehe, _miiiilk_...So, languages, _Go!"_ Sasuke gives me a_ The Actual Fuck _look for a few seconds after I say that, but he seems to recover quickly.

"Well, my First language is our native tongue; of course. My second is the stuck-up dick dialect; which I use for speaking to adults who think I'm some dumbass, drop-kick, and teenage-angst-Queen."

I can't help but frown at this. He's spot on about how people judge him. I may not have known him long, but I've already heard him slandered with names like 'emo' and 'prince'. I'm so glad he proved Yahiko Sensei wrong today. "The third is sarcasm, which is for young stuck-up dicks who think I'm an emo who spends all day on Tumblr, doing my hair and shop-lifting eyeliner. It's also for the adults who're too dim witted to understand _big words._"

I nod in agreement, feeling even more saddened by this.

"I also have an arsenal of creative cuss words and come-backs that I use on people who see me as nothing but an: emo, faggot, attention whore. It comes in handy." He smiles slyly off to one side, happily: but as much as he takes pride in his come-backs, I can tell it still hurt him a little.

I recognize some of those words, and I can almost place their voices; those Sound Crew guys, the jerks who used to throw bottles at me on my way to primary school everyday, the older boys that were in my high school classes and dozens of others who used to bully me. I hate to think of it, but I think people pick on and judge Sasuke just as much -_if not more- _than they did me. I seriously can't understand how anyone could say something so mean to Sasuke; he's just a nice, regular guy.

**They don't know him as well as you do, Kit.**

Hearing that..Makes my chest flutter. I dunno why, but it made me feel happy for a minute then. Hehe. I stand on my tippy toes to see over my Gorgeous and talk to Sasuke, "Yeah, because everyone who's different and isn't wearing _their _brands and listening to _their _music is a homo. Trust me man_, I know_. The guys at Konaha High had a_ fucking field day _when I started there."

"Yeah?" His hipster smirk vanishes while he twists his cuffs around and around his wrist. Its kind of meditative to watch, it's making my coffee making experience more: spiritual. My Gorgeous is MY GOD! But Godly coffee aside, I don't think I like the sad look on his beautiful face..._Must make lil hipster smile again!  
_  
**You've got it **_**sooo**_** bad.  
**  
"But dude, you totally don't give off a gay vibe. And trust me, I know _alot'a gay motherfuckers!_"

He looks up at me with a blank doll-like expression, "Really?"

"Oh yeah, I mean, duude when I first saw you in here, you had your own group of fan girls stalking you! They obviously ain't feeling any _fag_ off you!" I smile happily and pop the cap on the XL hot chocolate. It was a tight fit getting Itachi's lid on, I stuffed the top so full of extra large marshmallows and froth and chocolate powder, but eventually the lid yielded. HAHA, mast of the beverages!

"Hn. Those people need to _die."  
_  
"OH MY GOD WHAT! How can you say that? They just think you're fit! It's not their fault you're hot."

_**Oh Nar.**_****

_Ooops.  
_  
"I-What?"

"Dude, shut up. Don't make me say it again!" I busy myself with making his long black to take away, hoping he doesn't see my blush behind the coffee machines big-beautiful body. "Sooooo, any other languages you haven't told me about? You speak penguin?" Smoothed that awkward situation over nicely *_mentally pats self on da back*_

"Um...No I don't speak penguin...But I do speak _crazy."_

I peak over at him again, "What do you mean you speak _crazy? _Are you trying to tell me that crazy people have their own secret language that they us to communicate with each other?" This is quite confusing. I have this weird vision of Kyuu talking to random insane people without me knowing about it.

**Doubt it.  
**_  
_ I see over the machine that his signature smirk firmly in place. "No no. It's an ever-changing, quickly- morphing language of agreeing with whatever the crazy person in question is saying, while minimizing any damage. Like; _Yes, of course the Government is watching everything you do, but we're about to have afternoon tea, so why don't you come off the roof now and have some cake?"_

I laugh at his little impression and Doctor voice. I seriously want to see him try and coax some mental person into eating cake! That would just be epic. "Oh man, you'd make a fab therapist!" I chuckle and begin pouring his coffee into it's cup. I made it with an extra shot. Hopefully it'll keep him awake and alert all day. Just as I am about to hand him his drinks over my Gorgeous, he,..._Effing Disappears_! Where the flipping hell did he go? Oh My Flipping God, he's been sucked into a Hipster worm hole! _Orrrr,_ maybe that lab coat is really an invisibility coat? Dude. Sasuke is secretly Harry Potter! "SASUUUUKE! Where did you go? You can't hide from me forever!"

"_Cheh,_ Dobe."

Eh? Sasuke's voice? Where did that come from? I peer around and finally spot the little fluffy, upturned hair at the back of his head. _All the way in front of the till counter! _Okay, it's like half a meter up from me, but _still.  
_  
"What the flipping heck are you doing all the way up there?" I walk (shuffle three steps to my left) up the staff side of the till counter to stand next to Nagato; who's talking with Gaara -or rather, talking _at_ Gaara, while Gaara stares at him-, and plonk the drinks down.

"What choo flipping doing man?" I lean over my side and mock glare at him.

"Paying...Obviously, Dobe."

"What the flipping hell are you calling me- _Never mind that now! _You're _not_ paying for these!"

His smug little Wizard smirk turns into a frown, "_cheh_, no, I'm giving you money in exchange for the service you're providing. That's sort of how shops work, Dobe."

Oi! That cheeky little Hipzard is using his '_stuck-up-dick' _voice with me! What a poo head!

**Kukuku, **_**exchange for your service. kukuku.  
**_**  
**KYUU!

**I'm not saying you should offer it to him. I'm just pointing out how dirty that sounded. Kuku, **_**service.  
**_  
"I am not a prostitute, thank you very much, I do not get paid _nearly _enough to offer you _services." _I vaguely hear Nagato snort behind me. "And you did me a huge favor by lending me Randy. I promised you free coffee in return, so Bleeeeeerh." I poke my tongue out at him childishly. Yes I look like a ten year old, no, I do not give two shits. Silly hipzard, trying to pay for things with money, BAH, what has this world come to?_  
_  
"Yeah you did, but Itachi's-"

"Free. Today. No moneys. You comprende?"

"But-"

"_Nooooo,_ don't make me jump this counter and stuff that money back in your drain-pipes myself because, _duuude, I will."_ Haha, that seems to have scared him enough. He actually looks... Kinda sleepy for some reason? Hmm, why is that? Maybe all this arguing is tiring him out, I'd better get this coffee to him ASAP!

**Kuku-**__

"Are you, aloud to do that?" He asks hesitantly, biting at his pink bottom lip.

"Yes, I reserve my right to molest my customers." I say seriously. I know exactly what he was asking but DANG, he looks so freaked out now. Hehe.

_**Hmm, molesting the customers...**_

"Wh- No I mean, " Sasuke begins to say, giving Nagato a quick glance, who seems to be trying to recruit Gaara into the 'Uber-festival-decoration-team'. "Are you aloud to just _give_ free shit away?"

I grin like an evil litte kitty and tap Naggy on the shoulder, "Naggy, do you mind if I give my friend here a few free drinks? He did me a huge favor and I'd really like to pay him back."

Nagato, as expected, cocks his eyebrow like, _Why are you even asking_? "Yeah, of course, you know that it's fine, Naru-Buns."

He ruffles my hair and promptly returns to Gaara. "So Gaara, what'ya say? A bit of good old fashion elbow grease never hurt anyone, _eh, eeeh_?"

I catch Gaara's eye and smile at him. He doesn't eye-twinkle me like he usually does though. Hmmm, something seems to be up with my little Panda today. I need to remember to check on him later.

I turn back to Sasuke and say in an high pitched voice, "Seeeeeeee." He will soon learn that I am the _God of Coffee.  
_  
"Okay, okay. You really do run this place don't you?" He says, chuckling slightly.

I nod my head up and down and hold out the drinks for him to take in one of our funky little multiple drinks holders. When he reaches out to take them from me, I spot something metal and shiny dangling from one of his several cuffs. _HOLY FLIPPING FLIPS_, it's a cute little silver skull...Who's smiling...A smiley little skull! *Squee* He's so _epic!  
_  
"_Awww, hello there little skully man!"_ I let my hipster take the drinks from me but I grab his hand, making sure it doesn't go anywhere, and then, _then_ I proceed to _cat-bat the shit _out of the cute lil skully. Cat-Bat as in batting a dangling object with ones paw and following it's swing with you uber huge pupils.

"Oh yeah. He's pretty cool. His name is Ashley, he like, guards me against jocks and sluts."

Awww, _Ashley._ What a good name, it suits him and his little sparkly black rind stones!  
"Hello there Ashley, you're doing a BOSS job of looking after Sasuke." I pause my paws for two seconds, to look up at Sauske and say "Is he your friend? He so awesome! Oh my flipping God look how he's smiling! _Nya!"  
_  
**Why do you keep saying 'flipping'?**

Sssh not now Kyuu, _Ashley has a teeny tiny little black bandana on! _ I haven't had this much fun in... three minutes.  
_  
_"Erh, Yeah I guess he is. Now I have like...Two friends."

I Stop cat-batting poor Ashley, to see Sasuke looking away from me, to the floor beside him. Friends...? I remember back to the first or second time that I shared Sasuke's table: how he told me that he didn't have _one_ friend in the whole world. Hearing that pretty much broke my heart at the time. But hearing him say that he now has two friends now, _two of them_, Wow what a change. It doesn't matter one that his first friend is a funky little piece of bling. Everyone needs friends, and a friend can be anything that gives you comfort and makes you smile.

**Just like you and your pot plants?**

My ferns are so nice. And don't forget you Kyuu."You have two friends? That's awesome! Would you tell me who your other friend is, if you don't mind? I know Ashley's your number one, he's so baddass." Sasuke looks back up at me, and with a serious expression, seeming to ponder my question . Maybe I shouldn't have asked him that, maybe it's Itachi? I know how dark and sad he can turn when he's thinking/talking about his brother. But then again, he's been talking about him a lot more recently.

After a few moments, Sasuke expression relaxes into a Boss-Cat smirk, "Hn. It's...You, Dobe."

_AHHH MY FLIPPING GOD, WHAT_? Did you hear that Kyuu?

**I do live between your ears Nar, I hear everything-**

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, he said _I_ was_ his _friend! My mission was a success! This is totally going into my book, like, the _first page!_ I may even call it '_How I, The Tard, befriended The Hipster'.  
_  
**Calm down idiot, you're going to spook him.**

Oh, yeah you're right Kyuu. I probably have stars and puppies and flipping love hearts in my eyes right now. I need to remain kewl and _casual. _"Oh dude, thank you _so much_. Being your friend is wicked, and I think...I think of you as a friend too." I say in the most Zac Effron way I can -and I have to say, I charmed even _myself_.

**Yes, I'm surprised at how **_**sexy **_**you sounded just now.**

Did it turn you on?

**Lil bit.**

Win!

"And you, me and Ashley should totally go pirating sometime."

"What?" Sasuke asks, cocking his head to one side.

"Pirating, ya'know, tight pants, big boots, hidden treasure and lots'a booty."

**What did you just say?-  
**"What did you just say?" Sasuke and Kyuu say that at _almost _the exact time. Woah, that was weird. Maybe he's just being a parrot of you Kyuu? Good job Sasu-Parrot!

**I don't think he can hear me Nar.**

Or _can he?_ he does speak crazy after all. "I don't know man, I just think you'd make a great Pirate. Or a wizard. Or a _bear_."

"I'm...going toooo leave now."

"Oh before you go!" I say quickly, I'm reminded of the festival flyers we're supposed to give out. It's hard to forget about the festival with all the RED assaulting my eyes. "Take one of these with you." I fumble with the Fire Festival event-guide-flyer-_thing_ holder and then hand him one. "It's for the festival. I know you aren't that keen on it, but we're going to be open and yeah...It'd be kewl to see you."

"Thanks." He reads the front cover of the flyer (which is mostly big bold letters about 'community, coming together and friendship'). My kitty cat eyes spot one of Naggy's red sparkly collections of decorations on the counter. While my hipster is momentarily distracted, I pick out one of the wrecked lantern's red silk tassels and reach for his hand-  
There's this odd slow motion moment where he looks like he's about to pull his arm away and start bitch smacking random people, which makes me feel like I've _seriously _invaded his space, but then he relaxes and stays still; and even allows his arm to be pulled closer to me. I tie the silk tassel onto one of the silver links above Ashley, "There, now Ashley can enjoy the festival as well. Hehe, your' flipping bling has bling man!"

"So. It. _Does." _He peers down at the tassel and smiles gently. I love his smile so much. I'm jealous that Ashley gets to see it more than me.

"Well, I'd um..Better get going, I'll.. See you later."

"Okay See ya! Bye Ashley!" I smile and wave happily as Sasuke turns around and picks his way through the crowded cafe; he walks through the red glittery archway and disappears from my sight.

"Hehe, what an epic little skully." I giggle to myself, still chuffed about my hipster's bling.

"Was that a friend of yours'?" I spin around to look at Nagato as he speaks.

"Yep, he's my hipster friend. you don't really mind that I gave him two free drinks do you? It's just that he really helped me out today and I said I would repay him. I'll pay for the drinks myself out of my pay tomorrow-"

"No, no need." He interrupts me with a nice-Naggy smile and a shake of his head, "It's fine, really. The rest of us give out a free drink every now and then. You don't take nearly enough for yourself. You really need to start eating more of this food Naru, you're _waaay_ too thin."  
He pats me on the head, then start poking me around the shoulder and collar bone.

I eep and crouch down low, under the counter top where tall and lanky red heads can't reach me. I figure that while I'm crouched on the floor like this I may as well search for Mr. Pen and Mr. Spoon. So waddling like a duck past my Gorgeous and start to look around near Randy the shovel for my friends. Also I _do not_ want to be around for Nagato's mother-hen impression. I swear he's as bad as Iruka Sensei sometimes.

**He's not **_**nearly **_**as protective as Iruka. Not by a long shot.**

You're right, no one can beat 'Ruka in a game of 21 questions! Actually Iruka has been a little bit _'odd' _lately. He seems a bit distracted and kind of _'kid like'_ and it's not just because of his new sexy man...

"H-hi Naruto." A grundgie voice says to me from _somewhere._

"Jesus flipping giraffe, who said that?" I whisper to the unknown voice, stalling where I'm crouched behind the classroom booth. "Mr. Pen, Mr. Spoon..Did you hear something too?"  
_They don't respond_. _Oh no_. "Oh flipping hell, I'm going _schizophrenic!"  
_  
**Your diagnosis comes a **_**wee**_** bit late, Nar.**

Kyuu. did you invite..._guests over?  
_  
**No it's just me, you complete **_**retard**_**. *Sigh* Look above you.**

I do as my _helpful _ head mate suggests, what I find is a slightly pink face and silky black hair leaning over the backrest of our classroom booth. "Well flipping heck if it isn't young Sora! I'm sorry I didn't see ya' there. How're'ya doing sonny?" I smile and stand up behind where he's peering over at me. Instead of returning my polite, friendly and down-right-charming greeting he just screws his nose up in an annoyed look and sits back down in the booth...Well, that was rude.

I shuffle sideways until I'm standing in front for the classroom and try again, "I'm sorry Sora, I honestly didn't see you there, see I thought I killed my pen and spoon before and I was distracted looking for them. I'm glad that you've decided to join our class." I smile and sit down next to him, being as friendly as I possibly can. I _really _want Sora to stay in our class. I have a feeling that he didn't do so well at school, and it would be a shame to waste a smart brain by just _not_ learning basic shit.

**You think he's smart?**

You don't? He made that shirt he wore last week himself! I mean, you've gotta be creative to do that kind of thing. And he seemed like he got along pretty well with Asuma Sensei; and I don't think he's the type of guy who would waste his time with a complete delinquent, ya'know.

**Fair call. I still don't like that Asuma guy though...**

Well you can just not like him then; I think he's kewl.

He just stares at me with an angry expression.

"W-would you like a coffee? Or a tea or hot chocolate?" _More _staring? He looks very suspicious. I'm starting to think that maybe he doesn't _trust_ me or something.

**Idiot.**

Ssssh, I'm not an idiot. I know exactly what to do.

"We also haaave _muffins."_

**That only works on hipsters.**

"Yeah, _Nah_. I'm good."

"So yes to a coffee and no to a muffin?" I ask, trying to remember if he had sugar in his hot chocolate last time-

"_No_, no to everything. Leave me alone, I don't need your fucking charity, I can _feed myself."_  
With that he slides along the seat away from me.

I'm stunned for a good five seconds at his words. _Charity_? Since when is a free cup of coffee charity? Man, a couple of years ago if someone had handed me a cup of coffee when I was damn near starved to death I would have just look at them like: _and this is meant to nourish me and keep me alive...hooow exactly? _"Duude," I frown at him and his anger flushed face. He's like the runt of the litter meeting people for the first time: he doesn't know whether they want to help him or hurt him. It's cute, but kind of sad. "I'm not giving you coffee out of pity. I don't pity you, you look fine to me, man. But I _do_ make the best coffee in town and my boss doesn't mind giving Yahiko Sensei's class free coffee. _So_ come on, what'ya want, you've already tasted how epic my hot chocolates are!"

Sora's scowl slowly but surely vanishes into an expression of realization. "I'm sorry, I just thought you-"

"You had to just go through all the paper work and counseling to get into this class right?" I ask him quickly. I want him to understand that he's not the only person who's been through that. It was horrible for me: being asked so many personal questions, being looked down on by dozens and dozens of judgmental adults who just want to _give me a better chance for a better future_.

"Yeah. Did they do that with you?" Sora asks me curiously, moving slightly closer. I smile at that, maybe I'll make _another _friend today.

"Oh yeah. Councilors, medical tests, doctors, a lawyer, some dude from the mayor's office, Yahiko Sensei and his boss. They all prodded and poked and harassed me. By the time it was over, I was _so done._"

He smiles wearily at me. Now that I can look at him clearly, I see how tired he looks; he's obviously been through a stressful last week. "It's bullshit," Sora grumps and scowls, glaring at the table top (poor table), "These dick heads come into my fucking house and go through everything I own. Shove needles in my arms and then want me to open up to them and tell them about my 'emotions'. Like what the fuck kind of logic is that? These people are meant to be _smart_, right?"

"Oh my God! That reminds me, did you get that Kakuzu guy to take your blood test?" Oh Mr. Kakuzu, _how I hit it off with him_; it was like a love story written by the heavens.

"Yeah, he was a total dick."

"I know right, I totally punched him in the face." I smile proudly. Hitting that doctor is one of my most fondest memories. It was also funny watching Yahiko Sensei try and tell me off for it, poor man couldn't keep a straight face.

"Seriously? Respect man, I wish I'd hit him as well. He was all like, so this mark here...You been doing heroine? And I was like, fucker, do I look like I can afford smack?" Sora laughs loudly. Hah, much better.

I laugh along with him and nod, I remember how that guy assumed the same about me. I don't begrudge them testing me_ -I am_ from the dodgie side of town after all- or the free medical treatments they provided, but the way they did it; making me feel like even if I wasn't a drug addict they would expect me to be soon. I hated it. I _hated them.  
_I'm so glad that I'm not filled up with all that hatred anymore. _Sure _I have a bad temper, but it's no where near as bad now. If I hadn't gone through all of that shit with those people, I never would have ended up here, talking to Sora. I never would have gotten this job, made these friends, or...Met Sasuke. Wow, I really have all of those people to thank for my life now. I hope Sora will feel the same way soon.

Now that Sora's more relaxed I think I'll try to tempt him again. "So, anyway man, coffee? Hot chocy? _Chai latte?"_

"I don't..." He starts, "Even know what that is man. But I guess a coffee sounds okay."

I smile brightly. "Do you like sugar in your coffee?"

"Yeah just like, one or something." He nods up and down, with a small smile.

"Okay, just gimme a sec. Feel free to admire the beautiful decorations!" I jump up and point to the string of red lanterns above his head. As I walk away I hear him mutter, "_Fuckers are everywhere."_ hehe.

Once I return to the booth I find Yahiko Sensei and Gaara have joined Sora, and I'm a little surprised to find Sensei and my Panda on the same side of the booth. Weird. Usually Gaara prefers to sit as far away from Sensei as possible.

"Hey Gaara, I just made Sora and me a drink, did you want one as well?" I set Sora's cappuccino and my decaf mocha down on the opposite side from Gaara and Yahiko, then go to give my pandy some huggles, but he looks kind of upset.

I sit half my arse on the every edge of the seat next to him, "Gaara, is something wrong?" I ask gently, not wanting to stress him out. I've learnt over the past year that keeping calm and using a soft voice is best if Gaara upset or scared.

"Naruto..." His deep voice trails off, and his eyes don't make contact with mine. This isn't good. I slowly wrap an arm around his shoulder and put my face close to his, trying to see any sign of what might be bothering him.

"I believe it was the presence of your _friend_ Mr. Uchiha." I hear Sensei spit out sarcastically from next to us.

Huh? Sasuke being here has upset Gaara? That's odd. "Is that true Pandy?" I whisper to Gaara. He always goes gooey eyed when I call him Panda. It's _our thing._

"He...Isn't a nice person Naruto." Gaara replies slowly.

I'm stunned for a few seconds. Why would Gaara say that about Sasuke?

**Sasuke's popular at school remember. And weren't you just talking to him about how much people judge him?**

I didn't think that Gaara would care about someone's popularity with the girls or the way they dress.

**Gaara was even more filled with resent and hatred than you were, remember.**

But he's not like that anymore-

_**Anymore. **_

I frown and chew my lip and squeeze his shoulder. "Pandy, you weren't friends with Sasuke in school were you?" I wait until Gaara's given me a confirmation eye twinkle. "Okay well He's my friend now, and he's _is_ a nice person. Maybe you don't know him that well. I know that there are lots of people who don't like him, but it's because they haven't spent time with him." I pick my words carefully, I don't want Gaara to think I'm choosing sides. "And I'm sure that if _you_ spent some time with him, you'd see that he's nice and actually very friendly-"

"No." Gaara spits out firmly, tensing under my arm.

"No to what? Spending time with him? Okay well you don't have to, but you trust me right? So take my word for it that's an okay guy-" I'm pushed roughly away from my short red-haired friend, the action so sudden that I fall off the seat onto the floor with an "eeep."

"You don't know him, he's notice, he'll _hurt_ you!" I look up from where I am on the floor to see Gaara standing over me. The look on his pale face reminding me of the very first time we met; when we fought so viciously that we both ended up in hospital.

**Nar, don't let him hurt you.**

Kyuu, he's upset about something. Of course I don't wana fight him, but there's no way that I could ever hit Gaara again. He's too precious to me-

_**I'll make you hurt him. I will not let him touch you!**_

I jolt at Kyuu's voice, and cringe at Gaara's green burning stare. "Wha-"

"_Stay away from him!"_ I flinch at his words. This is so confusing. I can't think properly.

_**I won't allow this to-**_

Stop it Kyuu! There's no need to _protect_ me from Gaara anymore, I just have to calm him down and reassure him that everything's okay. So please, just wait and have faith in him.

I wait for Kyuu's reply but only hear ringing. That's good enough. I sit up and reach a hand out and enclose Gaara's tightly balled up fist. "Hey, I'm okay. You don't have to worry about me. If Sasuke would have tried to hurt me, Nagato would have jumped the counter and beat his arse! Hehe." I make myself laugh at how funny that would have looked: Naggy vaulting in his red festival-promo apron and beating Sas-kewl with Miss Sakura's waitress tray.

"No, he's dangerous and you have to stop being his friend." Gaara says panically. He's really worried about me isn't he?

Somewhere in the back of my mind I register that the customers are probably staring, but that can wait. "Why would you think that he's dangerous. I haven't known him long I admit, but I've never seen him do anything bad." I say quickly standing up too look Gaara in his pained eyes.

_**Really, **_**Nar**_**?**_

Kyuu, what are you saying? You like him too right?

**I do like him, but his eyes when he glared at Yahiko...I can see that there's more to him.**

He was just annoyed-

**That was **_**not**_** annoyance Nar. Don't be blinded by lust, he has darkness within him. **

I...I don't know what to say. It's true that Sasuke's glare was fierce, but he can be so kind and gentle-

**To you, his **_**friend.**_

I'm brought out of my thoughts with Kyuu by Gaara laying his head sideways on my chest. I instinctively cradle him. If Sasuke had looked at Gaara like he looked at Sensei today, then I can _almost_ understand why he's feeling this way.

"Pandy, Sasuke told me today that he thought of me as a _friend_, and I don't think that he's the kind of person who would put his friends in danger." I stroke Gaara's hair, like he's my child.

"But-" He whispers.

"It's okay Gaara, I won't get hurt. I have loads of people to look after me." I kiss the top of his head and his arms grip at my elbows. Over the top of his head I can see Yahiko and Sora are also standing: Sora with a freaked out expression and Sensei with an intense look that makes me nervous. Gaara's just stressed, the last thing I want is for Sensei to overreact and do something drastic.

"You'll see that you're just being silly, he's just a sweet and awkward hipster. I'm not going to force you, but I'd like for you to just _talk_ to him _just once._ You'll see that he's harmless." I kiss his hair again and pull away a little so I can look at him: his face is set in a hard scowl.

"No. You can't be with him. You can't trust him." His eyes search up at mine desperately. "Please Naruto, don't go near him. I can't lose you."

Can't..Lose me? Why is he so afraid? "Gaa-"

"Gaara that's enough. You've made your point." Sensei speaks firmly from beside us, gripping Gaara's shoulder. "Come out back, I think you two could use some fresh air okay?"

I look up at my teacher to see underlying meaning in his pale eyes.

_This isn't good._

_**Author's note 2**_

_**1. The grammar in HTF is not always correct; I am aware of this, mostly because it is deliberate. For example; 'me and Sasuke...', 'people be burning up...' , '*fullstop* But...' etc. HTF is narrated by Naruto Uzumaki, the high school drop out who's life ambition is to write a book about his life and become a bear and, I quote: 'Rip up the country side'.. If you cannot stand the bad/incorrect grammar; please stop reading HTF. Do not private message with a list of every single grammar mistake. I appreciate the help with editing and the suggestions some of you have made, but the language used (the slang, the cussing, the IM) are here to stay (for the most part) and I have a fabulous beta for that anyways.**_

2. Did anyone catch the 'Naruto Abridged Series' reference?

_**3. I know I promised Kiba in 27, but he's in the middle of 28 too make it up to the Kiba fans. **_

_**4. I'm getting only a very few reviews at present, would you guys please just leave one review for this chapita, even if it's just a 'Read it, was alright, next plz.' I'm finding I'm getting writers block more and more often, and review motivate me. So please (if you have time) review.**_

_**Yours most perverted**_

_**Faint.**_


	17. Tinkerbell and the Prize Fighting fox

_**Author's Note 1. **_

_**Agro is a slang word for agressive or unreasonably violent.**_

_**Warnings : swearing and unbeta-ed. **_

**Chapita 28. Tinkerbell and the Prize Fighting Fox**

"Gaara that's enough. You've made your point." Sensei speaks firmly from beside us, gripping Gaara's shoulder. "Come out back, I think you two could use some fresh air okay?"

I look up at my teacher to see underlying meaning in his pale eyes. This isn't good, but he's right, we need to talk about this somewhere private, away from concerned customers. Gaara doesn't reply, but alows me to put an arm around him and guide him away from our booth and through the cafe's kitchen. On our way past, Nagato and Konan give us worried looks. I see Yahiko stop to speak to them, while I continue to walk with Gaara until we've reached the cafe's back door, we walk through into the narrow, brick walled alley that the Grand Gind shares with the other shops on the street. Once outside I take a big breath and pull Gaara in for another hug.

His shoulders relax slightly. I think he feels a little better being away from the croud of patrons and their eyes. "Naruto, please I'm not being silly. I've seen something in him..."

His words remind me of your's Kyuu. I think I was right in asuming that my little Panda's been on the recieving end of Sasuke's...

**Hatred.**

I guess that's the best way to describe it. He did say he hated everyone and everything.

"What did he do to make you think he's dangerous Gaara." I ask, but my panda just shakes his head in my embrace. Damnit, I need to know why he feels this way, otherwise I can't help him.

"Gaara, please. I think I know why you think that way. I saw him glaring at someone today, and it was pretty scary. But I don't think he means to be." I say, soothing his hair with one hand. "I realy wish that you would at least accept him. He means a lot to me-"

Gaara rips his body out from my arms suddenly, like I burned him or something. "What?!" His voice raises above it's usualy deep-rolling rasp.

"I just mean that he's a _good_ friend." I explain.

"_Am I not_ a good friend to you?!" He yells at me, his eyes taking on a stoney hardness.

**He thinks you care more about Sasuke than you do him. This could be born out of jealously.**

But- Maybe you're right. He doesn't have that many friends; only myself, Temari, Kankurou and Lee.

"Yes of course! You're one of my _best friends_ Gaara, I love you to death!" I yell back desperately. I can't believe that he would second guess how much I care about him, but I trust Kyuu's judgement about this.

"Then you have to stop being friends with him. He'll hurt you-"

"No, Gaara, please_ trust me _when I say you're wrong about this. I love you, but you're _wrong_." I plead, hoping he can see how sincere I am.

"If you're my friend than _trust me!"_ He screams. Memories of Gaara's anger and violence flash in my mind, but I force them away.

"I-"

"You said that I should trust you when you don't even know him! Trust me, I've seen it in his eyes! He's a bad person!"

Those beautiful green eyes have started taking on their menacing glower again. staring at him in his anger makes the tight stinging return to my chest for the second time today. It came on so quickly this time, so suddenly that in reflex I make a fist and press into the burning point. Fuck, I feel like...These pains...Are getting _worse?_

**Concentrate! If Gaara is returning to his old self, then you need to be alert. you can't fight him if you're thinking about other things.**

I _told you!_ I am not fighting him. He would never hurt me.

"Naruto!" Sensei's voice breaks Gaara and I's eye contact.

I breathe out in relief, Yahiko Sensei is good at calming people down _-he's calmed me done plenty of times-_ maybe he can help Gaara see some sense. But, instead of mediating us, he rushes to my side. "Naruto, what happened? Are you alright?" Me? Oh my chest. "I'm fine."

"What did you do?!" Yahiko's yells at Gaara, who says nothing. Hearing him accuse Gaara like that brings a new, more intense wave of pain to my chest: like needles stabbing into me.

"He didn't do anything Sensei! How could you think that Gaara would hurt me?" I half kick at Sensei's shoe in anger, feeling so overwhelmed with spite, but being in too much pain to move properly.

"You're _not fine. _What happened?"

"Dick head." I grit out between clenched teeth. "_I haven't been feeling well today. It has nothing to do with Gaara_." I say quitely, feeling guilty that Gaara was being blamed.

"You- Naruto." I hear my friend's voice quitely. I peer up from my bent position to see my panda's eyes soften. He moves towards me, looking guitly and concerned. His face doens't usualy show this much emotion...

"Why didn't you say something you idiot?!" Sensei asks -_or rather, yells into my ear-_, gripping my shoulders and making me stand up.

"Shut up, don't yell at me!" I screach back at him. I swear he is getting on my _last nerve_ today.

"Are you..okay Naruto." Gaara is only a step or two away from me now. I look in his eyes to see love and fear. I've been too harsh on him, I should place more trust in him, after all he's only trying to protect me. I know I would do the same for him.

"I, I think so. My stomache kind of hurts." I bite my lip. That's weird, I don't usualy feel sick with these chest pains.

"Have you eaten anything today?" Yahiko asks me in a more normal voice.

I think back to this mornings soggy bacon samwhich I had for breakfast, "Yeah, I ate some breakfast...Well a little of it, I dropped some on the ground and Pakun ate the rest. Then I had some banana bread, Oh, I guess I didn't eat all of that either..." I feel kind of stupid. How could I not recognise that I was hungry? Am I seriously dumb enough to mistake hunger pains for sickness?

_**Fool, they're not hunger pains-**_

"You little _idiot!_ " Sensei scolds me. Why is he being so mean? Arse-faced-ranga!

"Shut up I was busy!" I stand up straight and look at Gaara. "I'm sorry Gaara, I know you feel strongly about this, but-"

"Leave it for now." Sensei interupts me, rudely I might add! "You two can talk this through some other time. Gaara, I want you to go home and cool down-"

"But!-" I object, knowing that my Pandy just needs a little more time to be persuaded.

"No Naruto. He needs to calm down and think about it." He turned and stared the young red head down. " You really need to learn to proccess things before reacting Gaara. This is a good time to practice." Am I hearing this right? Yahiko wants to turn this into one of his little _asertive awareness_ lessons, now?

"Sensei!-"

"Be quite Naruto. I am _not happy with you either!"_ Sensei growls at me. I sheepishly duck my head down. Professor Pein's back _again! Eeep._

"Naruto...I'm sorry, I won't change my mind about this..." Gaara's says in his normal voice. I'm glad that he's calmed down somewhat..I guess I have no choice but to accept what he's saying for now.

"Gaara, it's okay. I want to understand why you feel this way..And..I _do trust you._ I'll be careful around Sasuke from now on okay?" I bargain with him. He nods and turns away from Yahiko and me, walking down the alley to the streets beyond.

"YOU!"

I almost piss myself as Sensei yells in my ear. "Wha? I didn't do anything wrong!" I whimper, quickly opting for the cutest more innocent facial expression I can.

"You haven't been feeling well? Why didn't you say something! And for _God's sake _Naru, why didn't you _eat_ something if you were hungry?!"

I stare up in his swirling pale eyes and pout, "Cos, cos I was making you a nice big cappuccino cos _I wovvvv you!"_

Yahiko Sensei is staring pretty intensely at me from across the booth. Not as in like _oh-he-so-pretty_ but like _I-will-read-your-soul-MORTAL,_ and to be honest I think I might die of an early heart attack if he doesn't stop soon.

**Dismiss him then. **

Arrrrh, I would but y'know, he's still kinda annoyed at me. And besides I think I've pushed my luck with him already today.

**Whimp.**

_Oi shoosh you! _

"Naruto, do you think that your body needs..._ improving?"_

My head snaps up with a little 'crick' at my Sensei's question. "EH?! Improving? Are you saying I'm ugly or something?"

**How rude.**

"No, I'm not saying that at all Naru, I'm just _concerned_ about how little you're eating."

"EH?!" I screach again at him. What the hell is this tard talking about-

_**Ooooh. **_**I see.**

Oh what? Let me in on this would ya!

"You've been skipping meals. I know that beeing a young man can bring certain troubles-"

_"Bahaha oh my fucking God Sensei!"_ I cut him off with a bout of crazy laughing. "Duuude, seriously, I'm not a _girl!" _I laugh more at the look of annoyance on his face. What a twat.

"I'm just saying-"

"That I'm fat? Like I give a _fuck_ man,I'm the sexiest thang _in this city_!" I run my hand through my hair and strike a sexy pose _-what I think is a sexy pose- _to prove my point. "And besides I could totaly pull off the cute and chubby look." I look down and rub my belly. I think I'd make a great Buddha!

**Hmm. I think not.**

Oh come on! I'm adorable! Everybody wants Uzumaki-Cuddles.

I hear Yahiko Sensei cough into his hand, _like a Sir, _and catch a view of Sora laughing into his coffee mug. Poor Sensei, doesn't understand how _haaawt_ I am.

"Okay, okay, I apologise Naru, I was just worried. I'd be a lot happier if you would eat some more of your lunch."

BAH. What is with all the Sensei lectures today? I think I've had nearly a _Professor Pein_ overdoes today.

"Yeah yeah I will, I wana finish this maths before I start my shift." I take a bite of my super dooper chicken burger and relish in how nommy it taste. I love Konni's burgers, she always puts extra cheese on them for me. I'm vaguely aware that the ginger haired man is watching me eat like a wearwolf watches cyote porn, but I don't care. I know I look sexy with sauce on my face.

"Hey Tinkerbell!" A voice _BOOMS_ from somewhere in the cafe. Dang that was loud, it made the brunette boy beside me jump in shock. Poor Little Sora-Possum.

"You okay Sora?" I turn and ask him with concern at seeing how quiet and pale he is all of a sudden.

"Yeah, I'm fine Naruto. " He replys, looking around the cafe nervously. "I'm just going to crawl under the table and hide for a little while-"

"Don't try and hide Tinkerbell! I saw you!" The thundering voice shouts from close by. I look up beside the booth to see- Wait I know that red triangled face! "And _the kid_ as well! Hoho, it's my lucky day! Fancy seeing you two sitting together! Woah are you two dating or _sumthaaang?"_

Kiba. Oh my God his loud voice takes me back to my high schooling days. Actually I haven't seen him since I left there. "Hey Kiba." Sora responds meekly to the energetic, tall _-what is he like 5'8,or 5'9 now?-_ jock. I however...

"_What the fuck did you just say Dog Balls_?" I kneel on my seat and lean over Sora to yell into Kiba's tanned face, and just as expected: he just LOL's at me.

"Hahaha, oh Naruto, long time no see eh? I've missed having your lame ass to kick around the place."His face cracks into a huge smile, scretching the red triangle tattoos on his cheeks, and then he slaps me on the back. _Hard._

I splutter and try to count how many _intacted_ ribs I have left, but I give up after his voice booms again. "Soo, Tinkerbell and the Kid! You an _item_ or something?" He waggles his dark eyebrows at both me and Sora.

_"Wh-what!?"_ Sora, beside me, screams at full lung copactity and looking like he's just about ready to get into a fist fight.

"You heard me Tinkerbell, is this doofus your new _boyfriend?"_ Kiba teases, his voice rising towards the end. Before Sora has a chance to react, I sling an arm around his slim shoulders and bring my face in close to his. "So what if I am Doggy? You think I'm not good enough for _my lil sexy Sora?"_ I nuzzle his cheek with my nose for extra effect, and as predicted from Kiba's famous homophobia, he coughs and yells out, "What! You're not serious are you?"

I smile evily and paw at the brunette's silky black locks. "You two are actually...?" Kiba's tanned face screws up in a look of...Disgust? Or anger?

"Huh, he wishes." Sora snaps and shoves me away. "As if I'd date someone so daggy."

"Oi I am not daggy! I have Brand labled clothing man, _ !"_ I protest. "And _I would make a fantastic boyfriend . !" _I huff and pout, but my brunette classmate is ignoring me and Kiba seems as though he's having trouble breathing.

"What are you doing here Kiba, shouldn't you be in class or something?" Sora asks our guest, snapping said Dog boy out of his stupor.

"Oh-h yeah. I'm here with Hinata, she's doing some like, I dunno, shit for the festival and I just tagged along to get out of maths class!" The Tanned jock _-who's now less freaked out- _leans against our table looking like a Londsdale model.

"Oh okay. I heard she was made class vice president right?" I look to Sora as he asks this. He seems to be pretty chatty with Kiba, maybe they were friends?

"Yep, too bad she didn't make president, then we wouldn't have to deal with the _Ice Prince. _But whatever, she was too nice to run against him." Kiba says sighing heavily.

"So um, Kiba." I begin, not being able to contain my curiousity. "Were you and Sora good friends at school?" I ask happily. I would really like to get to know more about Sora, he's a kewl possum, but he's very guarded. I look at my peer's face to see him scowling slightly. He gives me an odd _look_. I get this feeling that he's trying to comunicate something to me, but _buggered_ if I know what."Um, no-"  
"What are you talking about Tinkerbell? We're good mates aren't we? He's my homo homie!" Kiba laughs and slaps Sora on the back. I can almost _hear_ his poor spine crunching under the impact. Dang Kiba and his Wolverine like strength.

"Dude, don't break Sora, I like him! And that's kewl that you two were friends!" I recieve the _look_ again. Hmmm, what is that about?

"Yeah yeah, I'm friends with everyone, I'm just sick like that Man!" I nod up and down at his confident words. I guess that not much has changed with this guy since I left school: he's still loud, cocky and popular, which is fine, I never disliked the guy...It was more the people that he used to hang out with...

"So anyway, I guess I'll leave you two to it, gotta go find Hinata, make sure she hasn't bashed anyone!" I hear Sora snort a laugh at that. I wonder who this Hinata is?

"_Oh yeah man, totaly." _My classmate drawls sarcastically back at the jock.

"You never know man. Anyway, catcha guys! You have fun doing...Whatever you faggots were doing." And with that Kiba turns and jock-stomps away from our booth.

"Well that was random." I say, breaking the silence Kiba left us with. It was kind of kewl to see the guy again. He always had a good vibe about him...Even if he's not _that_ nice to me.

"Seriously, you like him or something?" I'm snapped out of my thoughts of Kiba by Sora _glaring death _at me. Well, trying. "What do you mean? He's okay I guess-" I start to say, but am interupted by an angry brunette beside me. "You can't be serious Naruto! He's the biggest asshole at Konaha High! He made my life _hell_ and I can tell he made your life pretty fucking misserable as well!" Sora finishes with a steely look in my direction.

"Oh, come on man, he's not that bad." I pause and muse over the popular guy: he was always joking around, calling me a gay loser, but..."I mean yeah, he did pick on me a little bit, but he was never downright _mean_. It was his friends who were bad." I chew my lip, remembering how those guys took Kiba's cheeky jokes _waaay_ too far.

_"I hate those jocks."_ Sora spits out visciously. I guess he was the butt of their bullying as well.

"Yeah, in junior high Kiba started calling me _The Kid. _I guess it was because I was realy short and he was freakishly big for his age." I say and frown and think back to how it started. "Once he threw little ripped up bits of paper at me, like confetti or something and told me I was a faggot princess and I should get myself some glass slippers or something. It was kind of random, I think he may have been _high_.It's not like I cared, it was actually pretty funny...After that though, all the other guys never even called me by my name anymore, I was just _fag, _the _loser_ , or the _kid _to them." Being picked on like that, every single day of my life...I hated it, I hated all of them. And I could never understand _why_. Was it because I was poor and didn't have the same get-ups as them, or did they actually think I was gay? And back then...I wasn't, I totaly wasn't into guys, I mean I had a _huge_ crush on Miss Sakura for God's sake! Liking dudes is only a recent thing-

"He did something similar to me. He starting calling me _Tinkerbell_ for some reason." I turn to look at Sora as he speaks."I have no idea why, he just did. And as retarded as it was, I know he was just joking but..." I nodd my head up and down, I can tell where that story is going. "All his friends just picked it up and never left me alone." Sora's head drooped down saddly, like he's remember the worst day of his life. I feel a pull in my chest. I know that feeling.

"Anyway, I don't go there anymore and I don't have to deal with their shit." Sora grits out between his teeth." So, whatever. But Kiba is _not_ my friend, no matter how popular he thinks he is, not everyone is his _bro."_ I'm a little taken back by how harsh Sora sounds. I hate that he had to feel that way, as well; that he was teased and made to feel like a freak...Like me. I find myself -_for not the first time today- _just wanting to see my classmate smile and be happy.

"You're right, you're in our class now, and dude, we're all nice here!" I smile and try my best to cheer Sora up. But he just gives me a weirded out look.

"What? Nice? Did that Gaara guy just not try to _kill _you?"

"NO! Gaara's my friend, he wouldn't do that! He loves me!" I protest loudly.

My brunette classmate lifts an eyebrow at me. "I've heard some pretty knarly things about Gaara. And the way he was before makes me think that _not all_ of it was just rumors." He glances over at Sensei for a brief second and recieves a short nod.

"Hmm. Gaara has a history of being violent. But Naruto's right, I doubt that he would hurt him in anyway, again." Yahiko Sensei takes a long sip of his coffee and gives us a calm sigh. I actually hate to admit it, but I completely forgot Sensei was even _there. _"But I am concerned about his behavior today, never the less." Our teacher finishes with a deep frown and drawn eyebrows.

The booth falls into silence again, all of us in our own thoughts. I'm guessing that Sora's still thinking about Kiba and his time at konaha high I'm thinking about Gaara and what he said about Sasuke...And Sensei's probably thinking about-

**Plowing Nagato's fine arse-**

OI! "That's so not kewl man."

"Hu?"  
"What's not cool?"

Oh shit. _Why do I keep doing that?!_

"_Nooothing guys, nothing at all."_ I rub nervously at the back of my neck, feeling embarrased. You should say things like that when you know I'm going to be freaked out Kyuu.

**Maybe you should just stop being such a prude then **_**Nar.**_

You're still pissed.

**Bingo.**

"Arh." I look up at the ceiling and count to myself how many of my friends I need to have serious talks to later: 1. Gaara. 2. Kyuu. 3. Yahiko-Butt-Face. Annnd I think I should maybe talk to Sasuke about this whole Gaara thing as well, just to get his side of the story. Damn it, I would so rather that we all just had a tea party with my Gorgeous and talked about spoons. Or llamas. I like llamas...

"Naru, what's wrong?"

"Hmm?" I return to Earth after Nagato's deep voice tinckles my ears. "Wrong? Nothings wrong Naggy." I smile at my boss, who appears to be clearing our booth of mugs and plates. "You sure, you don't seem yourself." He asks in a mother hen kind of way. I love Naggy so much. If I could pick and choose my family, I would definately choose him as my Dad and 'Ruka Sensei as my Mom. Yeeah, that would be an epic family!

"Naaagy, " I start, feeling proud of myself for my great family plan. "Will you make Iruka Sensei your wife?-" I whine out cutely, but am cut short by my less liked Sensei: "Naruto hasn't been feeling well today Nagato." I poke my tongue out at Sensei for interupting me _AGAIN_. Seriously, he's so rude today. I can't even count how many times he's cut me off.

**Punish him.**

I will!

**With whips and chains and **_**nipple clamps with electric volts-**_

"You haven't? Oh Naru, why didn't you say something?" I watch with a smile as Nagato man-handles Sora out of the booth and then slides in next to me. He places a palm to my forehead and looks at me worriedly. Hmm, maybe Iruka should be the dad and Naggy can be the mom? What do ya think Kyuu?

_**And a studded padle, then blind fold him and squeeze his cock so he can't cum-**_

"Hmm, he said that his stomache hurt. And those few bites of that burger is all he's eaten today." Professor Pien spiels on. I give into my mean-instincts and full on glare at him. "I have too eaten today! Just not much. I lost track of time before and forgot." I look up at Nagato to see his eyes are wide worried. "Naru, maybe you should eat some more lunch and then take the afternoon off?"

_Take the afternoon off? _Is this dude insane? "I can't do that! You've got so many customers what with festival on and stuff! I can't leave now!" I protest loudly, clinging to Naggy's red apron tightly.

_**Put the ginger in the apron...With nothing else on! Kuku. Oh no wait, give him some knee high black leather -**_

"No no. The festival hasn't even officialy started Naru-Buns. And besides I'm gona need you _a lot_ over the next few days and on the weekend. I doubt I'll be able to give you anytime off after Wednesday." He ponders with an elegant finger to his chin. "So how about you take this afternoon off, get yourself well and ready for the man-slogging week ahead?" Nagato puts a pale hand on my shoulder and squeezes tightly. Ah damnit, I hate it when he's being nice _and _makes sense at the same time.

"But-But-"

"No buts Naru. I want you to go home and rest, get done what you need to get done and then dedicate yourself to the Grand Grind there-on-afterwards! OKay?" Naggy finishes pationately with an intense employee stare down. I sigh, realizing there's very little point trying to argue with him. And besides, there's some stuff I need to get done,a nd if I'm not going to have a full day off this week-

_**Oh God yes, leather boots, and leather wrist cuffs, likeSasuke's!-**_

_Eh?_ Leather...Sasuke...Um...

I bring a hand up to my face and feel myself burning like a flipping hotplate! Oh shit_! KYUU! You are in BIG trouble Mister!__**  
**__"_Naru, you okay? You don't look so good." Nagato asks beside me. Oh fuck, what if he senses the gay thoughts I'm having? What if he can tell what a pervert I've become? "Ye-yeah I'm okay. It's just the heater thats making me warm. Maybe we should turn it down a little." I quickly wipe a bead of sweat off my brow and fan myself a little. Man is it warm in here or what?

_**And a leather collar around his neck and-**_

Oh...That sounds nice. I _mean PERVERTED_ Kyuu! Stop it right now!

"Oh, yes perhaps you're right. Hikki, would you mind driving Naru home? I saw on the weather forecast that it's going to rain soon. The last thing we need is for our special coffee boy to get a cold." Aww, I wish I could appreciate how nice that was of Nagato to say but...Can't stop...Thinking about...Sasuke...In leather...I'm going to hell. Yep, I am actually going to hell, Satan will have saved me a spot right next to himself and he will shake my hand and say '_well done young man. I'm so proud of your overactive hormornal brain.'_ "Yes, I think I could take him home. Sora do you need a lift somewhere? We're done for today anyway." Sensei responds and starts packing up his things.

_**Kuku, no Yahiko, I'm gona take YOU home.**_

Okay, wait! You're talking about Yahiko Sensei! Oh Kyuu, no, no, no that's just wrong.

_**And make you crawl around the floor and beg for it-**_

Eeeew.

"Okay Naruto, let's go. I have places to be you know." Sensei jostles me out my gutter. I look around and see that Nagato had left at some point. Hmmm I think I may have zoned out for a second there. Oh well, whatever. "yeah yeah old man, you probably just wana go back to Uni and watch more porn with that pervert!" I yell at the ginger man while I pack up my shit . I give Konan a quick hug goodbye, then the three of us walk out the back of the cafe and climb into Yahiko's truck's front seat; with Sora in the middle, seeing as I'll be getting out first. I wiggle in my seat, feeling all nice and cosy next to Sora, who just stares at me weirdly.

"You're a special kind of retard, aren't you?" The brunette asks me as Sensei pulls out of the alley and drives towards my place. "Yep, and you're a special kind of Possum Sora. A squishy little munchkin possum!" I feel rather than see the punch that lands on my shoulder. Even though it didn't _really_ hurt, I yelp out and pout at him. "Why'd you hit me Possum? I thought we were _boyfriends_?"  
_"FARK NO!" _Could be heard screamed out of the Yahiko's truck, followed by a snort and a crazy laugh from me. My class is _sooo classy._

As soon as I was walking up the stairs to my appartment and saw Mr Momochi, I remembered something very _very_ important: I FORGOT RANDY!

**Dunce.**

It was you and your perverted commentry that made me forget! Damnit Kyuu you see what an air head I am when you're ranting on inside my head! I forget important stuff like Sasuke's sexy shovel, and Nagato's two thousand dollars! If it wasn't for seeing Zabuza -_who reminded me of all the mean and scary people who live in our city, not that he's one of them, his baggy street clothes just promted me- _I wouldn't have remembered at all!

**Nar, your bad memory is your own fault, **_**not mine**_**. And I was talking about how we could punish Yahiko Sensei. It was **_**you**___**who slipped Sasuke into the fantasy, **_**not me, **_**you imbecile.**

That-that's not true, you said his name!

**I said Sasuke's **_**wrist cuffs.**_** I never said we should blind fold **_**him **_**and electrocute **_**his nipples-**_

...Sasuke's..._Shut up you fucking pervert!_

**THERE! You see there, it wasn't me, it's **_**all **_**you Kit!**

"Shutupshutupshutupshutup-"

"You okay there Naruto?" I snapped my head up and see Zabuza, only two or three steps above me which means he likely heard me muttering to myself_, great. _"Yeah I'm good Mr Momochi, just had a stressful day at work y'know."

He nods in understanding, his face once again covered in white cloth. "Yes, I do understand. I've had a few problem customers myself today. Though, " He chuckles heartily, leaning against bricked wall. "I guess it's harder for you; you have to be nice to your customers whether they're _Decent human beings_ or not. Where as I can just kill mine." His eyes shine clearly as he laughs some more. I swear that he's actually a nice guy underneath all the thug clothing and drug dealing. No _mean-scary-or-dishonest _person would have suck clear-gentle eyes.

"Oh man, maybe you should come work with me then and pop off a few people for me? I'll pay you in muffins!" I smile brightly up at my tall gangster neighbor. Out of all of the people who live in these dodgie apartments, he's my favourite. I wave him a good bye and make my way into my messy place. I have to wash up the fry pan I used to cook my _fail-of-a-breakfast_ and I need to put all of my washing away and probably do some _more _washing and clean my shower but- I just flop down onto my bed instead. I can't believe I forgot to bring Sasuke's shovel home! That was the entire plan for today: go to work, be sexy, see my Hipster, _get shovel_, dig up moneys, bring it home and then dance around my appartment naked while painting tribal symbols on my arse with barbeque sauce-

**I'm sorry,**_** what?**_

Standard Monday stuff really. Nothing special. But DANG now I can't dig up the money today- Wait I still could. I could walk back to work later tonight, pick up randy, walk home just on dark and be home before seven o'clock and safely away from crazy-mugging-meanies!

**Nagato won't like you going back into work. He sent you home for being under the weather.  
**Hmm you're right. But I need to get Randy somehow...  
**You could ring Shikamaru or Konan and ask them to drop it too you?  
**Hmm, no I don't want to bother them.  
**Well perhaps leave it untill tomorrow. Nagato won't be in until Wednesday.  
**How do you know?  
**Remember we saw him writing out the weeks roster? When we saw that he's giving Kankurou more shifts?  
**Oh, yeah I guess we did. Or _you_ did at least. I guess the money can wait for one more day...I'm strangely tired for some reason. Maybe it was all the screaming and yelling I did today.

I glance over at my alarm clock and see that it's only two o'clock. Oh what the hell, this is the only free time I've got this week, I'ma have a nap.

**Fine.**

And Kyuu...Can we talk later? About last night and this morning? I want to apologise properly and ask you some stuff-

**Just go to sleep for now. I'm tired as well.**

"Hmkay, Nigh night Kyuu." I yawn and without bothering to change or even take my shoes off, I snuggle into my piles of blankets and start drifting off.

*********Bonus Sub-Chapita*******  
Kyu: Why are you calling it a bonus sub-chapter?  
**Faint: I'm not _CockBurger_, I'm calling it a Bonus Sub-_'Chapita'!_**  
Kyu: *Sigh* **_**God saaave us all.**_

_One year ago:_

"I'll erase you. I'll erase you and your false smile." Hiss out the short red haired '_Monster'._ I hadn't believed it when the other students told me to stay away from him, other wise he would try and kill me. I mean _come on_, he's only small -_even compared to me, and that's saying something-_, how agresive can one little red head be? Pretty fucking agro, apparently.

"Shut the hell up!" I yelled back at him. "What the fuck is your problem man? _ .Tits_!" What the hell did I even do to him? I asked him to move so I could get back inside. I even said _'Excuse me,'_ and '_please'_ like Iruka Sensei says I should! I mean, that's like proper gentleman shit right there!

"I'll kill you. I'll cut your lips off...Then you won't be able to _smile _anymore."

Did that little guy just say he was going to -_Oh heeeells to the no!_

**What an **_**erroneous fool.**_

"What. The. Actual. Fuck did you just say to me? You wana cut off my _face?! _What the fuck is wrong with you! Don't just go around say crazy shit like that!" I yell loudly at the short student, feeling myself get more and more angry by the second. A familiar burning inbetween my ribs.

"Oi, Loser! Get away from him, that guy's a psycho!" I turn my head to one side and see a bunch of other students crouding around the cafeteria entrance. I spot the jock who spoke to me.

"_You _can shut up as well Dog Balls, I'll beat the shit through you _as well_!" I spit out at Kiba, balling my fists. I've had just about enough of being called Loser, faggot and dropkick today. One more word from _anyone _and I'm gona fuck _everyones_ shit up!

**Kuku, they deserve it Kit.**

I know Kyuu. What the hell did I do to them? Why do they _treat_ me like this? I was nice on my first day here for fucks sake! I even told Kiba that I though he was kewl for being in _every single school sporting team_. But now what do I get for being friendly? This _shit._

"No Kid, seriously, like, don't start with him-" Kiba trys to say again, but I cut him off by walking up to his face and pushing him backwards. "No, don't _you_ start shit with me Dog!" I grin in satisfaction as Kiba's jock fan boys have to catch him as he stumbles back. I may be small but I've got strength in my shoulders and legs.

**You can easily out-balance Kiba. He might be in shape, but he's got a slack stance.**

"Hehe, yeah you're right." I smile and turn back to the red head, who's _still_ standing in my way. What was his name again? Gaara?

**Hmm yes, I think that was his name.**

like I care. He's a prick to me, so I'm going to be a prick back. "Now _you, _Gaara or whatever your name is, move your short arse out of my _now!"_ I watch and wait to see what he's going to do. I figure that he'll either move or start a fight; and right now, I'd be happy with either option.

"How can you even exist? You're nothing, nothing to me." He whispers out in his deep throat voice. I see now that he has bright green eyes, the kind of green you see in pictures of exotic frogs in National Gerophraphic magazines, or the kind of green that looks like grass in country side postcards. It's actually a nice colour. I shake my head of these thoughts and try to concentrate on his hushed words. "You're not even a challenge not even a threat to me. So how can he be here in front of me?"

"Hey! Don't say shit like that to me-"

"I will erase him though. Even if he is _weak and pathetic_." He says, more to himself.

Fuck, that's it, I've had it with this _bullshit_ today! This is the first time I've even _spoken_ to this guy, how dare he call ME pathetic? What makes him so much better than me?

**Nothing. I think it's time we teach him a lesson.**

_"Fuck off! I'll erase YOU!"_ I scream at him. I know imediately that I hit some kind of nerve with him, because his eyes quickly flicker from _light-tree-frog-green_ to this kinda _dark-swamp-emerald _colour. I see out of the corner of my eye that the other students are backing away from me and Gaara. _Pussys._

"Come on then _bitch_, just _try _and erase me!" I spit out again, taking a few steps towards him, widening my stance and balling my fists as I go. I see him square his shoulders and flex his hands. I know what's coming next and _damnit_ I'm ready for it.

Even though I fully intended to swing first he beats me too it, with a sharp, half closed fist to my cheek. It didn't break skin, nor did I faulter. Hah, maybe one of those little jocks over there might wince at such a blow but this red headed ass-hole doesn't know _me._

**He doesn't know how enduring you are.**

_Damn straight._

As Gaara pulls his hand back, and cracks a pyschotic grin, I just keep moving forwards. I follow his arm in with one of mine and grab it, pull it, un-balance my oponent and pull him forward. I bring my knee up and pull him down into it with my full strength. I'll admit, it hurt my knee, but from the stranged cough that came from the red head, I think it hurt him more.

**Good thinking Nar. Don't faulter now. Make him **_**suffer **_**for his words.**

Right. while he's hunched over I keep twisting his arm until I'm standing behind him pinning his arm between his shoulder blades. I learnt this move from one of Kiba's jock friends. I smile triumphently at how easily I disarmed him. That wasn't so bad.

**Excellent kit. I'm proud of you. You showed him you're not pathetic and weak!**

Yeah, I sure did Kyuu! If I didn't have my hands full I'd totaly pat myself on the back. I look at the short guy that I'm pinning and sigh, what on Earth am I supose to do with him now? I can't very well hit him from behind, that's a dog blow. And I don't wana break his arm, I mean he was a prick to me, but I'm not going to do something like _that-_

"_You're more of a challenge then I expected." _I hear Gaara whisper infront of me. I learn forward to hear him a bit better and say next to his ear: "Yeah well, I didn't wana have to do that. Now if you just like move outa my way and don't spurt out shit about cutting my face off, then we won't have a problem okay?" I reason with him. I know it's weird but I can't fight the _nice guy_ who's deep down inside me, I can only act tough for so long-

**Kuku, deep inside of you-**

_*Internal Groan*_

"You will always be in my way. I have to erase you _now_ before you ruin _everything_!" Gaara's voice raises to a harsh growl, which makes me shiver.

"What? I just said-"

_"I'll kill you."_ He twists in my grip, I must have loosed it when I was trying to hear what he was saying. He turns around and rips his arm away from me, freeing himself. I lose a few seconds to shock of his quick movements and Gaara takes full advantage of them. He delivers another half fisted blow, this time to my chest, which fucking _hurt._

_"Shit."_ I hiss and stumble backwards. After a second, I right myself and straighten up again, trying to ignore the pain.

He charges towards me again and goes to make another blow. I block him then try to hit him back. He blocks and takes a swipe at my face. I duck down grab onto his forearm, pulling him downwards. He follows my motion and uper cuts my chin. I grit my teeth and shout in his face "_Fuck you!"_ It startles him enough and I take my chance, punching him clean to his left eye. He staggard backwards and covers his eye. His face contorts in confusion -_but not pain- . _I wait for him to recover and ready myself again, but the red head seems to be miles away. He removes his hand and looks at it: there's a few droplets of blood, and I guess I must have spilt his eye brow or something. I peer at him carefully, trying to see where the blood's come from, when I spot that I'm correct: along his barely-visible eyebrow is a line of blood, that's dripping into his eye.

_**How does it feel? The bleeding, the pain?**_

I shake my head to Kyuu's comments to Gaara. It wasn't my intention to hurt him badly. "Gaara," I say quitely, sighing in resignation as to what I'm about to do. "Just forget it okay. I hit you, you hit me, lets call it even okay?" I wait for his reply, feeling sure that he'd be conent to just drop the issue, if the way he's staring at his own blood is any indication. I guess blood freaks him out a bit. I don't blame him, blood is gross.

"Everybody, get back!" I swivel my -_sore -_ head to see some teacher pushing a croud of students back. Oh well, I guess Gaara and my's play fight is over.

**Well, at least you won. He'll think twice before speaking to you like that in the future.**

I hope so. He's small but _damn _he's got force behind those blows. I rub at my chest, knowing I'm gona get one hell of a bruise later. "Uzumaki! Go to the Principles office immediately!" I scowl at Asuma Sensei and roll my eyes. Typical. I'm the only one who get's punished for a brawl, I'll likely get two or three days suspention for this, while Gaara will probably just get a _'Stern word' _and a reminder of the schools conde of conduct. _Fucking justice for ya._

_"I can't..." _Gaara chokes out in an odd voice. He sounds like he's struggling to find words, or even to breathe. "_I can't let you get away. I can't let you live." _He starts stumbling towards me like one of my drunk/high neighbors.

I take a step away from him. I'm not one to back away from a fight -_I've never yet-_ but when a teachers right there? I duno if it's even worth it. Although...If I'm going to get suspended anyway-

_"I'LL KILL YOU NOW!"_ The red head lunges at me. In suprize, my feet catch on the payement and I fall backwards. Gaara falls with me and before I realize what's happened I'm winded by the fall and am being hit again _and again_ in the face, shoulder and neck. I struggle, trying to push the shorter boy off me, but I he's sitting on my stomach, legs attached to me securely. My hands find his face in the blur of punches to my upper body, and I claw at it with my short nails. I scratch and drag downwards _hard._ I feel blood pooling under my nails and dripping down my fingers. I smile to myself despite a hard fist to my jaw. He might be on top, but he hasn't won yet!

_"Everybody get back NOW!"_ I chuckle underneath Gaara at Asuma Sensei's lame attempt at breaking up our fight. Usually he would have grabbed each brawler in either of his hands and just drag their sorry asses to the principle. Maybe he's afraid of Gaara like everyone else?

**A big tough ex boxer, afraid of a little boy.**

Hehe, that tickles my fancy.

In the midst of my Lol's, Gaara had taken on an even eviler look, his mouth in a snarl, his eyes bludging -_with blood dripping into both now, thanks to my scratching-_ and just generally looking like he belongs in a mental institute. I laugh and spit up at him., "You got a bit of something on face Gaara-_kun."_ My voice comes out crackely and strange. But I _was_ punched in the throat so I think it's okay to sound like a scratched vinyl.

"_How can you still smile?"_ I smirk at my opponent as he asks me this. Why shouldn't I be smiling? This is the most human interaction I've had since I saw Iruka Sensei last week!

Gaara, seeming to not care to hear a response from me, changes his tactics and grabs at my throat with both of his strong hands. He squeezes my windpipe, and I choke out to him, " You'll have to finish me off completely, asshole. Make sure you _erase_ me good." I grin cruelly up at his angry, contorted face, while I stuck in one last lungful of air. I'd learned long ago how to hold my breath for long periods of time. _He's going to have to do more than just choke me!_

After a few seconds of enduring his 'strangeling', and listening to his _"I'll kill you, I'll erase you," _I close my eyes and play possum. I even open my mouth and let a little bit of spit slide down my chin, whilst still holding in my last, precious breath.

**Good Kit. Let him think he's won before we deliver the **_**final blow**_**.**

I have to try extra hard not to break my act by smiling. This is going to our best performance yet Kyuu! I can't wait to start-

**No, wait just a few more moments. Let the arrogant fool bask in his **_**victory.**_

You're so right Kyuu.

I lay there underneath him, stilling my body, not breathing and trying my best to look _dead._ I'm not really sure what else I can do to add to the effect; I mean apart from getting swarmed by flys or having a vulture cirlce overhead. After I've counted 30 seconds I decide to take a peek at Gaara, to see what he's doing -_as I can't feel him moving either-._ I see him still sitting on my stomach, smiling like a crack addict towards the -_now quite large_- crowd that had gathered. I strain my ears to pick up the murmered words some of my classmates and even my teachers are saying:  
_"He's..Dead."  
"Oh MY God! The Monster...He actually..."  
"Who is that blond kid?"  
"The idiot boy...He killed him!"_

_**Idiot boy?**_** Hehehe, come on Nar, let's show them what an **_**idiot **_**can do.**

Slowly, _very slowly, _I creep my arms from the ground beside me, up behind Gaara's head; moving at a snail's pace, as to not alert him. One of my hands is now hovered an inch above his head and the other is just off the back of his pale neck. I let myself breathe a little bit and try to gather all the energy I can, I'm going to need it. I hope beyond hope that no one gives away my-  
_"Look! He's alive!"_ What a total _dickhead!_ I hear Kyuu growl inside my head in agreement. I promise to beat the shit out of who ever said that, after I'm done here.

Luckily for me, Gaara's too busy scanning the crowd for his next victim. I decide that now is the time to strike before the red head notices he's failed to _erase _me. I drop my hands, mear millimetres, to the verry top of his head, grabbing a handful of his blood red hair and the other to grasp a firm hold of the skin at the back of his neck. The arm that's gripping into his hair, runs from the top of his head, down the middle of his face, where it then conects to my body. He notices the arm in front of his face and turns his murderous, insane emerald eyes on me and for a second, he looks utterly confused; as though he can't quite understand why and how I'm moving. I just smile sweetly up at him, like I'm a little blond angel selling him Girl Scout cookies. His eyes twitch at their corners and he _snarls_ down at me. I see his teeth glint like a wolf's under moon light. He leans down slightly to my arm.

_**He's going to bite you.**_

Sure enough, his mouth opens more, his lips draw back and I'm sure that Kyuu one hundred percent right. But like _hell_ I'm gona let this little rabbi infested asse-hole _bite me!_ With every muscle in my body tensed and poised, with every defiant thought I've ever had, I tighten my hands on hair and skin and I pull downwards, _hard._ I pull his hair and neck as fast and as hard as I possibly can. I vaguely register a scream from someone in the crowd, but it doens't matter. The red haired boy is falling towards me fast. When he's very close to me, I roll my right shoulder to my left and direct his head to where it was. I lef go of his hair and snag my free hand onto the back of his neck as well, and concentrate my strength there.

_'Crrrlhck' _His face lands where my right shoulder was a moment ago, on the pavement underneath me. His head bounces back up from the inpact, and I'm sprayed with his blood. His eyes are wide open in shock and confusion. I smile again, quite happy with the result and pull him down for a second time. This time when his face smashes into the ground it doesn't bounce up again; he stays lying ontop of me, still.

I lie there as well, under his slight weight, my smile now vanishing. I'm sore and my vission is blured with both Gaara and my's blood. Yuck. I removed my left hand from his neck -_my right stays where it is incase me suddenly moves, it's also slightly trapped underneath him as well- _and I wipe the blood put of my eyes. In this position, it would almost look as though me and Gaara are hugging, or having a cuddle session on the ground. But I guess the splatter and droplets of blood everywhere kind of ruin the image.

**Check if he's conscious.**

Good thinking. This guy has corsed me enough trouble for one day, I don't want to let my gaurd down for him to suddenly jump me and bite my face off. _Seriously, _what is wrong with my face that he hates it so much?

**Nothing, you have a handsome face.**

I sure do! Maybe he can't handle my sexy? Oh well, whatever, I can ask him later.

I poke at Gaara's shoulder and jostle him slightly. He makes no response, though I can feel him breathing in and out as his chest lies directly over mine; I can also feel a tickle as he exhales next to my ear. I nod to myself and roll him gently off me, so he's now lying on his back. I did what I had to do to keep my face secured to my head, but I don't want to hurt him any more. He's gona have one hell of a headache when he wakes up.

"Oh My God! Uzumaki, _what have you done?!"_ I wipe more blood out of my eyes and look up to see Mizuki Sensei yelling at me. Seriously? What have _I done?_

_"You've killed him!" _I look past him and see that it was Asuma Sensei who spoke this time. Really now, you'd have thought being a teacher would have made you smart?

"He's not dead,_ dick heads_! I just knocked him out, see!" I shout back in a choked voice at the pair of clueless adults and point to Gaara's steadily moving chest. "He'll be_ fiiine."_ I drawl out, and sit up some more. Damn that hit to my chest really fucking _hurt._

**Don't move too much so soon Kit. You may have won, but you're injured.**

Yeah I know. I didn't come out too bad though, just a few sore points. I don't think I even lost much blood, which is always good. I need my blood y'know.

"Get up! Right now Uzumaki!" Mizuki Sensei yells at me again -_what is this guy's problem?- _I just glare at him from my seat next to Gaara. "Dude, I'm kinda having trouble moving right now! Gimme a God damn second would ya?" I spit out. My voice is all cracked, it sounds like my voice is breaking,_ times lik,e a thousand!_

_"Get away from him, now!"_ The white haired man hissed to me from his few metres away. Hu? Get away from?-

**Gaara, they're trying to get you away from him.**

What? Why? It's not like I'd hurt someone when they're not even awake. "He's fine okay, he'll wake up soon and be his usual cheerful self." I mutter to the man while I attempt -_key word there, attempt- _to stand up. I end up falling back down on my arse. Another sore point for my _ouchie-not-feeling-good-list._

I notice that the croud of students are whispering again. Words like: _Monster, freak, evil, idiot, loser, killed_ _and stay away _reach my ears. I'm too tired to piece them into sentences right now, but I get the jist of what's being said. "Guess I'll have to beat the shit through them as well." I murmmer to Kyuu, knowing he'll like that.

**Kukuku, let them **_**try**_** to take you on. **

I smirk and finaly manage to stand up. I look back at Gaara and feel a pang of guilt. "Damnit man_, I'm sorry_." I say to him, even though I know he can't hear me right now. I think that I should apologise to him when he wakes up, I know he doesn't like me but still...

A pair a large arms pull at my shoulders from behind. I stumble backwards and my back hits a chest. Ouch. I swivel around, which makes my head spin, to see Asuma Sensei dragging me backwards. "Dude! Can you fucking stop that?! My back really hurts y'know!" I yell in my retarded voice, but he ignores me. I'm turned forcibly around and pushed forward into the school building. I figured by the direct I'm traveling that he's leading me to the Principle's office. Great. That's all I need. A female teacher appears walking briskly beside me. "Asuma, he's bleeding. He should go straight to the nurse." She says to the man pushing me.

"Mizuki's fecthing the nurse to meet us with the Principle. We may even need to take him to the hospital." I perk my ears up at Asuma Sensei's voice. The hospital? I'm not that baddly hurt- Oh they mean Gaara, that makes sense.

"When you take him to the hospital and he wakes up, can you please tell him that I'm sorry." I croak out to the adults. "And that he really shouldn't say horrible things like he did." I add in. I might feel bad about hurting him, but I'm still not verry happy woth him either. He was so mean.

"Uzu-Uzumaki..." The female teacher starts to say.

"We're taking _you_ to the hospital. You have a serious head injury" Asuma says behind me. HUh? But I didn't pass out or anything. "No I'm fine. I can go back to class! I can't miss out on any english!" I protest.

"No, your head is bleeding baddly. You won't be going back to class today." I frown at his words and reach a hand up to touch at the back of my head. I'm startled when I feel Asuma's big hand holding the back of my head tightly as we walk. When I pull my hand back it's dripping wet with blood.

**You must have broken skin when you hit the ground.**

Oh yeah, that's probably it. Funny though, it didn't hurt _that_ much. "No, Sensei, it's fine. And I don't have..._any...health..insurance...money...Gaara."_ I hear my words slur and my eyes close of their own accord. Weird. I was tired before but...Woah, I'm _really sleepy now._

**Then sleep. You won Kit. That's all that matters.**

Hmm, okay.

"_No no no, Don't fall asleep! Stay awake!" _ The woman teacher's voice assaults my ears. That's really annoying.

"_Bye Kyuu."_

_**Author's Notes 2.**_

_**Kiba is a jock who teases people, but he's not MEAN. The thing about Kiba is: he treats Naruto and Sora the same way he treats his best friends, only difference is is that his friends know he's joking around and rib him back just as hard. I guess it's kind of an Australian thing: It's totaly normal to tease your close friends and be teased back.  
I was under weight for quite a few years of my life and my brother (who was the prince of JOCKS) started calling me 'Skelly' or 'Skelletor' as a joke. His friends picked it up, and the kids in my year picked it up and I was forever being called Skells McMills or Skelly-bones or something of the like. It hurt.  
I realised later that I used to tease my brother about being a manwhore, when the truth of the matter was that the girls he dated kept dumping him to get with his best friend (Sam...Who was a sexy mofo). I didn't realise it at the time but we both hurt each other with words while just being cheeky and having some fun.  
That is essentialy what I've done with Kiba, he has no ill wishes against our lads (even if he isn't comfortable with their sexuality, infact he ribs them about it, which is his Jock way of accepting them), and he still considers them both as 'mates'.  
So take note: Kiba is NOT a bully. He's just oblivious to the harm words can cause. Also he MAAAY have a real life working Gaydar. Stay tuned.**_

_**Gaara, lil bit crazy, gona get crazier.**_

_**On a side note that has little relevance to HTF: The best man at my parents wedding was named Steely. **_

_**On a side SIDE note: I need sex.**_

**Faint.e**


End file.
